Don't tell your kids they are smart

[Ike]

at least, that's the conclusion reached by one researcher studying the effects of praise on a child...
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/



According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short.


But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.
...



Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts.

It's a long article, but the gist is pretty easy...praising a kids natural intelligence makes them think that they don't have much control over what they can and can't do. Praising a kids work ethic though teaches them that they are in control of their life...

The shocking thing about this is just how dramatic the effect was for the researchers. they gave kids a single sentence of praise, (which was randomly chosen to emphasize either intelligence or hard work), and the effect of that was noticeable in subsequent tests.

[crawfish]

I tell my kids: "you'll be smarter than me....SOMEDAY. Right now, you don't know squat."

[yermom]

mom always said i was smart, heh

i never did crap at school :eek:

[C&CDean]

All I ever heard growing up was "you're so smart it makes me sick. But you're lazy, and don't apply yourself."

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.

[Ike]

mom always said i was smart, heh

i never did crap at school :eek:


This was the same for me....until I got to college.

Once I got to college, I finally decided that maybe there was something to working hard.

But up until then, homework was for the birds.

[yermom]

took me a little longer to realize that ;)

[Widescreen]

I'm pretty realistic about the ways I encourage my kids. I only tell him "You can do that!" when I think he really can. I spend more time telling my kids how proud of them when they do good (and encouraging them when I know they can do better) than artificially telling them they're great at everything.

[Howzit]

All I ever heard growing up was "you're so smart it makes me sick. But you're lazy, and don't apply yourself."

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.

You're bribe-o-licious?

[Ike]

yoo can do eet!

[Harry Beanbag]

The biggest problem with this is that 85-100% of kids just are not smart or highly intelligent, probably more like 5-10%.

[Vaevictis]

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.

Diploma mill? :D

[Ike]

The biggest problem with this is that 85-100% of kids just are not smart or highly intelligent, probably more like 5-10%.

but don't tell their parents that...

Personally, I think too much credit is given to smartness, and often a natural talent or knack is interpreted as smartness/intelligence.

The distinction that highly intelligent people have isn't anything more than their ability to learn at a rate faster than most other people. I say Whoopie doo, because for most human endeavors, I submit that the average person can do many of the same things that the highly intelligent person can do...it just may take them longer to understand what they are doing or need to be doing. Granted there are some things that probably become out of reach for the average person due to finite lifespans, but the reality is that those things represent a very small subset of things you can choose to do.

No, in my humble opinion, if we are going to put stock in attributes of people, put stock in creativity. It's creative people that come up with tiny ipods...not smart people. Probably those people were both creative and smart, but really, it's creativity that makes the world go round.

[Harry Beanbag]

but don't tell their parents that...

Personally, I think too much credit is given to smartness, and often a natural talent or knack is interpreted as smartness/intelligence.

The distinction that highly intelligent people have isn't anything more than their ability to learn at a rate faster than most other people. I say Whoopie doo, because for most human endeavors, I submit that the average person can do many of the same things that the highly intelligent person can do...it just may take them longer to understand what they are doing or need to be doing. Granted there are some things that probably become out of reach for the average person due to finite lifespans, but the reality is that those things represent a very small subset of things you can choose to do.

No, in my humble opinion, if we are going to put stock in attributes of people, put stock in creativity. It's creative people that come up with tiny ipods...not smart people. Probably those people were both creative and smart, but really, it's creativity that makes the world go round.


Yeah, parents always want to think that their kids are better than everybody's elses for no other reason than they are their kids, it's human nature I guess. People even brag about how smart their dog's are.

And you're so right about the creativity thing. Sometimes I wish I had half the IQ and twice the creativity that I currently possess. It's been my experience that being "blessed" with a high IQ is often times more frustrating than it's worth.

[Widescreen]

It's been my experience that being "blessed" with a high IQ is often times more frustrating than it's worth.
Too easy.

;)

[Ike]

Yeah, parents always want to think that their kids are better than everybody's elses for no other reason than they are their kids, it's human nature I guess. People even brag about how smart their dog's are.

And you're so right about the creativity thing. Sometimes I wish I had half the IQ and twice the creativity that I currently possess. It's been my experience that being "blessed" with a high IQ is often times more frustrating than it's worth.

I don't know...I think of intelligence as little more than a tool. having the tool doesn't mean jack if you don't put it to use. Likewise, lacking the tool doesn't mean jack if you can use what you have to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Intelligence, like any tool, often just makes the job a little easier.

[crawfish]

I have also told my kids that intelligence is overrated. It's the only explanation why so many morons make more money than I do. :D

[Harry Beanbag]

Too easy.

;)


I'm still a dumas though, just ask my wife, and parents, and most of the people I know. ;)

[yermom]

I have also told my kids that intelligence is overrated. It's the only explanation why so many morons make more money than I do. :D

ain't that the truth...

[def_lazer_fc]

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.
liberty university?

[usmc-sooner]

what I've noticed is that during this age of information, technology, and vast scientific knowledge, humans have offset this by becoming dumber less self sufficient and most lack common sense.

[usmc-sooner]

All I ever heard growing up was "you're so smart it makes me sick. But you're lazy, and don't apply yourself."

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.

I believe Doogie Howser also went from Jr. High to college. He's gay now.



:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[yermom]

what I've noticed is that during this age of information, technology, and vast scientific knowledge, humans have offset this by becoming dumber less self sufficient and most lack common sense.

if they are smart and have those things at their disposal, they should be more self-sufficient

if i had Google when i was younger i would have been MUCH better off

[usmc-sooner]

if they are smart and have those things at their disposal, they should be more self-sufficient

if i had Google when i was younger i would have been MUCH better off

if I had the net during my youth, well let's not think about the porn I would have been exposed to. :D

[yermom]

well, that too :D

[soonerboomer93]

All I ever heard growing up was "you're so smart it makes me sick. But you're lazy, and don't apply yourself."

I never finished 9th grade. Yet have a couple college degrees. You figure it out.

$19.95 internet degrees FTW!!!

[soonerboomer93]

I have also told my kids that intelligence is overrated. It's the only explanation why so many morons make more money than I do. :D

could be that you're a bigger moron then them though :D

[TUSooner]

I tell mine they are smart... because they are.
But also tell them that work > smart; and smart don't mean sh*t without work.

[OUDoc]

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand. -Albert Einstein

[C&CDean]

liberty university?

Nah, I graduated summa cummalotta from Mount Your Mom State.

[crawfish]

could be that you're a bigger moron then them though :D

That would be umpossible.

[TUSooner]

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand. -Albert Einstein

OK.
But it's a lot easier for a smart person to imagine being dumb than it is for an idiot to imagine being smart. ;)

[Tulsa_Fireman]

I tell mine they are smart... because they are.
But also tell them that work > smart; and smart don't mean sh*t without work.

Sh*ttin' truth, right there.

My little girl just turned seven. Sharp as a tack. I know it, her teachers know it, but every day when I drop her off from school, I make sure to tell her two important things.

That I love her, and...

Work hard.

The lesson has had an opportunity to stick through her school's Advanced Reader program. Read X number of books, take tests on those books, get wonderful prizes, yadda yadda. And while she has taken to reading like a duck to water and can't get enough, from jump the emphasis in this house has been not to read the softball books and rack the numbers up, but to work hard on reading the books that aren't in the normal pile. To start reading the real meat n' taters of kid's literature like condensed versions of Moby Dick, Little Women, and Black Beauty. The fun stories too, like Nancy Drew Mysteries, the Ramona books, and a character she's come to enjoy, Junie B. Jones (which reminds me a lot of Beverly Cleary's Ramona).

She calls 'em chapter books and thinks she's hit the big time as a first grader.

I see my daughter rapidly increasing her reading skills, getting a sense of accomplishment by sticking to the task at hand, and learning that what I call 'working hard' and 'knockin' it in the head' can and will be fun with the right mindset.

So yeah, I tell her she's smart. But like you said, TU. Smart doesn't get you there. Hard work gets you there. Being smart simply gets you there quicker.