Okla-homey
12/25/2006, 11:12 AM
We love Rufus. After reading this story, even more so. You might email Gurein and tell him if you enjoyed the story. I did.
I'd also like to know how to send the Barham's a little sumpin' to help them get their boys home off the ground.
Raising Rufus
By GUERIN EMIG
Tulsa World Sports Writer
12/25/2006
Barham family found light in Alexander's life
http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/7976/wwwwwwwwwwwwwww061225b1zx5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Rufus Alexander with his family -- Robbie Barham (left), mother Siene Champ, Annie Barham, Alexander, David Barham, Ellie Barham and Melinda Barham.
COURTESY / Lisa Hall Photography
NORMAN -- The essence of Rufus Alexander was revealed on a warm, sunny Waco afternoon last Nov. 18.
It was more than an hour after the Oklahoma linebacker's last tackle, and he had exchanged his white uniform for crimson sweats. He was a hundred feet outside another stadium he had filled with sound -- thousands of Sooner fans howling "Ruuuuf!" -- and fury.
Suddenly, a 6-year-old girl with her blond hair in pigtails and her No. 42 Alexander jersey dangling to her knees dashed over. She couldn't quite encircle the 230-pounder's waist with her pipe-cleaner arms, but that didn't keep her from grabbing on and holding tight.
Annie Barham had found her big brother, her "Rufy."
Alexander, first-team All-American and Big 12 Defensive Player of the Year for the Fiesta Bowl-bound Sooners, had found his inspiration.
"They've given him direction and guidance and confidence," OU defensive coordinator Brent Venables said of the relationship between Alexander and the Barham family. "You see a special bond of respect and love that you don't see a lot of times, even in families that are related by blood. The support that they've given him, the nurturing that they've given him. . ."
"They mean the world to me," Alexander said. "I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for them."
Exodus
Instead, Alexander would very likely be in Breaux Bridge, his southern Louisiana birthplace where, according to recent U.S. Census data, 43 percent of children live below the poverty line.
He might still be in the apartment David Barham encountered one winter's night in 1998, when Alexander was a trouble-finding ninth grader at nearby Westminster Christian Academy. Barham was dean of students and football coach at the Opelousas, La., school, and he'd seen enough of Alexander to believe the fit was bad. So he offered to drive Alexander home after a basketball game and talk to his mom about options.
"I went inside, and it wasn't a good environment," Barham recalled. "His mom wasn't there. She was working the night shift at the Fruit of the Loom factory. His brother and some other guys were there, and it was obvious I wasn't welcome.
"I stepped back outside and thought, 'No wonder it's not working.' "
Alexander's father had been gone for years, incarcerated. His older brother had been in and out of jail, his younger brother was headed that direction.
His mother, Siene Champ, worked when she didn't sleep -- at the factory, for a caterer or cleaning -- to provide the food she could.
"You can raise a boy, but it's hard for a single mom to show him how to be a man," she said. "Bad elements were all around the neighborhood. A lot of boys dropping out of school, doing the wrong things."
This was Barham's impulse when he stepped back out into Breaux Bridge's chill that night.
"Get your stuff," he told Alexander. "Exams are coming up. You're coming to my house."
Ruf's place
"I remember when David first brought Rufus home to spend the night," said Melinda Barham, David's wife. "Here was this skinny kid, he might've weighed 130 pounds, with this plastic trash bag full of his stuff slung over his shoulder."
Not that it startled her. David and Melinda had come from families as big in heart as in size. They'd taken in kids before, even though at the time they had two of their own, 5-year-old Robbie and 1-year-old Ellie.
This, however, would be different.
"I'm a very strict disciplinarian," said Barham, who played football at Alabama in the early 1980s. "So it was tough to get kids over the hump. Usually they didn't like the rules and chose to leave. But not Rufus. He was willing to go by my rules."
Get up, apply yourself in school, come home, study, eat supper, spend some quality family time, go to bed.
"I also told him, 'If you're gonna live with me, you're gonna have to play football,' " Barham said. "'I coach, so you're gonna have to be around it, and you might as well play it.' "
Alexander was a basketball player until then, so he went through his first spring practice in tennis shoes. But he found he had a knack, for both his new sport and his new family.
The initial arrangement had Alexander back in Breaux Bridge on weekends. After several weeks, however, the move became permanent.
"It wasn't easy, but I figured it would be for the best," Champ said. "Rufus is blessed they came into his life before he could get into serious trouble."
"She understood. She let me do what I had to do," Alexander said. "I respect her so much. It takes a lot of guts to let somebody else take care of your child."
"I trusted them with my baby," Champ said.
Fitting in
Under the Barhams' roof, Alexander did his own laundry, made his own lunch, and kept his own schedule, packed with sports and studies. He took as much joy in his new brother and sister as they did in him.
"They would fight over where Rufus would sit at breakfast," Melinda Barham said. "They'd all sit in stools at the bar, and Robbie and Ellie would scoot closer and closer to him until he practically couldn't eat. But he'd just sit there smiling."
He took joy in baby Annie when she arrived, and laughed as she got old enough to put her hands on her hips and scold him by saying, "Rufy James!"
He never missed a meal, or a weight-room session. He filled out physically as well as mentally, which came of particular use on the football field, where he could always run and never minded hitting.
The family moved to Baton Rouge after Alexander's sophomore year, and he joined highly touted receiver Michael Clayton at Christian Life Academy. Eventually, Clayton's game tape wound up at Texas, where Mack Brown kept seeing Alexander pop up. The interest was mutual.
Barham said Alexander even cheered when Rashaun Woods' late touchdown at Owen Field sent the Longhorns to the '01 Big 12 championship game instead of the Sooners.
So how was it that Venables turned a last-second home visit into Texas robbery?
"I saw a dad in David that looked out for Rufus's best interests, and apples don't fall far from the tree," Venables said. "Rufus looked at what was important not when we came into the picture, but what we had to offer. We sold him on an old-school approach. 'We're going to coach you hard. We're not going to have a country club lifestyle. And we're going to demand you perform at your best every day in everything you do.'
"They trusted that, all of them."
Influence in action
The summer of '02, David and Melinda fought back tears as they dropped Alexander at OU's Bud Wilkinson House. But if their everyday parenting had stopped, their influence had not.
"Rufus went through his first year as a redshirt, was the scout team defensive player of the year," Venables said. "Him and Larry Birdine and Zach Latimer were down there yipping and yapping the whole time, having fun, bringing a lot of energy and excitement. And then he was the lifter of the year after his freshman year.
"That set the stage for three very productive years for us, which typically isn't realistic. That doesn't happen without good support at home, without good guidance, without a strong focus and maturity at a young age."
With David Barham now more confidant than taskmaster, Alexander pushed through an '03 knee injury and occasional will-clashing with coaches. He pursued a sociology degree he earned shortly after beating Nebraska for the '06 Big 12 title. And he worked to keep at least one biological family tie.
"He's realized you get one true mom in life," Melinda Barham said. "You better work at a relationship with her."
The Barhams say they never sought legal guardianship of Alexander out of respect for his mother. They fostered a connection first by staying in close touch with Champ while her son lived with them, then by driving Champ to watch him play at OU.
And when it came time for Alexander's Senior Night introduction at Owen Field Nov. 11, Rufus, his mother and all five Barham family members were serenaded with "Ruuuuf!"
First Rufus, then who?
Back outside the stadium, Champ is doing all she can in Breaux Bridge. It's bleak, but for one bright thought.
"Rufus going to live with the Barhams and letting them nurture him," she said, "turned out for the best."
David, Melinda and their three children have returned to Opelousas.
"We eventually want to build a boys and girls home," Melinda said, "so kids can live in a healthier environment, go to school and still have contact with their parents. It's unbelievable, the number of at-risk children and how they live. It's just unreal."
Eight years ago, Rufus Alexander was one such child. One night, a concerned father took him home. A concerned family took him in. And it was under that influence a storied football program took him on and saw to his prosperity.
"Fortunately, I was surrounded by people that helped me," Alexander said, "and loved me."
Guerin Emig 581-8355
[email protected]
I'd also like to know how to send the Barham's a little sumpin' to help them get their boys home off the ground.
Raising Rufus
By GUERIN EMIG
Tulsa World Sports Writer
12/25/2006
Barham family found light in Alexander's life
http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/7976/wwwwwwwwwwwwwww061225b1zx5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Rufus Alexander with his family -- Robbie Barham (left), mother Siene Champ, Annie Barham, Alexander, David Barham, Ellie Barham and Melinda Barham.
COURTESY / Lisa Hall Photography
NORMAN -- The essence of Rufus Alexander was revealed on a warm, sunny Waco afternoon last Nov. 18.
It was more than an hour after the Oklahoma linebacker's last tackle, and he had exchanged his white uniform for crimson sweats. He was a hundred feet outside another stadium he had filled with sound -- thousands of Sooner fans howling "Ruuuuf!" -- and fury.
Suddenly, a 6-year-old girl with her blond hair in pigtails and her No. 42 Alexander jersey dangling to her knees dashed over. She couldn't quite encircle the 230-pounder's waist with her pipe-cleaner arms, but that didn't keep her from grabbing on and holding tight.
Annie Barham had found her big brother, her "Rufy."
Alexander, first-team All-American and Big 12 Defensive Player of the Year for the Fiesta Bowl-bound Sooners, had found his inspiration.
"They've given him direction and guidance and confidence," OU defensive coordinator Brent Venables said of the relationship between Alexander and the Barham family. "You see a special bond of respect and love that you don't see a lot of times, even in families that are related by blood. The support that they've given him, the nurturing that they've given him. . ."
"They mean the world to me," Alexander said. "I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for them."
Exodus
Instead, Alexander would very likely be in Breaux Bridge, his southern Louisiana birthplace where, according to recent U.S. Census data, 43 percent of children live below the poverty line.
He might still be in the apartment David Barham encountered one winter's night in 1998, when Alexander was a trouble-finding ninth grader at nearby Westminster Christian Academy. Barham was dean of students and football coach at the Opelousas, La., school, and he'd seen enough of Alexander to believe the fit was bad. So he offered to drive Alexander home after a basketball game and talk to his mom about options.
"I went inside, and it wasn't a good environment," Barham recalled. "His mom wasn't there. She was working the night shift at the Fruit of the Loom factory. His brother and some other guys were there, and it was obvious I wasn't welcome.
"I stepped back outside and thought, 'No wonder it's not working.' "
Alexander's father had been gone for years, incarcerated. His older brother had been in and out of jail, his younger brother was headed that direction.
His mother, Siene Champ, worked when she didn't sleep -- at the factory, for a caterer or cleaning -- to provide the food she could.
"You can raise a boy, but it's hard for a single mom to show him how to be a man," she said. "Bad elements were all around the neighborhood. A lot of boys dropping out of school, doing the wrong things."
This was Barham's impulse when he stepped back out into Breaux Bridge's chill that night.
"Get your stuff," he told Alexander. "Exams are coming up. You're coming to my house."
Ruf's place
"I remember when David first brought Rufus home to spend the night," said Melinda Barham, David's wife. "Here was this skinny kid, he might've weighed 130 pounds, with this plastic trash bag full of his stuff slung over his shoulder."
Not that it startled her. David and Melinda had come from families as big in heart as in size. They'd taken in kids before, even though at the time they had two of their own, 5-year-old Robbie and 1-year-old Ellie.
This, however, would be different.
"I'm a very strict disciplinarian," said Barham, who played football at Alabama in the early 1980s. "So it was tough to get kids over the hump. Usually they didn't like the rules and chose to leave. But not Rufus. He was willing to go by my rules."
Get up, apply yourself in school, come home, study, eat supper, spend some quality family time, go to bed.
"I also told him, 'If you're gonna live with me, you're gonna have to play football,' " Barham said. "'I coach, so you're gonna have to be around it, and you might as well play it.' "
Alexander was a basketball player until then, so he went through his first spring practice in tennis shoes. But he found he had a knack, for both his new sport and his new family.
The initial arrangement had Alexander back in Breaux Bridge on weekends. After several weeks, however, the move became permanent.
"It wasn't easy, but I figured it would be for the best," Champ said. "Rufus is blessed they came into his life before he could get into serious trouble."
"She understood. She let me do what I had to do," Alexander said. "I respect her so much. It takes a lot of guts to let somebody else take care of your child."
"I trusted them with my baby," Champ said.
Fitting in
Under the Barhams' roof, Alexander did his own laundry, made his own lunch, and kept his own schedule, packed with sports and studies. He took as much joy in his new brother and sister as they did in him.
"They would fight over where Rufus would sit at breakfast," Melinda Barham said. "They'd all sit in stools at the bar, and Robbie and Ellie would scoot closer and closer to him until he practically couldn't eat. But he'd just sit there smiling."
He took joy in baby Annie when she arrived, and laughed as she got old enough to put her hands on her hips and scold him by saying, "Rufy James!"
He never missed a meal, or a weight-room session. He filled out physically as well as mentally, which came of particular use on the football field, where he could always run and never minded hitting.
The family moved to Baton Rouge after Alexander's sophomore year, and he joined highly touted receiver Michael Clayton at Christian Life Academy. Eventually, Clayton's game tape wound up at Texas, where Mack Brown kept seeing Alexander pop up. The interest was mutual.
Barham said Alexander even cheered when Rashaun Woods' late touchdown at Owen Field sent the Longhorns to the '01 Big 12 championship game instead of the Sooners.
So how was it that Venables turned a last-second home visit into Texas robbery?
"I saw a dad in David that looked out for Rufus's best interests, and apples don't fall far from the tree," Venables said. "Rufus looked at what was important not when we came into the picture, but what we had to offer. We sold him on an old-school approach. 'We're going to coach you hard. We're not going to have a country club lifestyle. And we're going to demand you perform at your best every day in everything you do.'
"They trusted that, all of them."
Influence in action
The summer of '02, David and Melinda fought back tears as they dropped Alexander at OU's Bud Wilkinson House. But if their everyday parenting had stopped, their influence had not.
"Rufus went through his first year as a redshirt, was the scout team defensive player of the year," Venables said. "Him and Larry Birdine and Zach Latimer were down there yipping and yapping the whole time, having fun, bringing a lot of energy and excitement. And then he was the lifter of the year after his freshman year.
"That set the stage for three very productive years for us, which typically isn't realistic. That doesn't happen without good support at home, without good guidance, without a strong focus and maturity at a young age."
With David Barham now more confidant than taskmaster, Alexander pushed through an '03 knee injury and occasional will-clashing with coaches. He pursued a sociology degree he earned shortly after beating Nebraska for the '06 Big 12 title. And he worked to keep at least one biological family tie.
"He's realized you get one true mom in life," Melinda Barham said. "You better work at a relationship with her."
The Barhams say they never sought legal guardianship of Alexander out of respect for his mother. They fostered a connection first by staying in close touch with Champ while her son lived with them, then by driving Champ to watch him play at OU.
And when it came time for Alexander's Senior Night introduction at Owen Field Nov. 11, Rufus, his mother and all five Barham family members were serenaded with "Ruuuuf!"
First Rufus, then who?
Back outside the stadium, Champ is doing all she can in Breaux Bridge. It's bleak, but for one bright thought.
"Rufus going to live with the Barhams and letting them nurture him," she said, "turned out for the best."
David, Melinda and their three children have returned to Opelousas.
"We eventually want to build a boys and girls home," Melinda said, "so kids can live in a healthier environment, go to school and still have contact with their parents. It's unbelievable, the number of at-risk children and how they live. It's just unreal."
Eight years ago, Rufus Alexander was one such child. One night, a concerned father took him home. A concerned family took him in. And it was under that influence a storied football program took him on and saw to his prosperity.
"Fortunately, I was surrounded by people that helped me," Alexander said, "and loved me."
Guerin Emig 581-8355
[email protected]