family advice

[jk the sooner fan]

just looking for some honest input here......my father and i have a strained relationship - its more personality driven than anything....but, he's the only parent I have as my mother has never been in my life. my grandmother was the closest thing i had to a mother and she's now gone

anyway - since the funeral, my father and i have stopped talking.....over a series of events, some small ones, but the largest event was that i got his entire share of the inheritence - sort of a long story why, but it angered my father....which was not directed at me so much, but its now to the point where we arent talking

which drives me crazy - and i've got some things to say to him, some that will upset him. i've always bitten my tongue with him (i know, you're all shocked over that)...and i've turned the other cheek and just let him take the dominant role in all that

well....so i've written this 4 page letter (or typed).....and i've pretty much dumped everything and gotten it off my chest

now the question - do i send it or not......

[Scott D]

eh send it, what's the worst that could happen....he refuses to talk to you?

[SicEmBaylor]

PM sent.

[Vaevictis]

well....so i've written this 4 page letter (or typed).....and i've pretty much dumped everything and gotten it off my chest

now the question - do i send it or not......

Whenever I have a question of this sort, the question I ask is:

Are you going to regret having sent it or having not sent it more?

[jk the sooner fan]

Whenever I have a question of this sort, the question I ask is:

Are you going to regret having sent it or having not sent it more?

depends on the reaction! and Scott is right.....what can he do that he isnt already?

[Soonrboy]

Wait a month. If it is still important then send it.

[OUDoc]

Is it going to be too much at once, being 4 pages and all?
Generally, I think it's always better to speak your mind than hide the truth.

[jk the sooner fan]

my father is not somebody you can talk to easily.....1) he's a horrible listener, and 2) he can dominate a conversation better than anybody i know

and even at 43, there's this very healthy respect i have for him that makes it easy to bite my tongue

[TopDaugIn2000]

I'm NOT the one to give advice about father relationships. I basically don't have one with mine.

[Vaevictis]

depends on the reaction! and Scott is right.....what can he do that he isnt already?

Well, it could move the relationship from something that is badly strained to something that is utterly irreparable, right? (sorry to be doom and gloom, but...)

And yeah, I know it depends on the reaction, but really, that's the question you have to wrestle with. Sometimes, the wrestling ain't easy.

[leavingthezoo]

what's the tone of the letter? if all he gets is your anger, he's really not going to take in your words. is it a "YOU, YOU, YOU" letter, or an "I" letter. because... the you letter never works.

what do you want out of it? what are your expectations? are you doing this to release yourself, or are you expecting him to take ownership of some things? you can only control you...

could you maybe pick a specific issue to begin with because a thousand issues will only feel like an attack.

can you live with the results no matter what they are?

with that being said, i have no advice on whether or not you should follow through. just wanted to give you a few things to consider...

[landrun]

What's your goal? To restore the relationship with your dad?

If so, my advice is to be open and honest and say how you feel. But... say it kindly.

If you can't speak to him without being angry, then don't send it. If you can't speak to him without accusing him, don't send it. If you can't speak to him without being mean about what you're saying, don't sent it.

Review your letter and make sure you're saying what you are as kindly as possible. Be honest. But be kind. If you're fighting, give him room to save face so he can approach you again without having to defend himself or feel embarrassed for being wrong about something or losing an argument.

And give him room to disagree without it offending you too.

[jk the sooner fan]

my father thinks that his sister pushed my grandmother to change the will, so he has told her he's never having anything to do with her

i know for a fact that she had nothing to do with the change in the will, and know exactly why it was written the way it was

the tone of the letter is to merely level the playing field....basically he has "lectured" me many times on being rude and not having manners......which is total BS - but the flipside is that he fails miserably to live up to the high standards that he has set, and i've got numerous examples

he loaned me some money to pay off a high interest debt..when i got the inheritence, i paid him back per our agreement.....i had said thank you to him for this loan (which i never solicited from him, he approached me - and i was reluctant to take it), i sent him a thank you card from me and the wife.....so when i pay him back, he points out in his own special way that i never thanked him....so he wants me to grovel basically

i've acknowledged in the letter that what i wrote is merely my perspective on things, and felt that he needed to hear them

[rufnek05]

the way i would look at it: would you regret sending it/not sending it after it was too late.

[OUDoc]

He sounds like my father-in-law. And my wife never talks to him, either.

[slickdawg]

JK - send it. Comunications is the only chance this will ever be resolved,
it's not going to fix itself. By letting him know how you feel, at least he'll
know and can then decide to take the next step or not. Make the first step -send the letter.

[jk the sooner fan]

the way i would look at it: would you regret sending it/not sending it after it was too late.

its a matter of principle.....i feel what he's done with his sister is just really wrong, and he kind of included my wife in his rant about "thank you's", which just really touched a nerve because its highly hypocritical

you cant lose something you dont have

i guess my answer is that because the letter is nothing but my honest feelings, i'd never regret sending it because he either has to deal with them or have nothing at all

i suppose i'm giving him the choice of finally seeing something from my perspective for once

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Good luck bro..you ll make the right call

[Hatfield]

if it is important to you that you re-establish communication then send it.

if it is important to you for closure of the relationship or attempt at rehabilitating the relationship then send it.

worst thing you can do is be stuck wondering if he even knows what is going on in your mind. At least by sending it you will know that he is aware of where you are coming from.

[slickdawg]

its a matter of principle.....i feel what he's done with his sister is just really wrong, and he kind of included my wife in his rant about "thank you's", which just really touched a nerve because its highly hypocritical

you cant lose something you dont have

i guess my answer is that because the letter is nothing but my honest feelings, i'd never regret sending it because he either has to deal with them or have nothing at all

i suppose i'm giving him the choice of finally seeing something from my perspective for once

eggzactly! He's not psychic, you've got to let him know what issues there are that need to be dealt with. Then it's his decision to try and mend things or not.

[Howzit]

I'm NOT the one to give advice about father relationships. I basically don't have one with mine.

ditto.

Good luck, whatever your decision is, Jon.

[OU4LIFE]

JMO, but do it in person.

He's your dad like it or don't and he at least deserves the respect of a face to face, not a letter.

again, JMO.

[Hot Rod]

my father is not somebody you can talk to easily.....1) he's a horrible listener, and 2) he can dominate a conversation better than anybody i know

I can see why you wanted to do this in letter format. jk, I wish you the best in this situation. Once it is done, there's no taking it back, so might as well get your feelings and what you've wanted to say out in the open. I know it's easier said than done, but you never want to keep asking yourself..."what if?"

[rufnek05]

its a matter of principle.....i feel what he's done with his sister is just really wrong, and he kind of included my wife in his rant about "thank you's", which just really touched a nerve because its highly hypocritical


i'm one that stands by my principles. you gotta do what you gotta do. but my dad and i have a decent relationship, so i really can't see myself with that problem so it's hard for me to give advise. so good luck to you in your descion

[sooner_born_1960]

JK, you can't really go wrong letting your father know how you feel. Be it in person or a letter. However, you really shouldn't do anything until doLemiTe has offered his opinion.

[sanantoniosooner]

Let me know how this goes jk.

I've got a 6 paragraph PM I've been saving for you.

Send it, but I'd be surprised if it paid off quickly. After some time it will be a good thing.

[jk the sooner fan]

oh i imagine the first response will be fairly ugly - but thats ok - at least now he can make his decision with all the facts rather than what he thinks are the facts

[OU4LIFE]

good luck man.

[sooneron]

send it, or better yet, invite him to some remote pier or dock with six pack, some fishing tackle and you guys hammer the **** out face to face.

[sanantoniosooner]

I have a good relationship with my dad, but my grandfather is another story.

The a-hole moved to Texas to avoid paying child support back in the day. He uses money to show his blessing or curse. He loaned some money to my wife and I many years ago. We paid it back, but it took longer than originally agreed. AFTER it was paid back he said nothing to us until we were at a Christmas gathering and he refused to acknowledge out 3 month old child, the first one from my generation. Then he refused our gift in front of the entire family.

I've seen him twice since that happened 13 years ago. Both at weddings. He introduced himself to my oldest, the one he ignored, as his great grandfather. My son said he didn't have one of those, and he doesn't as far as I'm concerned.

My aunts, uncle, and dad couldn't get him to fill a father role. I couldn't get him to fill a grandfather role. I'm not wasting one minute of my kids life trying to make a great grandfather out of him.

[Beef]

My father passed away when I was a baby, so I hate hearing about people not having relationships with their parents. I would give everything I have for one memory of him. Good luck, Jon.

[jk the sooner fan]

my dad doesnt fish....to say he's "fairly" self-centered is being nice.... he also thinks he's never wrong, that he's perfect, blah blah blah (sounds like me on here huh?) :)

there's a ton of background on all this, and i really dont want to bore everybody with the nitty gritty details, this is something thats been brewing for a few years

[sanantoniosooner]

If I could slip some tainted prunes to my great grandfather, I'd do it.

[jk the sooner fan]

like i said, i didnt grow up with my mom, i didnt meet her until i was 19 ....my grandmother made up for all of that and treated me like her own child...so now that dad is the only one left - makes it more difficult and delicate

[sanantoniosooner]

My grandmother is a top notch lady. I'm probably even more bitter at my GF because I lost out on a relationship with her because of him. I kind of hope he kicks it before long so I have an opportunity to reestablish a relationship with her.

Being honest with your dad has a price. Hiding feelings from your dad has a price.

Will approaching this issue affect any other family members? Brothers, sisters?

[Mjcpr]

My great grandmother is a top notch lady. I'm probably even more bitter at my GGF because I lost out on a relationship with her because of him. I kind of hope he kicks it before long so I have an opportunity to reestablish a relationship with her.

You must have the longest living family members ever.

[jk the sooner fan]

Will approaching this issue affect any other family members? Brothers, sisters?

i'm the only child

[sanantoniosooner]

You must have the longest living family members ever.
My mistake.

I was talking from my son's perspective earlier in the thread.

It is my grandfather and grandmother.

I'll go back and edit it.

[Mjcpr]

My mistake.

I was talking from my son's perspective earlier in the thread.

It is my grandfather and grandmother.

I'll go back and edit it.

:)

I see.....I was just wondering. My great grandmother died in 2000 and I was 30 years old; I thought that was pretty unusual.

[jk the sooner fan]

let me put it in these terms - i love my dad....but i loathe picking out fathers day cards for him.....

"nope, this one isnt him......nope, this one isnt either"

[Oldnslo]

JK,

There's no easy answer here.

From reading your posts, it looks as if you've decided to send the letter.

I hope it all works out for you.

[sanantoniosooner]

i'm the only child
I say go for it.

Relationships that weather a storm generally develop a better quality. It will struggle, but if you work through it, you will have a higher quality relationship for the remainder of his life.

Otherwise, you wont lose much. He hasn't learned to respect you, and your respect for him is limited. I'd be more than willing to risk a limited relationship for a 50/50 shot at a good one down the road.

Just my opinion.

[sanantoniosooner]

I think if you took the time to compose a letter, ask our opinion and give us some painful facts, you should send it.
But I also think you should call him first to let him know it's coming and why.
Excellent twist.

I would have went with flaming poo on the porch, but yours might work.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

This is a good thread.

[jk the sooner fan]

But I also think you should call him first to let him know it's coming and why.

sage advice - a great idea

[OUHOMER]

I have never been a letter writer, But my wife and i were going thru some rough times a few years ago. So instead of trying to talk , i sat down and wrote her a letter. it was tactful ,i was able to make my point and tell her how i felt without getting sidetracked. i think it was the best thing i could have done. i closed the letter with my expectations for the future between us. Which i thought was very important.

Good luck JK
PS June 1st 30 years:D

[jk the sooner fan]

ok here's the kicker - today in the mail, what do i get? my father sends me the book written by our cousin - Wes Santee - The Perfect Mile - which Wes personalized for me

of course there's nothing in the box such as a note or anything, just a book

i wish he had waited on sending it, now i have to say thank you along with the letter i'm sending :)

[Mjcpr]

Is that the one with Tom Hanks?

[olevetonahill]

Call him and tell him Thanks for the Book , Let all the Garbage go, If you cant then JUST deal with the issues between you and Him . Not what you think he did to your Aunt or anyone else .
I lost My Dad when I was 42 , I still miss the Old fart

[yermom]

My father passed away when I was a baby, so I hate hearing about people not having relationships with their parents. I would give everything I have for one memory of him. Good luck, Jon.

mine was 13, i'm always giving my friends grief about not wanting to see or talk to their dads

good luck with whatever you do JK

[proud gonzo]

Is that the one with Tom Hanks?that's the green mile

[ChickSoonerFan]

Calling to thank him for the book is a good idea I think. See how it feels when you talk to him. If it leads you to discuss some of the things you feel in the letter, that might be a good thing. Or maybe it will make you feel better about the decision you make on sending the letter.

I also think waiting a week or two before you send the letter is a good idea. Go back and read it again before you send it, if you still feel as strongly about it it two weeks, then it probably needs to be said.

Good luck.

:)

[Mjcpr]

that's the green mile

I had no idea that was written by Wes Santee.

And if any of youse read my RIP thread you'd know the old Tom Hanks in The Green Mile croaked.

[jk the sooner fan]

actually Wes didnt write the book, but its about him, roger bannister and john landy in their pursuit for the sub 4 minute mile.

kinda cool, wes is a jayhawker from KU - the book is personalized to me with his accomplishments

KU Mile 4:00:5
1952 Olympics - Helsinki
1953 National Cross Country Champ
1953 "Athlete of N. America"
2004 State of Kansas HOF
2005 National Track HOF

[MamaMia]

Maybe neither one of you know all the facts surrounding the situations that caused this distance between you. Most parents have a tendency to keep some things to themselves. Unless he purposely abused you in some way, your love for each other should be stronger than any circumstances about a will. I would honor my father like the good Lord intended, and just let the bad feelings go if he is willing to do the same. The bottom line is that he is still your father and I'm sure he loves you. If you didn't want a relationship with him I doubt you would have even bothered to write a letter. Maybe a fresh start and letting bygones be bygones is in order?

[BajaOklahoma]

JK, my advice is to keep the letter for two weeks. Then go back and read it again. You may decide to tear it up or keep it &/or change the wording. Sometimes, I find that writing it down is enough to allow me to cope - no need to send the letter.
Good luck.

[MamaMia]

JK, my advice is to keep the letter for two weeks. Then go back and read it again. You may decide to tear it up or keep it &/or change the wording. Sometimes, I find that writing it down is enough to allow me to cope - no need to send the letter.
Good luck.
Thats a good idea. I sure do hope that the two of you can mend your fences. Your father is really missing out on a lot. Any mother or father should be blessed and proud to have you for a son. :)

I will make a trip to my church and light a candle and say a special prayer for you both. They gave me a key a while back. I guess the priest grew weary of me knocking on his door to unlock the church every time I wanted to light a candle and pray in the church. :D

[jk the sooner fan]

the thing is, he'd have no problem telling me the same thing if the shoe were on the other foot....and actually him doing that is what has caused this...i've taken it silently for a long time but now i'm to the point where i'm just not of a mind to do that anymore

[stonecoldsoonerfan]

jk, listen to me. i've somewhat been in your shoes. my relationship with my father had a looooooong history of conflict. not always, but easily the majority of the time. i didn't keep differences between us under my hat as much as you have either. all i know is when i stood at his grave in 1994 i wished to GOD that i had a chance to go back and tell him everything i felt about him. swallowing that pill after the fact of his dying is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. don't do what i did.

send the letter. i'm not saying don't put it on the shelf for a week or two and then reread it and maybe edit it some, but definitely send it. and when you do, make it count. i'm not encouraging you to necessarily let him have it with both barrels, but say what's on your mind. definitely say what's on your mind and tell him how you feel. i'm not saying to be ugly, but do be direct and leave nothing to his imagination. this isn't as much about him as it is about you.

hth.

[King Crimson]

i think stonecold's post is pretty good. i had an argument with my Dad for first time in a long time just Monday. it was weird. and say what you want, right and often wrong, it matters what your dad thinks of you.

you have to start somewhere. family is really all you got, for better or worse.

[Cam]

eh send it, what's the worst that could happen....he refuses to talk to you?
Spot on. Better yet, take it to his house, drop it in his lap and wait on the couch for him to read it. If you just send it, he may never even read the thing.

I'm kind of going thru some of this with my Dad right now. He's seen my kids once in 7 months. He lives 13 miles away and works 2 miles from the house. His wife is a Class 1 yaintch and always has been. I never asked him to choose between his wife and I, I've only asked him to be a Grandparent to the only grandchildren he's ever going to have. Too bad neither one of them seem to understand that.

[sanantoniosooner]

Spot on. Better yet, take it to his house, drop it in his lap and wait on the couch for him to read it. If you just send it, he may never even read the thing.
Cam, I think the letter will be confrontational enough without setting up a bunker on the couch. The goal is to lay some honesty out with the prospect of creating a better relationship.

All you can do is leave the ball in their court. If he doesn't read it, that speaks volumes and jk needs to move on with that knowledge.

[Cam]

Cam, I think the letter will be confrontational enough without setting up a bunker on the couch. The goal is to lay some honesty out with the prospect of creating a better relationship.

All you can do is leave the ball in their court. If he doesn't read it, that speaks volumes and jk needs to move on with that knowledge.
It falls into the same vein of the "It's not what you say, but how you say it" theory. Sitting on the couch is not even remotely confrontational unless you make that way with your body language.

Give it to him, ask him if he'd do you the favor of reading it and tell him you'll be in the other room if he has any questions. Keep it a conversation and not a yelling match.

[sanantoniosooner]

A letter like this comes after YEARS of crud in the works. A lot of thought goes into it.

The person that receives the letter should have the right to digest the contents of the letter and respond after composing thoughts.

Otherwise it's an ambush IMO.

[jk the sooner fan]

if i go to his house, i might as well just tell him....seems stupid to me to sit on the couch and wait for him to read it

the purpose of a letter is to let him read it on his own turf, let him mull it over, react how he wants and make a decision on what he wants to do with the info

sorry cam, that idea might work for your father, but it wouldnt for mine

[sanantoniosooner]

if i go to his house, i might as well just tell him....seems stupid to me to sit on the couch and wait for him to read it

the purpose of a letter is to let him read it on his own turf, let him mull it over, react how he wants and make a decision on what he wants to do with the info

sorry cam, that idea might work for your father, but it wouldnt for mine
It might work for Cam, but I don't think his dad would appreciate it much.

Men don't react well when backed into a corner. Even when they are in the wrong.

[Cam]

sorry cam, that idea might work for your father, but it wouldnt for mine
No worries. It would work for us, but everybody's different.

IMO, if you send it in the mail, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for a response. Then again, I tend to expect the negative so that I'm not let down in the end.

Very few respond well when backed into a corner, doesn't matter if they''re male or female.

[jk the sooner fan]

oh he'll respond, he likes the last word even more than i do

he's never wrong....he'll respond one of 2 ways

1) he'll tell me that i'm wrong and over reacted and i just misunderstood the things he said/did

2) he'll be ****ed and not talk to me some more - but he'll tell me he's doing that first

he called his sister to chew her out and then tell her he wasnt having anything to do with her anymore

[Cam]

oh he'll respond, he likes the last word even more than i do
:D


he's never wrong....he'll respond one of 2 ways

1) he'll tell me that i'm wrong and over reacted and i just misunderstood the things he said/did

2) he'll be ****ed and not talk to me some more - but he'll tell me he's doing that first

he called his sister to chew her out and then tell her he wasnt having anything to do with her anymore
Won't be the first/last time I've been wrong. My Uncle was much like your father. Drove my dad freaking nuts.

[olevetonahill]

oh he'll respond, he likes the last word even more than i do

he's never wrong....he'll respond one of 2 ways

1) he'll tell me that i'm wrong and over reacted and i just misunderstood the things he said/did

2) he'll be ****ed and not talk to me some more - but he'll tell me he's doing that first

he called his sister to chew her out and then tell her he wasnt having anything to do with her anymore
Sos whatur sayin is 2 hard heads are butting heads ?

[TUSooner]

OK I haven't read every post in this thread, but I have had a less than perfect relationship with my dad since my mom died 40 years ago. Not necessaroly a bad realtionship, but sometime rough and generally unsettled, but anyway...
My considerable experience with letter writing is that the first "spill your guts" draft is likely to be pretty explosive. Sleep on it, reread the letter, rewrite it - maybe a few times - until you say exactly what you want, no more, no less. (There are probably several words in 4 pages that could be dropped.) ;)
I assume you love your dad, or this situation wouldn't bother you. So, whatever you say, let that desire for a better realtionship be your theme. Some things won't be easy to say, but the best you can do is "speak the truth in love." Best wishes, and God bless you.

[jk the sooner fan]

Sos whatur sayin is 2 hard heads are butting heads ?

nowhere close to that

i've been on the receiving end of his lectures and "you're doing it wrong" for years, and never said a damn thing

a couple of months ago, he brought my wife into it, which was the last straw

i've always shrugged off his "ways" and said "thats just how he is"....i've put up with a ton of crap

and whoever left me the green spek with the comment about being ok to "be selfish".....you havent read the thread, but thanks

and i'm just to the point where i'm ready to let him hear my side:rolleyes:

[jk the sooner fan]

if mail works like it should from carrollton to granbury, tx....he's had the letter 2 weeks

no response whatsoever

[sanantoniosooner]

Wow.

My theory is he was angry for a week........and then he forgot.

[Oldnslo]

No news from your sister, either?

[Hamhock]

wow. i missed this thread the first time around. i'm sorry to hear about the strained relationship.

so many men are wholly incapable of expressing emotion and/or working through conflict that involves emotion (other than anger). if he's like that, there's a chance he raised you to be like that to. two people like that together, go nowhere fast.

i think the letter was the right thing to do, but i think it will have to be followed up with a face to face meeting.

a father, by nature, doesn't dislike his son. it sounds to me like you've given him much to be proud of. whatever is bothering him, your prolly just the object of the anger, not the source. you need to find out what his real issues are and help him deal with them.

[colleyvillesooner]

I would like all the details of said relatioship at the lunch Friday. Please bring an outline, 1 for each person. :D

[C&CDean]

I hated (and feared) my dad from about the age of 12 until the age of maybe 17. Why? Cause he never waffled, never conceded, and never backed down. And he was spot-on right on every count. He never talked much, just led by example. When he did talk, you listened.

Now that my own boys are getting up to adult age, I've seen the same thing happening. Only now, I'm the prick instead of my dad. And the older ones have pretty much told me the same things about me as I've said about my dad.

What's cool now is having your 20-something boys hug you and say "you were right about that dad, I love you for caring enough to stick to your guns." And when we talk on the phone it's always ended with "I love you dad - I love you son."

So, my only advice on jk's situation is this: if you really think your dad is wrong/a prick/unreasonable/etc. then do your very best to not be like him with your own boys. If your dad is honestly concerned over the inheritence, then he's got serious issues and having a relationship with him might not be a positive thing for either of you. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

I'd call him or go see him and say "so, did you read the letter? I'd like your thoughts." If he just pops off then walk away. You've said what you wanted to, it's the best you can do.

[olevetonahill]

Dean just gave the best advice so far in this thread .
Hey Dean you allso Hit my relaitionship with My Dad , Sons :cool:

[jk the sooner fan]

I hated (and feared) my dad from about the age of 12 until the age of maybe 17. Why? Cause he never waffled, never conceded, and never backed down. And he was spot-on right on every count. He never talked much, just led by example. When he did talk, you listened.

Now that my own boys are getting up to adult age, I've seen the same thing happening. Only now, I'm the prick instead of my dad. And the older ones have pretty much told me the same things about me as I've said about my dad.

What's cool now is having your 20-something boys hug you and say "you were right about that dad, I love you for caring enough to stick to your guns." And when we talk on the phone it's always ended with "I love you dad - I love you son."

So, my only advice on jk's situation is this: if you really think your dad is wrong/a prick/unreasonable/etc. then do your very best to not be like him with your own boys. If your dad is honestly concerned over the inheritence, then he's got serious issues and having a relationship with him might not be a positive thing for either of you. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

I'd call him or go see him and say "so, did you read the letter? I'd like your thoughts." If he just pops off then walk away. You've said what you wanted to, it's the best you can do.

the relationship i have with my boys is 100 times better than the one i have with my dad, and they realize that too......i'm pretty strict with them, although the last 5 years or so i've learned not to notice everything, and tried new approaches.........but we always say "i love you" - they're not close to my dad either, he wants a formal greeting card relationship.......which is odd because my grandfather was a "model granddad"......at least as far as grandkid is concerned...

anyway....i like the advice about contacting him and asking if he's read the letter - just may very well do that

[CUinNC]

I hated (and feared) my dad from about the age of 12 until the age of maybe 17. Why? Cause he never waffled, never conceded, and never backed down. And he was spot-on right on every count. He never talked much, just led by example. When he did talk, you listened.

Now that my own boys are getting up to adult age, I've seen the same thing happening. Only now, I'm the prick instead of my dad. And the older ones have pretty much told me the same things about me as I've said about my dad.

What's cool now is having your 20-something boys hug you and say "you were right about that dad, I love you for caring enough to stick to your guns." And when we talk on the phone it's always ended with "I love you dad - I love you son."

So, my only advice on jk's situation is this: if you really think your dad is wrong/a prick/unreasonable/etc. then do your very best to not be like him with your own boys. If your dad is honestly concerned over the inheritence, then he's got serious issues and having a relationship with him might not be a positive thing for either of you. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

I'd call him or go see him and say "so, did you read the letter? I'd like your thoughts." If he just pops off then walk away. You've said what you wanted to, it's the best you can do.

For both my Son's - we are able to say the word "I love you" to each other...it's the main thing that I relish the most....even through what some might say was rough, or tough...we always let each other know that we still hear each other...

E'Nuff by way of what Dean said....keep it close for your heart & hope for the best...

[JohnnyMack]

now, I'm the prick

Yep.

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

[C&CDean]

Yep.

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Nothing that concerns you, son.

[olevetonahill]

I remember when My oldest Boy was In the 8th grade or sompun .
I had to go to skool , He was standing in the Hall , I think as I was leaving , not sure. He came up to me Gave me a kiss and a hug and said I love you Dad :D I was floored . I asked him arnt you worried about what the other kids will say ?
He said Nope **** em
your my Dad :cool: