7:30 p.m. March 13: Mmm, backyard grilling after full day at work. Hey, an NCAA tourney "First Four" game! BYU sucks sooooo much.
11:30 p.m. March 13: Can't sleep, stomach ache. Must have eaten too many burgers and brats. Let's see what the Internet says...
1:30 a.m. March 14: "False labor." Yeah, that must be it. No reason to wake NormanPride. And now, back to complaining about stomach pain every five minutes.
2:30 a.m. March 14: OK, fine, I can go to the hospital so they can tell me that I'm faking it or at least give me a sedative of some sort. Good thing we took a tour of the maternity ward last weekend so we know where to go.
3 a.m. March 14: 8 cm dilated?! So since epidurals (aka pain medicine for labor pains) can start at 5 cm you can do that right away, right? Not until the IV drains? OK, that shouldn't take too long.
4:30 a.m. March 14: The slowest IV in the world is close to being drained and it took the nurse three tries to get the needle in. The second failed attempt is now a large bruise (that does not disappear from my arm for at least a week).
5 a.m. March 14: Scoliosis?! They totally tested that back in grade school and they said I didn't have it then, so don't use it as an excuse to not shoot that pain med into me now, doctor! Well, first attempt at epidural fails. Try again as soon as another contraction passes. Arrrrrrgh.
5:30 a.m. March 14: Sure, nurse. I just had a contraction, right. No way the pain meds are that fast. I've had those contractions ever since 11:30 and I'll believe it when I actually stop having them.
Until 9 a.m. March 14: Between Mike and Mike in the Morning, endless plays of Diet Mountain Dew ads and "Good morning sunshine it's tiiiiiiime to go outsiiiiiiiiide!" Lowe's ads.
9 a.m. March 14: So baby badger's heart rate shoots up to 190 every time I try to push. So you broke my water and I didn't even notice. So, it's time to get an emergency c-section. The nurse pushed my hospital bed into a wall en route to the operating theater. The epidural ensures my foot doesn't feel a thing.
9:30 a.m. March 14: Doctors put up a curtain so that I don't see the details. My wandering eyes immediately discover that I can see the reflection of EVERYTHING in the plastic light cover just above me. I immediately decide that this is something I do not want to watch, even if I can. More pain meds.
9:54 a.m. March 14: Baby badger born. SF.com grants four weeks maternity leave from posting duties and indefinite maternity leave from vBookie duties.
Baby badger, mama badger and NormanPride all doing fine.
Originally Posted by yermom
