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Rogue
3/21/2007, 08:23 PM
How Many Big 12 Students Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

At MISSOURI, it takes two: one to change the bulb and one more to
explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at BIG TEN schools.

At TEXAS TECH, it takes two: one to change the bulb and one to phone an
engineer at TEXAS A&M for instructions.

At COLORADO, it takes four: one to screw in the bulb and three to
figure out how to get stoned off the old one.

At OKLAHOMA, it takes five: one to change it, three to reminisce about
how Bud and Barry would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an
NCAA investigator.

At TEXAS A&M, it takes 12 (of course): one to change it, one to choreograph the homoerotic and utterly baffling chant/dance, one to stand as armed guard over the floor rug, 3 to do some weird pantomime/hand jive thing, one to sing about the experience, and five to march in place.

At OKLAHOMA STATE, it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester
hours.

At KANSAS, it takes eight: one to screw it in and seven to discuss
how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TEXAS, it takes ten: two to figure out how to screw it in, two
to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and
talk about how much they hate OKLAHOMA.

At IOWA STATE, it takes fifteen: one to screw in the bulb, two
to buy the Skoal, and twelve to explain that Ames, Iowa really doesn't suck as bad as you'd think.

At KANSAS STATE, it takes one hundred: one to change it, forty-nine to talk
about how they did it better than at OKLAHOMA, and fifty to get drunk and
pretend they have tradition when finished.

At BAYLOR, it takes 40,000: one to screw it in and 39,999 to
discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.

At NEBRASKA: None. There is no electricity in Nebraska.

Boomer.....
3/22/2007, 08:36 AM
A&M and Texas kills me. :D

StuIsTheMan
3/23/2007, 04:14 PM
How Many Big 12 Students Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?


At OKLAHOMA, it takes five: one to change it, three to reminisce about
how Bud and Barry would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an
NCAA investigator.


At KANSAS, it takes eight: one to screw it in and seven to discuss
how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.


At NEBRASKA: None. There is no electricity in Nebraska.


killing me man...

goingoneight
3/24/2007, 07:10 PM
The Oklahoma one is hilarious.

How about this... The BIG 12 South:

Baylor: They only play day games since no TV or night lights are needed. Also pretty difficult to find a fan to change it.

Oklahoma: 3, to light a fire up under the college football world. One does it in 1947, one did it in 1973, and one changed out a completely burnt out bulb in 1999.

Oklahoma State: Okmulgee Tech is still working on this technology as we speak. They believe it will take one to screw the bulb in, one to turn the switch on and test it, and one to hump the sheep.

Tejas: Two, one will be a maintenance guy from Oklahoma, the other is a Tejas fan. The maintenance guy changes it, and the Tejas fan brags about how much bigger and brighter he believes light bulbs are in Tejas.

Tejas A&M: 12... duh. The 12th man changes the bulb while the first eleven lose 77-0.

Tejas Tech: Pirates use torches.

:D

Rogue
3/24/2007, 08:18 PM
Oklahoma State: ... one to hump the sheep.

Tejas: ...the Tejas fan brags about how much bigger and brighter he believes light bulbs are in Tejas.

Tejas Tech: Pirates use torches.

:D

Gold!

goingoneight
3/25/2007, 10:51 PM
A-hem... not trying to take away from Rogue's genius ide-er... but I'll go ahead and do the north.

BIG 12 NORTH:

Colorado: Nobody really cares about the lights until the Buffaloes are winning again.
Iowa State: One to change it, one to stand and scream at the top of their shriel, annoying voice the whole time (see: Cyclone fans at FB games).
Kansas: Two. One to change the bulb out, and a Mangino to dispose of the old one. :D
Kansas State: One to change it, all the rest will flip off cameras, throw stuff at the opposing fans, and make videos of themselves being *******s on YouTube.
Missouri: One to hype, one to change it, thousands to watch it burn out again.
Nebraska: Thousands will talk about one young man changing the light bulb, and talk of him being one of the best light bulb changer-of-ers in the country.

Sheesh, the North is never as fun as the South. :O

goingoneight
4/6/2007, 12:43 AM
bump...

cuz I don't want de Okie Light Fans thinking we devoted Smack Central to them :D.

poke4christ
4/6/2007, 05:29 PM
Pretty funny. I think they OU and A&M ones are the funniest/fit the schools the best (okay, I really like CU's too).

A better one for OSU might be:

two: one to screw it in and another to get Boone to donate 5k for the best bulb money can buy.

Mixer!
4/6/2007, 07:41 PM
:les: THE MOST POWERFUL LIGHT BULB IN THE NATION!

OSUAggie
4/6/2007, 09:11 PM
:les: THE MOST POWERFUL LIGHT BULB IN THE NATION!

Check.

goingoneight
4/7/2007, 07:26 PM
:les: THE MOST POWERFUL LIGHT BULB IN THE NATION!
:stunned: NO EXCUSES!!!

goingoneight
4/8/2007, 05:16 PM
belch.

Rogue
4/20/2007, 05:30 AM
:les: I'll take this little light bulb o' mine and shine it up against any suckers!

goingoneight
4/21/2007, 02:35 AM
:les: Flip tha switch and let 'r rip!!!

KStatePike
5/9/2007, 04:02 PM
that's awesome!

soonerwalt
6/4/2007, 07:26 AM
I don't care who you are thats funny!!!

Baylor, they actually have 40K fans?....:eek: Are you sure????

OK State; Your right, they do get 5 credit hours except on double coupon Wednesdays.

OSUAggie
6/4/2007, 10:15 AM
OK State; Your right, they do get 5 credit hours except on double coupon Wednesdays.

I guess that's you're theory.

goingoneight
6/4/2007, 08:04 PM
I guess that's you're theory.

... and I guess "you're" not helping "your" school's academic reflection. ;)

Oh, yeah... I did it... I called the grammar police! "C'mon, whatcha go' do 'bout it?" :D

goingoneight
6/4/2007, 08:07 PM
The Oklahoma one is hilarious.

How about this... The BIG 12 South:

Baylor: They only play day games since no TV or night lights are needed. Also pretty difficult to find a fan to change it.

Oklahoma: 3, to light a fire up under the college football world. One does it in 1947, one did it in 1973, and one changed out a completely burnt out bulb in 1999.

Oklahoma State: Okmulgee Tech is still working on this technology as we speak. They believe it will take one to screw the bulb in, one to turn the switch on and test it, and one to hump the sheep.

Tejas: Two, one will be a maintenance guy from Oklahoma, the other is a Tejas fan. The maintenance guy changes it, and the Tejas fan brags about how much bigger and brighter he believes light bulbs are in Tejas.

Tejas A&M: 12... duh. The 12th man changes the bulb while the first eleven lose 77-0.

Tejas Tech: Pirates use torches.

:D

Heh, sometimes I amaze myself... :D

OSUAggie
6/4/2007, 09:03 PM
... and I guess "you're" not helping "your" school's academic reflection. ;)

Oh, yeah... I did it... I called the grammar police! "C'mon, whatcha go' do 'bout it?" :D

Mine was done in jest for Walt's error...

So they're already on the scene, wondering what the **** you're talking about. ;)

goingoneight
6/4/2007, 10:44 PM
Didn't see that... I gotta stop skipping chapters. :D

Rogue
6/23/2007, 10:14 PM
nm

Rogue
8/21/2007, 06:59 PM
Bump

goingoneight
8/23/2007, 01:09 AM
:mack: Let me change that light bulb for Colt.

josh09
8/26/2007, 02:23 PM
Colorado, A&M, Texass, Nebraska, and Baylor are my favorites :D

StormySooner-IN
8/28/2007, 07:50 PM
OU and aTm are my faves.:D.




HEH.....






PLANNING FOR THE FALL FOOTBALL SEASON


Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.



Women's Accessories

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 50,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 50,000 people.

Fathers

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen

NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson

Getting Tickets

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campusand purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Monday Classes After a Saturday Game

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played

NORTH! : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score

NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male)

NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs..":D

Commentary (Female)

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

josh09
8/29/2007, 08:32 PM
OU and aTm are my faves.:D.




HEH.....






PLANNING FOR THE FALL FOOTBALL SEASON


Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.



Women's Accessories

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 50,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 50,000 people.

Fathers

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen

NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson

Getting Tickets

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campusand purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Monday Classes After a Saturday Game

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played

NORTH! : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score

NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male)

NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs..":D

Commentary (Female)

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

Amazing. Just amazing.

meoveryouxinfinity
8/30/2007, 10:12 PM
At TEXAS A&M, it takes 12 (of course): one to change it, one to choreograph the homoerotic and utterly baffling chant/dance, one to stand as armed guard over the floor rug, 3 to do some weird pantomime/hand jive thing, one to sing about the experience, three to march in place, and two to kiss after the last twist is completed.

fixed ;)