Best Cartman lines

[8timechamps]

My personal favorite isn't a popular one, but it's the episode where they hold up in Kyle's room with all the cows. Cartman is feeding one of the cows beef jerky and says:

"There you go, who's my hungry little man?"

Just the way he says it, and the fact that he's feeding a cow beef jerky...classic.

[Viking Kitten]

"Would you like more tea, Polly Prissy Pants?"

[Scott D]

"Excuse me sir, you're going to have to step outside of the vehicle"

[Boomer.....]

Eh, woman, you shut your mouth, and make babies.

[Boomer.....]

I would never let a woman kick my ***. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch *** back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

[TheHumanAlphabet]

"Respect my Authoritiiii !"

[yermom]

My personal favorite isn't a popular one, but it's the episode where they hold up in Kyle's room with all the cows. Cartman is feeding one of the cows beef jerky and says:

"There you go, who's my hungry little man?"

Just the way he says it, and the fact that he's feeding a cow beef jerky...classic.

They look so delicious

http://animatedtv.about.com/library/graphics/sp605_Fun_with_Veal2.jpg

[Scott D]

"Mooooooooooom, TOILET"

[yermom]

my favorite has to be from the Spooky Fish episode though, with Evil Cartman

screw you guys...

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/6105/normgoateeqc8.gif

[Hatfield]

What? You mean how you put pubes in your chili, Scott? I switched it with Chef's. It's delicious Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on however, that my friends Stan and Kyle would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Dinkin's pony to bite off your wiener. What they didn't tell you is that Dinkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would go and try to do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Dinkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also knew you wouldn't go yourself for fear of having your wiener bitten off. You would most likely send your parents and I'm afraid when Mr. Dinkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.....

I came just in time to see Mr. Dinkins giving his report to Mr. Barbrady, and of course to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival so that I can tell you personally about your parents demise. And of course, feed you your chili. Do you like it? Do you like it Scott? I call it Mr. and Mrs. Tenorman chili......

Na, na, na, na, na. I made you eat your parents. Na, na, na, na, na....

Yeah, yeah, oh let me taste your tears Scott. Ummm, your tears are so yummy and sweet....

Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy, yummy guys.....

[Boomer.....]

Whateva! I do what I want!
http://img157.imageshack.us/img157/7030/601image21jy9.jpg

[Tailwind]

Beat me to it. :(

[mxATVracer10]

I would never let a woman kick my ***. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch *** back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

I had this one as my voicemail message for like a year after that episode :texan:

[SoonerBBall]

The two best are:

"Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you, while you go smoke crack in the bedroom and have sex with a guy I don't even know on my dads bed!"

and

"Well, you know. You'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they'll come marching in, and crawl up your leg, and start biting the inside of your ***, and you'll be all like, "Hey! Get out of my *** you stupid rainbows!"

[sooneron]

Please, you're breaking my balls here...

From the Kenny Dies episode

[SoonerStormchaser]

Whateva...I ran for Congress and won. Then I had sex with an intern, killed her and hid her body! Whateva...I do what I want!

[soonerbrat]

No Kitty! It's mah pot pah!

[OUstudent4life]

such sweet tears.

and

Ugh... Butters, go buy world of warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you!

[silverwheels]

Cartman: Don't call me fat, you ****ing Jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?

[Melo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osPbZ11Q6Dc

[Paperclip]

From Fat Camp

MALE COUNSELOR: Hello, camper. My name is Rick. How are you?
CARTMAN: Well, I'm ****ed off!, Rick! How are you?

[proud gonzo]

Cartman: What the hell is that?
Kyle: It's a turkey.... His name is Gobbles.
Timmy: GOBBLES!
Gobbles: *Gobble*
Cartman: And where, pray, is our beautiful, trick-performing turkey?
Kyle: Um, we sort of spent all the money on THIS...one.
Timmy: GOBBLES!
Gobbles: *Gobble*
Cartman: Kyle, can I talk to you over here for a second? Kyle, why do you do these things to me?
Kyle: I didn't do anything to you! Timmy saw the turkey and wanted to get it. What'd you want me to say to him?
Cartman: You say "no, Timmy, you can't have that turkey, bad Timmy!"

[Viking Kitten]

"You give me that cake, Sally Strothers!"

[XingTheRubicon]

Mr Garrison: Does anyone know what a canned food drive is?

Cartman: Isn't that where they cut a chick's stomach open when she's having a baby.....

Mr Garrison: No, that's a called a Caesarean section.

Cartman: <blank look>

Mr Garrison: Remember children, there are no stupid questions just stupid people.

Cartman: <blinks......blank look>

[rufnek05]

cartman: our band should play chirstian rock
kyle: christian rock?!?!?
cartman: think about it, its the easiest, crappest music in the world, right? if we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the christians will buy our crap.
Kyle: thats a retarded idea, cartman.
Cartman: it worked for creed!


and from the same episode

Cartman: Tolken!! get the bass guitar out of your basement and meet me over at my house!
TolkenWhat!? We don't have a bass guitar.
Cartman:your family is black, there is bound to be a bass guitar in your basement somewhere!
Tolken:Hey there was a bass guitar in my basement!
Cartman: I told you tolken.....alright tolken, give me a smooth bass line.
Tolken: i don't know how to play bass.
Cartman: tolken, how many times do we have to go through this, your black, you can play bass.
Tolken: I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
Cartman: be as sick as you want just give me a goddamned bass line
Tolken *lays down nice bass riff* Goddamnit

[RiddlerOK]

"I'm not fat! I'm festively plump!"

[KStatePike]

From the Casa Bonita Episode:

Cop: Well kid, you made an entire town panic, you lost all of your friends, and you're going to juvenile hall for a month. Was it worth it?
Cartman Totally

Or pretty much any line from the Cartmanland episode

[critical_phil]

... maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O.

[Blue]

Meeeeeeeeeeeeooom. Could you turn the heat up a little bit. Thaaanks.

[goingoneight]

Tooth Fairy isn't REAL!?! What??? Right, mom... next thing you know you'll tell me Santa Clause and Jesus aren't real either.



Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooommmmm!?!

[proud gonzo]

cartman: our band should play chirstian rock
kyle: christian rock?!?!?
cartman: think about it, its the easiest, crappest music in the world, right? if we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the christians will buy our crap.
Kyle: thats a retarded idea, cartman.
Cartman: it worked for creed!


and from the same episode

Cartman: Tolken!! get the bass guitar out of your basement and meet me over at my house!
TolkenWhat!? We don't have a bass guitar.
Cartman:your family is black, there is bound to be a bass guitar in your basement somewhere!
Tolken:Hey there was a bass guitar in my basement!
Cartman: I told you tolken.....alright tolken, give me a smooth bass line.
Tolken: i don't know how to play bass.
Cartman: tolken, how many times do we have to go through this, your black, you can play bass.
Tolken: I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
Cartman: be as sick as you want just give me a goddamned bass line
Tolken *lays down nice bass riff* GoddamnitThat's "token". no L. as in "the token black kid on the show"