Dear Loudcrappers/urinaters...

[Tear Down This Wall]

WTF is the problem?

In August, we moved our offices from a relatively low-key bank building to an "A-Class" office building complex further north. Doing so put us in a situation where there are hundreds of other business offices in the complex.

I knew going into this thing that the "auxiliary office" may not be as private as it once was. Fine. But, dadgummit...these bastards on our floor are the sickest bastards on the planet!

We're on a floor where every other firm is either architects or engineers. We're the lone exception. I assume that these are highly educated folk. But, once they get in the crapper...all bets are off.

I've never heard such commotion in completing the simple task of peeing or making poo. They grunt. They sigh heavily. They spit. They fart out loud. They belch out loud. They groan.

What is the damn problem! Surely they know other people are in there. WTF are they doing making such a huge production of their bathroom time?

Seriously.

I Hate You Loudcrappers,
Tear Down This Wall

P.S. - Good heavens, man, get a hold of yourselves!

[BeetDigger]

"Hey, that sounds pretty nasty. How 'bout a courtesy flush?"

[frankensooner]

Dude, a restroom isn't a Church. ;)

[fadada1]

http://img452.imageshack.us/img452/2783/pictureconstipationbs1.gif (http://imageshack.us)

[sooner_born_1960]

Fart out loud? Hey, if I'm in the restroom, I fart. Out loud.

[OklahomaRed]

Hey, sometimes your "grub" gets hung and yah gotta just grunt. Tell them to eat more fiber !!! :D

[Tear Down This Wall]

Dude, a restroom isn't a Church. ;)

No, but it should be more peaceful than the one on our floor. It's like a dadgum ballbearing factory!

[homerSimpsonsBrain]

We'll try to keep it down Nancy

[jk the sooner fan]

farting outloud in a bathroom........the nerve of some people

[Frozen Sooner]

Just call me Thundercheeks McHosepipe.

Why the hell are you paying any attention at all to other people in the bathroom?

[frankensooner]

Don't be so pee shy! ;)

[Osce0la]

I haven't seen this many dadgum's since Bobby Bowden's last interview...

[picasso]

the best is when you need a cigarette afterwards.

[IB4OU2]

I'm thinking this guy's never spent much time in a locker room...

[jk the sooner fan]

the best is when you need a cigarette afterwards.

yeah, i remember enjoying a smoke after a meal too

[Tear Down This Wall]

Just call me Thundercheeks McHosepipe.

Why the hell are you paying any attention at all to other people in the bathroom?

I don't have any choice. They're so noisy, you're just kind of stuck there enduring it.

Look, if I'm sitting in stall one reading the newspaper or a file and someone comes in too pee in a urinal, I don't have any control over them. At the old office, people just came in, did their business, washed their hands and left.

Here, they come in and start up with the circus act. I ridiculous. I mean, every now and then, sure, a fart might slip out. But, folks, the people are releasing the flatulent equivalent of cluster bombs with alarming regularity.

I wonder what their wives think of them at home.

[mdklatt]

Look, if I'm sitting in stall one reading the newspaper or a file

:eek: :eek: :eek:

The newspaper is one thing, that's personal property. (Except for the person who "thoughtfully" leaves the newspaper neatly hung on the hand rail in the handicrapper--WTF is going to want to read it now?) But are you the only one that has to handle your files??

[frankensooner]

I am thinking George Costanza at the bookstore.

[picasso]

the worst for me was in art school. I spent my years in college in houses with my own bathroom. I get to art school (government run dump dorms) and it never failed when it was time to see a man about a dog some large swarthy lad would tie in at the stall next to me.:eek: :mad:

[Tear Down This Wall]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

The newspaper is one thing, that's personal property. (Except for the person who "thoughtfully" leaves the newspaper neatly hung on the hand rail in the handicrapper--WTF is going to want to read it now?) But are you the only one that has to handle your files??

Yes. I don't trust anyone else to do my work.

Although, the whole reason for taking a file to the auxiliary office is to concentrate without the disturbances from the phone, employees, etc. Now, though, you start reading into the file and BRAAAP! Some a-hole from up the hall is powerfarting out the remainder of last night's excursion to Taco Bell!

[mdklatt]

I am thinking George Costanza at the bookstore.

Or Finch in American Pie.

[Tear Down This Wall]

when it was time to see a man about a dog

This made me laugh out loud.

[fadada1]

"get your bathroom book out of here... before i punch you in the brain."

[VeeJay]

I Hate You Loudcrappers,
Tear Down This Wall

P.S. - Good heavens, man, get a hold of yourselves!

I think you better leave that wall up, brutha - or you WILL have a spectacle to deal with.

[Tear Down This Wall]

I think you better leave that wall up, brutha - or you WILL have a spectacle to deal with.

:eek:

[VeeJay]

You ever heard the tortuous screaming at the very end of Stone Temple Pilot's "Fly in the Vaseline?"

That's sort of what it sounds like when I drop. I always get strange looks when I walk past the cube farm back to my desk.

But it is really like a religious experience in there.

[OCUDad]

What a wuss. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the...

or whatever.

[WILBURJIM]

Just noises and smells, right? It's not like you're getting splashed or anything, or is it that too. Cause then I'd complain. :D

[Sooner98]

"I'm sorry, we can't take this book back. It's been flagged."

[TexasLidig8r]

Better now?

http://www.neatorama.com/images/2006-08/redneck-couch-toilet.jpg

[SoonerInKCMO]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

The newspaper is one thing, that's personal property. (Except for the person who "thoughtfully" leaves the newspaper neatly hung on the hand rail in the handicrapper--WTF is going to want to read it now?) But are you the only one that has to handle your files??

Me. :O

[mdklatt]

Me. :O

Find a newspaper. Sit down and read it. Notice where the bottom of the newspaper inevitably ends up.

:eek:

[william_brasky]

Anyone remember the Naked Gun (can't remember which one) scene where Frank goes to the restroom micd up? Good stuff.

If you have an iPod, take it with you on your restroom breaks.

[SoonerBK]

I think you are just being to sensitive.

[william_brasky]

btw, Loudcrapper is a great word.

[IB4OU2]

btw, Loudcrapper is a great word.

Is that Major's (MJCPR) brother?

[mdklatt]

There's a poster up in the men's room here about the proper way to wash your hands (seriously). I'm totally going to make a "DON'T BE A LOUDCRAPPER" poster and put it up instead.

[frankensooner]

Is it proper toilet etiquette to laugh when someone is an loudcrapper?

[mdklatt]

Is it proper toilet etiquette to laugh when someone is an loudcrapper?

NO LAUGHING in the john.

[frankensooner]

what if I hear a sploosh sploosh sploosh from the next stall?

[BeetDigger]

"Can you spare a square?"

[Tear Down This Wall]

I like the Loudcrapper Poster idea. Kind of like those OSHA or Work Comp posters big employers are required to display. Maybe the Democrats can do something about this. It's obvious the Republicans didn't. In fact, I'll switch parties if the Dems can help cut back on the loudcrapping.

[william_brasky]

Perhaps the South Oval could set up a Non-profit Organization which specializes in posting Loudcrapper PSAs in bathroom stalls.

No need for all that hubbub when seeing Mr. Brown off to the Coast.

[TexasSooner01]

Heh...You could always serve x-lax in their coffee!

[Mjcpr]

Please stay out of the hot tub (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahExDvlH1FM&eurl=)

[Ike]

see...you could totally have some fun with the loudcrappers if you wanted too. make a recording of some really loud long farts. take it with you to the auxilliaury office. when a loudcrapper starts ripping one, yell from your stall, "Is that all you got?! Sound off like you got a pair!" and proceed to play the recording of a loud fart.

[Tear Down This Wall]

Okay, I googled "loudcrapper" and came back with nothing. It's amazing to think that we've made it all the way to the 21st century without the word "loudcrapper."

[SoonerBK]

I would rather be a loudcrapper than a closetalker.

[Oldnslo]

wait. I can't fart in the bathroom anymore?

WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FART?

As long as there's no moaning involved, men don't recognize, much less complain about, bathroom noises. Man Law!

[C&CDean]

I guess y'all didn't spend time in the military 30-something+ years ago or more.

Just a row of crappers down one wall, right across from the sinks and mirrors. Open shower bay with maybe 15 shower heads or so. Nary a privacy wall in sight. While you're brushing your teeth, dude is wiping his ****-smeared *** right in the mirror you're looking at. Maybe 3 feet from you.

You had the sit-down wipers, the stand up wipers, the folders, the scrunchers, the nasty-assed inspect-their-poop-on-the-paper gang, the one-wipe-is-good-enough stinkbitches, and the non-flush brigade as well.

So, don't be whining because somebody farted in the ****house. It's a ****ing ****house for cryin-out-loud.

[JohnnyMack]

You have quite the inventory of *** wipers in your filthy head.

Perv.

[william_brasky]

I wonder if out-loudcrapping a loudcrapper would deter the loudcrapping.

Would he or she pipe down, or would this raise the bar and begin a loudcrap competition?

[BeetDigger]

You have quite the inventory of *** wipers in your filthy head.

Perv.



I think that's how the drill sargent had them line up in formation.

[VeeJay]

what if I hear a sploosh sploosh sploosh from the next stall?

Allow me to put this in perspective.

A sploosh would entail a plethora of unwelcome opportunities, most likely. A sploosh is like a splashdown, which means something's been ejected with considerable force. This could be caused by Mexican food, or too much beer consumed the night before and snacks as diverse as microwacve popcorn, bananas, tomatoes, two Slim Jims and some outdated soft tortilla shells rescued from the bottom of the crisper in the fridge - all consumed within a half an hour. The sploosh will also likely mean a separate flush just from all the toilet paper, bowl skidmarks, and burning arse - and a return trip for more wiping - and deep sixed underwear.

A plop, on the other hand, indicates good compactedness, a healthy digestive cycle, little need for wiping, and peace with one's own place in the universe.

Shoot for the plop, and not the sploosh.

[SoonerObsession]

"Who...does...Number 2 work for!!!???"

[william_brasky]

Shoot for the plop, and not the sploosh.

You are a poet.