Marriage Advice

[TexasLidig8r]

Ok.. obviously many of you fine people have been married more than once.

Let's suppose, hypothetically speaking, you were married once.. had two great kids who are in their mid to late teens now... you won't be having any more kids... and get involved with someone. (yes.. a person of the opposite sex)

She has her own kids.. younger... and then.. the push begins...

"I think we should take the next step."
Your response, "Oh.. you mean a threesome with that hot Italian waitress at Nove?!"

But, cereal here.. if you have your kids.. and they aren't young.. and you're already divorced.. why in the wide world of sports would you want to get married again? Why isn't committing to someone emotionally in a very full way sufficient? Why do people need a piece of paper sanctified by society to establish.. "a committed relationship?"

Someone 'splain it.

[OklaPony]

...Why do women need a piece of paper sanctified by society to establish.. "a committed relationship?"

Someone 'splain it.
Just a little edit...

[rufnek05]

they want your money, and your soul.

[colleyvillesooner]

Our wittle Lid is growing up...

[Petro-Sooner]

Marriage. I'm not falling into that trap. :D

[IB4OU2]

Someone 'splain it.

Baaaaa! means no Lid.

[TexasLidig8r]

Our wittle Lid is growing up...

the hell you say!!!

Actually... the conversation was more like...

"Lid, it's time."

"Great.. let me get the midget, the trapeze and the astroglide."

"No.. I'm serious."

"Oh carp."

"My friends keep asking me when I am going to get a ring."

"A cinnamon ring?"

"Huh?"

"uh.. inside joke.. so to speak."

"Im SERIOUS!"

"well.. I've enjoyed getting to know you."

WRONG thing to say... it went down hill from there!

[r5TPsooner]

Ok.. obviously many of you fine people have been married more than once.

Let's suppose, hypothetically speaking, you were married once.. had two great kids who are in their mid to late teens now... you won't be having any more kids... and get involved with someone. (yes.. a person of the opposite sex)

She has her own kids.. younger... and then.. the push begins...

"I think we should take the next step."
Your response, "Oh.. you mean a threesome with that hot Italian waitress at Nove?!"

But, cereal here.. if you have your kids.. and they aren't young.. and you're already divorced.. why in the wide world of sports would you want to get married again? Why isn't committing to someone emotionally in a very full way sufficient? Why do people need a piece of paper sanctified by society to establish.. "a committed relationship?"

Someone 'splain it.


It's really quite simple. She wants to get married to you so she can quit having sex with you.

[rufnek05]

It's really quite simple. She wants to get married to you so she can quit having sex with you.


and so her name is added to your bank account.

[colleyvillesooner]

the hell you say!!!

Actually... the conversation was more like...

"Lid, it's time."

"Great.. let me get the midget, the trapeze and the astroglide."

"No.. I'm serious."

"Oh carp."

"My friends keep asking me when I am going to get a ring."

"A cinnamon ring?"

"Huh?"

"uh.. inside joke.. so to speak."

"Im SERIOUS!"

"well.. I've enjoyed getting to know you."

WRONG thing to say... it went down hill from there!

Sounds like you don't need advice anymore. Problem solved! :D

[SoonerStormchaser]

You are all wrong.

I heard all the horror stories...and I'm more in love with my wife more than ever. Marriage is the best thing I've got going right now!

Lid, it's really your choice. You know the compromises that have to be made...are you willing to make them again?

[SicEmBaylor]

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be married. The security of that sort of compact has a tremendous amount of appeal.

[StuIsTheMan]

"My friends keep asking me when I am going to get a ring."

WRONG thing to say... it went down hill from there!

Fixed...she just wants to be married to satisfy her friends?...man I smell a GD here...

[OU812]

only if you knocked her up!

[badger]

NP and I are happily married. I didn't pressure him for a ring, and he didn't pressure me to accept a ring.

Unless you want to get married, don't. I would say the same thing to you whether you were a dude or a chick.

Married life is absolutely wonderful (RIIIIIGHT, NP?!?!?!?!) because you get to spend a lot of time with someone you care about a lot.

Your situation is a little more complex, because you have kids and she has kids.

Although, it sounds like your situation is already resolved with her statement involving her friends, and your response.

[TexasLidig8r]

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be married. The security of that sort of compact has a tremendous amount of appeal.

Once burned maxim applies.

Security can't come from within? From giving your word? With the prenuptial agreement that would have to be signed anyway, that would take away some of the expected, "Oh crap, things went wrong, so I'm set for life now" security... and since no kids will ever come from it, there is not the issue of children.

After all... isn't the true security the bond you feel with the other person and not because society today says you are bonded?

With the belief that God is with you when two or more pray, why isn't pledging yourself to the other person sufficient?

Again... security in the mid to late 40s is different than in the early 20s years!

[Viking Kitten]

With the belief that God is with you when two or more pray, why isn't pledging yourself to the other person sufficient?



Because, as Ronald Reagan once said, "trust, but verify."

[colleyvillesooner]

Once burned maxim applies.

Security can't come from within? From giving your word? With the prenuptial agreement that would have to be signed anyway, that would take away some of the expected, "Oh crap, things went wrong, so I'm set for life now" security... and since no kids will ever come from it, there is not the issue of children.

After all... isn't the true security the bond you feel with the other person and not because society today says you are bonded?

With the belief that God is with you when two or more pray, why isn't pledging yourself to the other person sufficient?

Again... security in the mid to late 40s is different than in the early 20s years!

You don't actually buy all this crap you spit out do you?

[JohnnyMack]

Tonight my buddy here at work (who's single and 22) is leaving the office, going out for sushi and hitting the bars. As usual he invited me along.

Me, being old and married with a kid (whom I love hanging out with) am heading home for dinner (mexican something or other my woman is cooking), working on cleaning up the garage, giving the boy his bath and then watching football on the couch until I fall asleep, wake up long enough to take the dogs out, then stumble to bed where my pregnant wife has been asleep since 9:15.

Both lives are fun in different ways.

I ask you Lid, which one do you want?*

*And I know the answer already, so just boot this hoochie to the curb if you starts putting the marriage clamps on ya too tight.

[Widescreen]

If only gdc were still here, he could solve all of your problems. Maybe one of his trolls can assist.

[King Crimson]

i don't know. when i was in my middle teens, my folks were divorced and my pops started seeing this other woman about a year later. her whole angle was to get my dad to marry her (she would tell my sister this, who was about 9 years old). and, to his credit, he didn't. eventually, he did get remarried to a really cool and pretty hot woman and that's been great for him.

but, the first woman, there was something wrong about her.

[royalfan5]

What is your relationship like with her kids? It seems like that should be an important factor to consider.

[StuIsTheMan]

DTB man

[StuIsTheMan]

Chink


Food

[olevetonahill]

Its like drugs man
Just say NO

[StuIsTheMan]

Its like drugs man
Just say NO

The hell you say Fooo....Cough....(smoke plume)...burb...(little smoke plume)

[leavingthezoo]

what does it matter? if she truly wants to be married, and you truly don't... amicably split ways.

she's probably on a message board right now asking the same question about "if he is committed, what's the big deal about getting married?"

[soonervegas]

It never ceases to amaze me that people that have been married once....consider doing it again. I love my wife, but if she ever leaves.....the 2nd wife option is OUT.

I am surprised I haven't seen a picture of Admiral Ackbar on this post yet.

[Honest Abe]

My wife went nuts after I was assasinated. Well, actually she was a bit touched beforehand.

[StuIsTheMan]

http://swg.stratics.com/content/lore/personas/images/ackbar.gif:pop:

[olevetonahill]

what does it matter? if she truly wants to be married, and you truly don't... amicably split ways.

she's probably on a message board right now asking the same question about "if he is committed, what's the big deal about getting married?"
Good advice ,
Now In all honesty Marriage can be good .

[TMcGee86]

Me, being old and married with a kid (whom I love hanging out with) am heading home for dinner (mexican something or other my woman is cooking), working on cleaning up the garage, giving the boy his bath and then watching football on the couch until I fall asleep, wake up long enough to take the dogs out, then stumble to bed where my pregnant wife has been asleep since 9:15.

Holy cow. Change "boy" to "girl" and you have my life exactly.

And you are right, both are fun in their own ways.



PS: Technically, you also have to change "his" to "her" but I think you know what I meant. ;)

[soonersweetie]

It is simply a matter of choice. Both lifestyles have their pros and cons, just depends on which you choose at this stage of your life.

A couple can still be committed to each other and have a wonderful fulfilling relationship without a piece of paper between the two of them. Some couples need that, some don't. It is truly a matter of choice, neither one right/wrong.

[Crimsontothecore]

I'm in my second marriage now and it's been good.
My situation was like yours except we BOTH wanted to get married. We both had kids and ex's. I think marriage is a kind of "confirmation" of your committment. When someone says they are committed yet they resist marriage, that tells me they want to leave their options open which IMHO is a lack of true committment.
My wanting to get married wasn't a result of wanting security. I was just tired of holding my stomach in and I needed to fart really, really bad:O

[mdklatt]

It's interesting that the "marriage is AWESOME" arguments are mainly coming from newlyweds....

:pop:


P.S. PIITB

[olevetonahill]

It's interesting that the "marriage is AWESOME" arguments are mainly coming from newlyweds....

:pop:


P.S. PIITB
Post of the Day ! :D

[r5TPsooner]

Honestly, if you find the right person marriage can be blissful. In all seriousness, it's just nice to have someone to go thru the crap that life throws at you on a daily basis together instead of at it alone.

[SoonerBOI]

Prayers will help. God listens all the time.

[SoonerGirl06]

The worst thing you can do is be pressured into marriage. It shouldn't be that way.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone I HAD to give an ultimatum to. I'd want someone to marry me because it was a choice and a form of commitment THEY wanted to make.

[Harry Beanbag]

what does it matter? if she truly wants to be married, and you truly don't... amicably split ways.


I guess. If that's the way it has to be then she wanted to be married more than she wanted to be with you. A true partnership and loving relationship shouldn't be broken over this issue.

[Jerk]

It's too late for me, but this site is full of useful information

http://www.nomarriage.com/

Actually, I love my wife. She was not born in America, nor did she grow up in America. hmm......there's alot of truth to this site.

[SicEmBaylor]

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage
This I tell you brother
You cant have one without the other

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Its an institute you cant disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say its elementary

Try, try, try to separate them
Its an illusion
Try, try, try, and you will only come
To this conclusion

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by mother
You cant have one without the other

[leavingthezoo]

I guess. If that's the way it has to be then she wanted to be married more than she wanted to be with you. A true partnership and loving relationship shouldn't be broken over this issue.

i agree. and likewise could be said about it being broken over the issue of one partner not wanting to get married.

trust me... i'm not in the get married camp. ;)

[olevetonahill]

i agree. and likewise could be said about it being broken over the issue of one partner not wanting to get married.

trust me... i'm not in the get married camp. ;)
So Ya wanta shack up ?
Peem me :D :D :D

[StoopTroup]

Lid...

Buy a ring and then take her to an Aston Martin Dealership and say"Which would you rather have...the car or the ring?"

If she says ring, dump her and buy yourself a nice new car.

YWIA :D

[OUinFLA]

It's been THREE PAGES PEOPLE!


IS SHE HAWT?

[yermom]

Honestly, if you find the right person marriage can be blissful. In all seriousness, it's just nice to have someone to go thru the crap that life throws at you on a daily basis together instead of at it alone.

why do you need to be married for that?

[Okla-homey]

Look, its really pretty simple Lid. See, popular culture notwithstanding, a committed relationship is the natural state for us humanoids. As humans, we're hardwired to cleave unto one person. Now, of course, there are those who have trouble keeping their cleaver in their spouse's butcher block, but, there is no substitute for a committed relationship to fulfill a person.

Actually, it's what keeps the world going. It's the safest, healthiest and generally happiest way to live. It also helps ensure we won't be alone if we live long enough to become old and disgusting, which is a plus.

[olevetonahill]

Ya know why Married wimmins live longer than they Hubbies ?
Cause they want to !vfg h

[tommieharris91]

P.S. PIITB

I can't believe it took 30 posts for this phrase. And I still haven't seen anyone say "**** off, dip ****" yet.

EDIT: No one has said "This thread is worthless without pics," yet.

[olevetonahill]

I can't believe it took 30 posts for this phrase. And I still haven't seen anyone say "**** off, dip ****" yet.
**** off dip **** Yet . Ya happy now ?:D

[StuIsTheMan]

I can't believe it took 30 posts for this phrase. And I still haven't seen anyone say "**** off, dip ****" yet.

why would someone say that...we are giving helpfull advice here:confused:

[tommieharris91]

**** off dip **** Yet . Ya happy now ?:D

Nope. You added the word "yet" to the phrase. :D

[StuIsTheMan]

I can't believe it took 30 posts for this phrase. And I still haven't seen anyone say "**** off, dip ****" yet.

EDIT: No one has said "This thread is worthless without pics," yet.

goodnight gracie:D

[olevetonahill]

Nope. You added the word "yet" to the phrase. :D
Thats what you asked for !
reread your post !:P

[StoopTroup]

It's been quite awhile since Lid responded...

I bet he's in Vegas at one of those drive-thru hitchin posts.

[85Sooner]

Read Gene Simmons view. I think it says alot.
www.genesimmons.com

[SoonerJack]

Maybe they could get one of those "civil union" things.

[Okla-homey]

Maybe they could get one of those "civil union" things.

They don't have them things in texass. Besides, them things is reserved for homerseckshuals.

On a happier note, its legal to marry your first cousin in texass.

[TexasLidig8r]

So, as to the many good and interesting posts on here...(and.. why in the world are people awake at 4 in the blessed morning posting on here! Get some sleep!!!)...

I get along very well with her children... the issue is.. her ex is a bit of a knucklehead... only sees them the bare minimum amount of time... and I'm a firm believer that if you take someone else on, you take all aspects on including being responsible for their prior children. Whereas you make it clear that you are not their father, your role naturally evolves into that.

Then.. it would be... marriage and an airtight prenup vs. committed relationship.

Why can't women merely be satisfied with great secks, the occasional shopping spree, a lot of fun?

[soonerbrat]

I guess. If that's the way it has to be then she wanted to be married more than she wanted to be with you. A true partnership and loving relationship shouldn't be broken over this issue.


yeah and he wanted NOT to be married more than he wanted to be with her. A true partnership and loving relationship to her probably means making a real commitment.

[TexasLidig8r]

yeah and he wanted NOT to be married more than he wanted to be with her. A true partnership and loving relationship to her probably means making a real commitment.

ah.. therein lies the rub.. what constitutes a "true commitment?" Because society dictates a shiny bauble on a left hand ring finger means, commitment?

What if.. engagement rings come to signify a significant failure in one's life because of the prior failed relationship and whereas to most, it may signify a circle of commitment, no beginning, no end... to some, it may be a reminder of failure?

[SoonerGirl06]

Marriage is a commitment to each other that states I love you more than anyone else, I want to be a part of your life for the rest of our lives and I want to share my life with you.

It's a vow and a promise to each other.

Some are ready to make it, to some it's a strong emotional bond, and some just aren't into it.

[soonerbrat]

ah.. therein lies the rub.. what constitutes a "true commitment?" Because society dictates a shiny bauble on a left hand ring finger means, commitment?

What if.. engagement rings come to signify a significant failure in one's life because of the prior failed relationship and whereas to most, it may signify a circle of commitment, no beginning, no end... to some, it may be a reminder of failure?


it doesn't matter what I think or what society thinks or what anyone else on this board thinks..it matters what you think and what your significant other thinks. I'm with whomever said it earlier..if you have different ideas about what your relationship should ultimately be, you should split amicably. because if you cave and get the piece of paper saying you're married, you'll resent her for it..and if you don't, she will resent you.

[leavingthezoo]

ah.. therein lies the rub.. what constitutes a "true commitment?" Because society dictates a shiny bauble on a left hand ring finger means, commitment?

that's just it though, lid. it's not just society. it's apparently her, too. that's why i say if you are truly against the idea, cut her loose. she'll be freed up to find someone who feels about marriage as she does, and so will you.

i don't get why some can't identify she would be sacrificing what she wants to "be with you", yet the same people consider it you sacrificing to "be with her."

i'm not saying anyone should sacrifice. i'm saying acknowledge you have different points of view on the matter, and if neither are willing to bend you've got a stale mate. neither is more valid than the other opinion. they're just different and clearly non-meshing.

[JohnnyMack]

Why can't women merely be satisfied with great secks, the occasional shopping spree, a lot of fun?

All she needs from you for that is two pieces of plastic.

[badger]

You're obviously struggling with this decision if you're asking a bunch of Sooners...

Wait a sec... are you just using this as flame material over a hornfans??? :mad:

I'm kidding :D I hope everything turns out all right, and if you do get married, be sure to hire a good photographer, unlike that poor guy over at the fark board.

[TexasLidig8r]

Nah.. I've got one more year of private school tuition for the older one... and four more years of private school tuition for the younger one before anything remotely resembling the M word could happen.

5 years isn't too long to wait is it?

[soonerbrat]

Nah.. I've got one more year of private school tuition for the older one... and four more years of private school tuition for the younger one before anything remotely resembling the M word could happen.

5 years isn't too long to wait is it?

the couples I know that were together for long periods of time like that either ultimately broke up or got married and then divorced. my bro in law is marrying the girl he's been with for about 6 years next month..i hope things work out for them..i really like her.

[OUinFLA]

Why can't women merely be satisfied with great secks, the occasional shopping spree, a lot of fun?


Maybe she doesn't think the secks is so "great" ?

I mean, we on here know you think ut has a "great" team, so your credibility is in question. :D

[TexasLidig8r]

Maybe she doesn't think the secks is so "great" ?

I mean, we on here know you think ut has a "great" team, so your credibility is in question. :D

What? 30 seconds and then rolling over and falling asleep doesn't cut it anymore???????

By the way.. this is the year you are finally coming to Dallas for the game isn't it????

[badger]

By the way.. this is the year you are finally coming to Dallas for the game isn't it????
oh NO, he did NOT! :mad:
http://www.photodave.net/DavesGames/2000/ouGame/ou13-finalScore.jpg
FIVE IN A ROW! lest we forget

[Okla-homey]

What? 30 seconds and then rolling over and falling asleep doesn't cut it anymore???????

By the way.. this is the year you are finally coming to Dallas for the game isn't it????


:les: VIVA VIAGRA!

[yermom]

Marriage is a commitment to each other that states I love you more than anyone else, I want to be a part of your life for the rest of our lives and I want to share my life with you.

It's a vow and a promise to each other.

Some are ready to make it, to some it's a strong emotional bond, and some just aren't into it.

seeing as they are both already divorced, this doesn't carry much water ;)

that's my problem with marriage, they typically only last a few years anymore

[VeeJay]

Mrs. VJ and I are both on our second marriage. We've been in it since 1999 - she has a grown daughter, I have a grown daughter, and we have OURS, a seven year old.

It takes a lot of work, even in the good times. It also takes a lot of patience, of which she has a lot more than me.

Statistically, second marriages end quicker than first ones, then third and subsequent marriages after that end quicker, exponentially.

We both say we married the wrong person the first time. I have no doubt that is true, at least in my case. My first wife has just ended her fourth. That's a lot of debris in her wake. That sh*t ain't for me.

[NormanPride]

Why are you against getting married? If it's "just a bauble on the finger" then why do you care? The same questions you ask of her apply to you as well.

[FirstandGoal]

As someone who has been in 3 failed marriages and is still living in the post-apocalyptic aftermath of the last one even though it ended 3 years ago, I can definitely understand why anybody would be hesitant to jump into that situation again.
My solution to that problem is just to not date until I think I would be ready emotionally and financially to get into another relationship that could end up in marriage. Luckily I have 2 kids, a full-time job and many interests to keep me occupied and as a single mom, I am too busy raising the kids I have [one just started high school and the other is in 5th grade] to even worry about some guy coming in and wrecking my life again.

The best advice I can give is that if she is in a place where she wants to be in a committed relationship and you aren't, then it probably is best to cut ties as amicably as possible so both she and you can get on with your lives. In retrospect, I can see where I got into my last marriage because I felt pressured by the guy [yes, that can really happen] and it was the biggest regret of my life.

[TexasLidig8r]

As someone who has been in 3 failed marriages and is still living in the post-apocalyptic aftermath of the last one even though it ended 3 years ago, I can definitely understand why anybody would be hesitant to jump into that situation again.
My solution to that problem is just to not date until I think I would be ready emotionally and financially to get into another relationship that could end up in marriage. Luckily I have 2 kids, a full-time job and many interests to keep me occupied and as a single mom, I am too busy raising the kids I have [one just started high school and the other is in 5th grade] to even worry about some guy coming in and wrecking my life again.

The best advice I can give is that if she is in a place where she wants to be in a committed relationship and you aren't, then it probably is best to cut ties as amicably as possible so both she and you can get on with your lives. In retrospect, I can see where I got into my last marriage because I felt pressured by the guy [yes, that can really happen] and it was the biggest regret of my life.

Perhaps it's the banana in the ear thing?! :eek:

You sound like a woman who needs a martini!!! ;)

[OklahomaRed]

Lid,

You're hurtin' when you ask a bunch of Sooners for advice. My mother remarried when I was 11. It worked out okay. What do your kids think? Sounds like you are a dedicated Dad. What do her kid's think? Do the kids get along. Great sex is one thing, and I for one would have to have some type of steady relationship if something happened to my wife (1st and only), but perhaps she wants more and she is just using her friends as ammunition. Sounds like she has already told them she wants to get married, but she can't get you to crap or get off the pot. If it's the sex, then string it out as long as you can. If you actually care about her, then tell her the truth and let her get on with her life. Deppends on what type of character you have, and how you would want your own daughter treated? Just sayin. Good luck with that. Big decision.

[OklahomaRed]

Hook em

I ammend my advice a little. Tell her the truth about how you feel and see if she's okay with the circumstance. Tell her nothing is happening for 4 more years and see what she does. If she's cool with that, then cool. If not, she can at least make decisions off of fact. :confused:

[IB4OU2]

Tell her your a whorn while removing your toup'e...that'll do it.

[FirstandGoal]

Tell her your a whorn while removing your toup'e...that'll do it.
Ding, ding, ding.... we have a winner!

I take back my previous advice. Do this instead ;)

[The Maestro]

I think getting married more than once is silly. You didn't commit the first time so why play the charade the second time around again...surely that person doesn't even believe they will make it!

But that's just me...I almost got divorced about 45 times but am now still with my first...and only...wife.

[Harry Beanbag]

My first marriage was total 100% misery. I married her for absolutely idiotic reasons and had nothing in common with her. Plus I think she was bipolar.

[The Maestro]

Plus I think she was bipolar.

Dood! How do you turn down girl on girl action?!?! :D