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  1. #1
    Soon to be Memphibian

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    My reiew of Hitman

    OK, I wasn't expecting anything like cinematic genius or anything. I went in to this movie with pretty low expectations.

    This movie disgusted me.

    No, it wasn't especially gory. It wasn't excessively violent knowing what it was going it.

    It was, however, horrifyingly misogynistic.

    Don't read further if you don't want to be kind of spoiled:

    Agent 47 (Male lead-you can tell it's going to be good when the main character's name is a number ) kidnaps a woman who is being held as a sex slave by the President of Russia. It's kidnapping, not a rescue-he doesn't know that she's a slave, and she isn't going willingly.

    He stuffs her in the trunk of an admittedly pretty sweet Audi with the corpse of her driver.

    FOR SEVERAL HOURS.

    Finally, he pulls her out of the trunk and tosses her a sandwich for breakfast. While she eats the sandwich, she says "I'd thank you if I wasn't so mad for tossing me in the trunk." She then proceeds to make doe eyes at him while he gets some sleep. In a car. With the girl he's just kidnapped RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND UNBOUND.

    With no real explanation given, this kidnapped woman (Nika) keeps trying to have sex with Agent 47. He buys her a dress-for which she says "Wow, you're really charming when you're not killing people." Or stuffing them in trunks, apparently.

    Finally, after he leaves her in a restaurant with no explanation to go kill several people, he then yanks her out of the place violently and they return to the hotel. Where she attempts (again) to screw his brains out. He finally escapes her by jamming a hypo full of sedatives into her neck.

    Strangely, when she wakes up, she's not upset in the slightest.

    Basically, this dude treats this woman like complete crap for the whole movie, and her response is to throw herself at him.
    "The choices we discern as having been made in the Constitutional Convention impose burdens on governmental proceses that often seem clumsy, inefficient, even unworkable, but those hard choices were consciously made by men who had lived under a form of government that permitted arbitrary governmental acts to go unchecked." INS v. Chadha, 462 U.S. 919 (1983) (Burger, C.J.)

  2. #2
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member sanantoniosooner's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Rich
    Basically, this dude treats this woman like complete crap for the whole movie, and her response is to throw herself at him.
    Sounds like a documentary about Sic'em on this board.

  3. #3
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Widescreen's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Rich
    With no real explanation given, this kidnapped woman (Nika) keeps trying to have sex with Agent 47. He buys her a dress-for which she says "Wow, you're really charming when you're not killing people." Or stuffing them in trunks, apparently
    2 words.

    STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.

    See? It was a lot more psychologically complicated than you were giving it credit for.

  4. #4
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member sooner_born_1960's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Mike, putting your disgust aside for a minute, was it otherwise a good movie?
    Real Name: Mark

  5. #5

    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    You should have went and saw NCFOM. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself from writing how bad *ss it was and stuff.

  6. #6
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by sooner_born_1960
    Mike, putting your disgust aside for a minute, was it otherwise a good movie?
    There really wasn't much there to like or dislike. Some of the fight scenes were kind of cool, I guess.
    "The choices we discern as having been made in the Constitutional Convention impose burdens on governmental proceses that often seem clumsy, inefficient, even unworkable, but those hard choices were consciously made by men who had lived under a form of government that permitted arbitrary governmental acts to go unchecked." INS v. Chadha, 462 U.S. 919 (1983) (Burger, C.J.)

  7. #7
    Soon to be Memphibian

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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by KC//CRIMSON
    You should have went and saw NCFOM. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself from writing how bad *ss it was and stuff.
    I wanted to, but my friends wanted to go see Hitman.
    "The choices we discern as having been made in the Constitutional Convention impose burdens on governmental proceses that often seem clumsy, inefficient, even unworkable, but those hard choices were consciously made by men who had lived under a form of government that permitted arbitrary governmental acts to go unchecked." INS v. Chadha, 462 U.S. 919 (1983) (Burger, C.J.)

  8. #8
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Rich
    Basically, this dude treats this woman like complete crap, and her response is to throw herself at him.
    Fixed to reflect standard female behavior.
    The SF.com Retard Remover...it makes the postards you have on ignore disappear completely:
    http://173.203.71.50/sfcom_retard_remover.user.js

  9. #9
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 jeremy885's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Veritas
    Fixed to reflect standard female behavior.
    yep. Had an ex who was still ga-ga for a guy even after she found out that he gave her anal warts and he had dumped her to move on to the next victim.

    Women can be really stupid at times.
    Quote Originally Posted by Beetdigger
    Given that 90% + of the comments on this board are not serious, I think that the true error is to assume that someone IS serious when they make a comment. Rather, assuming they were NOT serious should be the bias. The fabric of the board is really not too complex

  10. #10
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Mongo's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by jeremy885
    yep. Had an ex who was still ga-ga for a guy even after she found out that he gave her anal warts and he had dumped her to move on to the next victim.

    Women can be really stupid at times.

    how are your genital warts doing?

  11. #11
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 jeremy885's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    not bad and yours?
    Quote Originally Posted by Beetdigger
    Given that 90% + of the comments on this board are not serious, I think that the true error is to assume that someone IS serious when they make a comment. Rather, assuming they were NOT serious should be the bias. The fabric of the board is really not too complex

  12. #12
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member Mongo's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    couple of flair ups here and there. The wife totally believed me when I told her i got it from riding the stationary bike at the gym

  13. #13
    Sooner All-Big XII-2-1+1-1+1 PrideTrombone's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Rich
    Basically, this dude treats this woman like complete crap for the whole movie, and her response is to throw herself at him.
    Sounds pretty realistic to me.
    "Great advice, kid. Way to step up to the plate and knock it out of the park for Team Fail." - bri

  14. #14
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member proud gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    I haven't read any of this thread yet, but I'm curious. Exactly what is a "reiew"?
    "I'm a mother****ing party all by myself."

  15. #15
    Soon to be Memphibian

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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    It's like a review, but the movie is so crappy it doesn't even merit something that LOOKS kinda like metal horns. So no v.
    "The choices we discern as having been made in the Constitutional Convention impose burdens on governmental proceses that often seem clumsy, inefficient, even unworkable, but those hard choices were consciously made by men who had lived under a form of government that permitted arbitrary governmental acts to go unchecked." INS v. Chadha, 462 U.S. 919 (1983) (Burger, C.J.)

  16. #16
    Big Pimpin' stoops the eternal pimp's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Wasn't this a video game first?

    Only movie I like based on a VG is Resident Evil
    Bazinga

  17. #17
    SoonerFans.com Elite Member achiro's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by stoops the eternal pimp
    Wasn't this a video game first?

    Only movie I like based on a VG is Resident Evil
    Yes, it is a video game. The movie sounds like a good representation of the game to me.

  18. #18
    I said Biiiiiiiitch-- goingoneight's Avatar
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    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    As much as I like war-type video games, I just can't get into the fact that they made a Hitman movie. I see the commercial and I think to myself automatically that I'd rather go buy a cheeseburger combo that will put me one step closer to a heart attack. I don't know why... I'm just not interested. Then again, the last movie I saw in a theater was sometime back in 2004. I was given some free movie passes and my brother and his gf took 'em.

    I wait until I can see it in a rental store or buy it.

    ^^^ Having said that... the "Chuck and Larry" DVD was hilarious. Still waiting for "SuperBad" to hit the video stores.
    "One has to wonder about the structural integrity of the Vintage Cotton Bowl the last 14 years. There's been a lot of weight on that Oklahoma side."

  19. #19

    Re: My reiew of Hitman

    Quote Originally Posted by Mongo
    how are your genital warts doing?
    Quote Originally Posted by jeremy885
    not bad and yours?
    now that's some good stuff right there

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