So here's the deal

[apusooner]

my old roommate put lotion under my door handles of my car as he was moving out. it was disgusting. i need to get him back. the thing is, he just moved to San Diego thus making it difficult to retalliate. i want it to be big. i need help on suggestions. i live in LA so if it is good enough, i'll drive down for a day to execute it.

[olevetonahill]

my old roommate put lotion under my door handles of my car as he was moving out. it was disgusting. i need to get him back. the thing is, he just moved to San Diego thus making it difficult to retalliate. i want it to be big. i need help on suggestions. i live in LA so if it is good enough, i'll drive down for a day to execute it.
Lotion ?
Hmm let me think awhile . Ill get back to you .

[olevetonahill]

Oh and do you hate him ? or just want to get even ?

[Rogue]

Warning Rough Language (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BnQmyn1_KS8)

[PrideTrombone]

You could pee on his soap.

Here is a good (true) story for Hootie's next interview picture disc:


We all do dumb things when we are young or drunk or both. Sometimes we regret the dumb things we do, and other times we can't totally regret the dumb things we did because they make for such good conversation. Case in point: the time I p*ssed on the lead singer of HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH's bar of soap.

I went to college in HOOTIE's hometown of Columbia, South Carolina. I watched them go from being a bad bar cover band to being a bad multi-platinum selling pop radio sensation. Many Columbians had the same question going through their mind over HOOTIE's success: "huh?"

The first time I got p*ssed off at HOOTIE was when I had just opened a record shop in Columbia. I had been open for about a year. It was rough getting started, and like a lot of small indie record shops I had to sell "import live CD's" to pay the bills. Some people call these "bootlegs", while others like to use the euphemism "fan club issues". I despised selling sh*t like DAVE MATTHEWS BAND and PHISH in my store, but it was the only way I could keep my doors open so that I could make GISM, NURSE WITH WOUND, and MAN OR ASTROMAN CD's available to the public.

One day HOOTIE's pr*ck of a manager came into my shop. He noted that I was selling 3 different HOOTIE import titles that were not sanctioned by the band. I apologized to him and told him that I would gladly return them to the distributor, since it was not my intention to step on the toes of a local group. He gave me a sob story about how the band didn't make any money off of those discs, and black market CD's hurt the industry, and blah blah blah. At this point, the band had sold 14 million copies of its debut, so I was less than moved by his tale of woe... however, I was more than willing to cease and desist with the selling of discs that the band found objectionable.

This was not good enough for Mr. Blowfish. He insisted that I hand over the ten HOOTIE CD's that I had in stock. He threatened to "shut the store down" if I didn't cooperate. I tried to reason with him, as my store was not in a position at that point to sustain that sort of a loss. He wouldn't hear it. He countered with more threats, and basically bullied me into sacrificing my stock in order to save my skin from legal action.

I later found out that he gave the CD's out to the band members as Christmas gifts and had a good laugh over it at my expense.

The next time I got p*ssed off at HOOTIE was when their singer Darius Rucker was quoted in the newspaper, making comments about how the Confederate Flag should come down off of the SC Statehouse. I applauded the fact that he used his fame as a vehicle for trying to affect social change. That is until the next day when the band issued a formal apology for Darius' comments. It seems that the band was going to get a "key to the city" type of award but the legislators were so ruffled by Darius' statement that they demanded an apology before the award would be handed over. So the band backed down in order to get some sh*tty slap on the back from the local government.

Now I really hated them.

Some time later, I was out with a friend of mine. We ran into Darius at a local bar. Darius really liked my friend's band, and was interested in signing them to HOOTIE's Atlantic imprint label: Breaking Records. Darius said "Come over to my place so we can talk about your band". I got invited along because it would have been lame to ditch me there at the bar. So I got to go to Mr. Rucker's mansion.

I was rather tipsy at this point, and had a bladder full of bourbon and coke. I asked Darius where the bathroom was. He replied in that warbly Eddie Veddertone (just like how he sounds on the record!) "It's right at the end of the hall." So I stumbled into the bathroom and unzipped. As I relieved myself I noticed a really fruufy bar of soap in Darius' shower. All of the hate I held for the band flashed through my mind. Darius was not a human being to me... instead he was a symbol of all that I loathed about pop culture. I leaned over, grabbed the soap and held it under the gushing yellow stream. After finishing, I replaced the soap and zipped up. I returned to the discussion and waited patiently for my ride home. All those times that HOOTIE had p*ssed me off led up to this singular instance of HOOTIE finally getting P*SSED ON! I silently grinned throughout the rest of the evening.

Epilogue:

My friend's band didn't get signed. He had a slight nervous breakdown around that time, but he's OK now.

Do I feel bad about what I did? Sure... it was lame... but I can't take it back at this point. It's one of those idiotic things we do when we're wasted. I get a bit of a nervous chuckle every time I imagine Mr. Hootie slathering a peepeesoaked bar of soap all over his chest. I can't help but feel a teensy-bit guilty over the dehumanization, but I guess you accept dehumanization with your first Platinum record award.

If it would make Darius feel any better, he can come over to my house... I'll let him pee on my soap.

[Rogue]

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p99/cjrogue/blocked1.jpg

[BajaOklahoma]

Did he move into an apt or a house?

Either way, take out an ad in the San Diego paper for a garage sale at his new place. You can usally find out the prices online. Any frineds down there that would help you out - like mail it so the postmark is from San Diego.
Starts at 6 AM on Saturday and Sunday. Everything must go.
You'll need to go around putting up signs to make it look good.

If he owns a place, list it for sale. FSBO signs. Open House, pick a fun time.

[Vaevictis]

Duct tape something he loves, like his car. Wrap it up like a mummy.

For bonus points, fill the car up with packing peanuts or wadded up newspapers. Preferably damp.

[olevetonahill]

So you not serious . hell its been 20 minutes , and you aint said how bad you want to hit him !

[apusooner]

So you not serious . hell its been 20 minutes , and you aint said how bad you want to hit him !
sorry man, my posts usually dont get responses this quick. plus i'm practicing. i just want to get even, well more than even. i don't hate him, but i want him to remember not to mess with my car.

i thought about the car on blocks, but he lives in the ghetto and the cops might not find it funny. plus he lives with his parents. i could wait until he comes to visit to do that though.

[Rogue]

You didn't like the "bathroom surprise"?

[royalfan5]

Do you own a shotgun? If you don't, go buy one. Then buy the riot control beanbag rounds.

[soonerboomer93]

You could pee on his soap.

**** in the shampoo bottle, it just rolls off the soap, in the shampoo it's a whole lot more spiteful :D (just make sure to shake it a bit)

[apusooner]

You didn't like the "bathroom surprise"?
hahaha i just watched it. i've had the displeasure of walking in after he has taken a push and the smell is awful everytime. he only eats out. so i would rather not be that close to ground zero

[apusooner]

keep the suggestions coming, i'll check every 15 minutes or so until lost comes on. hopefully. by the time this thread falls off the front page, i will narrow it down and have eveyone help me decide.

[olevetonahill]

keep the suggestions coming, i'll check every 15 minutes or so until lost comes on. hopefully. by the time this thread falls off the front page, i will narrow it down and have eveyone help me decide.
Ok heres the Best I can up with , at this time .
go and park down the street from where hes parked . take a New tube of super glue , walk down the street and squirt some In the door lock . then come back to your ride and do the same to the other door .

[olevetonahill]

sorry man, my posts usually dont get responses this quick. plus i'm practicing. i just want to get even, well more than even. i don't hate him, but i want him to remember not to mess with my car.

i thought about the car on blocks, but he lives in the ghetto and the cops might not find it funny. plus he lives with his parents. i could wait until he comes to visit to do that though.
So your saying you havnt learend the deviousness of the SO yet ?
Now If you really want to teach a fool not to mess with your ride .
Get a pint of Brake fluid walk By and pour that shat on his ride .
See thats what I meant when I asked how bad do you want to hit him ?

[SCOUT]

What you do is cut his achilles tendon. He'll never be able to transfer his weight to his other foot and he will push everything to the right.

[Ike]

If he has his own office:

Drive down there for a weekend. See if you can get one of his co-workers to be your co-conspirator and let you in on a saturday. cover the opening of his office door with paper and tape up to about halfway up. Proceed to fill his office to the level of the paper with foam peanuts. paper the door higher and repeat until you can no longer get peanuts into his office.


If you can get a hold of enough chads, they work better. But since nobody uses punchcard computers anymore, finding that many is rather difficult.



Alternatively, on a weekday, just a few minutes before he shows up for work, you could thumbtack some fresh sardines to the underside of his desk. More than likely, he will hardly notice as they gradually begin to smell worse and worse....but his co-workers that don't spend much time in his office will certainly notice.

[SoonerBorn68]

Valve stem puller. It's like the cinder block trick only it's almost impossible to get a jack under the car.

[setem]

Step 1 - Cut a hole in a box

Step 2 - Put your junk in that box

Step 3 - Have him open the box!

...I don't know how that is getting even?!?!?

I am sure he will love a dick in a box!

[1stTimeCaller]

take out a classified ad selling his car. list it well below it's value to ensure a lot of phone calls. Or create an ad for a corvette and list it cheap but use his phone number. I'm sure you get the idea.

[GottaHavePride]

If he has his own office:

Drive down there for a weekend. See if you can get one of his co-workers to be your co-conspirator and let you in on a saturday. cover the opening of his office door with paper and tape up to about halfway up. Proceed to fill his office to the level of the paper with foam peanuts. paper the door higher and repeat until you can no longer get peanuts into his office.

I met a guy that lived in Cate Center pre-renovation, when you could still get from room to room through the ceiling. Apparently they siezed the opportunity when a guy left for a weekend to do that, but with toilet paper. But first they wrapped all his belongings in TP. Like every paper clip, every eraser, every individual sock. Then they laid in the ceiling and filled the room floor to ceiling with TP. They said the dude lived like a hamster, burrowing through his room for a week.

The dude's retaliation? He waits for the guy to go away for a weekend and covers the guy's floor with 2000 pounds of sand. I was told that the result was the craziest beach party ever.

[Mongo]

sorry man, my posts usually dont get responses this quick. plus i'm practicing. i just want to get even, well more than even. i don't hate him, but i want him to remember not to mess with my car.

i thought about the car on blocks, but he lives in the ghetto and the cops might not find it funny. plus he lives with his parents. i could wait until he comes to visit to do that though.

Find out of a social event that his parents are throwing at their place. Order a couple of strippers/whores to show up during the middle of it asking for (your friend).

Tell the strippers/whores that they can earn double by refusing to leave without cash for their unused services from the shocked parents.

It may cost a couple of bills, but the satisfaction would be well worth it.

[Melo]

Vaseline. All over his car. Next, baby powder. Extra points if you write something on his windshield with the vaseline to make the baby powder stick.

We did this to a guy back at school. He's mexican. so instead of vaseline, we used refried beans, and instead of baby powder, we used rice. Then covered the car with tortillas. It was awesome, because the next morning, there was a trail of tortillas leading out of the apartment complex.

[apusooner]

i like alot of the ideas here. most seem to deal with doing something to his car. i had thought of creating a chick profile on myspace, since he thinks he's cool enought to pick up chicks on myspace, and talk him into meeting "her" at a bar. then i would be there with a bunch of friends ready to take a picture of his face when he realized he'd been had.

or

sticking with the car theme, decorate his car with gay pride stickers. not being gay myself, i don't know where to find them. i like the cinder block idea too, or letting the air out of his tires. but seeing as how he's a musician, that could make him miss a gig and i'm not into ruining a career over a prank. plus, he could return fire with the music thing and i dont want that either.

keep the ideas coming, and i'll try and combine some of them with a note from the sooner nation.

[Ike]

buy him a gift subscription of gay porn

[apusooner]

your idea has merit

[OzarkSooner]

Okay....Limburger Cheese. Put a whole brick on top of the manifold exhaust. When he drives it will get so hot it will boil and make a really lovely smell...OR...hide a brick of Limburger Cheese somewhere in his car. Under the driver seat is good...or under the dash.

Also, I had a friend that worked at a grocery store. For his brother's wedding, he brought one of those industrial size rolls (like 4 or 5 feet wide) of plastic wrap and we wrapped the car about 10 or 15 times....by rolling it under the car and passing it over the top, time after time. Doesn't hurt the car, but makes it real hard to get into, especially if you pass it over all the doors about 15 or so times.

There's always the potato in the tail pipe trick as well... :D

Or, as Eddie Murphy would say in BHC: "We ain't fallin' for the banana in the tail pipe trick."