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soonersis
11/27/2006, 06:01 PM
Monday, November 27 12:00 AM ET
MPAA Lobbying for Home Theater Regulations
By Scott Small

Los Angeles , CA - The MPAA is lobbying congress to push through a new bill that would make unauthorized home theaters illegal. The group feels that all theaters should be sanctioned, whether they be commercial settings or at home.

MPAA head Dan Glickman says this needs to be regulated before things start getting too far out of control, "We didn't act early enough with the online sharing of our copyrighted content. This time we're not making the same mistake. We have a right to know what's showing in a theater."

The bill would require that any hardware manufactured in the future contain technology that tells the MPAA directly of what is being shown and specific details on the audience. The data would be gathered using various motion sensors and biometric technology.

The MPAA defines a home theater as any home with a television larger than 29" with stereo sound and at least two comfortable chairs, couch, or futon. Anyone with a home theater would need to pay a $50 registration fee with the MPAA or face fines up to $500,000 per movie shown.

"Just because you buy a DVD to watch at home doesn't give you the right to invite friends over to watch it too. That's a violation of copyright and denies us the revenue that would be generated from DVD sales to your friends," said Glickman. "Ideally we expect each viewer to have their own copy of the DVD, but we realize that isn't always feasible. The registration fee is a fair compromise.

The bill also stipulates that any existing home theaters be retrofitted with the technology or else the owner is responsible for directly informing the MPAA and receiving approval before each viewing.

soonersweetie
11/27/2006, 06:05 PM
absolutely insane

yermom
11/27/2006, 06:06 PM
this sounds like something from The Onion

yermom
11/27/2006, 06:12 PM
heh, bbspot, close enough :D

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2006/11/home-theater-regulations.html

soonersis
11/27/2006, 06:13 PM
well i wasn't sure it it was a reputable site...but i found it on digg so you just never know. :)

Jerk
11/27/2006, 06:16 PM
ok so this is a joke?

I was going to say something very short and concise.

Widescreen
11/27/2006, 06:18 PM
I was going to say that there is exactly 0% chance of anything like that ever passing.

Ike
11/27/2006, 06:21 PM
this one, under related stories, bears a closer resemblance to reality:

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/03/mpaa_piracy.html

Thursday, March 24 12:00 AM ET
MPAA to Thwart Pirates
By Making All Movies Suck
By G. Lloyd Girty

Los Angeles, CA - Motion Picture Association of America President and CEO Dan Glickman announced a bold new strategy to combat the "pernicious effects of piracy". After many failures to stop piracy by technological and litigious means, Hollywood will rely on psychological tactics to thwart would-be file-swappers by making only movies that suck.

MPAAUsing one-dimensional characters and predictable plots lines, movies will be so insulting to the intellect of the viewer that no one that can use a computer would bother to download them.

The MPAA has already tested the method in releases such as Baby Geniuses 2, Son of the Mask, Alone in The Dark, and Coach Carter. In a focus group of computer-literate adults, test films were able to elicit such reactions as, "Oh God, why," "I want those two hours of my life back," and "I'll be skull-****ed by imps before I ever sit through that horse**** again."

"We are sending a clear message to pirates," said MPAA Chairman Dan Glickman, "One way or another; you will pay for your crime. Your punishment may come in the form of a lawsuit, or in the mind-numbing mediocrity of Gigli, but you will be punished.

When asked how the changes would effect box office sales, Glickman responded, "We think the success of Hilary Duff has shown there is plenty of money in releasing movies that suck." Pressed specifically about the buying power of the intellectually underdeveloped market, Glickman countered, "Are you suggesting we have overestimated the idiocy of the public?" Glickman and Glickman then snickered uncontrollably.

Hollywood will eventually only produce movies based on canceled TV series. For the near future, studios are rushing to raise the suck level in existing franchises. Ashton Kutcher will replace Toby McGuire as Peter Parker in Spider-man 3. The film rights to The Hobbit have been wrestled from Peter Jackson and given to George Lucas. In addition, Joel Schumacher will direct and star in all future films from Pixar Animation Studios.

85Sooner
11/27/2006, 08:12 PM
I told you all this crap was coming and it may be a joke now but if they can they will.

SoonerBorn68
11/27/2006, 10:21 PM
They can pry my surround sound & big screen from my cold dead hands.

Boarder
11/27/2006, 10:27 PM
They can...ummm...

take a long walk off a short pier.

Yeah.

That's it.

RacerX
11/28/2006, 07:22 AM
Do we get to point and laugh now?

Sooner_Bob
11/28/2006, 08:57 AM
Where's Big Screen TV Penguin when you need him?

OUDoc
11/28/2006, 09:20 AM
And they think no one goes to movies now, just wait until they try something like this.

tbl
11/28/2006, 09:27 AM
I was going to say that there is exactly 0% chance of anything like that ever passing.
Don't forget, the democrats have the Congress now. :P

Ike
11/28/2006, 01:51 PM
Don't forget, the democrats have the Congress now. :P


Believe it or not, some of the MPAA's and RIAA's best friends in congress have been republicans. (for example, Orrin Hatch)

The things that they want are issues that seem to defy party lines. There are just as many republicans and democrats on the side of the industry as there are on the side of the consumer. Then of course, nearly all of them have no idea what the hell is really going on.