Tim Tebow...

...is 7 feet tall and the fires of victory burn behind his beautiful eyes.

 

....circumsized God

 

Submitted Chuck Norris with a fart.

 

is referred to as the "chosen one" by our President Elect.

 

shot Kennedy from space.

 

...can turn field turf into platinum.

 

runs so North and South, he can't even bear to look at even-numbered interstate signs.

 

... turns water into Gatorade.

 

would throw right-handed too, but ecclesiastical dust gets all over the field

 

... performs half price surgeries in his rusty pickup behind the local China Hut.

 

auctioned on Ebay what was to be written on his right eye strip. Apparently, some guy named "Phil" won it for $500! The left eye strip was auctioned off to a man from Massachusetts, ironically enough in the "413" area code!

 

... [Captain Obvious] wears jorts! [/Captain Obvious]

 

... will use the Miami game location as an opportunity to overseas mission work to Cubans.

 

was just informed by Jesus to not feel sorry for Texas

 

.....made ironman cry like a beeotch.

 

... thinks the guys who did the Tim Tebow song have real potential.

 

... got everyone to worship a golden stiffy arm trophy while Moses was up getting the Ten Commandments.

 

keeps hearing "beware number 22, beware number 22" in his sleep and went to ask his offensive coordinator, but he couldn't find him.

 

"He's gleaming!!!"

</Marty Schottenheimer>

 

...still believes Short Circuit is based on a true story!