The fart whisperer

[Ike]

So after an uneventful day at work today, I come home and after passing not two steps through the door, a powerfully loud and odoriferous flatus expelled itself from my posterior. This has happened for something like the past 4 days or so. It is important to note that this does not happen whilst at work. Only upon arrival at home. Since my wife is always home and nearby when this happens, I have taken to blaming this on her, claiming that Mrs. Ike must be some kind of fart whisperer and drawing them out of me. I think I may be on to something.

[GottaHavePride]

I pooted....

[sanantoniosooner]

Why don't you do it in the car on the way home?

[Ike]

Why don't you do it in the car on the way home?

these things are beyond my control. they just happen when they happen.

[sanantoniosooner]

I tend to relax as soon as I have a seat in the car.

It just seems natural.

[GottaHavePride]

Yeah, but then you're in a rolling stinkpit with no hope of escape... I'd rather wait until I get out of the car and let 'er rip between there and the front door.

[william_brasky]

It may be that your unconsciously marking your territory.

[Chuck Bao]

I wait until I'm inside my home too.

I would have to stand up or lean way over to fart while driving my bike and people would probably notice.

Now, I need someone to blame it on. Do you temporarily lend out Mrs. Ike?

[GottaHavePride]

[VeeJay]

This thread is da bomb.

[GottaHavePride]

DUTCH OVEN!!!

[OCUDad]

Maybe your unconscious is subliminally trying to impress Mrs. Ike. I assume you have failed to impress her in any other way?

[StoopTroup]

Start using this line when you come into the house

[Ike]

Start using this line when you come into the house

Oh its been done before.

[SicEmBaylor]

I know more about you people than I ever wanted to know.

[Sooner_Bob]

Google "Fart Machine" . . . you'll be laughin' all day long.

[GottaHavePride]

Oh its been done before.

In that case you should DEFINITELY give "I pooted" a try.

[picasso]

sounds like you have some barking spiders in your house.

lethal they is.

[sanantoniosooner]

My favorite experience was in my late teens.

My uncle was in construction and I was roofing for him along with several cousins, all younger than me.

I tell one of them that this is the squeakiest tar paper I've ever heard and he just looked at me funny. I walked over and twisted my foot while farting. He looked puzzled and tried it himself. I said he was doing it wrong and did it again.

Before long I had 3 cousins over there doing "the twist" on the roof and I was the only one that could make it squeak.

I still laugh at those stupid suckers.

[picasso]

so you're saying they just figured you naturally smelled like sulphur and old lettuce?