OUDoc
3/9/2007, 01:58 PM
American Idol girls: The bang factor
By DAVE McGURGAN
phillyBurbs.com
Let’s face it. We all know how well (or how horribly) the Idol girls sang on Wednesday night. Let’s talk about what really matters: How hot was each Idol hopeful?
While everyone is judging the Idol hopefuls by their singing and their "yo factor," I’m gonna do what a lot of people who tune into Idol do: Assess who is the hottest female contestant and rate them on their “bang factor.”
An Idol’s bang factor takes into consideration a number of qualities and traits such as sassiness, sexiness, cleavage, attire, ba-dunka-dunk, and so on. Each contestant gets graded on a scale from 1 (“No friggin’ way”) to 10 (“I almost banged my TV screen”)
(Note to self: Wife is probably getting really ****ed off reading this right now. Be sure to order flowers to be delivered to her office, ASAP.)
First up was Jordin Sparks. I may be a perv at heart, but assessing Jordin Sparks’ bang factor is strictly off limits: She’s only 17! So, until Jordin turns that magic age where one can legally strip, all assessments of her “talents” are off.
Sabrina Sloan has a body that doesn’t quit and seems like she’d really be a fun chick to party with. On the downside, she’s just a few genes away from being a buttaface; but she still gets a solid 9 in my book.
Unless you’re a gay male, there’s no reason not to give Antonella Barba a 10+. What hetero male can resist clicking on those photos of her splashing around in a fountain? It seems like Ant’s been coppin’ an attitude as of late, which is ironic because her bangability is totally offset by her crap singing.
You know how in her prime, Kathie Lee Gifford was kind of hot? I get that same vibe from Haley Scarnato. Still, she only gets a 5, which means I’d have to have at least 5 beers in me to get jiggy with her. It doesn’t even matter anyway; Haley will get the boot this week. Bleech!
Click Here!
Big ups to Stephanie Edwards who always wears the sharpest outfits and always flaunts what cleavage she has. You go girl! She’s even got some ba-dunka-dunk goin’ on. I give her a solid 7.
The upside is, if LaKisha Jones wins Idol this year, she can get the gap in her front teeth fixed. The downside is, she’s got really annoying relatives who insist on wearing those awful homemade T-shirts with photos of LaKisha on them. Just tacky! There’s something about LaKisha that just radiates negative vibes and for that reason, she only gets a 2.
If you’ve ever had a crush on the manager at Hot Topic, Gina Glocksen is totally like, your dream girl! Gina scored big points in my book with her jiggly bosom and see through shirt with red bra. Her contrived rebelliousness is both inviting and repulsive. Gina scores a 6, meaning give me a six-pack and I might be convinced to hang with her for a day.
Melinda Doolittle is the lil’ Idol that could. And she sure is little! I can’t quite figure out if she’s a fidget or not. Either way, her apparent genuine personality and humility is soooo welcome with all these wenches with attitude waiting in the Idol wings. That’s why Melinda scores a solid 8, with room to grow. Literally!
http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/82-03072007-1310591.html
"ba-dunka-dunk"? Someone under 30 let me know what that means, please.:confused:
By DAVE McGURGAN
phillyBurbs.com
Let’s face it. We all know how well (or how horribly) the Idol girls sang on Wednesday night. Let’s talk about what really matters: How hot was each Idol hopeful?
While everyone is judging the Idol hopefuls by their singing and their "yo factor," I’m gonna do what a lot of people who tune into Idol do: Assess who is the hottest female contestant and rate them on their “bang factor.”
An Idol’s bang factor takes into consideration a number of qualities and traits such as sassiness, sexiness, cleavage, attire, ba-dunka-dunk, and so on. Each contestant gets graded on a scale from 1 (“No friggin’ way”) to 10 (“I almost banged my TV screen”)
(Note to self: Wife is probably getting really ****ed off reading this right now. Be sure to order flowers to be delivered to her office, ASAP.)
First up was Jordin Sparks. I may be a perv at heart, but assessing Jordin Sparks’ bang factor is strictly off limits: She’s only 17! So, until Jordin turns that magic age where one can legally strip, all assessments of her “talents” are off.
Sabrina Sloan has a body that doesn’t quit and seems like she’d really be a fun chick to party with. On the downside, she’s just a few genes away from being a buttaface; but she still gets a solid 9 in my book.
Unless you’re a gay male, there’s no reason not to give Antonella Barba a 10+. What hetero male can resist clicking on those photos of her splashing around in a fountain? It seems like Ant’s been coppin’ an attitude as of late, which is ironic because her bangability is totally offset by her crap singing.
You know how in her prime, Kathie Lee Gifford was kind of hot? I get that same vibe from Haley Scarnato. Still, she only gets a 5, which means I’d have to have at least 5 beers in me to get jiggy with her. It doesn’t even matter anyway; Haley will get the boot this week. Bleech!
Click Here!
Big ups to Stephanie Edwards who always wears the sharpest outfits and always flaunts what cleavage she has. You go girl! She’s even got some ba-dunka-dunk goin’ on. I give her a solid 7.
The upside is, if LaKisha Jones wins Idol this year, she can get the gap in her front teeth fixed. The downside is, she’s got really annoying relatives who insist on wearing those awful homemade T-shirts with photos of LaKisha on them. Just tacky! There’s something about LaKisha that just radiates negative vibes and for that reason, she only gets a 2.
If you’ve ever had a crush on the manager at Hot Topic, Gina Glocksen is totally like, your dream girl! Gina scored big points in my book with her jiggly bosom and see through shirt with red bra. Her contrived rebelliousness is both inviting and repulsive. Gina scores a 6, meaning give me a six-pack and I might be convinced to hang with her for a day.
Melinda Doolittle is the lil’ Idol that could. And she sure is little! I can’t quite figure out if she’s a fidget or not. Either way, her apparent genuine personality and humility is soooo welcome with all these wenches with attitude waiting in the Idol wings. That’s why Melinda scores a solid 8, with room to grow. Literally!
http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/82-03072007-1310591.html
"ba-dunka-dunk"? Someone under 30 let me know what that means, please.:confused: