Damn Kids!

[8timechamps]

My youngest kid is a big boy. He's 12 years old and can be very shy around people he doesn't know, but is bigger than most of the kids in his class. Today, a kid (that runs his mouth constantly) called him "fat", and it really upset the boy. Now, I know everyone thinks there kids are the best, but I am not embellishing at all when I say that the boy is an absolute animal on the football field. He is almost too aggressive at times, but is smart enough to bottle it up and unleash it at the right time. I tell you that kernel of information, because he is the exact opposite of that off of the field. Instead of frightening the other kid into keeping his mouth shut, he lets it get to him and gets upset.

Now, I'm in the position to guide him on how to proceed with this kid. Having been through similar situations with my oldest son (who is 16 and 6'6" now), I told him to ignore the kid and be the better person. But, I have to admit, if the boy stands up to this punk, and should happen to put him on his butt, I wouldn't be too upset. Is that bad?

[badger]

My mom told me to ignore the bullies, but that is impossible to ask of a kid, in my young opinion. Bullies thrive on being ignored --- the teachers, the parents and the kids do nothing to stop the bully, so it sadly continues till you're the kid in The Christmas Story punching and cursing uncontrollably. Not an ideal situation.

What worked for me was staying close to my friend circle. A bully has tons more difficulty teasing if there's a group of people around than if it's one-on-one.

[Viking Kitten]

I always found deflecting their bullcrap with humor or learning how to shove it back in their face worked the best.

Tell your son to shrug his shoulders and tell the other kid "your mom wasn't complaining about it last night," Or something similar. No, you don't want to ignore a bully, but you don't want to let them see they've gotten to you either. Then they really win.

[olevetonahill]

Just tell him to kick the punks *** an be done with it. The longer he try's to ignore it the longer the punk will keep it up

[Viking Kitten]

Yeah, but then he'll have to deal with getting suspended and all that. F that. Use words to make the bully your bitch.

[olevetonahill]

Id rather be suspended as be punked

[Viking Kitten]

Well see, first you have to master the art of truly not giving a s**t what some idiot has to say.

[8timechamps]

Well see, first you have to master the art of truly not giving a s**t what some idiot has to say.

So true. It took me well into my adulthood to master that. I wish I could make him be the same way.

I gave him the "fighting is never okay, but if you have to defend yourself, well that's a different story" speech. I also told him to tell the kid "I can always lose weight, but you'll be ugly forever!". Secretly, I wish he would punch him in his mouth, but that opens a whole new can of worms nowadays.

[FirstandGoal]

Just a quick question-- has the bullying issue been brought to the attention of anybody at school?

[oudavid1]

I always found deflecting their bullcrap with humor or learning how to shove it back in their face worked the best.

Tell your son to shrug his shoulders and tell the other kid "your mom wasn't complaining about it last night," Or something similar. No, you don't want to ignore a bully, but you don't want to let them see they've gotten to you either. Then they really win.

Bingo. I got picked on a lot in middle school because I was really skinny (still am). In high I started to be funny and that really helped. I always had lots of friends, most were bigger than you anyway. But I found being funny, sometimes mean right back, is the best option. Most high school kids wont fight anyway because they dont know how.

[SoonerTerry]

It happened to my son a little while back and I told him that life is going to be full of bullies and he needed to learn right now that their words don't mean a sh!t hill of beans. And that he didn't have to take it... period.

Inside myself I wanted to find the kids dad and beat his *** into oblivion.

[olevetonahill]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

[oudavid1]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

As you can see from most message board sites, people take themselves to seriously and take things to personally.

[Mississippi Sooner]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

Heh. We were just talking about that at work the other day. How back when we were in school, when two boys decided they had to fight for whatever reason, they'd go out behind the shop building and roll around in the dirt until a teacher or principal came and broke it up. Then the two would go to the principal's office and take their licks, but then more often than not they would become good friends afterwards. Some kind of male bonding thing, I guess.

[SoonerTerry]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

Dito

How back when we were in school, when two boys decided they had to fight for whatever reason, they'd go out behind the shop building and roll around in the dirt until a teacher or principal came and broke it up. Then the two would go to the principal's office and take their licks, but then more often than not they would become good friends afterwards. Some kind of male bonding thing, I guess.

and dito

[Viking Kitten]

If a kid gets hurt in a fight, the school could get sued, so the policy is anyone fighting gets suspended, regardless of whether it is self defense or not. Been that way since at least the 1970s when I started school. My parents' policy was always that I was allowed to defend myself, so as long as I didn't start it, I wouldn't get in trouble at home even if I got in trouble at school. That's the same rules we have for our kids. But we also tell them it's in one's best interest to learn how to talk your way out of confrontation. I believe that's a good life skill that will serve them well.

[setem]

It is common knowledge that I am the town fat ***! The way I deal with it is to make fun of myself and take away any ammo people might have. I am not sure how well it would work for a shy kid though. I have always been a outgoing fatty and usually am the first to make fun of myself or someone else and cut any **** before they have a chance. When I started this new job, the guys I work with seemed like hardasses and punks but it took me all of maybe an hour before I had them in my pocket as friends.

It is hard to teach cleverness but maybe your boy can make the kid laugh or pick on him back with some clever jabs. I have been known to wait quite a while for an opening to make rag on someone.

NOTE: My "cleverness" has put me in a few fights in my day so take all of this for what it is worth.

BACK TO THE BUFFET!

[badger]

Well, seeing how this is SOONERfans.com, perhaps the best lesson in dealing with bullies, buffoons or idiots that like to talk crap is at football games.

Because you see, there will always be a cockroach-like whorn fan walking around Norman, thinking he's untouchable because laws protect his arse and his orange t-shirt from getting beat .

There will also be little groups of opposing fans that will chant various things involving OU and the Sooners sucking.

And then, there will be professional trolls out that are just uppity loser that try to make everyone around them feel dumb, insignificant and silly.

These games can be very good teaching opportunities on:

1- How to ignore idiots. "See Johnny, those dumb longhorns are chanting 'OU sucks,' but we know that OU doesn't suck, don't we? A team that goes 5-7 and loses the Red River Shootout is the team that sucks, not the team that wins the Big 12, Fiesta Bowl and the Red River Shootout."

2- How to defend yourself or deflect mean comments. Never travel alone when in hostile territory, walk away from situations that are about to turn bad, etc.

3- How to rise above the morons. There are many methods, but I've found that laughing about how stupid they looked afterward works, as well as laughing in their faces.

Seriously, take the kids to football. You learn a lot about people at football games

[Pricetag]

I'm really hoping that my oldest son doesn't run into this. He sounds a lot like your kid, 8timechamps. He's eight, and a lunker. He's much taller than the rest of the kids. He's not as slim as I'd like, but he's not obese, either. And he is very sensitive.

I dealt with some bullying in school. I handled it okay, I guess. I'm not sure how I'll handle it happening to my own kids.

I had a small group of enemies that always seemed to land in the same gym class as me. I went the ignore route most of the time. I clashed with them on and off from eighth grade through my senior year of high school.

In retrospect, I wonder if I should have called their bluff, if I should have loudly put pressure on them to actually do something besides run their mouths. I wonder if the ultimatum of "put up or shut up" would have resulted in the latter, or even if it resulted the former, I might have done enough damage to make them want to leave me alone.

[badger]

Anyone here not have to deal with bullying when they were little?

If any kids are reading, you'll find that there's very few of us adults that haven't gone through bullying ourselves at some point in our lives and sometimes, we still deal with it as adults (like at sporting events).

It does not surprise me that now that all of us kids that were bullied, now that we have grown up, we're fighting back as parents and educators or just as caring, concerned adults in the community now that we feel we have the power to do something about it.

I'm disappointed that my parent's generation didn't do more, but I guess that was still a "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" mindset era.