Alimony checks...ideas for the memo line?

[The Maestro]

So starting on December 1st I will be paying the ex alimony for three years. I thought it might feel better handing those checks over if I had some funny lines to write on the memo line of the checks. Any ideas?

I figured the South Oval was a good place to start.

[OUDoc]

True story-
When ONG suddenly increased gas prices in January a few years ago, I drew a hand flipping the bird on the memo line. I felt better.
I've done worse, if you really want to know. I get cranky without my nap.

[KABOOKIE]

Start with your first check that says, "I'M SORRY."

Second check, "NOT"

[The Maestro]

Start with your first check that says, "I'M SORRY."

Second check, "NOT"

Yeah, but that means for 15 days she will think I am sorry...and that would just drive me nuts.

[Viking Kitten]

How about "It's a small price to pay..."

[Howzit]

Worth. Every. Penny.

[frankensooner]

[William Wallace]FREEDOM!!!!![/William Wallace]

[yermom]

"Worth every penny."

maybe a simple "I hate you."

"Don't drink the coffee."

i'd stay away from "You better watch your back." or something similar :D

[yermom]

heh, guess i took too long... good one Howzit :D

[OUDoc]

I faked all my orgasms.

[Viking Kitten]

"If I did it..."

[Vaevictis]

VOID

[frankensooner]

My 19 y/o lingerie model girlfriend says "Hi".

[C&CDean]

"For services rendered"

"So, this is what sex with you feels like"

"Only 2 years, 11 months, and two weeks left..."

"Don't spend it all in one place bitch."

"A small price to pay for my freedom."

"I'm getting ****ed more now than I ever did when we were married."

[Viking Kitten]

"Always a business doing pleasure with you!"

[Vaevictis]

You tasted of fish.

[frankensooner]

This is a stick up in big block letters.

[SoonerBorn68]

I ****ed your sister.

[TexasSooner01]

Did you ever figure out what that smell was?

[fadada1]

"for season tickets to osu"

[Ike]

wish you were beer

[frankensooner]

For your Valtrex prescription

[Beef]

I **** anything for money.

[The Maestro]

WOW! Thanks guys! Keep 'em coming...howzit and C&C Dean were the best! I have to write 72 of these so I'll keep these saved.

If I told you the guy she had an affair with and is seeing is a chef would that inspire some new material?

Sorry in ****** week I have to pull out a "Let 'Er Rip!"

[TexasSooner01]

Did you ever find your Gerbil?

[TexasSooner01]

P.S. You might want to "get checked".

[Ike]

**** off dip ****

[The Maestro]

I was thinking some things like...

Muffin Top removal creme

Push up bras

Knee pads

[Jerk]

Pay her in loose pennies, box them up, UPS them to her.

[olevetonahill]

Just paying for the ***** , I still aint gettin

[Howzit]

When cook boy takes his dick outta your mouth tell him I said hey.

[85Sooner]

I wouldn't put anything. she might show it to some lib judge who will punish you by making you extend your alimony payments.

"never put anything in writing that you do not want on the front page of the daily paper."

I know I learned my lesson

[Ike]

"you're internet famous now"

[frankensooner]

Well, "Cheating Whore Buyout" now that I know the facts.

[TexasSooner01]

That wasn't cream cheese icing on the cake.

[KsSooner]

Do you know why divorces cost so much?



Because they are worth it!

[Mjcpr]

I never understood alimony.....why do you have to pay it?

(This is not a memo line suggestion) :D

[The Maestro]

I never understood alimony.....why do you have to pay it?

(This is not a memo line suggestion) :D

Don't think I haven't run my head through a wall asking this question as well. Actually, though, this is what I agreed to. And quite honestly, it's for my son. I am moving in with a fellow Sooner friend about four streets down so we can both be accessible to him and he can stay in the same school/neighborhood. He is excited about it. If I didn't help her there would be no way she could afford to stay in the area and then the battle for him begins.

We live in Arizona which is a no fault divorce state and the laws are pretty cut and dry. They base it on the difference of our incomes times the years married (10) times .015. It was coming to about the amount I offered. She threatened to get attorney's involved and shoot for more and I told her to go for it cause I would represent myself and call her attorney five times a day. Her parents or cheffy boy were going to foot the bill cause I know she can't. Anyway, I told her my offer starts December 1st if she accepts and we turn in the papers and speed through the mess. If she did not accept, no offer and not a penny from me until the courts tell me to and that would be well after December 1st. She accepted, I leave in about 10 minutes to go turn in papers and this mess should all be over in 60 days. I should be watching ****** in the new place Saturday and free and clear from her.

But, as for the issue of me paying alimony and some child support even though we are sharing custody, I do ask myself the question quite often...what do I get from her? Yes, free and clear from her, but I still have to give and give...just trying to keep in my mind that it is for my son who is innocent of everything.

[yermom]

I never understood alimony.....why do you have to pay it?

(This is not a memo line suggestion) :D

especially to a cheating Beyonce...

EDIT: i guess that kinda explains it...

[Fugue]

I never understood alimony.....why do you have to pay it?

(This is not a memo line suggestion) :D

sheesh, mind your own business. :D

[C&CDean]

Child support is an absolute must pay dealio. It's righteous, and if you owe, you should pay. If you're a deadbeat mom or dad, then you're worthless in my book. When I divorced my first wife, I was ordered to pay $970 a month in child support. It hurt, but I paid every dime on time. Eventually, I took custody of the kids, and she was ordered to pay me $530 a month. After a year in court, they finally garnished her wages and I started getting a check. Of course I never got repayed for that first year.

Alimony, on the other hand, is thievery. If the yainch wants to keep the same lifestyle she needs to marry a guy who can keep her in that lifestyle, or go get a better job.

And you're gonna find that staying in the same hood with her is going to be more trouble than it's worth. Your kid will always love you. Whether you're right around the corner, or across the country. You being in such close proximity will probably do more damage to the kid than good. He's still gonna see you argue with his momma (which you will), he's still gonna see the Chef stick his e'claire into the ex's oven (which he will), etc.

It's too late now, but you should have just gone through the deal, and then moved as far away as you physically could. Start a new life. Being so close is gonna be ****ed up in a really ****ed up way. Trust me.

[olevetonahill]

Some of tax type peeps on here can advise you better
But If it were me Id figure out how much Child support ya are gonna have to pay her till the boy is 18 , devide that into monthly things and call it alimony
Its deductable to you and Taxable income to her ;)
That way you get to **** her for several yrs And enjoy it :cool:

[fadada1]

my uncle got divorced a few years ago. his wifey was bleeding him dry. poor guy had 3 daughters in college at the same time - boston college, virginia, colorado state. aunt "judy" (let's call her) had a bit of a spending habit.

anyway, my uncle is a surgeon and makes some serious bank. he offered her about $8000/month to cover mortgage, car, et al. she said "NOT ENOUGH". anyway, it went to court/lawyers and such... judge said - "$2000/month should take care of it just fine." let's just say that my uncle laaaaaughed and laaaaaughed.

[Jerk]

Just remember folks, that if you're a man, and especially a white man, you ARE society's pack mule.

[Mjcpr]

Just remember folks, that if you're a man, and especially a white man, you ARE society's pack mule.

Cosmo?

[bri]

Huh, go figure. A "wacky alimony check memo note" thread turns into ruminations on the white male's burden in Liberal America. :D

[fadada1]

Huh, go figure. A "wacky alimony check memo note" thread turns into ruminations on the white male's burden in Liberal America. :D
check memo - liberal america is making me pay you alimony

[TheHumanAlphabet]

WOW! Thanks guys! Keep 'em coming...howzit and C&C Dean were the best! I have to write 72 of these so I'll keep these saved.

If I told you the guy she had an affair with and is seeing is a chef would that inspire some new material?

Sorry in ****** week I have to pull out a "Let 'Er Rip!"

She has the affair and you have to pay? WTF is that?

[TheHumanAlphabet]

Hell I would write on every check, "to the fornicator" or "to the adulterer"...

[fadada1]

She has the affair and you have to pay? WTF is that?
seriously. isn't there something a lawyer could do??? i would thing she'd have to do the paying.

unless, of course, the maestro is conducting with a "small orchestra";)

[OUDoc]

Forget anything in the memo line. Take the check, put it 'neath your 'nads, jog a few miles, then mail it to her.

[frankensooner]

Or, there is this stuff called Liquid Fence...rancid stuff. Spray the check with that then mail it.

[SoonerBorn68]

Or, there is this stuff called Liquid Fence...rancid stuff. Spray the check with that then mail it.

I agree. A healthy dose of fart spray on it would do the trick.

[proud gonzo]

hehehehehehehe

you guys are evil

[1stTimeCaller]

Open a new account that's called something like Dildos-R-Us to write the checks from and in the memo put something like 'Testing Fee' or 'Anal Queen of the Month'.

[TUSooner]

I just remembered this:
"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse." ~ Groucho Marx

OK, it's not real funny, but it's remarkable I even remembered it.

[Frozen Sooner]

Vagina rental.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I agree with Dean.

Again.

[frankensooner]

I agree with Dean.

Again.
suck up ;)

[BoonesFarmSooner]

"To the Marder,

This is for spelling lessons!

Regards,
The Maestro"

[The Maestro]

I appreciate all the sentiments. We'll make it work. Trust me, I can't wait to sit and watch the grease fire of a relationship between her and Chef Boy Are You In For A Rude Awakening unfold. I'm relieved and happy. Like taking a four star dump! And my son needs me around. She can barely take care of herself. We'll give it a shot and see how it works out.

As for the affair, it's a no fault divorce state. None of that matters. All based on finances. I could fight it for $5000 to an attorney, but in the end I would probably pay more altogether due to legal fees.

[Frozen Sooner]

Yep. Apparently some people are having a lot of trouble with the "no-fault" concept.

[homerSimpsonsBrain]

For paying it to help with your kid, you're a good egg. As for the memo just put "ES&D" and wait till she asks what it means (Eat **** & die)

[IB4OU2]

"Now what'll I do with my 6 foot of rope and 2X4?"

[SicEmBaylor]

Oh...a no-fault divorce state.

Well, talk about getting screwed twice...

[SicEmBaylor]

Question,
Even in the case of a no-fault divorce couldn't you sue her for breach of contract? Marriage is a contract and if she cheated then clearly she violated the terms of said contract.

[The Maestro]

Question,
Even in the case of a no-fault divorce couldn't you sue her for breach of contract? Marriage is a contract and if she cheated then clearly she violated the terms of said contract.

Well, I don't know...but it sounds like dragging it out, too. Give me my 60 days and let it all go away. I'm focused on looking ahead and not behind. She wasn't my world and finding someone to treat me better and with respect would take about five minutes. I've already purchased a smoking jacket, some slippers and an ascot. Looking forward to Hef'ing it around the house without her needing me anymore.

[bri]

Yep. Apparently some people are having a lot of trouble with the "no-fault" concept.

It's, like, the BCS of divorces.

Someone should make the voters lower our payments!!!

[Jerk]

And just think, gay couples would actually like to go through this crap.

[bri]

And just think, gay couples would actually like to go through this crap.

I just can't believe we're trying to spare them from it. :D

[Mjcpr]

I hope someone explains "no fault" to them!

[Oldnslo]

Question,
Even in the case of a no-fault divorce couldn't you sue her for breach of contract? Marriage is a contract and if she cheated then clearly she violated the terms of said contract.
Short answer: no.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

whore school tuition

[Okla-homey]

So starting on December 1st I will be paying the ex alimony for three years. I thought it might feel better handing those checks over if I had some funny lines to write on the memo line of the checks. Any ideas?

I figured the South Oval was a good place to start.

Alimony? WTF was your lawyer? Nobody but aging bajillionaire rockstars who divorce 16 y/o high school drop-outs w/no marketable skills pay alimony nowadays.;)

[Okla-homey]

Some of tax type peeps on here can advise you better
But If it were me Id figure out how much Child support ya are gonna have to pay her till the boy is 18 , devide that into monthly things and call it alimony
Its deductable to you and Taxable income to her ;)
That way you get to **** her for several yrs And enjoy it :cool:

good luck with that. seriously.:O

[boomersooner28]

"Ask the chef how my **** tastes"

[SicEmBaylor]

I've already purchased a smoking jacket, some slippers and an ascot. Looking forward to Hef'ing it around the house without her needing me anymore.

Oh, **** yeah!

[Jerk]

Now you can spend your paycheck on hookers and booze, instead of all those gawdamned things women want...groceries, toilet paper, perfume, shoes. Life will be exponentially better for you, my friend.

[BoonesFarmSooner]

Alimony? WTF was your lawyer? Nobody but aging bajillionaire rockstars who divorce 16 y/o high school drop-outs w/no marketable skills pay alimony nowadays.;)


Let's see here....

aging: YES
bajillionaire: NO
rockstars: NO

16 year old: NO
high school drop-outs: I don't think so, but she is a marder
no marketable skills: Yes, unless diddling a chef is considered marketable or a skill.


That's 3 for NO, 2 for YES, and one push...

I say you hire some overweight queer actor to dress up in a chef's costume and personally deliver it the first time.

[olevetonahill]

good luck with that. seriously.:O
I dont have any prob at all with it
Hell I just shoot the beyounces , or haul em to town in the back of my truck :cool:
I read that years ago, thot it might still apply ! hence the Ask the Tax type dudes /dudets :pop:
ps
it was a readers digest article " dealing the Tax man out of divorce "

[hurricane'bone]

Just draw little pictures on it, likes boobs, a penis, etc.

[proud gonzo]

pictograms!

http://www.artestuff.com/images/u-rail-screw-white.jpg + http://www.coquetdale.net/articles/thecheviot/Cheviot%20ewe.JPG + http://www.dachshundsdressedforshow.com/Ruby-sun-and-flowers-harness-dress-outside.JPG

[olevetonahill]

pictograms!

http://www.artestuff.com/images/u-rail-screw-white.jpg + http://www.coquetdale.net/articles/thecheviot/Cheviot%20ewe.JPG + http://www.dachshundsdressedforshow.com/Ruby-sun-and-flowers-harness-dress-outside.JPG
And we are evil ?
I like your thinking :D :D :D :D

[proud gonzo]

And we are evil ?
I like your thinking :D :D :D :Dwhy yes, and thank you :D

[Flagstaffsooner]

Reading this makes me glad that I have never married.

[olevetonahill]

Reading this makes me glad that I have never married.
see the fun you have missed out on

[Flagstaffsooner]

see the fun you have missed out onDamn!:D

[jrsooner]

"ES&D" and wait till she asks what it means (Eat **** & die)Or in other words "Echo Sierra Alpha Delta". At least mess with her mind some.

[jrsooner]

Any ideas?

- Told the IRS that you aren't declaring all of your received income.

[Okla-homey]

IMHO, the sucky part is this: the divorce decree states who gets to claim the kids for tax purposes. Completely unrelated to that, it also states how much child support papa pays. Papa may pay several hundred $$$ per month, mama paying no cash, but she still may get to claim the kiddoes -- leaving daddy without any exemptions but hisself. That seems whacked, but that's the way it is.

Also, child support payments technically belong to the kiddies, so they are not mama's income for tax purposes, however, those payments generally may not be deducted by papa.

Other than that, child support is necessary and papas who don't pay it are scummage.

Moral of the story: Mens, choose your spouse wisely, and if it ain't very likely to work out, DO NOT have kids.

[prrriiide]

Don't know about the memo line, but you should mention to her that things might have gone better had the sex not been like throwing a cucumber down a hallway...