Okla-homey
10/30/2006, 01:04 PM
-It's important to have a lawyer present when drafting a Living Will, as it makes the desire to be dead much more convincing.
-Specify which flavor of feeding tube nutrient you prefer. Otherwise you might get stuck with cream of mushroom indefinitely.
-If, after a catastrophic car crash, you wish to die despite the wishes of your parents, underline that directive with a red pen, then highlight the section with a flourescent highlighter.
- Leave at least one unflattering photo for the press. This point cannot be overemphasized.
- Explain in no uncertain terms, if you somehow return from the dead as a zombie, everyone is invited, nay, encouraged to shoot you in the head with a large caliber handgun.
- Research medical life-support technology and specify whether you prefer the Danninger Continuous Passive Device, an Emerson Suction Unit, or an ICEE machine.
- Comatose people have been demonstrated to exhibit a cerebral response to musical stimulation. Therefore, make sure your iPod is full of great tunage.
- A Living Will is a great way to meet notaries public.
- A health-care agent is the person assigned to make your medical end-of-life decisions in the event you can't. A talented, aggressive health-care agent will score you the absolute best medical care contract available, but will charge you a 15-20% commission.
- Telling your friends while drunk at a tailgate party that "it would suck to be a veg and on life support" does not constitute a valid Living Will. Make sure you write it down on a napkin.
- Don't underestimate how quickly your family, including your loving spouse and cherubic kiddies, will tire of the burden you become.
- If you opt for indefinite life-support, make sure your family is legally restricted from writing "Golden Palace.com" on your forehead or dressing you up as a corporate mascot and renting you out for company "team-building" functions.
-Specify which flavor of feeding tube nutrient you prefer. Otherwise you might get stuck with cream of mushroom indefinitely.
-If, after a catastrophic car crash, you wish to die despite the wishes of your parents, underline that directive with a red pen, then highlight the section with a flourescent highlighter.
- Leave at least one unflattering photo for the press. This point cannot be overemphasized.
- Explain in no uncertain terms, if you somehow return from the dead as a zombie, everyone is invited, nay, encouraged to shoot you in the head with a large caliber handgun.
- Research medical life-support technology and specify whether you prefer the Danninger Continuous Passive Device, an Emerson Suction Unit, or an ICEE machine.
- Comatose people have been demonstrated to exhibit a cerebral response to musical stimulation. Therefore, make sure your iPod is full of great tunage.
- A Living Will is a great way to meet notaries public.
- A health-care agent is the person assigned to make your medical end-of-life decisions in the event you can't. A talented, aggressive health-care agent will score you the absolute best medical care contract available, but will charge you a 15-20% commission.
- Telling your friends while drunk at a tailgate party that "it would suck to be a veg and on life support" does not constitute a valid Living Will. Make sure you write it down on a napkin.
- Don't underestimate how quickly your family, including your loving spouse and cherubic kiddies, will tire of the burden you become.
- If you opt for indefinite life-support, make sure your family is legally restricted from writing "Golden Palace.com" on your forehead or dressing you up as a corporate mascot and renting you out for company "team-building" functions.