Assume for a moment that you are...

[SoonerInKCMO]

...an uncultured hillbilly whose ideal dinner would consist of chicken-fried steak, mashed taters and green beans (with little hunks of bacon in 'em of course). Further assume that you have a date with a lady that wants to go to a frou-frou French place for a prix fixe dinner where the following are your options:

Appetizer

Charcuterie plate
Frog legs
Escargots
Vichyssoise

Entree

Bouillabaise of monkfish, mussels, scallop and clam
Salmon with crab meat in asparagus sauce
Veal rack
Duck breast

Dessert

Grand Marnier parfait with blackberry coulis
Crepe suzette
Gateau chocolate


What do you do?

[leavingthezoo]

get a new date.

[oumartin]

break her over the arm of her couch before you leave to go to dinner!
problem solved.

[1stTimeCaller]

snails, salmon, crepe suzette

[picasso]

order the rack and breast to go.

[Hatfield]

get a new date.

yep...

or bring a plate of your fixins with you in your man purse

[OUDoc]

She better be really hot. Otherwise, no woman is worth that menu.

[Frozen Sooner]

Escargot. Just forget it's snails and enjoy the garlic and butter.
Veal rack.
Parfait. It'll kinda be like the dessert you get at KFC.

[colleyvillesooner]

Frog legs, Duck Breast, Parfait.

[TexasLidig8r]

Depends on the wine selection amigo.

French restaurant... order American wine. Just because.

Get a split of champagne to drink before and with the appetizer course.

Generally... I'd go with the frog legs with the veal rack if you're going with a hearty red wine.

Or.. the escargot with the salmon with a lighter red or a chardonnay.

Soup dishes don't do much for me.

As for dessert, if you get a glass or port, go with the chocolate.

Or, ask about the souffle of the evening. If none, ask the waiter for his/her recommendation and why. Make them work for that 20%.

[Stanley1]

If this isn't a "guaranteed" thing (you know what I'm talking about), no way in HELL I take a girl to a place like that.

I'd be so uncomfortable and on edge, it wouldn't even be fun.

[oumartin]

a happy meal and the ride on the stanley go round generally works for stanley doens't it?

[Stanley1]

a happy meal and the ride on the stanley go round generally works for stanley doens't it?

Dude, I'm so smoove I generally tell them what time I'll show up at their house, and I just make them cook for me there.

Not everybody can pull that off though.

[Vaevictis]

Man, I dunno, that menu doesn't look half bad. And I love me some chicken fried steak.

OTOH, if I had to wear a tie, or dress shoes, that would nix it.

[Boarder]

If you didn't know they were snails, it wouldn't be as bad. Escargots are actually pretty good. I'd probably get the snails, fish soup, and blackberry thing. And I'd order it just like that.

[SoonerInKCMO]

Eh, I wear dress shoes every workday so that's no biggie. Now that I've Googled 'charcuterie plate' and 'vichyssoise', I feel better about the evening.

[SoonerInKCMO]

Awww crap... I read the flyer more closely... there's going to be a freakin' accordion player wandering around all night.

[GottaHavePride]

Yeah, but probably French accordion, not Mexican accordion. Big difference.

And the menu looks like ther's a pretty good range of options there.

[Oldnslo]

I like vichyssoise, and I'd also go for the veal. And that gateau is gonna be good eatin'.

Doesn't matter, though. She'll already have decided to dump you halfway through the appetizer, and give you the handshake goodnight right after the bill is paid.

[1stTimeCaller]

BEER BARRELL POLKA!!!!!