finance vs love

[usmc-sooner]

I heard from an ole USMC buddy that I was real close too, back in the day.

He's married to girl (who I like), she's a really nice girl, very pretty, she loves her husband more than anything, but she's horrible with finances. He let's her handle the bills (why I don't know) Back when I was tight with him, it was problems with them being overdrawn all the time, bouncing checks and such.

Well I heard from him a few days ago and they fixed that problem but he told me they've run up a pretty big credit card debt/bill.

I ask him what the hell was she charging and he said mostly stuff for their kid.

Then he asked me something that caught me off guard. Did I think he should divorce her? I was kind of taken off guard. I mean, I went through a lot of crap with this guy and he's my boy, but I really like her, but I think she makes no effort in changing the way she deals with money.

Question is would you advise your friend to get a divorce over this? I'm not going to tell him either way but I can see both sides.

[Frozen Sooner]

It's the cause of most divorces, man.

Here's what I'd advise:

Tell him they NEED to get a handle on their finances.

Cancel all the joint credit cards. Close them to future purchases. If she wants to charge stuff, then she needs to get her own card.

Keep separate checking accounts with a joint account to pay bills. Both of them pay a set figure each month into the joint account.

Get some marriage counseling.

[usmc-sooner]

It's the cause of most divorces, man.

Here's what I'd advise:

Tell him they NEED to get a handle on their finances.

Cancel all the joint credit cards. Close them to future purchases. If she wants to charge stuff, then she needs to get her own card.

Keep separate checking accounts with a joint account to pay bills. Both of them pay a set figure each month into the joint account.

Get some marriage counseling.

but would you divorce over this? I'm almost leaning to yes but I've known them for a while.

[Frozen Sooner]

No, I wouldn't. I'd sure as hell close all of our joint accounts, though.

[Cam]

but would you divorce over this? I'm almost leaning to yes but I've known them for a while.

I'd suggest him to make an effort like mike states before divorce. My guess is that there's more to the question than just the money angle though.

[Frozen Sooner]

I think you may be right, Cam, but then I think about all of the marriages I've seen end over crap like this when they could have just gotten some dang financial counseling.

[Oldnslo]

love can't survive without respect.

counseling can work wonders, both credit counseling and marriage counseling. Dude and his wife need both.

[Frozen Sooner]

love can't survive without respect.

counseling can work wonders, both credit counseling and marriage counseling. Dude and his wife need both.

Agreed.

Though stay away from those bogus places that try to "consolidate" all your bills and mess your credit up while taking 15% off the top. These people need budgeting advice.

[Ike]

yup. financial problems can be sorted out. If he really loves her, money ain't worth divorce...even if they are over their heads in debt.

There aren't debtors prisons in this country anymore, and while it can be a tense situation, debt can be overcome with just a little bit of effort.

What I would tell him is this (assuming he is good with money): Take over managing the money. Take away the credit cards and give her a reasonable cash allowance for spending money. In the meantime, talk about it with her, and possibly with a marriage and/or financial counselor.

[usmc-sooner]

my wife used to try to help her with crap like balancing their check book, she would tell me some horror stories.

One night we were standing duty, and she brought us a **** load of chinese food (after they were supposedly broke), I used to wonder back then.

[OUinFLA]

Is she hawt?

this could affect my opinion.

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

you also need to do a little research before you send him off to do the counseling. there are a ton of places that prey on military families for stuff like this. in this months or last months money magazine they went into a lot of the financial schemes they use. they had a light bird colonel who was talked into a high commission tax deferred annuity for a roth ira. he ended up losing about 40% of his money when they got him into something that could grow.

[HoustonStephen]

They should look into taking the "Total Money Makeover" classes offered by Dave Ramsey (www.daveramsey.com).

Very bueno. They have classes all over the place, churchs, military bases, etc.. Costs about $100 but I think its well worth it!

Listen to his radio show (might still be offered on his website as a stream) for 30 minutes, he'll get you pumped up about getting out of debt and getting on a financial plan. Really motivating guy.

[TheHumanAlphabet]

Yep, me and the Mrs. along with some gumption and the help of the D. Ramsey program we paid off $102,000 in debt in 3 years. Love it! Good program. Credit Counselers are just like filing bankruptcy as far as lenders (like for a house) goes...

Almost totally debt free now...only a couple of years left on the house.

[Osce0la]

I think you may be right, Cam, but then I think about all of the marriages I've seen end over crap like this when they could have just gotten some dang financial counseling.

This was going to be my suggestion. If everything else in the marriage is great, why get a divorce because of money?

[poke4christ]

Dave Ramsey has single handedly saved not just families from financial doom, but marriages as well. Heck, if this family would truely make an effort toward financial and marriage success and they don't have the money for the program, I'd pay for it myself. Or at least make a contribution.

My other suggestion would be a recent series by Craig Groshel (pastor of Lifechurch.TV in Edmond, OKC, and Stillwater). It is called "Mind your own buisness" and it is a wonderful series. Here's a link. It's wonderful.

http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.asp...3&CategoryID=5

Zach

[poke4christ]

Yep, me and the Mrs. along with some gumption and the help of the D. Ramsey program we paid off $102,000 in debt in 3 years. Love it! Good program. Credit Counselers are just like filing bankruptcy as far as lenders (like for a house) goes...

Almost totally debt free now...only a couple of years left on the house.

Now that is a testiment to success. You get the super-sized gold star for the week! Congradulations man. Any tips to a 23 year-old who's about to finish college and enter the real world?

Zach

[Mjcpr]

Now that is a testiment to success. You get the super-sized gold star for the week! Congradulations man. Any tips to a 23 year-old who's about to finish college and enter the real world?

Zach

1) Get a job that allows you to be able to pay of $102,000 in debt in 3 years.
2) ??

[Frozen Sooner]

Now that is a testiment to success. You get the super-sized gold star for the week! Congradulations man. Any tips to a 23 year-old who's about to finish college and enter the real world?

Zach

Get a degree from a four-year college instead of OSU?

[poke4christ]

1) Get a job that allows you to be able to pay of $102,000 in debt in 3 years.
2) ??

Depending on the house payment, you can probably still do that on as little (realativly little mind you) as 70,000 a year. It's all about perspective and standard of living. Several people raise families on teacher's salaries and do just fine. The major problem with the US is that people want to live about 15-20% beyond their means. A person making 30,000 a year will rake up 10,000 in debt and a person making 150,000 make rake up 100,000. It's all about perspective.

Zach