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View Full Version : Nebraska cracks offseason Top 10 poll


royalfan5
6/12/2007, 01:50 PM
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=3503

We coming for you Illinois.
101sooner
6/12/2007, 02:15 PM
So I guess teams get 2 points per issue?

If that's how it works, it's been a LOOOOOOONNNNGGGG off-season in Illinois.

Anyway, congrats 'Husker!
Flagstaffsooner
6/12/2007, 02:20 PM
The whorns better get on the ball.
Theskipster
6/12/2007, 02:22 PM
So I guess teams get 2 points per issue?


The EDSBS.com Fulmer cup scoring rules are:



The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER. No Ex-Players!


Murder: 5 points.

Rape: 4 points. Downgraded to one if either participant is wearing a clown mask.

Bestiality: 4 points. It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink. High point value justified further by the fact that it involves having sex with an animal. You could say this was unthinkable, but in the past year alone two stories involving college athletes and at least the association with barnyard bonhomie of a most intimate degree have been reported, including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.

Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)

Hitting Girls: 3 points. We'll downgrade this to 2 if the girl can hold her weight and requires daily medication to prevent her from gouging her own eyes out (since those were the ones we always ended up dating, and we understand); or we'll upgrade to 4 points if the damage includes intensive care. Dad always said never hit girls, so we take this one seriously. Dad also said always double down with split aces, too, but we'll be damned if we didn't end up selling bone marrow in Macau the last time we followed that bit of advice.

Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession of the Tyrone Biggums variety: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound. Crack? Break out the Sports Century 'Weepy Sonata' music, because the story of your descent from boundless potential has just begun, and they haven't even begun to show the grainy shots of 130-lb you huddled in a shelter on Skid Row.

Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.

Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point.
Taxman71
6/12/2007, 02:31 PM
as Blake Barnes and Tripp Chandler not only score the highest ever whiteness rating achieved in two simple names,but...

This is greatness.
C&CDean
6/12/2007, 02:39 PM
as Blake Barnes and Tripp Chandler not only score the highest ever whiteness rating achieved in two simple names,but...

This is greatness.

Would it be just as great if it was "as Booboo Lipps and Rastus Nappy not only score the highest ever blackness rating achieved in two simple name, but..."??
OSUAggie
6/12/2007, 03:10 PM
Yes.

It might even be better.
piusbovis
6/12/2007, 04:46 PM
Excuse me, but Rastus Nappy is a gentleman. He wouldn't dream of doing anything to land his illustrious name on that list. Booboo Lipps on the other hand...
goingoneight
6/13/2007, 12:18 AM
Bestiality: 4 points. It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink. High point value justified further by the fact that it involves having sex with an animal. You could say this was unthinkable, but in the past year alone two stories involving college athletes and at least the association with barnyard bonhomie of a most intimate degree have been reported, including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.


:les: PISTOLS FIRING!!! OSU SCORES!!!
King Crimson
6/13/2007, 12:32 AM
the best version of this used to be called the Mike Responts "felony index"...in the late 90's.
CincySooner
6/13/2007, 07:56 AM
as Blake Barnes and Tripp Chandler not only score the highest ever whiteness rating achieved in two simple names,but...

Yep... the guys at EDSBS have a way with words that makes everyone's day just a little bit brighter.

I've been a constant reader for over a year and have yet to be disappointed.
Taxman71
6/13/2007, 08:42 AM
Would it be just as great if it was "as Booboo Lipps and Rastus Nappy not only score the highest ever blackness rating achieved in two simple name, but..."??

Politically correct? No. Funny? yes.