View Full Version : Ways To Rack Yourself
While attempting to put a shirt on a hanger, drop said shirt and hanger combination, attempt to grab it in mid air as it's falling, miss, hit yourself in the balls.
Can anyone top that one?
:pop:
BlondeSoonerGirl
1/8/2007, 07:10 PM
Your real balls or your pretend balls?
Frozen Sooner
1/8/2007, 07:12 PM
Give yourself a sticker!
Widescreen
1/8/2007, 07:13 PM
Are these supposed to be suggested methods or things that have already occurred?
jk the sooner fan
1/8/2007, 07:14 PM
Your real balls or your pretend balls?
beat me to it! ;)
The real ones; I had not yet tucked them away.
And these are methods that have already occurred.
Frozen Sooner
1/8/2007, 07:19 PM
Planting a ski pole poorly has worked pretty well for me in the past.
BlondeSoonerGirl
1/8/2007, 07:19 PM
The real ones; I had not yet tucked them away.
And these are methods that have already occurred.
Maybe the hanger wouldn't have slipped out of your hand if you hadn't been putting the lotion on it's skin...
8timechamps
1/8/2007, 07:20 PM
Open a car door while trying to look cool talking to a cute girl that lives next door...while talking to said girl, pay no attention to the rate at which the door is jutting toward your seed bag.
Once you have racked yourself, try to make it seem as if you are fine and that you always change the octive of your voice in mid sentence.
Widescreen
1/8/2007, 07:23 PM
And these are methods that have already occurred.
Too bad. I'm sure the SO could come up with all kinds of creative self-rack ideas.
For example, the kid that hits the golf ball into the dad's nuts. I could probably win $10,000 for that if I got it on video.
I think the worst I ever had was when I was a kid and I was riding my bike. I wasn't paying attention and ran into the back of a neighbor's parked car. As I'm laying on the ground writhing in pain, the owner, who saw it happen, runs out and starts bitching at me. :mad: His car wasn't harmed in any way.
8timechamps
1/8/2007, 07:24 PM
I don't know if this one counts as racking yourself, but go pick your dog up after a trip (say, to Phoenix). The key here is to again try and look cool for the cute girl at the desk while your dog leaps for you with that wild "it's good to see you" look in his eyes...misses your semi outstretched arms and hits you square in the nuts.
Maybe the hanger wouldn't have slipped out of your hand if you hadn't been putting the lotion on it's skin...
It will get the hose.
Widescreen
1/8/2007, 07:26 PM
8X, it seems you need to stop paying attention to the cute girl.
I think 8x has been down this road before. :D
8timechamps
1/8/2007, 07:27 PM
8X, it seems you need to stop paying attention to the cute girl.
Or just cut off my balls. Either way, I don't seem to have a use for them lately.
And, that has nothing to do with my spinal cord injury.
DustySooner
1/8/2007, 07:45 PM
My bad experience: Lay on your stomach on the floor while watching a movie and have your 220 lb friend come out of nowhere, launch himself in the air, and land right on your arse. Thus making a Pelvis/Floor sandwhich featuring smashed balls and sausage as the meat.
I'm going to save some people some time here...
..if you ride anything with small wheels like skateboards, rollerblades, ect. and try to get cute by trying to grind a rail or something then you're asking to smash your coin purse.
..same goes for trying to teach a two year old kid to hit with a whiffle bat by tossing a plastic ball to him from two feet away. Your asking to get smashed in the wedding tackle.
America's Funniest Videos should've taught those people better by now! C'mon now! :D
SoonerTerry
1/8/2007, 09:28 PM
Wedding tackle..... thats made me laugh
crawfish
1/8/2007, 10:57 PM
I was showing my 9-year-old how to grab a rebound with authority tonight...I definitely grabbed it with authority. I told him, "just like that", and handed him the basketball. A few octaves high, of course. :O
sanantoniosooner
1/8/2007, 11:03 PM
Ball Peen Hammer.
Idiot relative left it on top of a 6' ladder.
It bounce off about the 3rd step and peened my ball.
When I was playing Pony League baseball - 13 and 14 year old kids - I had a coach who thought a good idea to toughen us up was to make us play different positions than we normally did. This buddy of mine named Phil Wooley, normally the shortstop, suited up in the catcher's gear under duress and threat of more windsprints. Only problem, he wasn't wearing a cup.
Sure enough, he got nailed by a fastball. Doubling over in pain, our coach shouted "Oh, Christ - there goes Wooley's Father's Day!"
I don't know, but I hope Wooley recovered and had kids.
8timechamps
1/9/2007, 10:14 AM
I still find it amazing that most NFL and College players don't wear cups. I remember a few guys in high school that wanted to be "tough" and didn't wear one, but that always changed after a few pratices.
There's nothing "tough" about getting your nuggets kncocked into your throat.
(all "I'll knock my nuggets in your throat" jokes will be ignored).
jk the sooner fan
1/9/2007, 10:18 AM
worst nutrack i've ever seen, i was in honduras playing softball.....our shortstop who had a cannon arm, flung the ball sidearm....misses the first baseman, and hits the base coach for the other team square in the junk
dude was spitting up blood and stuff.....not a pretty sight
8timechamps
1/9/2007, 10:21 AM
, i was in honduras playing softball.....
Dude, what league are you in? The away games sound like a bitch.
jk the sooner fan
1/9/2007, 10:22 AM
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmy training sir!
Dude, what league are you in? The away games sound like a bitch.
Heh
@ Tulsa
@ Guthrie
@ Honduras
picasso
1/9/2007, 10:36 AM
Ball Peen Hammer.
Idiot relative left it on top of a 6' ladder.
It bounce off about the 3rd step and peened my ball.
you just have one too?
friend of mine told me this crazy story one time about a fellow Anheiser Busch employee who had to deliver beer to this large grocery type store. it was his last stop and would deliver it late when only one or two employees were there.
I guess they had 2 wheeler races or something and his buddy somehow center punched an obstacle that caused a 5 alarm rack to occur.
said the guy's package swelled up so badly that the nurse @ the emergency room puked.
film @ eleven.
sanantoniosooner
1/9/2007, 10:47 AM
To top jk's softball rack, I heard, from somebody I know well, of a guy that was running after a pop up and found one of those cables attached to telephone poles.
Apparently when he dropped is pants, thinks dropped with them.
Widescreen
1/9/2007, 11:12 AM
http://www.wtkr.com/Global/story.asp?S=5873687
8timechamps
1/9/2007, 11:18 AM
http://www.wtkr.com/Global/story.asp?S=5873687
Merry Christmas!
sanantoniosooner
1/9/2007, 11:19 AM
she just wanted to see what was in Santa's sack.
C&CDean
1/9/2007, 11:44 AM
Well besides the normal calf thinking you're his momma and banging his head up into your nuts, the bicycle/motorcycle racking, baseball rackings, and rappelling off a bridge onto an exposed railroad spike, the worst is doing the chew and screw at a Chinese restaurant in Boston, having the owner chasing you with a meat cleaver, and running full speed into a sawed-off post from a parking meter that was exactly nut high.
When you wake up with a bar between your knees holding your legs apart, an ice bag on your lap, and rollies the size of regulation NBA basketballs; glowing with the color of a ripe eggplants, you come to the realization that a racking any worse would likely result in death.
Salt City Sooner
1/9/2007, 12:46 PM
Contract epididymitis. You'll regret every frickin' breath you take until you get rid of it.
homerSimpsonsBrain
1/9/2007, 01:50 PM
North Carolina law describes malicious castration as cutting off, maiming or disfiguring a person's genitals with the intent to hurt or render the victim impotent.
Is it possible to cut off, maim or disfigure a persons genitals and not intend to hurt?
GulfCoastBamaFan
1/9/2007, 01:51 PM
After having my second hernia repair surgery (the first hernia surgery failed and the condition recurred), I had some hemorraging through the scar tissue, which led to a condition called ischemic orchitis.
I was the size of a large red grapefruit for about a week, but I got to keep both testicles.
Soonrboy
1/9/2007, 02:00 PM
Have your son/daughter toss you the remote control, and turn your head the other way just as he/she does it...
Pricetag
1/9/2007, 02:09 PM
Wearing boxers or going commando and sitting down carelessly will do it every time.
Word of advice- Never clean a horses stall with the horse in it. :(
C&CDean
1/9/2007, 02:45 PM
Cross your legs like a chick.
I was helping my grandpa out at his ranch, and I climbed an iron fence with morning dew on my boots, got to the top rung, swung a leg over, slipped, and, well, you know the rest. I think he got mad at me because I yelled and scared the cattle away.
Oldnslo
1/9/2007, 05:19 PM
You mean nobody's stepped on a rake?
well, I have.
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