Is There A Good Way To Loan Money...

[r5TPsooner]

to family besides not to? We've only been living in Oklahoma for six months and already my wife's brother called, telling us he's broke and needs a loan. Supposedly he filed bankruptcy (no proof of that) and has sold his brand new boat (why are you buying a new boat if you're that bad off) to offset the debt.

He hasn't exactly been great to us and we only see him on the two major holidays. He owns his own tile business but I think he may have other problems along the narcotic (can't prove it) lines. All-in-all, he's a nice guy who is pretty into himself and selfish as well. Basically he refuses to grow up and is a womanizing fool who wouldn't commit to ANY female.

I'd like to help out but my gut says NO! We're not wealthy but we could help out. If he were just a nice, more mature, caring, person I'd feel better about it.

Anyone have any experiences along these lines?

[sooner_born_1960]

We've done some giving to relatives. I don't call it a loan, though. That would imply that I expect it to be returned some day.

[rufnek05]

go with your gut

[Dio]

pass

[yermom]

unless Jimmy the Fish is fitting him with concrete shoes, i'm thinking i'd just say no

[sooner_born_1960]

Hey, you were probably just gonna pay for your kid's education or something with it anyway. Might as well blow it on your BIL's meth.

[r5TPsooner]

We've done some giving to relatives. I don't call it a loan, though. That would imply that I expect it to be returned some day.

Yes, that's what I told the misses when she told me. I loaned my nephew money, who also was my best man in our wedding, and he has never paid us back. Since that time (1998) I have seen him once and have gotten one phone call from him.

He turned out to be a huge disappointment in life from my perspective.

[yermom]

unless you really don't like the guy, then consider it ******* tax ;)

[OUAndy1807]

unless you really don't like the guy, then consider it ******* tax ;)
exactly what I was going to say. What was the line from "A Bronx Tale"?

It doesn't sound like you're close with this guy or really care to be. If that's the case, this may be the cheapest divorce you ever go through.

[olevetonahill]

Just say NO
The only family members that get Money from me now are My grandkids :D

[dolemitesooner]

unless Jimmy the Fish is fitting him with concrete shoes, i'm thinking i'd just say no
GLUP!!!:D
Where is jimmy ....**** I got to get a gun

[AZSOONER]

Either tell him you can't afford it, (c'mon, they expect us to buy their bull**** stories but we can't tell any? Tell him your mom is real sick and she needs money for an operation or something.) Or, tell him to fork over some collateral, if you need tile work done, tell him to re-do your whole damn house. I'd go with the "no" though.

[oumartin]

have him hook you up with one of his g/f's and then tell him you'll consider it!

[royalfan5]

Make him work for it. Give 5 bucks to mow the lawn, a couple for cleaning the gutters, maybe a 10 spot if you can taser him repeatedly. Since you probably won't get your money back, get your money's worth.

[SoonerBorn68]

If you help him out only give as much as you could afford to flush down the terlet.

[OUHOMER]

been there done that with my brother. It cause hardships down the road. Now when he calls i tell i won't do it. can but won't

[olevetonahill]

been there done that with my brother. It cause hardships down the road. Now when he calls i tell i won't do it. can but won't
Yup
JUST SAY NO !
Tell him to learn to manage his money .

[tommieharris91]

My dad told me never to loan money to family because you can't expect it back.

[olevetonahill]

Ok in a nutshell type thingie
Tell him to go to the Bank and borrow what he needs !
If they wont You shouldnt

[SoonerBOI]

For me, blood is still thicker than water. Pray for it.

[olevetonahill]

For me, blood is still thicker than water. Pray for it.
But its his wifes Bro = no blood !
tell the looser to **** off dip **** !

[LoyalFan]

Had the same experience during my second marriage. My bride was considerably younger and had a pod of close-in-age siblings. Therein lay the rub.
When her younger brother, a "free spirit" who "marched to a different drummer" and "just needed to find himself" (all quotes from the MIL), send word through another sibling...that's right, he had a sister ask me for a loan to HIM...that he'd cheerfully accept a loan (See: No hope of repayment) I told said messenger to tell him I was not a bank.
Ohhhh the furor! Ohhhh the weeping, wailing, gnashing of the teeth!
You see, my new bride had been seen wearing a new and pricey watch, the engagement ring was impressive, and she'd received her "dream vehicle" as a surprise wedding gift. We lived in a semi-luxury condo, dined and entertained rather lavishly. We thought nothing of zipping off to frolic elsewhere for a week at a time...and so on(all of which proves that I wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree either.)
As my MIL informed me...it was pretty much my duty (which meant MY turn) to help(...fund this bum's pretty comfy life.)
We were literally frosted at family gatherings for nearly a year until my bride's oldest brother addressed the issue at a family BBQ..."Look, John had sense and the 'nads enough to say 'No'. I wish we all had. Maybe you'd have grown up by now."
There was stunned silence, then applause from a collection of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, all of whom had been stung for various amounts. Only my MIL abstained...so effing what? The bum left in a huff (or was it a Snit? I can't tell one foreign car from another.) and never bugged us again. He finally "found himself" and has been a Greyhound driver for nearly 20 years. Oddly, though his sis and I tore the blanket seventeen years ago, he now call me often and we occasionally meet for drinks...Dutch!
Whether my experience can benefit you or not I cannot say...But you CAN say "NO".


LF

[Okla-homey]

It's generally best not to "enable" further irresponsible behavior by confirmed losers. That said, give money of you want, but don't fool yourself into believing it's a loan.

[yermom]

yep, not only are you probably enabling the cycle of crap, you are just going to get asked again later, most likely

[Chuck Bao]

Owww, less than an hour ago I just got a call from a co-worker asking for another loan. I lent her money six months ago and she was supposed to pay me back when she got her mid-year bonus in August which was way more than enough. She didn’t and now needs more.

I have almost never been repaid money I’ve lent out. So, I agree with other people’s opinions that you shouldn’t expect to be repaid, probably ever.

For family, it’s the hardest. I was adopted by a Thai farming family, poor as dirt and salt of the earth. When I received permanent residency in Thailand and needed a permanent address, they went with me to the district office to vouch that I am a resident of their house, which is like officially making me family. They would invite me to their home every weekend and I’d help out in the farming chores and feel right at home.

I lent one of the middle-aged sons of the family some money and now I forget how much it was – probably only about $5,000. Of course, it was never paid back and they stopped inviting me to their home during weekends. In fact, we’d completely lost touch until last week and one of the little children in the family got sick with dengue fever. I still feel like the godfather of that little boy and his brother. Maybe they’ll start inviting me to their home again. I sense that embarrassment and I suppose that’s only natural for a family to feel defensive about it.

I do have regrets about not lending money. All joking aside, one of my close friends was murdered 15 years ago. A guy on the back of a bike shot him in the head twice. Actually, it was probably because I did give him money to buy some land from his grandfather, but the land title was in dispute. He knew what was coming and I didn’t and I’d give any amount of money to go back in time to solve that.

Oh, for my co-worker, I said yes.

I know she has a very good salary and very solid employment status. She lives with her parents and is very frugal, spending very little on herself. She sends everything she makes to support her sister getting her masters degree in the UK. So, I’m thinking that’s quite okay and maybe answering the question about a good way to loan money.

[Hamhock]

It's generally best not to "enable" further irresponsible behavior by confirmed losers. That said, give money of you want, but don't fool yourself into believing it's a loan.


werd.

enable.
give, not loan.

if you "loan" him money you will see him spend money on things you view as unnecessary before he pays you back.

[r5TPsooner]

Well, her brother called twice yesterday, which equals the amount of times that he's called us in a two year span. I was home alone the first time he called and wanted to answer the phone but didn't. Knowing that I would lay into him for being him. He called again last nite when we were helping our daughter with her homework. The wife answered the phone and basically gave him a laundry list of why we weren't going to loan him the money.

She then asked him how much he needed, as he never actually specified. He said that he needed about 2k and that would pay his utilities, car insurance and front him for supplies for his tile business.

The reason he is in such a pickle seems rather fishy to me. Supposedly he received a loan for $36k, but the bank actually loaned him 50k with a "broker" pocketing the other 14k as a commission with him not knowing this or signing paperwork to the fact! Supposedly there is no paperwork stating the 50k from the bank that he signed to the contrary, which I find highly unlikely, as banks always look out for themselves 1st and foremost.

I was pretty proud of the wife as she wanted to handle the matter personally. I offered to have her brother send us the bills that he "needed" paid, so that I knew the money wasn't going elsewhere, which we both think that it is. I would cut the checks and mail them personally but she resisted the idea and I left it at that.

Hopefully, he learns a valuable lesson about debt, signing papers, and credit cards. He basically asked us to lend him the money by taking the cash off our credit card. When my wife explained to him, that is was our policy to pay our credit card balance off every month, and that we only charged what we could afford to pay back in a month's time, he was dumbfounded she said.

I doubt that I've heard the last from him but as my wife already knows to well, don't let me get involved internally because I tend to speak my mind on such mattters.

[Scott D]

technically if you give him money it's giving him money. If you make him sign a contract with there being outline parameters of how and when he is to pay you back, then it's a loan. At which point if he doesn't pay you back you can take him to court on it.

Daytime tv can be so helpful :D

[StoopTroup]

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