View Full Version : This Wussified Coffee Rocks My Face Off
Viking Kitten
12/5/2006, 12:38 PM
Now... I should preface this little story by pointing out that I normally get my caffeine kick start from a tall, cold Diet Coke. Mmmm. Aspartamey goodness. However... today I am both extra sleepy and freezing my hiney off, so I am pulling out the big guns. NO... NOT THOSE BIG GUNS, YOU PERVS. I'm talking about coffee.
Trouble is... I'm not a coffee drinker. Sure, I'll drink a four-dollar cup of Starbucks mocha java latte caramel creamy cappucino every now and again, but regular black coffee is teh *gack*. And yet there is a large, free pot of cheap a** Cain's or something a-brewing just a few feet away from me.
Time to get concoctin'!
So I take my my "Domestically Disabled" novelty coffee mug that my mother bought me (bitch) and fill it about three quarters full with the thick, black crud with which my employer generously provides me. The I take a packet of sugar-free hot chocolate mix, also provided by said employer. No... still not there. Time to raid the fridge! What's this? Has my Poke co-worker gone and left her Vanilla-chai spice Coffee Mate creamer right there in the fridge for just anyone to sneak? Why yes she has! And this packet of Splenda. And some skim milk! In you go! Wait... the receptionist has mini candy canes at the front desk! Hooray for the holidays! And this fun-size Snickers that I stole from my child's Halloween bag that has been getting squished in my purse by my big a** sunglasses!
Finished at last.
And to drink... mmmmm. Deliciousness! I am a coffee wuss to the last drop, by God. Mock me if you will, butchies.
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/5/2006, 12:45 PM
I have to make it taste like candy before I can drink it, too. And by the time that happens I've added so much sugar it's like a 100 proof shot of sugary/caffeiney/getcho arse to climbin' the walls goodness.
Cheers!
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/5/2006, 12:46 PM
Oh, and think Czar would be scared if I asked you to go shopping this afternoon after you've consumed said beverage?
:mack:
Viking Kitten
12/5/2006, 12:47 PM
Czar just needs to learn to face his fears.
colleyvillesooner
12/5/2006, 12:49 PM
Huh, I didn't know I could see other people PEEM's. Weird.
;)
Viking Kitten
12/5/2006, 12:51 PM
The PMs contain much more cussing and general bitchiness. :D
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/5/2006, 01:00 PM
Huh, I didn't know I could see other people PEEM's. Weird.
;)
And I didn't know I could see other people's inner-turdery. Weird.
:D
Wait. That's not true...I DID KNOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
SoonerInKCMO
12/5/2006, 01:10 PM
This thread convinced me to go get a cup of coffee. The pot was empty so I had to make a fresh batch. Instead of getting a new filter and fresh batch of grounds, I just poured the new stuff on top of the used grounds and filter. Now I'm drinking the result - straight up.
Sissies.
IB4OU2
12/5/2006, 01:11 PM
Now... I should preface this little story by pointing out that I normally get my caffeine kick start from a tall, cold Diet Coke. Mmmm. Aspartamey goodness. However... today I am both extra sleepy and freezing my hiney off, so I am pulling out the big guns. NO... NOT THOSE BIG GUNS, YOU PERVS. I'm talking about coffee.
Trouble is... I'm not a coffee drinker. Sure, I'll drink a four-dollar cup of Starbucks mocha java latte caramel creamy cappucino every now and again, but regular black coffee is teh *gack*. And yet there is a large, free pot of cheap a** Cain's or something a-brewing just a few feet away from me.
Time to get concoctin'!
So I take my my "Domestically Disabled" novelty coffee mug that my mother bought me (bitch) and fill it about three quarters full with the thick, black crud with which my employer generously provides me. The I take a packet of sugar-free hot chocolate mix, also provided by said employer. No... still not there. Time to raid the fridge! What's this? Has my Poke co-worker gone and left her Vanilla-chai spice Coffee Mate creamer right there in the fridge for just anyone to sneak? Why yes she has! And this packet of Splenda. And some skim milk! In you go! Wait... the receptionist has mini candy canes at the front desk! Hooray for the holidays! And this fun-size Snickers that I stole from my child's Halloween bag that has been getting squished in my purse by my big a** sunglasses!
Finished at last.
And to drink... mmmmm. Deliciousness! I am a coffee wuss to the last drop, by God. Mock me if you will, butchies.
I think Ben and Jerry's may have that flavor available now...
proud gonzo
12/5/2006, 01:13 PM
mmmmmm, shopping......
http://www2.psy.ohio-state.edu/NPSA/photogallery/2005.11.11-14%20Neuroscience/homer%20drool.gif
Sooner in Tampa
12/5/2006, 01:17 PM
Coffee is an incredible laxative...especially with chocolate.
OU4LIFE
12/5/2006, 01:30 PM
Czar just needs to learn to face his fears.
I have a feeling he does this daily.
*runs away*
orangekaje
12/5/2006, 01:47 PM
Now... I should preface this little story by pointing out that I normally get my caffeine kick start from a tall, cold Diet Coke. Mmmm. Aspartamey goodness. However... today I am both extra sleepy and freezing my hiney off, so I am pulling out the big guns. NO... NOT THOSE BIG GUNS, YOU PERVS. I'm talking about coffee.
Trouble is... I'm not a coffee drinker. Sure, I'll drink a four-dollar cup of Starbucks mocha java latte caramel creamy cappucino every now and again, but regular black coffee is teh *gack*. And yet there is a large, free pot of cheap a** Cain's or something a-brewing just a few feet away from me.
Time to get concoctin'!
So I take my my "Domestically Disabled" novelty coffee mug that my mother bought me (bitch) and fill it about three quarters full with the thick, black crud with which my employer generously provides me. The I take a packet of sugar-free hot chocolate mix, also provided by said employer. No... still not there. Time to raid the fridge! What's this? Has my Poke co-worker gone and left her Vanilla-chai spice Coffee Mate creamer right there in the fridge for just anyone to sneak? Why yes she has! And this packet of Splenda. And some skim milk! In you go! Wait... the receptionist has mini candy canes at the front desk! Hooray for the holidays! And this fun-size Snickers that I stole from my child's Halloween bag that has been getting squished in my purse by my big a** sunglasses!
Finished at last.
And to drink... mmmmm. Deliciousness! I am a coffee wuss to the last drop, by God. Mock me if you will, butchies.
This was one fun post to read! Mmmm diet coke!
This was one fun post to read! Mmmm diet coke!
I never made it past "pulling out the big guns". I tried. Maybe later.
frankensooner
12/5/2006, 01:50 PM
See, it starts out this way, but in a few years you will be strung out in an alley chewing whole beans.
OU4LIFE
12/5/2006, 01:54 PM
*peeking around corner*
is it safe to come back yet?
It was probably a cup of this kind of juiced coffee that drove Shamu to take out that trainer.
*peeking around corner*
is it safe to come back yet?
I think she passed out.
I think she passed out.
Or she is in the beginning stages of the 4 hour "Czar is pwned" shopping frenzy.
Or she is in the beginning stages of the 4 hour "Czar is pwned" shopping frenzy.
That poor bastard.:(
Czar just needs to learn to face his fears.
He would, but someone keeps putting them on the top shelf.
critical_phil
12/5/2006, 02:36 PM
perhaps other mocha java latte caramel creamy cappucino drinkers should take note of this and start making their own at home.
the thick, black crud people would appreciate not having to wait in line for 20 minutes for a cup of coffee.
Why don't you make your thick black crud at home? I hear it's so simple, even a caveman can do it.
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 02:39 PM
I'm with you. Diet Coke is my choice waking up in the morning jolt. But one these COLD *** mornings I too choke down a little coffee from time to time, with LOTS of cream and sugar.
My uncle says I drink "Duck Coffee"
What is Duck Coffee you ask?
"Put a grain of coffee in a duck's *** and send it across the pond".
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/5/2006, 02:39 PM
http://upwithcavemen.com/images/caveman_photo.jpg
Viking Kitten
12/5/2006, 02:40 PM
The mocha java latte caramel creamy cappucino people cannot see the point of paying three bucks or whatever for a cup of plain coffee when there is probably a perfectly good 7-11 less than a block away, so perhaps the thick, black crud people who waste their money at Starbucks should just GADOCADWI.
colleyvillesooner
12/5/2006, 02:40 PM
Why don't you make your thick black crud at home? I hear it's so simple, even a caveman can do it.
http://www.kimsifordesign.com/images/Caveman.jpg
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 02:42 PM
I prefer a Grande Mocha Frappuccino Lite thank you very much. :)
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 02:47 PM
Only fags drink foo-foo coffee.
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 02:48 PM
fags and chicks. get it right Dean.
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 02:50 PM
Fags and fagettes. Decent, respectable, honorable females drink their coffee like a man.
And I like my coffee like I like my women. Hot, black, and all over my lap...
I'm with you. Diet Coke is my choice waking up in the morning jolt. But one these COLD *** mornings I too choke down a little coffee from time to time, with LOTS of cream and sugar.
My uncle says I drink "Duck Coffee"
What is Duck Coffee you ask?
"Put a grain of coffee in a duck's *** and send it across the pond".
I don't get it.
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 02:51 PM
I think it has something to do with duck butter Pat.
I don't get it.
and you've been thinking about it for awhile haven't you?
Sooner_Bob
12/5/2006, 03:05 PM
My 5 year-old is already a coffee junky . . . you should see what caffeine and a little sugar does to that girl.
The term bouncing off the walls doesn't even begin to describe it.
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 03:07 PM
My 5 year-old is already a coffee junky . . . you should see what caffeine and a little sugar does to that girl.
The term bouncing off the walls doesn't even begin to describe it.
You really let your 5-year old drink coffee? Hell man, my 14-year old isn't allowed to drink coffee yet.
frankensooner
12/5/2006, 03:08 PM
I always say I like my coffee like I like my wimmins, cold and bitter.
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 03:08 PM
I stared drinking coffee when I was 3. My mom and I had "girl time" every saturday morning. Sitting around in our PJ's drinking coffee. Good times.
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 03:09 PM
I stared drinking coffee when I was 3. My mom and I had "girl time" every saturday morning. Sitting around in our PJ's drinking coffee. Good times.
Your honor, I rest my case...
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 03:11 PM
Your honor, I rest my case...
:mad:
C&CDean
12/5/2006, 03:22 PM
Hey, it was there, a hanging curve ball. What can I say?
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/5/2006, 03:24 PM
Had to bury my GMa In Law over the weekend and my terror of a 7 year old niece was with me. She's always acting up...always trying to smartmouth someone...she never minds because she knows that there are no consequences for anything she does...it's just infuriating. She's not supposed to have sugar because it makes her freak out and caffeine is a HUGE no-no...most ill-behaved child ever but when she's with me she tends to act right since she knows I'll beat that a55.
We meet everyone down in the lobby of the hotel the morning of the funeral and my BIL's giving her coffee. I just walked outside and stood there...what a dumas. I wanted to beat HIS a55...
:mad:
Sooner_Bob
12/5/2006, 03:25 PM
You really let your 5-year old drink coffee? Hell man, my 14-year old isn't allowed to drink coffee yet.
It's more like a little coffee to alot of milk and/or hot chocolate . . . there's no way that girl is gettin' straight coffee. She's a handful as it is.:D
TopDaugIn2000
12/5/2006, 03:26 PM
Hey, it was there, a hanging curve ball. What can I say?
can't blame you.
frankensooner
12/5/2006, 03:32 PM
I gave my daughter some cappachino once and my wife came unhinged.
Wait, are we talking about TD2K's hanging coffee cans again?
SWEET!!!!
I get mad when my 14 yo daughter tries to drink coffee.
IB4OU2
12/5/2006, 04:33 PM
I got mad when my daughter opened one of my new bottles of Jack Daniels the other day...:mad:
of course she's 27 so I didn't get real mad...
Czar Soonerov
12/5/2006, 05:07 PM
Only fags drink foo-foo coffee.
That's no fag, that's my wife!
Czar Soonerov
12/5/2006, 05:10 PM
Teh MiL feeds coffee to my 4 yr old daughter, she handles it fine. My son on the other hand will not touch caffeine until his 18th birthday, he's hyper enough without it.
Sooner_Bob
12/5/2006, 05:32 PM
Teh MiL feeds coffee to my 4 yr old daughter, she handles it fine. My son on the other hand will not touch caffeine until his 18th birthday, he's hyper enough without it.
Aren't we all . . . :D
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 08:30 AM
not really, i'm kind of a slug.
Sooner_Bob
12/6/2006, 08:34 AM
a ninja slug?
1stTimeCaller
12/6/2006, 08:42 AM
I got mad when my daughter opened one of my new bottles of Jack Daniels the other day...:mad:
of course she's 27 so I didn't get real mad...
ahem.... I'd like to point out that I'm 27 too. Jus sayin'
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 08:59 AM
ahem, i'd just like to point out how desperate he is, Jus sayin'
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 09:00 AM
I have a feeling he does this daily.
*runs away*
I totally got away with this.
I'm untouchable.....sorta like JK.
colleyvillesooner
12/6/2006, 09:46 AM
I totally got away with this.
I'm untouchable.....sorta like JK.
You're untouchable because we allow you to be so.
C&CDean
12/6/2006, 09:52 AM
Who wants to touch a stinkin' assed gorilla?
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 10:12 AM
don't act like you don't Dean....don't act like you don't....
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 10:44 AM
Thank you for wussing up my wuss thread, you bunch of latent homos. :mad:
MamaMia
12/6/2006, 11:14 AM
I have Akins coffee with Half and Half and a dobble of organic honey. Sometimes I add a teaspoon of coconut oil which is good too, and healthy for you.
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 11:26 AM
coconut is not good for anybody.
ever.
MamaMia
12/6/2006, 11:29 AM
coconut is not good for anybody.
ever.
http://www.coconut-info.com/
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 11:29 AM
Hairy, you are banned from my thread. Coconut is yummy. In fact, that gives me an idea for a new wussy coffee concoction I could make with some chocolate covered almonds.
I'll report back later.
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 11:40 AM
hey, snot my fault i'm allergic to coconut. I blame my parents.
C&CDean
12/6/2006, 11:59 AM
Heh. A ****ing monkey who's allergic to coconut. What irony.
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 12:04 PM
Don'l laugh Dean. Coconuts can be killers. At least 10 people a year are killed by coconuts falling out of trees onto their heads. And that's not even factoring in that many of those deaths go unreported as such because of the stigma of death by coconut.
OU4LIFE
12/6/2006, 12:05 PM
No dean, allergic to bananas would be ironic.....
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 12:06 PM
Alanis Morrisette, please take note.
TexasLidig8r
12/6/2006, 12:17 PM
ANY coffee is for (using Dean's words) fags and fagettes.
Get yo butts up out of bed and stop relying on stimulants to get you going.
Wusses. :rolleyes:
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 12:20 PM
Lid, would you mind standing under a coconut tree for a little while? TIA.
KC//CRIMSON
12/6/2006, 02:21 PM
Lid, would you mind standing in front of a semi truck for a little while? TIA.
ywia.;)
TexasLidig8r
12/6/2006, 02:59 PM
Lid, would you mind standing under a coconut tree for a little while? TIA.
You and BSG would miss me way... way.. way too much!
Hey, if we're talking Christmas fantasies here.. may as well go all in n'est pas?
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 03:02 PM
You and BSG would miss me way... way.. way too much!
No, when I'm throwing coconuts out of a tree my aim is actually pretty good.
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/6/2006, 03:28 PM
Isn't coconut milk a ca-razy laxative?
C'mere, Lid....
Viking Kitten
12/6/2006, 03:30 PM
Isn't coconut milk a ca-razy laxative?
C'mere, Lid....
Shhh Bizzle, he's probably into that sort of thing.
Shhh Bizzle, he's probably into that sort of thing.
CLEVELAND STRAINER!! :texan:
BlondeSoonerGirl
12/6/2006, 03:33 PM
:les: THE BROWN SOUND OF MACK BROWN!!!
TexasLidig8r
12/6/2006, 03:49 PM
Shhh Bizzle, he's probably into that sort of thing.
Iz nuthin sakred on this hear websiet thing??? :confused:
KC//CRIMSON
12/6/2006, 04:32 PM
Lid, would you mind standing in front of a F5 Tornado for a little while? TIA.
ywia.
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