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  1. #1
    Junice Groupie Howzit's Avatar
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    International Rules of Manhood

    These have made the rounds, but they made me chuckle.

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss' car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" (this includes Nascar) must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

  2. #2
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member SoonerInKCMO's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Howzit
    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    "Hel..." <click>
    We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics. FDR.

  3. #3
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member IB4OU2's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    29. Never have lunch with a short, balding, bow tie wearin', whorn lovin' lawyer.

  4. #4
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Howzit
    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    ....
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    Exactly. Then you won't notice her fish lips.
    I'm not happy until you're not happy.

  5. #5
    Stayatworkdad yermom's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    this a family board mdk

    see you next week

  6. #6
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by yermom
    this a family board mdk

    see you next week
    I never posted a picture.
    I'm not happy until you're not happy.

  7. 5/1/2006, 04:37 PM


  8. #7
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Howzit
    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating....
    What homotarian came up with this one?

    THERE SHALL BE NO TALKING AT THE URINAL. EVAR.
    I'm not happy until you're not happy.

  9. #8
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 HskrGrl's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Howzit
    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" (this includes Nascar) must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
    That explains a lot!

  10. #9
    Superbia in Proelio royalfan5's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by mdklatt
    What homotarian came up with this one?

    THERE SHALL BE NO TALKING AT THE URINAL. EVAR.
    Exactly

    Also there should be a rule that on a long road trip at least one person stays awake with the driver.
    For the good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun... mostly for the money.

  11. #10
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 BoogercountySooner's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Don't Evar say "Whats Up" at the urinal to another man!
    Booger Kills Deer and eatsem!

  12. #11
    Stayatworkdad yermom's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by HskrGrl
    That explains a lot!
    how YOU doin'?

  13. #12
    Older Clique Member OUinFLA's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    PSA: Yermom is loose.
    An Education is what you get when you Read the Instructions,
    Experience is what you get if you don't...

  14. #13
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 chriscappel's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    good stuff
    "Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me."

    -Travis Bickle


    BOYCOTT "I Am Legend"!!!!!

  15. #14
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 reevie's Avatar
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    Re: International Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by BoogercountySooner
    Don't Evar say "Whats Up" at the urinal to another man!
    Or "how's it hanging?"

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