Ladies: Please Define "Pesky Occasion"

[VeeJay]

Additional Squares Require Carbon Offset Purchase (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/21/AR2007042101385_pf.html)

New GW Goddess Sheryl Crow:

I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Hell, all my bathroom visits are "pesky occasions." :texan:

[VeeJay]

Isn't most toilet tissue already produced from post-recyclable material anyway?

[AlbqSooner]

Isn't most toilet tissue already produced from post-recyclable material anyway?
Why don't you believe in Global Warming?;)

[VeeJay]

I do believe in it; I hate it. So the question should have been "Why do you hate global warming?"

Yo, Sheryl:

How's about taking on the credit card companies? 'Cos there's a sh*t load of paper coming to my house that ends up in the recycle bin. You can start with CapitalOne.

[MamaMia]

I don't know what a pesk is.

[OUDoc]

Yeah! You wimmins really use too much toilet paper.
QUIT RUINING MY PLANET!

;)

[SoonerJack]

Yet another Hollywood Rocket Scientist weighing in on GW.

[King Crimson]

better be 2-ply. all i'm saying.

[yermom]

it's not like she's trying to make a law or something... just throwing ideas of conservation. does that really hurt you or something?

i like the credit card idea though... f those guys

[Mongo]

nothing shows a commitment to enviroment conservation like a crusty dingleberry.

[OUWxGuesser]

She must sh** out diamonds... I can't ever recall getting away with using only 1 piece of paper. Hrmph.

[sanantoniosooner]

life is a pesky occasion.

[jk the sooner fan]

sheryl crow has lost it (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,267783,00.html).

people - can we take a friggin deep breath and come to our senses on this global warming is going to doom us all......seriously

[Petro-Sooner]

But....but....but we are going to die if we dont fix the problem. Hurry people!!!!! :rolleyes:

three squares my ***.

[jk the sooner fan]

they're becoming almost militant.....

[Hatfield]

better up the fiber intake as well if that is plan...

[JohnnyMack]

As long as Taco Bell is allowed to exist this simply won't work.

[TheHumanAlphabet]

I'm going to go and use my one square... ;)


Hell, I use more than one square to blow my nose when I use TP in a crunch.

[Paperclip]

Crow also floated the idea of a removable "dining sleeve" that could replace the use of paper napkins.

Or as we hillbillies call it, a "sleeve".

[Petro-Sooner]

OMG she really has lost it.

[TopDaugIn2000]

ehhh, leave her be. she doesn't have anything better to do.

[SoonerTerry]

Ok.. I'll use one square.. as long as its 2 feet long..


On another note.. NEVER SHAKE SHERYL CROWS HAND!!~!~!!#!@$@

[Howzit]

She apparently has a lower poopicity factor than do I.

[usmc-sooner]

all I wanna do is have some fun

I just can't with three squares

you know the first cut is the deepest.

BTW mdklatt gets by on 2 squares a day.

[jk the sooner fan]

one square? i guess you wimmens could make do with that when you go #1

but if i'm sittin, i'm *******.....and one square is nothing more than motivation for me to get goin

[Tear Down This Wall]

As long as Taco Bell is allowed to exist this simply won't work.

Agreed.

If Crow were serious, she'd call for a boycott of Taco Bell, Taco Bueno...and basically anything in the Taco Fast Food genre. :D

[jk the sooner fan]

i used to think Lance Armstrong was an a-hole for leaving her right as she was diagnosed with cancer - now im sorta understanding why

[crawfish]

I heard she's a bidet addict.

[Crimson_Balls]

Damn hippie. Tree huggin slutbag...

[VeeJay]

Interesting her most notorious song is about drinking bottles of Bud (fills up landfills), while watching guys in a car wash (waste of precious resources).

[85Sooner]

Boy, she and those of her ilk are headed off the deep end and really showing her stripes. Check out her rider for her concerts. its ridiculous

3 semis, 4 buses, 6 cars. I think she is using her carbon credits at an alarming rate

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/scrow/scrow1.html

Interestingly has anyone measured the SO CALLED carbon footprint of the ranch at Crawford and compared it against Lurch Gore or Breck Girls palatial palaces??????????????

[Beef]

Damn hippie. Tree huggin slutbag...
Mmmmm....slutbag.

[TexasLidig8r]

Boy, she and those of her ilk . . .?

Women with fried egg lookin' breasts? :confused:

[Fugue]

1 square will not cover my carbon a5s print.

I can't spare a square.

I won't.

[85Sooner]

1 square will not cover my carbon a5s print.

I can't spare a square.

I won't.

I like green eggs and ham

sam I am


fixed

[85Sooner]

Does this mean that Lance is smart from dumping her or stupid for ever dating her.?

i don't want to even think of the breasteses comment

[toast]

To get my tp, they'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. :D

[Widescreen]

three squares my ***.
No, one square per ***. Three is only for an emergency.

But then to balance it out, you have to use 1/2 square for the next several terlet visits.

[RFH Shakes]

"but I have to go run warm water over my hands and thaw out from my run."

I like how they are stressing the conservation angle and then they throw out this gem.

[booomer]

nothing shows a commitment to enviroment conservation like a crusty dingleberry.


Heh!

Crow just created about 200 million jobs. I mean someone will have to be appointed to every household bathroom(s) to ensure that the occupants are not using more than the gov't requirement of toilet paper.

And, yes, this will require shift work.....Let me repeat: shift work!

[SoonerStormchaser]

My wife says that she'll take up Sheryl's slack on the TP usage.

[Czar Soonerov]

She apparently has a lower poopicity factor than do I.

She's just not all stretched out.

:twinkies:

[booomer]

The world these wacko environmentalists want to create for us (not them, by the way, see Al Gore) is starting to look pretty scary!

[booomer]

Does this mean that Lance is smart from dumping her or stupid for ever dating her.?

i don't want to even think of the breasteses comment


I'm thinking she doesn't smell so good, so lance hit the bricks! :eek:

[jk the sooner fan]

i wonder if she prints the tickets to her concerts on paper

[soonerboy_odanorth]

"My Lord Sheryl Crow you are HAWT, man I would love to just tap that a"....

[whisperwhisper] Pardon me?
[whisperwhisper] She does what when she uses the toilet!?!?
[whisperwhisper] You're kidding.

"*ahem*....errrr.... 'scuse me, Ms. Crow.... I gotta go watch some paint dry... no, no, that's ok, I don't need any help... no no... you just stand over there... way over there."

[Bourbon St Sooner]

1 square will not cover my carbon a5s print.

I can't spare a square.

I won't.

Well, if you get the two ply, then you can take it apart and it's like having two squares. Which really isn't that bad. Do it for the children.

[jk the sooner fan]

i remember in basic training, a drill sergeant showed me how you can make one of those squares work for an entire #2 job

i'd go into a description, but it would be overly graphic and probably get buhleted

[VeeJay]

Hate to say it, but I just took a post-Mexican restaurant lunch trip to the men's room.

I used up several hundred squares, I am sure.

[Pricetag]

i remember in basic training, a drill sergeant showed me how you can make one of those squares work for an entire #2 job

i'd go into a description, but it would be overly graphic and probably get buhleted
It involves folding it into quarters and tearing a hole in one corner, right?

[jk the sooner fan]

It involves folding it into quarters and tearing a hole in one corner, right?

you know the deal! save that little tear away piece to clean under your fingernail! :)

[Widescreen]

Hate to say it, but I just took a post-Mexican restaurant lunch trip to the men's room.

I used up several hundred squares, I am sure.
Why do you hate the earth? :mad:

[crawfish]

Actually, using 3 squares is the only way you're gonna be able to keep your low-flow toilet from backing up...

[sanantoniosooner]

Actually, using 3 squares is the only way you're gonna be able to keep your low-flow toilet from backing up...
you're supposed to flush the paper and fecal matter separately.

Two flushes.

It only saves water for liquid deposits.

[Ardmore_Sooner]

http://videodetective.com/photos/823/003459_38.jpg

Can't you spare just one sqaure?!

[Cooter Finger]

I think this idea is horrible, and I'M COOTER FINGER, FERCRYINOUTLOUD!!

[JohnnyMack]

What is sas's sexual advances?

[sanantoniosooner]

What is sas's sexual advances?
I know you like howzit better but you don't have to keep harping on it.

[JohnnyMack]

Merge-aliciuos.

[BigRedJed]

In the spirit of these threads, I wanted to conserve space on the front page.

[sanantoniosooner]

Merge-aliciuos.
sorry, I'm not doing any three-way with you two.

[BigRedJed]

Of course, the redirect sort of spoils that. Oh well, I've never been much of a conservationist.

[BigRedJed]

Or conversationalist, for that matter.

[sanantoniosooner]

In the spirit of these threads, I wanted to conserve space on the front page.
Maybe you could change your name to AverageSizeRedJed also.

[BigRedJed]

Good call. Except, ironically, the name would take up more space. Oh, what to do, what to do...

[olevetonahill]

i remember in basic training, a drill sergeant showed me how you can make one of those squares work for an entire #2 job

i'd go into a description, but it would be overly graphic and probably get buhleted

YUP , what I was thinking , any one thats was in the Mil. should know how thats done .:cool:

[VeeJay]

Oh, what to do, what to do
...

You said "do do"

Enough with the subliminal messages.....

[proud gonzo]

I would do a lot of things to help out the environment but her suggestion is NOT one of them.

[soonersweetie]

This is insane! I'll use however many squares I feel are necessary during said bathroom moment.

I'm no environmentalist, but somehow I don't think that toilet paper is the cause for less snow/rain/hotter temperatures regarding this whole global warming thing.

Talk about micro-managing, first you have to recycle your trash, now they are going to come in your house and monitor your bathroom visits.

This is still America right? ;)

ugh

[BigRedJed]

Hey, I'm totally down with recycling. Accidentally poking through my one allotted square on pretty much a daily basis, not so much.

[Enos Finger]

I agree.

[Jerk]

Nothin!!!???

What is WRONG with you guys?

[hurricane'bone]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92409

[Jerk]

:O Thanks

[VeeJay]

Well, lo and behold - Rosie O'Donnel has chimed in on this.

Who'd a thunk it? She's normally as quiet as a mouse.

Her words to Sheryl:

"Have you seen my a$$?"

Apparently Rosie is of the opinion that one square per sittin' ain't gonna take care of business.

That's a nasty visual; I imagine Rosie could empty out a Malibu mansion with a routine drop.

[SoonerGirl06]

How in the hell does this woman expect anyone to take her seriously when she comes up with stupid stuff like this?

About the dumbest thing I've heard all year.

[Vaevictis]

How's about taking on the credit card companies? 'Cos there's a sh*t load of paper coming to my house that ends up in the recycle bin. You can start with CapitalOne.

Hell, we could kill two birds with one stone and require CC companies to print their offers ON toilet paper.

Because frankly, that's where they ****ing belong.

[OUDoc]

Of course, this uses water.
And is French.
Nevermind. :)
http://www.cadetstuff.org/images/iace_1970_bidet.jpg

[OCUDad]

Fancy-schmancy hillbilly drinkin' fountain.

[Fraggle145]

I am down with the environment, and this is the dumbest idea I have ever heard.

The only way she can think this is because she is so damn skinny that she craps like a gerbil, in which case one square would be fine.

Until somone can explain using the three sea shells like in Demolition Man, this idea is dead in the water.

http://www.poopreport.com/Images/3shells.jpg

[OUDoc]

Until someone can explain using the three sea shells like in Judge Dredd, this idea is dead in the water.

http://www.poopreport.com/Images/3shells.jpg
That was the Demolition Man.

[Fraggle145]

That was the Demolition Man.

err... ya! like I said ;)