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View Full Version : So I'm Out Mowing My Lawn...


DoubleDown
4/19/2007, 09:54 PM
Let me just say that the wife and kids and I have been in this new house since last August. I've said hello to a couple of neighbors over the months but no one really seemed too friendly. Anywho, I'm mowing my lawn around 6pm when my next door neighbor sneaks up behind me and wants to start a conversation. No problem; he scared the bajeezus out of me but at least someone is actually wanting to be friendly. Well, this guy (who is about 5' nuthin and about as big around) starts off the conversation like normal neighbors: lawncare, family, where we're each from. Then out of nowhere he starts rambling off a series of stories that I find a little hard to believe. He used to road race motorcycles, he's been in numerous police chases due to races similar to Cannonball Run, he has scuba dived all over the world, he used to build race cars, he spent a year kayaking in Colorado, he was a bomber pilot in Vietnam, and he met his current wife on an internet chat room (this one I believe).

As :stunned: as I was by the rapid fire of BS, he drops the mother of all bombs on me. Apparently he was once a mercenary during the Afghanistan/Russia War. Now, he has pictures and video to prove this but refuses to share it in fear it may incriminate him. Then comes this little gem: "I really wanna go over to Iraq and kill me some Muslims." He claims to have friends over there that he was gonna go with, but didn't think his ankles would hold up in the desert sand:confused:. He said he considered going anyway and just "plugging towelheads" from a fixed position (you know, cause he can hit a target from more than a half mile away with no problem).

By this time an hour has passed and I'm worried about getting inside in time for 'Earl' and 'The Office' (without even HALF finishing my lawn, mind you). Finally, my wife comes to my rescue and asks if I can come inside. I excuse myself and and go inside to tell the wife what a complete nutjob we live next door to. So my question is next time this guy comes outside to have a conversation do I call him out on all of his BS or do I run inside and ignore him?

Well?
Tailwind
4/19/2007, 09:56 PM
Shoot him.
yermom
4/19/2007, 09:56 PM
you live next door to Walter Mitty?

i've known a few people like this, the ones that didn't absolutely suck and i still talk to seemed to have grown out of it, or gotten better at it. like not making obviously untrue claims, things that could be verified, etc...

but this guy sounds a bit old for growing out of it though ;)

i'm not sure what happens when you confront someone like this...
oumartin
4/19/2007, 09:56 PM
Its all true. I would not lie to you!
1stTimeCaller
4/19/2007, 09:58 PM
Seriously, that sand is bad on my ankles. Keep this up and I'll never show you my videos. ;)

Did he say that he was with the Rhodesian Army? There was a SOF group during the Afghan/Soviet war that went by that name or something like it.
Blue
4/19/2007, 09:59 PM
You always have to have a "Leaving Tool" for guys like that. Make a list, you and the wife study it, and good luck.

If you call him out, he might just snipe yo ***.
Sooner24
4/19/2007, 10:01 PM
Don't go outside with a towel on your head!!! :eek:
LoyalFan
4/19/2007, 10:03 PM
Shoot him.

From more than a half-mile away.


LF
DoubleDown
4/19/2007, 10:06 PM
Oh, I almost forgot. Apparently his dad was offered the Meat Chickin' coaching job before Bo Schembechler but chose to stay and coach high school kids. This offered him the chance to hang out with Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris. You know, because his dad was a coach in North Dakota and those guys were MLB players and all.:rolleyes:
VeeJay
4/19/2007, 10:16 PM
I woukd be tempted to appear impressed and in awe of this suburban swashbuckler, and egg him on just to see how out there the stories would get.
Blue
4/19/2007, 10:21 PM
No you didn't...

http://sjl-static2.sjl.youtube.com/vi/-hVD58xKCk8/2.jpg
OKC-SLC
4/19/2007, 10:23 PM
put it in the pooper.
DoubleDown
4/19/2007, 10:33 PM
put it in the pooper.

:eek:

That's not an option.
1stTimeCaller
4/19/2007, 10:39 PM
VeeJay has the answer
Rogue
4/20/2007, 05:18 AM
Sounds like a braggart, on the (not exactly "off") chance that he's delusional and a little paranoid (can't show my video) don't confront the delusions or you'll become part of them somehow.

Thid d00d is off his meds or something.
Rogue
4/20/2007, 05:24 AM
They see me mowin'....my front lawn.... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw)

This cracks me up!
MamaMia
4/20/2007, 06:01 AM
Keep your doors and windows locked at all times. :eek:
Sooner Born Sooner Bred
4/20/2007, 07:20 AM
Next time he name drops, say "Did Mickey Mantle ever ask about me?"
Okla-homey
4/20/2007, 07:53 AM
Next time, casually suggest you enjoy serving your community as a paid police informant.
fadada1
4/20/2007, 07:58 AM
how old is this guy??? most 60 year old guys i know don't ramble on about themselves like that (but there's always exceptions). i'd laugh my *** off if you found out he was about 40.

he spent a year kayaking in Colorado.... - this one get's me. WHY??? what take a year to do something that can be done over a holiday weekend.
King Crimson
4/20/2007, 08:02 AM
kayaking in the winter months in Colorado....ain't happening.
SoonerBK
4/20/2007, 08:06 AM
Sounds like Chuck Norris has really let himself go...
OUDoc
4/20/2007, 08:08 AM
Tell him you go both ways.
SoonerJack
4/20/2007, 08:08 AM
We regular visitors to the South Oval would appreciate it if you maintain good relations with this neighbor so you my regale us with more stories of his storied valor and awesome ninja skills (which he will no doubt have).

I would suggest getting a small tape recorder or notepad; you could write a book "My Crazy Neighbor Ned" and sell a ton of 'em.
Hamhock
4/20/2007, 08:11 AM
i bet your wife ends up falling for him cause she's bored with you.

then, have your secret agent buddies surround his trailor house with helicopters, saw one of the walls down, and kidnap him.
OUDoc
4/20/2007, 08:14 AM
i bet your wife ends up falling for him cause she's bored with you.

then, have your secret agent buddies surround his trailor house with helicopters, saw one of the walls down, and kidnap him.
So you think he's a used car salesman?
yermom
4/20/2007, 08:20 AM
does your wife have a butt like a ten year old boy?
DoubleDown
4/20/2007, 09:47 AM
how old is this guy??? most 60 year old guys i know don't ramble on about themselves like that (but there's always exceptions). i'd laugh my *** off if you found out he was about 40.

he spent a year kayaking in Colorado.... - this one get's me. WHY??? what take a year to do something that can be done over a holiday weekend.

That's just it. I didn't ask but I wouldn't have thought this guy was over 45 years old. And yeah, the kayaking thing killed me too. Especially because he kayaked during the day and intentionally got in police chases on his motorcycle (you know, for kicks) at night.