A smattering of wisdom I've picked up over the years

[royalfan5]

"If you are not happy, the problem is either you, or who you are ****ing"

"Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"

"Too many people expect society to be a reflection of them, rather than the other way around"

"If you are by an electric fence, and you can hear an audible ticking sound, do not touch it"

"always climb fences by the posts, and not in the middle"

"Cattle sort themselves if you let them"

"You can plant more in crooked rows"

[Viking Kitten]

Always double down on 11.

[Viking Kitten]

Don't go all in before the flop.

[Viking Kitten]

Lord loves a workin' man.

Don't trust Whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.

[Beef]

No matter how pretty she might be, if she has balls and a penis, she's not a she.:O

[IB4OU2]

Don't go all in before the flop.

but what if I have a Big Slick?

[Viking Kitten]

but what if I have a Big Slick?

Some ****er will get four of kind with pocket threes. :mad:

[yermom]

but what if I have a Big Slick?

then you will go broke ;)

[jacru]

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Let sleeping dogs lie and lying dogs sleep.

You be responsible for you.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

There is a God and you aren't Him.

[JohnnyMack]

No matter how pretty she is, someone else is tired of putting up with her ****.

[Viking Kitten]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[1stTimeCaller]

never put the cart in front of the horse, unless the horse knows how to push it.

[fadada1]

if you think you're doing something wrong, you're probably right.

you don't have to like it, you just have to do it.

[OCUDad]

Whether you think you can or you think you can't -- you're right.

[royalfan5]

The bottom is full of nice guys, only cream and bastards rise

[1stTimeCaller]

The answer to the question about the glass being half-full or half-empty depends on whether you are pouring or drinking.

[Hamhock]

i like donuts.

[Ike]

Never start a land war in Asia.

[Viking Kitten]

Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

[OKC Sooner]

Women and cats will always do as they damn well please, and men and dogs might as well get used to it.

Always cut the cards.

Never have sex with someone who is crazier than you are.

[DuSStyBottoms22]

There are three rules that I live by:

never get less than twelve hours sleep;

never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;

never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

[royalfan5]

Never count you chips sitting at the table, there will be plenty of time for that when the dealings done.

[Viking Kitten]

Don't start threads about your yainch ex-girlfriend and how you like to lie down and let her kick you in the balls. People will make fun.

[fadada1]

Don't start threads about your yainch ex-girlfriend and how you like to lie down and let her kick you in the balls. People will make fun.
ooohh, kinky.

;)

[Pricetag]

There are three rules that I live by:

never get less than twelve hours sleep;

never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;

never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
Ah, yes, the sage advice of Coach Bobby Finstock.

[SoonerJack]

If you do what you always did, you're gonna get what you always got.

[jacru]

If you do what you always did, you're gonna get what you always got.
... and it's idiocy to expect other-wise.

[C&CDean]

Never dip your wick in a boy's behind.

Just drift muh****ah, drift...

[TexasLidig8r]

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.

Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged.

There's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

[sanantoniosooner]

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.

[Scott D]

confucious say man with hole in pocket feels cocky

[JohnnyMack]

There's nothing better for the outside of an aggie than the inside of a sheep.


They are sick bastards, aren't they?

[Xstnlsooner]

Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

95% of the things people say, they really mean. (except here of course!)

[the_ouskull]

Never have sex with someone who is crazier than you are.

This, alone, explains sooo much of the grief I've had in my life. I've done this no less than, well, than a lot of times. Wow.

Anyway, on to the thread: I think that poignant quotes are fluid. They change with the times...

1990 -- "Brooks become crooked from taking the past of least resistance. So do people." -- Harold E. Kohn
1991 -- "After sleepin' with the Devil, you'd love to close the book, but you gotta wonder how the baby's gonna look." -- Tale of the Twister
1992 -- "This James Allen guy is gonna be the next Billy Sims."
1993 -- "Have you seen this new movie, Clerks?"
1994 -- "...we either drink it, f*ck it, or send it home cryin'." -- Well, pretty much everybody I hung out with in 1994, myself included...
1995 -- "Have you seen that new movie, Mallrats? Me either, but I heard it's funny."
1996 -- "Maturity occurs when dreams meet reality and are found wanting." / "Well, he's GOT to be better than Howard."
1997 -- "Only the dead know the end of conflict." -- Plato
1998 -- "A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument."
1999 -- "It is not good enough to conquer. One must learn how to seduce." -- Voltaire
2000 -- "HOLY CRAP !!! HOLY F'ING CRAP !!!"
2001 -- "Man, f*ck Rashaun Woods." / "See, that's what I can't play. I will NOT sink to, 'You broke my heart, you b*tch!' She didn't do it. I did it to myself." -- Henry Rollins
2002 -- "When you believe in yourself, and have confidence, how can that be arrogance?" -- The King, Barry Switzer
2003 -- "Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food." -- W. Hazlitt / "Really. K f*cking State. Seriously?" / "We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, have been doing the improbable with so little, for so long, that we will now attempt the impossible with nothing."
2004 -- "Really. K f*cking State. Seriously? Oh crap, USC too?"
2005 -- "Really. I f*cking graduated. Seriously? Oh crap, real life's here."
2006 -- "Really? You f*cking hired me? Seriously? Well, I'll be there in the fall then." / "Really. Rhett Bomar, an idiot? I'm not buying it. That guy was a straight arrow, all the way... if you're willing to overlook the MIP's and the whole 'fake job' thing... not to mention his being a general *sshole of such proportions that the former #1 QB in the country is going to be playing for a directional school in Tejas next year. He'll be back..."
2007 -- The year's still young...

the_ouskull

[proud gonzo]

you can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.

[GottaHavePride]

When a chick tells you "I'm not really as good a person as you think I am" she really means she's a crazy yainch.

[Ike]

The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is you.

[proud gonzo]

When a crazy asian chick says "we're still friends" that means "i won't speak to you except for grudgingly saying hi when I see you so I don't look like a yainch".

[soonerboomer93]

you and GHP both dated crazy asian chicks?


:hot:

[Mongo]

The pull-out method is not a safe form of birth control.

[proud gonzo]

you and GHP both dated crazy asian chicks?


:hot:no. GHP's crazy asian chick is shunning ME as well.

[OKC Sooner]

Never try to teach a pig to dance. You'll not only waste your time, you'll also annoy the pig.

[soonerboomer93]

so it's some sort of weird love triangle?


is she an astronaut?

[proud gonzo]

so it's some sort of weird love triangle?


is she an astronaut?assssssssssss-tronaut

[soonerboomer93]

Cinnamon ring girl eh?

[GottaHavePride]

assssssssssss-tronaut

Shut up, Kenny!

[Oldnslo]

If my client isn't following my advice, it's because I'm not charging enough.


This, by the way, is no BS. Tried and true.

[BoomerJack]

No good deed goes unpunished.

[Howzit]

Success is 90% perspiration, and 9% inspiration. I'm not sure about the other 5%.

[IB4OU2]

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

[SoonerBorn]

There are only 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

[SoonerBorn]

Only Nixon could go to China.

[Ike]

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

[Ike]

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

[SoonerJack]

Success is 90% perspiration, and 9% inspiration. I'm not sure about the other 5%.

I prefer:"90% of being successful is just showin' up."

I use this one on college kids that tell me they're failing this or flunking that. I say, "So, do you skip class a lot?" "oh yeah, in college you don't have to actually go to class!"

[Ike]

" You can observe a lot by watching "

" The future ain't what it used to be "

" Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. "

" When you come to a fork in the road, take it. "

" Ninety percent of all mental errors are in your head. "

" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "

" If you don't know where you're going, you might not get there. "

" Go to other people's funerals or they won't come to yours. "

" In theory there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. "

" I didn't really say everything I said."

(all attributed to Yogi)

[SoonerStormchaser]

Do not speak to Bob Stoops. Do not look at Bob Stoops. Just go into Norman, take your beating by 30 and thank God it wasn't a beating by 100.

[Ike]

All women will inflict untold quantities of pain and suffering upon a man. The right woman makes it worth it.

[sanantoniosooner]

There are only 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.
There are 3 types of people in the world

Those that can count.

And those that can't.