When is Enough, Enough, America? (A paper I had to write)

Let me know what you think. (be gentle this is the first draft of the paper. So I know there are going to be mistakes made.

 

Good dissertation. I wasn't clear on the 14th amendment topic. Are those individuals here in the country legally and still being deported?

 

My understanding they were all here legally.

 

It really is crazy that so many people don't see it. Or accept it as "defending our freedoms". Did you see my post on the UN and children? We are headed that direction if clinton gets elected.

I've lost faith in ALL politicians.

 

Speaking as an English professor, this is a good working outline/first draft. How many sources are required in the essay? You make strong use of primary sources (The Constitution) but are secondary sources required (journals, scholarly websites, etc.)? That would help to solidify some of the claims you make. Ex. "Many Americans feel our nation is under attack by our very own government. Others feel our government is not protecting our Constitutional rights as citizens." Who are the people who think this? I'm not asking that to disagree with you but while statements like that are fine to frame the argument, the essay itself needs to unpack some of the meaning there.

I think the thesis could use some revision:
The Patriot Act has done a lot to erode the freedoms we have through the Bill of Rights and other amendments of the U.S. Constitution.

Whats do you mean by a lot? The thesis could be more specific by adding reasons to your claim. Ex. The Patriot Act has eroded the freedoms guaranteed through the Bill of Rights and other amendments of the U.S. Constitution by ________________________, ________________________, and _________________________. In the blanks, you tell us how. Rewriting your thesis like this would help frame the argument.

On structure, the essay is currently built around commentary on individual amendments. This gives the essay a clear progression but I am not sure how the assignment asks you to structure the essay. Many times, professors want students to build their essay around a thesis statement supported by paragraphs. That would mean incorporating the commentary on the amendments into paragraphs with clear topic sentences. The amendments themselves would then be included as an appendix or simply cited on a bibliography.

 

Not really an assignment. Just something someone asked to debate in the form of writing, since we won't be seeing each other any time soon. I know that sounds weird, but just a little thing a friend and I do from time to time. This one was about "The Erosion of Our Constitutional Rights."

I will definitely look at writing it the way you suggested.

I have 2 main references, the U.S. Constitution and The Patriot Act. Ill definitely look at writing it in Thesis form. I think that could be something much better myself.

 

See thread on illegals being represented in the US house and electoral votes.

 

Very cool. I think that's great. I'm used to my students. Most will only write something if you make them :smile:

 

I am making corrections now. And I will post the second draft here.

If you wouldn't mind looking at the second draft for me, that would be awesome. I want it as close to grammatically correct as possible. God knows I am no grammar nazi...LOL

 

So, the word nazi here has a different meaning than when someone is called a nazi. "Grammar nazi" certainly doesn't have the evil associated with it that other uses of the word do....(FWIW, sometimes people us the word erroneously, calling one a nazi who is for the Constitution and believes as MLK did, that people should be judged by the content of their character, rather than the color of their skin, sexual orientation, gender etc., and/or capitalism and representative govt. vs authoritarian socialism) eg. a "right wing nazi"

 

When is enough enough?

When boomers and their kids can't afford to drive SUVs, buy the newest big screen TV and text each other on the latest smart phone, someone might care enough to do something

At this point it is still someone else's problem for the most part

 

Do you have a point to add to this conversation?

 

Are you still a nazi for for Minimum Wage?

 

All threads undergo metamorphoses. You shouldn't be upset.

 

I tend to agree with the English professor. Many of your statements are merely statements or broad opinions and are not supported by any accompanying facts or reasoning, which are needed to make this paper more persuasive and along the lines of a written "debate." Imagine being in a verbal debate with someone with differing views and then imagine making some of these statements and ask yourself whether a panel of judges (or in an informal context, your opponent) would be persuaded by these statements alone. My first take on your draft in the OP was it was meant to be an ad or rallying cry to a broad audience which already agrees with your views and does not need any persuading.

 

I'm guessing you don't consider the SoonerFans Message Board as one of those scholarly websites to be referenced?

 

It depends on the discipline. Soonerfans is an authority on OSU Failure Theory and has made great strides in Texas Sucks Studies.

 

Like a meandering river...