Asking the father for permission to marry his daughter?

[MR2-Sooner86]

For starters I'm not getting married but the debate did come up today at work. I've heard this debate before and it seems to be a 50/50 split on it.


Do you guys believe a guy should ask the father for permission to marry his daughter? Did any of you guys do it? Did any of you not do it? Those of you with daughters do you want their boyfriend to ask you for permission?

One person today said, "the guy should always ask because it's the right thing to do and he'll look better in the eyes of the father."

Another person said, "it doesn't really matter because either way I was going to ask her."

I know people think it's the right thing to do but I know others that think it doesn't matter. Was just wondering what you guys thought on the matter.

[sooneron]

Ask both parents if they are alive. Unless the daughter hates them or something. I asked my wife's mother, as her father was deceased. It's the right thing to do.

edit:
I have a little girl, her suitor (if I ever allow one ) damn sure better nut up and come to me first.

[shaun4411]

its the "proper" thing to do. but it isnt really practiced these days. but it wouldnt hurt to try it.

[colleyvillesooner]

I did it, two years ago next month. The right thing to do and everyone of my friends did it as well

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Yes, ask.

I asked. It was gonna go down regardless, but now having a daughter, it makes a lot more sense now. It's not necessarily that you're asking to marry a father's daughter, you're asking the father for a chance to step up and step into the role of the main man in his daughter's life. Asking Dad to let you step into what was once his role.

It's a tip of the hat. A show of respect to the father for raising the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. Good job, Dad. I wanna be a part of this.

[OUDoc]

I did. It's a class move worth some points with the FIL. I would have married her anyway and I think he knew it.
The guy better ask me even though she's my step-daughter. Putz will probably do it by text message these days.

[StoopTroup]

I asked Dad. Mom had already passed due to an illness.

Had she been alive...I definitely would have and my Wife says she would have loved me.

Her Dad told me no.

J/K

He's a great guy.

As uncomfortable as it was...I'm glad I asked.

[VeeJay]

My son-in-law of eight months did ask me. Probably the most respectful thing he's done. It is definitely the right way to get a relationship off on the right foot with the parent(s). I gained a world of respect for him as well, even though they would have still gotten married regardless of my response. If nothing else, it's symbolic of the groom-to-be in demonstrating respect for the girl and maturity in the decision-making process.

That's the way I see it.

[Chuck Bao]

And what if it is a gay marriage? Do the same rules apply?

[VeeJay]

Just for the sake of assumptions, I think this snappy banter is targeted at flaming heterosexuals.

[SoonerStormchaser]

When it came that time, I didn't ask her parents...I asked her children.

[bluedogok]

I think it has to do with your ages, my wife was 38, I was 39, I lived in OKC, she lived in Austin and her dad lived in West Texas. Neither of us had been married before but I didn't ask and we had a fairly short engagement. If we had been younger, living in the same town as family, maybe but it was never really an issue with them.

[Chuck Bao]

So, you don't want to know about or acknowledge your children being in a same-sex marriage?

It's not religious or anything like that. The major problem is fear that your children may prove happy committing their lives with someone of the same sex. That's IT, isn't it? Fear and loathing.

You'd rather your child live an unhappy life than admit to your friends and family that one of your offspring is gay.

Despite your deep feelings of wanting your children to find happiness in this life, you still can't reconcile it with flash ideas going through your mind about the very base things that must go on in a gay relationship.

It's funny that you mention flaming hetrosexuals. So, you are focusing on the sex act and not two people in love and committed to a lifetime together.

For the sake of discussion and perspective that is interesting. So, if you are a father and a suitor asks for your daughter's hand in marriage. Are you thinking about him getting into her pants? And, is that also a bit perverted?

[SouthFortySooner]

To me it is all about due respect. If he is due, yes, if no, fagetaboutit.

[LilSooner]

My poor sweet husband not only asked my biological father, my mother, my adoptive father, and both of my grandparents.


He is a good man. I'm gonna keep him.

[VeeJay]

Chuck - there's a time and a place for everything. Your attempt to psychoanalyze my post is really not necessary.

I had a discussion on this very issue today at work. FYI, if my child were gay it would not change the way I felt or the love I have for my child. That being stated, I don't believe I've even heard of a sitcom scene yet where a gay person asks the father of another gay person for their hand in marriage. Could be that because in most states it's still not recognized.

As for the comment about my daughter's boyfriend getting into her pants, that's a pitiful attempt at "in your face" dialogue yet I'll leave that with you to figure out if that's what I'm thinking about. (They've been married eight months and I presume the marital activity is normal and accounted for). However, if you'll re-read my original response in this thread, you'll see that I was talking in general terms, and forgive me if I have slighted the gay community. The way I live my life is not consumed by knee-jerk reactions if the gay community is not satisfied I've taken their wishes and demands into consideration.

Carry on.

[Soonerus]

ask...

[Howzit]

I did. It's a class move worth some points with the FIL. I would have married her anyway and I think he knew it.
The guy better ask me even though she's my step-daughter. Putz will probably do it by text message these days.

What he said.

[Rogue]

In general, probably best to ask.
That said, I didn't. Daddy-o and mommy-o had been splitsville for many years. He was sort of a satellite figure in her life at the time. We get along great with each other and both her parents and mine.

So, I guess I'd say it depends on the situation.

[Soonerus]

In general, probably best to ask.
That said, I didn't. Daddy-o and mommy-o had been splitsville for many years. He was sort of a satellite figure in her life at the time. We get along great with each other and both her parents and mine.

So, I guess I'd say it depends on the situation.

I agree with not asking the satellite...