CHOOSE.
Charles "Chuck" Hagginstein, Class of 2010
Charles likes long walks on the beach (in the dark, and not too far. He's allergic to sand) and girls with a pulse. Says his dream is to one day fly the Space Shuttle and has been arrested three times at the Samuel Oschin Air and Space Center in California for climbing on the Endeavor exhibit making airplane noises.
Chester F. Butz, Class of 2005
Starting left tackle for the Baylor Alumni Women's Powder Puff Flag Football squad, Chester likes pizza, ho hos, slow moving chickens, and reclining for long periods of time. He claims high scores on his adjusted percentile of how large his nipples are in relation to other caucasian American males and looks forward to pepperoni becoming a fruit.
Darkness LeVey, *NO COURSE RECORDS AVAILABLE*
Darkness refused to interview for the pageant, claiming it was "living discrimination" for the contest to be held in daylight. Rumors around campus state that he's a closet Jacob because hairy things "make his teeth pointy".
Brett Favre, Class of 2011 Online Degree
"Uhhh, what's your cell phone number?"
Kim Mulkey, Dean of Chicks
"Uhhh, what's your cell phone number?"
Abe Lincoln, Class of 1804
"Totally dig the scooters. Nothing makes a chick hotter than rolling up on your two tone Metropolitan, big, thick stogie in your teeth, and saying, 'Hey, baby.'" Rumors around campus say that "Sexpot Abe" is a hit with the ladies and hopes to parlay that into a political career.
