REUTERS - Officials with the British Health Ministry are investigating reports that a local trend of defecating in tubs of margarine could possibly be the work of a single person as opposed to the grand conspiracy Interpol had been investigating since 2007.
Special Police Investigator Greg Allen spoke in a press conference Tuesday citing evidence gathered in the ongoing three year investigation that leads officials to believe that the perpetrator is female, a mother, and possibly using the benefits of a political office or elected position to gain access to homes in order to defile the tubs of butter.
"It's all still under investigation at this time, but we do have an artist's sketch to work with based on probable sightings of the perpetrator. Whoever this person is, they obviously have the masterful skills only a mother could have at management and carrying something similar to an executive office."
Artist's rendition of suspect
Officials have stated that the act of defecating in someone's tub of butter or assuming one can lead by virtue of squirting out a few pups is an example of just how potentially dangerous this person can be. "It scares me," said Allen.
"I could be having sex one minute, get up to make some toast, and just like that, become a victim. It should scare us all."
Let me see your war face!! 
Originally Posted by soonerbub
