Politically Incorrect Joke

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.

 

Ha Ha. So funny I forgot to laugh, Mr. Big Shot Admin-guy.

 

Q. Why does an admin smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.

 

You missed my post with the Viking shoes while you were out illin'

You would've liked them.


ETA: That was meant for VK, of course.

 

Lemme be, you racially-insensitive mofo.

 

What do black Smurf's call each other?

Smigger.

 

What do you call a smurf's ass? Blue moon.

 

smigger please!

 

Why does Kermit's finger smell like pork?

 

FYI, jokes are supposed to be funny.

 

What does papa smurf get when Smurfette won't put out?

Blue Balls.

 

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

(where do I get my Hell ticket?)

 

I don't get it..... can you explain the punchline to me?

 

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasaurass.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaaur? Lickalottapus.

 

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Furtraders.

 

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

 

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna **** around?"

 

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class.
The man sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman
can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his penis
and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't
believe that such a rude person exists.

A few more minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his
penis out and wipes the tip off.

The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
"Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your
penis from your pants to wipe it off! What kind of degenerate are
you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a
very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you
taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

 

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

 

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

Salad Shooter