More from the book:
Top o'.Cigars are never stylish in mixed company.
Smoking, while often fatal, offers many opportunities for the expression of style, notably Zippo lighters.
Do not ostentatiously light everyone else's cigarette all the time. They know how.
Never hold a cigarette between your thumb and index finger, with the palm up. Nazis do that.
style is technically being who you are and wearing what you are comfortable in. fashion whether it's trendy or not is what truly sucks...just because I might look well dressed in something doesn't mean that I'm comfortable wearing it, even if it's a periodic item..do they cover that part?Originally Posted by BigRedJed
"The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The great champions have all come back from defeat." - Sam Snead
Actually, they do. Style is, at least in part, about feeling comfortable in clothes that fit and don't make you look ridiculous. They talk about that a lot. Have patience, my padawan learner.
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Style affectations: cigarette case, pince-nez, hip flask, walking stick.
Should you see a man with a walking stick, seize it and smack him on the hip flask with it.
Number of neckties you must own: one.
Which one? The black knit tie.
A black knit tie coordinates with jeans and a blazer as well as it does with a French cuffed shirt and a custom-made suit.
Of course, you're better off with a handful, all in silk: a couple of dark solids, a handful of simple diagonal stripes, and one or two natty small-patterned numbers, such as you'd buy at Hermès.
Woven silk ties generally look more luxe than printed silk.
The Moscow theory as applied to necktie acquisition: anytime you see a necktie you like, buy it. If you decide to wait and come back later, it will be gone.
The tie tack is to fashion as the appendix is to anatomy: vestigial.
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Hats will make a comback someday.
Today is not that day.
Paisley, too, will be back, but you could ignore it.
Fanny packs are unacceptable, if only beacause they are called "fanny packs."
Baseball caps are for getting the morning paper. And for baseball.
Thermal headbands keep your ears and forehead warm without mussing your hair or making you look the way you look when you wear earmuffs.
Unless you live in Chicago or Buffalo or International Falls, Minnesota, you must never wear a headband.
Ditto earmuffs.
Button-fly pants are hearder to fasten, but easier to unfasten.
To that end: Levi's jeans.
I think I'm going to go disfigure myself in the name of style and wear all black with a mask/respirator now.
"The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The great champions have all come back from defeat." - Sam Snead
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Polar fleece is for excercising and snow shoveling and - let us not forget - is manufactured from recycled soda bottles.
Polar fleece, while just as warm and at times just as soft as cashmere, will never be as desirable as cashmere.
Better than cashmere: vicuna, which is woven of fibers combed from the chins of llamalike animals living in the Andes, and runs about $3,000 a square yard.
Bleh....no Polar fleece for me...the hell if I'm gonna wear someone's backwash.
"The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The great champions have all come back from defeat." - Sam Snead
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Casual Friday does not excuse the visibility of chest hair.
The best thing about Casual Friday is that it makes those who decline to observe it look really, really good.
Jack Kennedy wore polo shirts with suit jackets.
Jack Kennedy knew when to wear polo shirts with suit jackets.
Good for Casual Friday: Clark's desert boots.
Bad for Casual Friday: moon boots.
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Ninety-dollar shoes last half as long as $180 shoes. But $360 shoes will last you your whole life.
Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes will not last your whole life if you break their backs by refusing to use a shoehorn.
Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes without a shine can look like ninety-dollar shoes.
Women notice shoes.
They also notice nose hair; so should you.
um, I don't think so Clark. f*ck that.
I taste terrific.
Clark's boots are better than cousin Eddie's shoes!!!!
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Shoe size matters most at the ball of your foot, not at the toe (where it's O.K. for the shoe to be slightly too big), because the ball is where both your foot and the shoe bend.
Try on both the left and the right shoe; one foot is usually larger than the other.
Never try on shoes in the morning.
Try on shoes at midday.
Snakeskin shoes: no.
Crocodile shoes: doubtful.
Crocodile shoes in any color other than black or brown: only if you're Barry White.
White shoes are for tennis.
Exception to the above: white bucks.
I don't think all the shoes I own added together cost $90. $360? For things that are supposed go to between your feet and the occasional pile of dog ****?Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes without a shine can look like ninety-dollar shoes.
I'm not happy until you're not happy.
How stylin' is LittleRedJed?
I'm not happy until you're not happy.
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Owning a set of golf clubs is not a license for wearing hideous clothes.
Your eyeglasses should match not only your face, but your clothing.
A guide: match your eyeglasses to your belt, your watchband, and your shoes.
Of course, this gets pricey if you have a lot of different-colored belts.
But, then: you need no belts in colors other than black and brown.
Silver, stainless steel and chrome watchbands go with everything.
Black or brown leather watchbands don't.
For those in the remedial class-
Black shoes: black band, black belt.
Brown shoes: brown band, brown belt.
Do these chickens have large talons?Bad for casual Friday: Moon Boots
"ESPN and Texas are now one and the same." -Stewart Mandel
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It was once considered vulgar for a gentleman to wear a watch, since he might appear overly concerned about the passing of time.
A real Timex is better than a fake Rolex.
The best Timex is the original: the Mercury.
The best leather coats are those made with the fewest, largest pieces of hide.
Trifold wallets bulge more than bifold wallets.
Far from attesting to vast wealth, a bulging wallet attests to slovenliness.
After all, a really wealthy man lets his accountant settle his bills.
Plus, a bulging wallet is uncomfortable and bad for your trousers.
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Straw hats are for Kentucky colonels and gardeners.
Clyde - of Bonnie and - was neither a colonel nor a gardener and wore a straw hat, and look at what happened to him.
Argyle anything is fraught with peril.
What to do should anyone call you a "dandy":
Open closet. Remove contents. Begin again.
Call me a clod. Some of that seems like nothing but pretentious crapola for rich guys. NTTAWW being rich. But I ain't one to go to Italy for a suit or some shoes. Trim the nose-hair? Don't iron your jeans? Take care of your shoes? I'm down with that. But get some chi-chi animal hair that costs $3000/yd? Not f'ing likely. I'm not sure I'd care to impress anybody who'd be impressed by all that style or fashion or whatever. Probably why I dont read Esquire....wrong planet.
<end of anti-snob snobbery rant>
Did I mention.. taaaaAAAAAAPP !?
You tell me it's the institution. Well, you know, you'd better free your mind instead.
(Shoo-bee doo-wah)
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