SoonerKnight
9/12/2007, 02:13 AM
http://cfn.scout.com/2/678318.html
I had to condense the article.....
By Pete Fiutak
What's your beef? ... E-mail with your thoughts
Past Whimsies 2006 Season | Preseason Part One, Part Two | Week 1
If this column sucks, it’s not my fault … Michigan RB Mike Hart guaranteed it would be better this week. There was no question in his mind. Then he found out that Chad Henne was hurt, and then he wasn’t so sure.
By now, you’d think Michigan fans would be used to being out of the national title hunt in mid-September … I have nothing against Michigan. It’s hard to hate the only place in the world where my McLovin fake ID ever worked. However, the meltdown theater in the aftermath of the 0-2 start has been a guilty pleasure to watch unfold. From the disgruntled fan base, to the grouchy player interviews, to the angry coaches, to the constant in-game shots of fans looking like Beavis when a Michael Bolton video comes on, this is becoming far more entertaining than the actual Wolverine games.
Cue the Chumbawamba ... All that was missing from Lloyd Carr’s instantly classic “nothing can keep me down” rant was 1) him banging a shoe on the podium while screaming that he’ll bury Notre Dame. 2) Stuart Smalley coming out to give him a hug, make him look into a mirror, and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Figuring out combunatorial mathematics, hooking up with Minnie Driver, and getting Ben Affleck and Robin Williams another good role would be far easier than solving the problems in the Michigan secondary … (Lloyd Carr calls Mike Hart into his office, shows him film of the first two games, and shows him his stats)
CARR: Look here, son.
Hart, who had been looking away, looks at Carr.
CARR: (cont'd) This is not your fault.
HART: (nonchalant) Oh, I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (smiles) I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (dead serious) I know.
Carr comes around his desk, sits in front of Hart.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (tears start) Don't (bleep) with me, Lloyd. Not you.
Hart shoves Carr.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: I know.
CARR: It's not...
HART: (crying hard) I know, I know...
Carr takes Hart in his arms and holds him like a child. Hart sobs like a baby. After a moment, he wraps his arms around Carr and holds him even tighter. We pull back from this image. Two lonely souls being father and son together.
Maybe he should be doing more yelling and saying the word Michigan more … Unfortunately, Carr will end up being remembered by many Michigan fans as the guy who lost to Appalachian State and failed to get to the national title game in a BCS world. It’s amazing how his résumé gets dumped out the window, while Bo Schembechler, especially now that he’s gone, is hailed as such a legend despite not doing many of the things Carr's been able to achieve.
Cut to a shot of Michigan students looking like they did after seeing what the girls at Michigan State look like.
The blind squirrel finds a nut, part two … With the way Kyle Wright’s can’t-miss career at Miami has missed, Kirby Freeman has bombed when given a shot, and with Jimmy Clausen’s Notre Dame debut so rocky, it’s interesting to note just how well the top quarterback prospects have panned out in recent years and if they’re actually worth all the trouble. Sort of like drafting in the NFL, if you miss at the top, you’re scrambling, and exactly like the NFL, you’re throwing up prayers past the first several prospects. Even so, note how bad some of recent years were, and what an all-timer 2006 might turn out to be. Here are the top quarterbacks in recent classes.
2006: (based on CFN rankings at the time). 1. Mitch Mustain, Arkansas (he will be the next great USC QB), 2. Matthew Stafford, Georgia, 3. Tim Tebow, Florida, 4. Jake Locker, Washington, 5. Jevan Snead, Texas (now at Ole Miss)
(noteworthy: 9. Josh Freeman, Kansas State, 10. Juice Williams, Illinois, 13. Demetrius Jones, Notre Dame, 17. Sam Bradford, Oklahoma
2005: 1. Ryan Perrilloux, LSU, 2. Mark Sanchez, USC, 3. Jonathan Crompton, Tennessee, 4. Harrison Beck, Nebraska (now at NC State), 5. Jake Christensen, Iowa
(noteworthy: 18. Chase Daniel, Missouri, 27. Colt McCoy, Texas, 53. Matt Grothe, South Florida)
2004: 1. Rhett Bomar, Oklahoma, 2. Chad Henne, Michigan, 3. Anthony Morelli, Penn State, 4 Xavier Lee, Florida State, 5. Matthew Tuiasosopo, Washington
(noteworthy: 6. Stephen McGee, Texas A&M, 7. Brian Brohm, Louisville, 8. Drew Weatherford, Florida State, 10. Kirby Freeman, Miami, 16. Nate Longshore, Cal, 20. Erik Ainge, Tennessee, 24. Sean Glennon, Virginia Tech, 29. Curtis Painter, Purdue)
2003: 1. Kyle Wright, Miami, 2. Chris Leak, Florida, 3. Robert Lane, LSU (ended up at Ole Miss), 4. JaMarcus Russell, LSU, 5. Tommy Grady, Oklahoma (now at Utah)
(noteworthy: 8. Dennis Dixon, Oregon, 10. Brady Quinn, Notre Dame, 17 Blake Mitchell, South Carolina)
2002: 1. Ben Olson, BYU (now at UCLA), 2. Tyler Palko, Pitt, 3. Trent Edwards, Stanford, 4. Reggie McNeal, Texas A&M, 5. Vince Young, Texas
(noteworthy: 13. Brandon Cox, Auburn)
2001: 1. Brodie Croyle, Alabama, 2. Joe Mauer, Florida State (yes, that Joe Mauer), 3. D.J. Shockley, Georgia, 4. Matt Leinart, USC, 5. Derek Anderson, Oregon State
(noteworthy: 6. Kellen Clemens, Oregon, 13. Kyle Orton, Purdue)
But I’ll draw the line if there’s a crackdown on the Michael Irvin Memorial Parade of Hot Miami Chicks lined outside the dorm ... Could I play for new Miami head coach Randy Shannon? Here are his basic team rules: 1) No names on the uniform. No biggie since they’d probably spell Fiutak wrong. 2) No hats in meetings. Do visors count? If not, this means I have to shower every morning, and that could be an issue. 3) No cell phones. That should be a life rule, not a team one. 4) No guns. It’s amazing this has to be a rule. 5) Minimum 2.5 GPA. Thanks a lot Miami, I’ll catch you down the road. I’m sure Steve Spurrier will let me on his team.
6. Texas Tech vs. Rice
For those of you interested in stat watching, keep an eye on Texas Tech’s visit to Rice. Baylor QB Blake Szymanski threw for 412 yards and six touchdowns on the awful Owl secondary, and now the nation’s second ranked passing attack rolls into town. If things are clicking, and head coach Mike Leach keeps his foot on the gas, 600 yards and seven touchdowns are more than possible.
5. The possible resurgence of Michigan State
Considering the way UAB pushed Florida State and Bowling Green beat Minnesota, Michigan State’s wins over the two shouldn’t be glossed over. .Head coach Mark Dantonio’s tough, disciplined team has only committed seven penalties, good for fourth in the nation, and has gotten great play from a good trio of running backs. Considering Pitt’s injury issues and Notre Dame’s problems, the Spartans could be 4-0 before the showdown at Wisconsin.
4. Houston RB Anthony Alridge
He has only played one game this year, but Alridge already showed against Oregon that he might be the most dynamic player in America with 205 rushing yards, 88 receiving, and 32 yards on kickoff returns to make him the nation’s leader in all-purpose rushing. The former receiver is now a bolt-of-lightning running back, and is quickly becoming the hot underground star among the NFL scouting types after tearing off a 4.26 on Houston’s pro day.
3. Oklahoma’s offensive line
Phil Loadholt, George Robinson, Jon Cooper, Brandon Walker and Branndon Braxton. Right now, this is the best front five in America, and it’s giving Sam Bradford all the time in the world to look like a star. Did you notice Miami’s Calais Campbell on Saturday? Exactly. Teams are going to have to come up with funky ways to get into the backfield against this group. It’ll only get better against Utah State, Tulsa and Colorado before facing Texas.
2. The most productive linebackers you’ve never seen
Colorado’s Jordan Dizon might not be much of a pro prospect at only 6-0 and 225 pounds, but there aren’t any better tacklers in America. The senior made 280 stops coming into the season, and he currently leads the nation with 35 tackles, highlighted by a head-butting afternoon against Colorado State's Kyle Bell, making 20 stops in the win.
Illinois senior J Leman has 275 career tackles with ten games in double-digits last year. This season he’s started off with 31 tackles, highlighted by a 20-stop performance against Missouri. While he’s big and tough, he’s not all that fast. Even so, he’ll be a late first day draft pick who hangs around the league for ten years.
1. The North Texas Mean Green offense
North Texas had one of the nation’s most abysmal offenses over the last two years, and was brutal when it came to throwing the ball, averaging just 115 passing yards per game last season with only one game over 200 yards. In comes legendary Texas high school head coach Todd Dodge, whose spread passing attack dominated over the last several years. The offense didn’t do much in the 79-10 loss to Oklahoma to start the season, and then it went ballistic against SMU.
The numbers aren’t real, even in a world with Colt Brennan. 601 passing yards from Daniel Meager. 18 catches for 327 yards and two touchdown from Casey Fitzgerald. Ten catches for 133 yards and a score from Brandon Jackson. Korey Washington, the number three receiver, caught eight passes for 70 yards. Considering no one in the Sun Belt throws the forward pass with any regularity, it’ll be interesting to note what the attack does in the opener against Florida Atlantic this week. It’ll also be interesting to see how long Dodge sticks around Denton before taking his act to brighter lights.
Cut to a shot of Michigan students looking like they did when they received their rejection letters from that one dream Ivy League reach.
C.O.W. shameless gimmick item … The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
1) Overrated: National champion Appalachian State ... Underrated: National champion Florida
2) Overrated: The need for head coach June Jones to wear a lei, even when he’s in Ruston, Louisiana … Underrated: Hawaii’s “haka” dance
3) Overrated: Michael Vick ... Underrated: Texas A&M’s Reveille missing the Fresno State game for snapping at a handler
4) Overrated: The outcomes of NFL games ... Underrated: NFL Red Zone Channel
5) Overrated: Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel ... Underrated: Josh McDaniels and Dean Pees
My Heisman ballot this week would be (remember, this is assuming the season ended at this very moment based on what has happened so far) … 1) Sam Bradford, QB Oklahoma, 2) Colt Brennan, QB Hawaii, 3) Pat White, QB West Virginia. 4) Steve Slaton, QB West Virginia, 5) Marlon Lucky, RB Nebraska
“You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools/But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever” … The three lines this week that appear to be a tad off. (1-2 last week, so as always, enjoy these just for pure amusement.) … 1) Nebraska +10 over USC, 2) UTEP +6.5 over New Mexico State, 3) SMU +3 over Arkansas State
Sorry this column sucked, but it wasn’t my fault … Had I known I wouldn’t have an offensive line in front of me, a running back to hand off to, or decent receivers
I had to condense the article.....
By Pete Fiutak
What's your beef? ... E-mail with your thoughts
Past Whimsies 2006 Season | Preseason Part One, Part Two | Week 1
If this column sucks, it’s not my fault … Michigan RB Mike Hart guaranteed it would be better this week. There was no question in his mind. Then he found out that Chad Henne was hurt, and then he wasn’t so sure.
By now, you’d think Michigan fans would be used to being out of the national title hunt in mid-September … I have nothing against Michigan. It’s hard to hate the only place in the world where my McLovin fake ID ever worked. However, the meltdown theater in the aftermath of the 0-2 start has been a guilty pleasure to watch unfold. From the disgruntled fan base, to the grouchy player interviews, to the angry coaches, to the constant in-game shots of fans looking like Beavis when a Michael Bolton video comes on, this is becoming far more entertaining than the actual Wolverine games.
Cue the Chumbawamba ... All that was missing from Lloyd Carr’s instantly classic “nothing can keep me down” rant was 1) him banging a shoe on the podium while screaming that he’ll bury Notre Dame. 2) Stuart Smalley coming out to give him a hug, make him look into a mirror, and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Figuring out combunatorial mathematics, hooking up with Minnie Driver, and getting Ben Affleck and Robin Williams another good role would be far easier than solving the problems in the Michigan secondary … (Lloyd Carr calls Mike Hart into his office, shows him film of the first two games, and shows him his stats)
CARR: Look here, son.
Hart, who had been looking away, looks at Carr.
CARR: (cont'd) This is not your fault.
HART: (nonchalant) Oh, I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (smiles) I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: I know.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (dead serious) I know.
Carr comes around his desk, sits in front of Hart.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: (tears start) Don't (bleep) with me, Lloyd. Not you.
Hart shoves Carr.
CARR: It's not your fault.
HART: I know.
CARR: It's not...
HART: (crying hard) I know, I know...
Carr takes Hart in his arms and holds him like a child. Hart sobs like a baby. After a moment, he wraps his arms around Carr and holds him even tighter. We pull back from this image. Two lonely souls being father and son together.
Maybe he should be doing more yelling and saying the word Michigan more … Unfortunately, Carr will end up being remembered by many Michigan fans as the guy who lost to Appalachian State and failed to get to the national title game in a BCS world. It’s amazing how his résumé gets dumped out the window, while Bo Schembechler, especially now that he’s gone, is hailed as such a legend despite not doing many of the things Carr's been able to achieve.
Cut to a shot of Michigan students looking like they did after seeing what the girls at Michigan State look like.
The blind squirrel finds a nut, part two … With the way Kyle Wright’s can’t-miss career at Miami has missed, Kirby Freeman has bombed when given a shot, and with Jimmy Clausen’s Notre Dame debut so rocky, it’s interesting to note just how well the top quarterback prospects have panned out in recent years and if they’re actually worth all the trouble. Sort of like drafting in the NFL, if you miss at the top, you’re scrambling, and exactly like the NFL, you’re throwing up prayers past the first several prospects. Even so, note how bad some of recent years were, and what an all-timer 2006 might turn out to be. Here are the top quarterbacks in recent classes.
2006: (based on CFN rankings at the time). 1. Mitch Mustain, Arkansas (he will be the next great USC QB), 2. Matthew Stafford, Georgia, 3. Tim Tebow, Florida, 4. Jake Locker, Washington, 5. Jevan Snead, Texas (now at Ole Miss)
(noteworthy: 9. Josh Freeman, Kansas State, 10. Juice Williams, Illinois, 13. Demetrius Jones, Notre Dame, 17. Sam Bradford, Oklahoma
2005: 1. Ryan Perrilloux, LSU, 2. Mark Sanchez, USC, 3. Jonathan Crompton, Tennessee, 4. Harrison Beck, Nebraska (now at NC State), 5. Jake Christensen, Iowa
(noteworthy: 18. Chase Daniel, Missouri, 27. Colt McCoy, Texas, 53. Matt Grothe, South Florida)
2004: 1. Rhett Bomar, Oklahoma, 2. Chad Henne, Michigan, 3. Anthony Morelli, Penn State, 4 Xavier Lee, Florida State, 5. Matthew Tuiasosopo, Washington
(noteworthy: 6. Stephen McGee, Texas A&M, 7. Brian Brohm, Louisville, 8. Drew Weatherford, Florida State, 10. Kirby Freeman, Miami, 16. Nate Longshore, Cal, 20. Erik Ainge, Tennessee, 24. Sean Glennon, Virginia Tech, 29. Curtis Painter, Purdue)
2003: 1. Kyle Wright, Miami, 2. Chris Leak, Florida, 3. Robert Lane, LSU (ended up at Ole Miss), 4. JaMarcus Russell, LSU, 5. Tommy Grady, Oklahoma (now at Utah)
(noteworthy: 8. Dennis Dixon, Oregon, 10. Brady Quinn, Notre Dame, 17 Blake Mitchell, South Carolina)
2002: 1. Ben Olson, BYU (now at UCLA), 2. Tyler Palko, Pitt, 3. Trent Edwards, Stanford, 4. Reggie McNeal, Texas A&M, 5. Vince Young, Texas
(noteworthy: 13. Brandon Cox, Auburn)
2001: 1. Brodie Croyle, Alabama, 2. Joe Mauer, Florida State (yes, that Joe Mauer), 3. D.J. Shockley, Georgia, 4. Matt Leinart, USC, 5. Derek Anderson, Oregon State
(noteworthy: 6. Kellen Clemens, Oregon, 13. Kyle Orton, Purdue)
But I’ll draw the line if there’s a crackdown on the Michael Irvin Memorial Parade of Hot Miami Chicks lined outside the dorm ... Could I play for new Miami head coach Randy Shannon? Here are his basic team rules: 1) No names on the uniform. No biggie since they’d probably spell Fiutak wrong. 2) No hats in meetings. Do visors count? If not, this means I have to shower every morning, and that could be an issue. 3) No cell phones. That should be a life rule, not a team one. 4) No guns. It’s amazing this has to be a rule. 5) Minimum 2.5 GPA. Thanks a lot Miami, I’ll catch you down the road. I’m sure Steve Spurrier will let me on his team.
6. Texas Tech vs. Rice
For those of you interested in stat watching, keep an eye on Texas Tech’s visit to Rice. Baylor QB Blake Szymanski threw for 412 yards and six touchdowns on the awful Owl secondary, and now the nation’s second ranked passing attack rolls into town. If things are clicking, and head coach Mike Leach keeps his foot on the gas, 600 yards and seven touchdowns are more than possible.
5. The possible resurgence of Michigan State
Considering the way UAB pushed Florida State and Bowling Green beat Minnesota, Michigan State’s wins over the two shouldn’t be glossed over. .Head coach Mark Dantonio’s tough, disciplined team has only committed seven penalties, good for fourth in the nation, and has gotten great play from a good trio of running backs. Considering Pitt’s injury issues and Notre Dame’s problems, the Spartans could be 4-0 before the showdown at Wisconsin.
4. Houston RB Anthony Alridge
He has only played one game this year, but Alridge already showed against Oregon that he might be the most dynamic player in America with 205 rushing yards, 88 receiving, and 32 yards on kickoff returns to make him the nation’s leader in all-purpose rushing. The former receiver is now a bolt-of-lightning running back, and is quickly becoming the hot underground star among the NFL scouting types after tearing off a 4.26 on Houston’s pro day.
3. Oklahoma’s offensive line
Phil Loadholt, George Robinson, Jon Cooper, Brandon Walker and Branndon Braxton. Right now, this is the best front five in America, and it’s giving Sam Bradford all the time in the world to look like a star. Did you notice Miami’s Calais Campbell on Saturday? Exactly. Teams are going to have to come up with funky ways to get into the backfield against this group. It’ll only get better against Utah State, Tulsa and Colorado before facing Texas.
2. The most productive linebackers you’ve never seen
Colorado’s Jordan Dizon might not be much of a pro prospect at only 6-0 and 225 pounds, but there aren’t any better tacklers in America. The senior made 280 stops coming into the season, and he currently leads the nation with 35 tackles, highlighted by a head-butting afternoon against Colorado State's Kyle Bell, making 20 stops in the win.
Illinois senior J Leman has 275 career tackles with ten games in double-digits last year. This season he’s started off with 31 tackles, highlighted by a 20-stop performance against Missouri. While he’s big and tough, he’s not all that fast. Even so, he’ll be a late first day draft pick who hangs around the league for ten years.
1. The North Texas Mean Green offense
North Texas had one of the nation’s most abysmal offenses over the last two years, and was brutal when it came to throwing the ball, averaging just 115 passing yards per game last season with only one game over 200 yards. In comes legendary Texas high school head coach Todd Dodge, whose spread passing attack dominated over the last several years. The offense didn’t do much in the 79-10 loss to Oklahoma to start the season, and then it went ballistic against SMU.
The numbers aren’t real, even in a world with Colt Brennan. 601 passing yards from Daniel Meager. 18 catches for 327 yards and two touchdown from Casey Fitzgerald. Ten catches for 133 yards and a score from Brandon Jackson. Korey Washington, the number three receiver, caught eight passes for 70 yards. Considering no one in the Sun Belt throws the forward pass with any regularity, it’ll be interesting to note what the attack does in the opener against Florida Atlantic this week. It’ll also be interesting to see how long Dodge sticks around Denton before taking his act to brighter lights.
Cut to a shot of Michigan students looking like they did when they received their rejection letters from that one dream Ivy League reach.
C.O.W. shameless gimmick item … The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
1) Overrated: National champion Appalachian State ... Underrated: National champion Florida
2) Overrated: The need for head coach June Jones to wear a lei, even when he’s in Ruston, Louisiana … Underrated: Hawaii’s “haka” dance
3) Overrated: Michael Vick ... Underrated: Texas A&M’s Reveille missing the Fresno State game for snapping at a handler
4) Overrated: The outcomes of NFL games ... Underrated: NFL Red Zone Channel
5) Overrated: Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel ... Underrated: Josh McDaniels and Dean Pees
My Heisman ballot this week would be (remember, this is assuming the season ended at this very moment based on what has happened so far) … 1) Sam Bradford, QB Oklahoma, 2) Colt Brennan, QB Hawaii, 3) Pat White, QB West Virginia. 4) Steve Slaton, QB West Virginia, 5) Marlon Lucky, RB Nebraska
“You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools/But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever” … The three lines this week that appear to be a tad off. (1-2 last week, so as always, enjoy these just for pure amusement.) … 1) Nebraska +10 over USC, 2) UTEP +6.5 over New Mexico State, 3) SMU +3 over Arkansas State
Sorry this column sucked, but it wasn’t my fault … Had I known I wouldn’t have an offensive line in front of me, a running back to hand off to, or decent receivers