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Thread: Ozzy's a mutant

  1. #1
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Ozzy's a mutant


    Crazy genes! Ozzy Osbourne's genetic mutations are the likely reason he
    didn't die from drugs and alcohol abuse.


    It's official: Ozzy Osbourne is a mutant!

    A study of the hard-partying rocker revealed he actually has several genetic mutations that may explain how he's lived so long, scientists say.

    Some of them "we've never seen before," said geneticist Nathaniel Pearson, who was part of the team that sequenced Osbourne's DNA for Massachusetts lab Knome Inc.

    "I've always said that at the end of the world there will be roaches, Ozzy and Keith Richards," the Prince of Darkness' wife Sharon Osbourne said.

    "He's going to outlive us all. That fascinated me - how can his body endure so much."

    The 61-year-old "Black Sabbath" singer is as famous for his colossal intake as he is for his voice. He once said he did LSD every day for two years and he drank booze like water.

    No surprisingly, many of the anomalies scientists discovered had to do with how he processes drugs and alcohol.

    "He has an increased predisposition for alcohol dependence of something like six times higher," Knome co-founder Jorge Conde told ABCNews.com.

    "He also had a slight increased risk for cocaine addiction but he dismissed that. He said that if anyone has done as much cocaine as he had, they would have been hooked."

    Osbourne also has a more than double chance of suffering hallucinations from smoking marijuana -- although since he generally mixed drugs he didn't know if pot was the cause.

    Ozzy said he was skeptical of the study at first, but gave in.

    "I was curious," he said.

    Given the swimming pools of booze I've guzzled over the years - not to mention all the cocaine, morphine, sleeping pills, cough syrup, LSD, Rohypnol, you name it - there is really no plausible medical reason why I should be alive," he wrote in a column for the Sunday Times of London.

    Osbourne does have a noticeable Parkinson's-like tremor and some deafness.

  2. #2
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    You're a mutant.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  3. #3
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Your face is a mutant.

  4. #4
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    I used to be a model.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  5. #5
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Yes, I remember those garanimals ads.

  6. #6
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    My penis was exceptional then, as well.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  7. #7
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    You should get in on that Obama erection contest then.

  8. #8
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    You're talking about my erect penis again.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  9. #9
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Partial Qualifier's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Some of them "we've never seen before," said geneticist Nathaniel Pearson
    Keith Richards says hi.

  10. #10
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by The View Post
    You're talking about my erect penis again.
    It's my tourette's.

  11. #11
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member TUSooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    I didn't think a thread could start with Ozzy's dissipation and then go DOWN-hill from there. Silly me!
    You tell me it's the institution. Well, you know, you'd better free your mind instead.
    (Shoo-bee doo-wah)

  12. #12
    What? 3rdgensooner's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by Partial Qualifier View Post
    Keith Richards says hi.
    Excellent point.

  13. #13
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Viking Kitten's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Does this mean we're also going to have to put up with Kelly and Jack for a long time?

  14. #14
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Partial Qualifier's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by 3rdgensooner View Post
    Excellent point.

    oh ѕhit -- I didn't even read the next paragraph before posting that.

    "I've always said that at the end of the world there will be roaches, Ozzy and Keith Richards," the Prince of Darkness' wife Sharon Osbourne said.
    lol

  15. #15
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by Viking Kitten View Post
    Does this mean we're also going to have to put up with Kelly and Jack for a long time?

    She's looking very doable lately.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  16. #16
    Radioman Oldnslo's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by The View Post
    I used to be a model.
    Me, too!
    I got a bad mustache
    a recurring rash
    and not a lot of cash.
    I spend it on my stash.
    Man it's good to be a geek!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harry Beanbag View Post
    A better idea would be for posters to stop being cockgobbling dooshrockets for the sport of it.

  17. #17
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by Oldnslo View Post
    Me, too!
    We should hang out and talk about commas and stuff.
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

  18. #18
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 soonerchk's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    I heard fabulous stories about The's penis.

  19. #19
    Sooner All-World
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by The View Post
    She's looking very doable lately.

    yeah but your married to...... nevermind

  20. #20
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member The's Avatar
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    Re: Ozzy's a mutant

    Quote Originally Posted by oumartin View Post
    yeah but your married to...... nevermind
    Have you heard how fabulous my Penis is?
    Omelet Posse Egg Wrangler.

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