Rule Number One

NormanPride · Jul 28, 2011

... Don't leave the bathroom with more than you entered.

soonerboomer93 · Jul 28, 2011

But I like to steal laptops from people who set their luggage to the side at the airport

Fraggle145 · Jul 28, 2011

Dont talk about spek.

Mississippi Sooner · Jul 28, 2011

Does this mean we can now talk about the fight club?

NormanPride · Jul 28, 2011

Yeah, pretty much everyone knows about the fight club now.

Chuck Bao · Jul 28, 2011

NormanPride said: ↑

... Don't leave the bathroom with more than you entered.
Click to expand...

Okay, that's good advice. Thanks for that NP. I have already learned that my wide stance and foot tapping could lead to some extra jewelry around my wrists.

Breadburner · Jul 28, 2011

Like the ghost poop...??

Whet · Jul 28, 2011

This pooped up from a 2003 email I received.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we
try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those
who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump
at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your
area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be
careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in
a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If
you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.
If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This
can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an
Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet
Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the
door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in
a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential
Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you
hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in
peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also
an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
Click to expand...

soonercruiser · Jul 28, 2011

NormanPride said: ↑

... Don't leave the bathroom with more than you entered.
Click to expand...

WAIT!

Wouldn't that be #2 Rule???

soonercruiser · Jul 28, 2011

Whet said: ↑

This pooped up from a 2003 email I received.
Click to expand...

soonerboomer93 · Jul 28, 2011

But the sign said "free hot dogs"

Fraggle145 · Jul 28, 2011

I'm an out of the closet pooper.

NormanPride · Jul 28, 2011

soonerboomer93 said: ↑

But the sign said "free hot dogs"
Click to expand...

Congrats on your new parasites, bro.

GottaHavePride · Jul 28, 2011

I thought Rule One was "Never act incautiously when confronted by a little bald wrinkly smiling man."

And people say you can't learn anything from kung fu movies.

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Rule Number One

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Rule Number One

NormanPride SoonerFans.com Elite Member

soonerboomer93 Dirty bastard

Fraggle145 Drunky Town Limnologist

Mississippi Sooner New Member

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Chuck Bao SoonerFans.com Elite Member

Breadburner Well-Known Member

Whet Well-Known Member

soonercruiser New Member

soonercruiser New Member

soonerboomer93 Dirty bastard

Fraggle145 Drunky Town Limnologist

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GottaHavePride Brewmaster

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