What should we do ?!?!?!

[TUSooner]

I all ready for some of y'all's coveted FREE ADVICE. A friend and I manage a teenage girls' soccer team (the players are 15 going on 16). We do NOT coach, just manage. She & I have known the team for 5 years, which is longer than any one coach has coached it.

There's a girl on the team whom we'll call "Eddie" because she is the 21st Century female version of Eddie Haskell. She's sneaky, conniving, duplicitous, gossipy, smarmy, and a bully whenever she can get away with it. She's run off new players with chicken-sh!t stuff like drinking all their water, stepping on their ankles, and putting gum in their shoes, as well as by less subtle insults. She's not even a very good player, because what she provides in energy, she makes up for in stupidity. Worse, she has a little band of 3 or 4 weak-willed followers whose "we're too cool" attitude sabotages practices and prevents winning habits.

The 1st problem is that the coaches are totally duped by little Eddie. They like her "spirit" but they ignore - or refuse to admit - all the crap she stirs up. In fairness, I think we have made some sort of impression on the coaches about the seriousness of the situation, but I can't be sure.


The 2nd problem AND THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN, is that we managers have zero direct influence on the players, slight influence over the parents, and not much pull with coaches (even though we make their jobs & paychecks possible by holding the team together.) So how should we deal with this matter - or should we?

Before you say "Why does this matter?" Here's why: A season on this team easliy costs a couple thousand bucks with paying the coaches and traveling and all, and I won't pay for more chicken-sh!t. I've invested 5 years and lots of money and energy on the team, and I'd hate to leave it with only a couiple of years of playing remaining. But if the team is so un-team-like that the dedicated players no longer enjoy it or care about it, I can spend my time & $ elsewhere.


BTW, we've reluctantly decided that violence is not an option (so far).

TIA, and I'll hang up and listen.

[MamaMia]

Bully type behavior is a serious matter. I have a couple of questions. Are you all actually sponsoring these teens and how do the other managers feel about this situation? Has anyone spoken with the girl and the other trouble makers, or their parents?

If the parents haven't been alerted to their teens behavior then maybe you all should join together and make them aware of the problem and threaten not to manage them anymore if this naughty behavior continues. If the parents have been alerted but the players have continued to be unruly, then have them dismissed from the team.

[yermom]

drink all her water and put gum in her shoes

[critical_phil]

But if the team is so un-team-like that the dedicated players no longer enjoy it or care about it, I can spend my time & $ elsewhere.


if a dozen parents made this statement - and meant it - the problem would solve itself.

[Okla-homey]

here's my two cents...

I humbly and respectfully suggest only the girls themselves can effect change. When they get a bellyfull, they will make it known to this heifer that she needs to cut out the machinations and passive aggressiveness or she will no longer be a welcome member of the team. IOW, peer pressure is the only remedy.

Unfortunately, if the parents or even the coaches try to intervene, it will probably be perceived by the girls as meddling in their affairs, which to mid-teen girls, is among the very worst offenses we as adults can perpetrate.

That's my opinion, based on the facts you've provided. I believe it is consistent with the notion that these activities are supposed to be about character building as a well as physical exercise. Perhaps its time to see if these past several years have achieved the strength of character and conviction I expect you've attempted to instill in these girls.

My money is on them. And an appropriate conversation with your daughter away from the field, ideally over dinner, might just plant the seed.

[Frozen Sooner]

Is she hawt?

PIITB.

[Frozen Sooner]

I don't feel good about that last post.

[yermom]

heh

i really should have quoted that ;)

[85Sooner]

Icy hot in her bra!

[Jimminy Crimson]

Icy hot in her bra!

Best idea evar!

[Soonerus]

Welcome to soccer...

[dolemitesooner]

I'd hit it

[TUSooner]

here's my two cents...

I humbly and respectfully suggest only the girls themselves can effect change. When they get a bellyfull, they will make it known to this heifer that she needs to cut out the machinations and passive aggressiveness or she will no longer be a welcome member of the team. IOW, peer pressure is the only remedy.

Unfortunately, if the parents or even the coaches try to intervene, it will probably be perceived by the girls as meddling in their affairs, which to mid-teen girls, is among the very worst offenses we as adults can perpetrate.

That's my opinion, based on the facts you've provided. I believe it is consistent with the notion that these activities are supposed to be about character building as a well as physical exercise. Perhaps its time to see if these past several years have achieved the strength of character and conviction I expect you've attempted to instill in these girls.

My money is on them. And an appropriate conversation with your daughter away from the field, ideally over dinner, might just plant the seed.

Much wisdom here. Believe me, we know this is the ultimate solution and it is our part 2 of Plan A. Part 1 being waking up the coach. I have already suggested a "blanket party," but the critical mass is not there. :D
But the coach is actually getting paid good money to do more than pretend all is well.

[TUSooner]

Is she hawt?

PIITB.
She may wind up preggers by next spring anyway. :rolleyes:

[TUSooner]

here's my two cents...

I humbly and respectfully suggest only the girls themselves can effect change. When they get a bellyfull, they will make it known to this heifer that she needs to cut out the machinations and passive aggressiveness or she will no longer be a welcome member of the team. IOW, peer pressure is the only remedy.

Unfortunately, if the parents or even the coaches try to intervene, it will probably be perceived by the girls as meddling in their affairs, which to mid-teen girls, is among the very worst offenses we as adults can perpetrate.

That's my opinion, based on the facts you've provided. I believe it is consistent with the notion that these activities are supposed to be about character building as a well as physical exercise. Perhaps its time to see if these past several years have achieved the strength of character and conviction I expect you've attempted to instill in these girls.

My money is on them. And an appropriate conversation with your daughter away from the field, ideally over dinner, might just plant the seed.

A little more elaboration: When the coach puts up with crap, he loses players' respect, and this has started to happen. Even if the girls act against Eddie, the coach must get his head out of his a$$ or the team will lack the leadership that only the coach can provide in other areas. These players want to look up to the coach - and they should - but he needs to earn/demand/command their respect and not just slough off his responsibilities while a civil war starts brewing. That's why Part 1 of the Plan is essential: Get the coach to open his eyes and quit coasting on our dime.

[LoyalFan]

drink all her water and put gum in her shoes

Better yet! Eat all her shoes and put gum (used) in her wattah!
Then, slap the living ap-cray outta the beyotch.

LF

[SteelClip49]

Soccer is played in Oklahoma?

[BajaOklahoma]

Homey, part of the manager's duties on a competitve soccer team is deflect some of the usual "parent of a player" stuff so the coach can do his job - coach. The manager is also the eyes and ears for the coach, so problems can be addressed before they impact the team.
There wil be cliques on the team - any time you get 16 girls together over a period of time, it happens. The job of the coach is to not let them disrupt the team - which it has if Eddie has managed to run off a few girls.
The problem with an Eddie is that they tend to be very good at reading people and playing to what they want to hear.

Dean needs to set this kid straight.

[sooner_born_1960]

Soccer is played in Oklahoma?
TU lives in/near New Orleans.

[KC//CRIMSON]

Since when do soccer coaches get paid?

If it were me I would be having a conversation with the player's parents.

[OzarkSooner]

I would sit down with any and all sympathetic persons and recount, then DOCUMENT every thing this person has done that has been disruptive to the team. WRITE IT DOWN...then have a meeting with the coach and present this to him. Suggest a meeting with yourselves and the coach and then maybe the coach and player and maybe even her parents. Sometimes when you put situations down on paper, it causes people to really see it for what it is.

Have a plan for what you want done...Take it step by step...a response to any and all future disruptions.
1. First offense....player doesn't start the game
2. Second offense....player misses a game
3. Third offense....player misses and is not allowed to even attend the next game...

(These are all just suggestions, you can make up your own consequences...)

This may be the only thing she understands. If you have to "encourage" the coach to cooperate, then let the coach know that if something isn't done, you are through with the team, finacially and otherwise. (Better be prepared to back up that last bit if necessary.)

[1stTimeCaller]

Dang TU, private school for the kiddos and big money for a soccer team!! Bruce has nothing on you.

;)

[TUSooner]

Homey, part of the manager's duties on a competitve soccer team is deflect some of the usual "parent of a player" stuff so the coach can do his job - coach. The manager is also the eyes and ears for the coach, so problems can be addressed before they impact the team.
There wil be cliques on the team - any time you get 16 girls together over a period of time, it happens. The job of the coach is to not let them disrupt the team - which it has if Eddie has managed to run off a few girls.
The problem with an Eddie is that they tend to be very good at reading people and playing to what they want to hear.

Dean needs to set this kid straight.

That's it! DEAN!!
I need to think: "WWDD?" :D
The suggestion to "document" infractions sounds good in theory, Ozark. But Eddie is indeed "very good at reading people and playing to what they want to hear." In short, she's the consummate sneak. I'd tell her: "This ain't a court, and you don't get a lawyer. I am the cop, the prosecutor, the judge, the jury, and the executioner, and the axe is ready to fall."

Kids don't want to tattle, but they tell their parents, the parents tell the manager, the manager tells the coach, and the coach says "Well, the kid never said anything" and punts. Nothing changes. The bottom line is that these "professional" coaches just want to coach "the game." They don't want to be examples or leaders or handle anything more complicated than what to play against a 3-5-2.

Funny, but the softball coaches who do it for free (like I did), are much more willing to handle crap like this (like I did). Maybe it's because they don't have a manager to insulate them from the parents, and they don't have a financial interest to protect. See I know darn good and well what I'd do if I were the coach; but I ain't the coach. :mad:
Aw.......... :twinkies:

[Okla-homey]

An important question unasked until now, why would you hire a male soccer coach anyway? Seems like a female soccer coach would be more apt to be helpful in the area of drama control and other important areas.

[TUSooner]

An important question unasked until now, why would you hire a male soccer coach anyway? Seems like a female soccer coach would be more apt to be helpful in the area of drama control and other important areas.

That's not a good generalization; a good coach is a good coach, phallus vel non. This is a simple matter of team control, not "the vapors" or something.

The simple fact is there are few women coaches in the market. The Club hires its staff of coaches and assigns them to the various teams, of which we are but one. There was a female on staff, but she married one of the male coaches and now they have babies. :D

[SleestakSooner]

Is your daughter on the team? If so, what would you do if this little beyonce ran her off or made her so miserable that she didn't want to play any longer?

I don't understand how you can say you are the manager but that you have no control to manage the actions of these young ladies. Since it is you and the other parents paying his salary I would imagine he would be willing to go with what ever you decide to do.

[Okla-homey]

There was a female on staff, but she married one of the male coaches and now they have babies. :D

See, that's zackly why wimmens don't get equal job opportunities. Too many of them get a gig, then quit to go off and reproduce and stuff, thus leaving their employer in a lurch.;)

[Okla-homey]

See, that's zackly why wimmens don't get equal job opportunities. Too many of them get a gig, then quit to go off and reproduce and stuff, thus leaving their employer in a lurch.;)

...and of course, you are free to think whatever you choose, But I've observed that extra X chromosome make a big difference among women leaders of women.

[TUSooner]

Is your daughter on the team? If so, what would you do if this little beyonce ran her off or made her so miserable that she didn't want to play any longer?

I don't understand how you can say you are the manager but that you have no control to manage the actions of these young ladies. Since it is you and the other parents paying his salary I would imagine he would be willing to go with what ever you decide to do.

You don't seem to understand the distinction between manager and coach. Managers deal with parents, the coach, the club's administrators, and other teams' mangers. They have no direct interaction with the players. Sure we have some influence over the coach and the club, but we have no authority.

The only bargaining chip we have is to gpo elsewhere. But there's only one other club in town we could go to, and their team in our age group is frankly not competitive. And, as you may know, most people will put up with a lot of crap before they make any dramatic move, especially after being loyal to one club for so many years. A mass defection is not likely just yet.

Having got all up in arms (and received many helpful comments and some empathy and all that), I figure now we just have to wait calmly and see what happens. Tryouts for next season start today, and we'll see who all comes back. I'm deliberately optimistic, now that the club has heard our case. But if there's no improvement, breaking away from this club is a possibility.

[BajaOklahoma]

Homey, there are a limited number of good female soccer available. Unfortunate, but true. My daughter's competitive soccer coach was unusual in that he has a degree in soccer from an English college - and he played on a minor pro team in England. His wife played soccer at SMU, until she tore up her knee.
I do expect more female coaches over the next few years as the kids that really started playing soccer as young kids are hitting their mid 20s now.

Managers due the paperwork, handle the money & pay the bills, do the day-to-day things that keep a team functioning.
"The Club" is an organization of teams. The Club hires the coaches under a contract, is responsible for paying the coach if a team fails. They usually hold tournaments (if it is a large club), skills sessions (to train future players) and help the coach and player stay in compliance with the rules & regs for their state.
It is possible to fire a coach, but there are a limited number of coaches available - and few that would want to work for a team that fires their coach. Soccer is very "Little League" in that everyone knows everyone else in their child's age group (gotta know the competition) and rumors abound. Coaches hear those rumors too.
And the State Soccer Assoc have jurisdiction over a set area. They control all of the players in their area. Leaving a team is huge, huge deal. There are special rules on when they can leave and what they can do when they leave. Teams can refuse to release a player and force them to basically sit on the bench until the end of the contract year. A player can't guest with another team without permission of their coach.
We have a Super Club here with both a boys side and a girls side (they are always run differently - those sexist pigs). Their top teams in each age group compete on a National level - everyone in soccer across the country knows them. A large club like this can replace a coach easily.

TU, our year runs July 1st to June 30th. Weird how different it is from state to state. I think OK does a June 1st start.

Good luck.

[TUSooner]

Thanks, Baja!