Question for the guys

[Melo]

Say youre in a relationship, fairly new, but you spend a good amount of time together. You seem to be on the same page about everything, with enough minor issues to keep everything interesting. When does talk about the future become talk about the future instead of just talk to pass the time?

The reason I ask: here in the last week, my guy has been making comments like 'Well, further down the road, when we'll have been together longer, and be more serious...' etc etc. He has even made plans about Christmas and what-not, and they involve me.

Do guys usually say these kinds of things if they dont mean them? Or do guys usually just say whatever they please or they think will make a girl happy, regardless of whether or not they plan on being with them?

TIA for any answers that are serious and dont make fun of me.

TIA for any answers that are all in fun and making fun of me. Except the opposite of thanks.

[Skysooner]

Melo,

That is the way I was with my wife of 15 years, and I had never done that with anyone else. Take that for what you will.

[SicEmBaylor]

If you remember that ONE thing and ONE thing only is on the mind of any guy then you already know the answer to quesitons such as this.

[GottaHavePride]

Just from my point of view, I sure as hell wouldn't say crap like that if I still wasn't sure whether I liked the girl enough to be with her long-term.

Of course, I usually don't even ask a chick out until I know her well enough to have figured that out.

[crawfish]

Guys typically say anything to get into your pants. This is for both those who want a fling as well as those who want a long-term relationship.

We're just sick that way. :)

[SicEmBaylor]

Look Melo...if you don't like my Christmas plans just let me know and we'll work something else out...;)

KIDDING

[GottaHavePride]

Guys typically say anything to get into your pants. This is for both those who want a fling as well as those who want a long-term relationship.

We're just sick that way. :)
Well, yeah, but if you don't like the girl in a long-term way, you don't go making Christmas plans. because then you run the risk of her still being around at Christmastime. ;)

[SicEmBaylor]

Honestly...kidding aside...
I think it's safe to say he envisions having a future with you.

[Melo]

Well, thats what I thought. BUT, as always, I am wary of guys. I dont trust them when they say a lot of things BECAUSE of the fact that most guys are trying to get some from a girl. I know thats what most, if not all guys are after. I'm not stupid. well, not too stupid.

Its weird how fast he's become my best friend. He knows how I feel about everything concerning that certain topic, and he's still around. He either is alright with that or hes willing to wait it out.

Regardless, guys are tricky. Ive never had a guy talk to me about... the future. And when I say he talks about the future... he doesnt just talk about things he plans on doing, or things he wants to see happen... but he talks about helping me pay for certain things, etc. Kind of throws one off if you arent expecting that.

[hurricane'bone]

Sounds like he's trying for Article 20
;)

[yermom]

does it really matter?

if he's not going to dump you then you are wasting your time worrying about this

if he is, you are wasting the time you could just be having fun together

unless this is some veiled question about giving it up...

[Melo]

does it really matter?

if he's not going to dump you then you are wasting your time worrying about this

if he is, you are wasting the time you could just be having fun together

unless this is some veiled question about giving it up...

I'm not allowed to be curious? I'm a girl... I'm supposed to question these things. And this is actually the first time that I have stopped to even ask questions. I've just been going with the flow. I just wanted some secon opinions. So eat dirt. ;)

[KC//CRIMSON]

Once you "give it up" your relationship life will be much easier and questions like these will be easier to answer yourself.

Word.

[SicEmBaylor]

I'm not allowed to be curious? I'm a girl... I'm supposed to question these things. And this is actually the first time that I have stopped to even ask questions. I've just been going with the flow. I just wanted some secon opinions. So eat dirt. ;)

I used to judge everyone I met by asking "Are you a Republican?" I could tell a lot about a person based on that answer.

That's no good anymore though so now I ask, "What are your thoughts on the diminishing value of divided soverignty within the constitutional system and its effect on centralized government?"

So, I think you should at least ask him if he's a Republican and go form there.

[1stTimeCaller]

Melo, there are no answers, just questions. yermom is right. Don't over analyze it just go with the flow have fun, throw your ankles up in the air, see if you can get them behind your ears. ;)

[Jimminy Crimson]

http://www.cvs.com/Assets/images_product_large/042657.jpg

:texan:

[Melo]

I used to judge everyone I met by asking "Are you a Republican?" I could tell a lot about a person based on that answer.

That's no good anymore though so now I ask, "What are your thoughts on the diminishing value of divided soverignty within the constitutional system and its effect on centralized government?"

So, I think you should at least ask him if he's a Republican and go form there.

That wont work. At all. But thanks for the suggestion.

[Octavian]

does it really matter?

if he's not going to dump you then you are wasting your time worrying about this

if he is, you are wasting the time you could just be having fun together

unless this is some veiled question about giving it up...

exactly.

I'd be more worried about the fact someone I just started datin' is daydreamin' about retirement w/ me.

[OCUDad]

So eat dirt. ;)Obviously he loves you for your delicate feminine ways.

Seriously, there's no telling. Some guys are the type to say anything if they think it'll get you to come across. Others are sincere. What matters most is how you feel about him. Your vow of chastity aside, slow him down if you think he's going too fast. Or let it just happen if you like him. By "it," I mean the relationship, not... you know... "it."

Sorry for being serious.

[soonerboomer93]

Look Melo...if you don't like my Christmas plans just let me know and we'll work something else out...;)



But I hear branson at christmas is :hot:

[Stoop Dawg]

Seriously, do NOT confuse the fact that there MAY be a future together with the assumption that there WILL be a future together.

Plans are plans, not necessarily committments. If you take these cues and go too fast, he'll run away. Book it.

Go with the flow. If the plans work out, great. If not, no biggie. Once you've been together for a YEAR or so you can start making more assumptions. After a year if he's not ready to at least talk about marriage, cut bait.

YWIA.

[Melo]

Melo, there are no answers, just questions. yermom is right. Don't over analyze it just go with the flow have fun, throw your ankles up in the air, see if you can get them behind your ears. ;)

I'm not analyzing. If I were analyzing, I would be asking specific questions about very sepcific things he says and does. This was a rather general question, I think. And the first time that I have stopped to ask. I HAVE been going with the flow, and its been working out pretty well. I am MELO, after all, I dont do much else besides... go with the flow. But you have to admit... that in a relationship, when it hits you for the first time that things might not be as go with the flow as you had originally thought, it has a small tendancy to make you stop and ask a couple of questions.

And I thought there would be no better place than right here to get various opinions.

That being said, I dont think I will throw my ankles up in the air and see if I can get them behind my ears. That might be fun for a lot of girls, but I prefer to keep some self respect and not be labeled a whore. Kthanksbye.

[GottaHavePride]

Damn. I wasn't going to go that far, although in all seriousness here, Melo - I know you're committed to not doing anything of that sort before marriage, and I respect that. but I think because of that you're maybe actually a little over-paranoid about that sort of thing. Despite what you might think, that's NOT always the first thing on a guy's mind.

[Melo]

Dad and Stoop, you both said things that make a lot of sense to me. Thank you.

[1stTimeCaller]

emo prudes are all the rage with the young kids these days, or so I hear. ;) thankyouverymuchforplaying

[Octavian]

Seriously, do NOT confuse the fact that there MAY be a future together with the assumption that there WILL be a future together.

Plans are plans, not necessarily committments. If you take these cues and go too fast, he'll run away. Book it.

Go with the flow. If the plans work out, great. If not, no biggie. Once you've been together for a YEAR or so you can start making more assumptions. After a year if he's not ready to at least talk about marriage, cut bait.

YWIA.


http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/6457/drphilen3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Melo]

Damn. I wasn't going to go that far, although in all seriousness here, Melo - I know you're committed to not doing anything of that sort before marriage, and I respect that. but I think because of that you're maybe actually a little over-paranoid about that sort of thing. Despite what you might think, that's NOT always the first thing on a guy's mind.

Well, I started questioning that decision this summer. I mean, the decision always came from me, never from my parents or from my religion. Always me. So I started questioning it, and I came to the conclusion that if I dont wait until marriage, then the relationship will have to be...quite... involved and serious. All of that aside, I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.

[Stoop Dawg]

Seriously, do NOT confuse the fact that there MAY be a future together with the assumption that there WILL be a future together.

Plans are plans, not necessarily committments. If you take these cues and go too fast, he'll run away. Book it.

Go with the flow. If the plans work out, great. If not, no biggie. Once you've been together for a YEAR or so you can start making more assumptions. After a year if he's not ready to at least talk about marriage, cut bait.

YWIA.

This assumes you are over age 25. If you are under age 25, enjoy the relationship but DO NOT even consider marriage.

[Stoop Dawg]

http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/6457/drphilen3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

That hurts. That REALLY hurts.

[Stoop Dawg]

All of that aside, I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.

You'll wonder what you missed after you get married. Danger ahead....

[GottaHavePride]

Well, I started questioning that decision this summer. I mean, the decision always came from me, never from my parents or from my religion. Always me. So I started questioning it, and I came to the conclusion that if I dont wait until marriage, then the relationship will have to be...quite... involved and serious. All of that aside, I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.

And there's nothing wrong with that. There's a BIG difference between a girl that sleeps with a guy because they're in a relationship and she feels ok with it, and a girl that'll **** anything that walks.

[Melo]

This assumes you are over age 25. If you are under age 25, enjoy the relationship but DO NOT even consider marriage.

I'm not. But dont MOST people meet the people the person they marry in college?

I'm not even talking about marriage. You brought that up. That aside... he IS older than me, so maybe that has something to do with it?

[Melo]

You'll wonder what you missed after you get married. Danger ahead....

Will I really? What if the relationship leads to marriage? Do a lot of people wait until marriage? I know a lot more dont than do.

[1stTimeCaller]

the more likely a girl is to stab you in the neck the better the secks will be.


I just thought I'd throw that out there.

[hurricane'bone]

Well, I started questioning that decision this summer. I mean, the decision always came from me, never from my parents or from my religion. Always me. So I started questioning it, and I came to the conclusion that if I dont wait until marriage, then the relationship will have to be...quite... involved and serious. All of that aside, I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.


I'm going to ask you a question and I mean no disrespect by it. Is this issue really that black and white to you? Whenever you post about it, it seems that any girl that has had sex automatically gets labled a whore, slut, or a *** dumpster. When, for the most part, that isn't the case at all. In my 23 years of existence, I've never heard a guy talk about bagging another trophy or anything like that. Its been kept on the d/l and I don't look at the girl in a different way.

Once again, I mean no disrepect or anything, it just seems like there is no middle ground; you're either a virgin or a s[k]ank.

[Stoop Dawg]

I'm not. But dont MOST people meet the people the person they marry in college?

And most people end up divorced. Coincidence? ;)

Seriously, get your education, career, and finances in order. Then start looking for a spouse.

Check that. Get your education, career, and finances in order - then have some fun in life (doesn't HAVE to be sex, but sow your wild oats, however wild those oats are) - then start looking for a spouse.

[Stoop Dawg]

Will I really? What if the relationship leads to marriage? Do a lot of people wait until marriage? I know a lot more dont than do.

You'll have to forgive my arrogant, "know it all" attitude. Let me rephrase - some of the people I know ended up getting a divorce primarily due to a failure to sow their oats prior to marriage.

And you have to know that free advice is worth what you pay for it.

[1stTimeCaller]

I saw on the news this morning that for the first time in America there are more single people than married people.

I just thought I'd throw that out there.

[leavingthezoo]

your first mistake was asking these guys for advice. :D

[OCUDad]

I blame the Democrats.

[VeeJay]

There's only one appropriate thing to do, and that is to bring the significant other in to this round table discussion.

He will certainly receive sage advice, and you will have a certain comfort zone. Those like me - fence straddlers - will support your side, regardless of what the circumstances are.

We shall find a way to work this to your advantage.

[SicEmBaylor]

But I hear branson at christmas is :hot:

Heh...

I've been to Branson at around Christmas actually. I went to Silver Dollar City and briefly met Bob Hope who was there to light the Christmas tree.

[Melo]

I'm going to ask you a question and I mean no disrespect by it. Is this issue really that black and white to you? Whenever you post about it, it seems that any girl that has had sex automatically gets labled a whore, slut, or a *** dumpster. When, for the most part, that isn't the case at all. In my 23 years of existence, I've never heard a guy talk about bagging another trophy or anything like that. Its been kept on the d/l and I don't look at the girl in a different way.

Once again, I mean no disrepect or anything, it just seems like there is no middle ground; you're either a virgin or a s[k]ank.

I'm sure there are women out there who are very respectable. But when all I see are trashy girls who have no shame in asking guys 'Hey what are you doing? Want to f**k?' Well, excuse me for going to the extreme. That disgusts me. How can anyone be so casual about something like that? Those girls have no self respect, and I refuse to be like that.

But on the flip side, I wouldnt be a proper college kid, growing up and everything, if I didnt question even my own decisions.

[hurricane'bone]

I'm sure there are women out there who are very respectable. But when all I see are trashy girls who have no shame in asking guys 'Hey what are you doing? Want to f**k?' Well, excuse me for going to the extreme. That disgusts me. How can anyone be so casual about something like that? Those girls have no self respect, and I refuse to be like that.

But on the flip side, I wouldnt be a proper college kid, growing up and everything, if I didnt question even my own decisions.


If that's all your seeing, then you should change the people you see.

[Melo]

your first mistake was asking these guys for advice. :D

No better way to get every kind of opinion under the sun than to ask the SO.

[Melo]

If that's all your seeing, then you should change the people you see.

I'm working on transfering out of this place. Its not so easy when you dont exactly have the money to go wherever you please. Trust me. If there was any way I didnt have to be here, I wouldnt be.

And yes, I am exaggerating things maybe a bit, but the fact of the matter is... it doesnt seem like there are a whole lot of girls my age who have some self respect.

[yermom]

i think i know where i am stopping on the way to College Station

[hurricane'bone]

Seriously.

Melo, I think you'll be quite surprised when you get away from Blinn(?).

[Melo]

Seriously.

Melo, I think you'll be quite surprised when you get away from Blinn(?).

I know I will. I hope I will. Blinn is like... highschool with its drama, and bs. And I make things sound worse than they probably are, but only because girls and trashiness are a huge pet peeve of mine. I shouldnt care about it all, but I do.

Regardless of my personal beliefs, I DID get my question answered, which is a good thing. Thanks.

[GottaHavePride]

I know I will. I hope I will. Blinn is like... highschool with its drama, and bs. And I make things sound worse than they probably are, but only because girls and trashiness are a huge pet peeve of mine. I shouldnt care about it all, but I do.

Regardless of my personal beliefs, I DID get my question answered, which is a good thing. Thanks.

Look at it this way. Some people at Blinn are there for various reasons like you. But also keep in mind that, from the way you make it sound, a LOT of them are probably there because during high school they chose to party and get laid a lot and didn't have the grades to go anywhere else. So you're probably not really looking at a representative cross-section. ;)

[soonerboomer93]

Heh...

I've been to Branson at around Christmas actually. I went to Silver Dollar City and briefly met Bob Hope who was there to light the Christmas tree.

Did he do the tree lighting at 3 pm so you old farts could hit the dinner special at 4 and Matlock at 5?

[olevetonahill]

If you remember that ONE thing and ONE thing only is on the mind of any guy then you already know the answer to quesitons such as this.
Zima ?

[soonerboomer93]

I dated a girl for a while who was saving herself for marriage. For the longest time she would anything but the actualy secks, which makes no sense to me. After a few months, she had changed her mind and wanted the secks.

Funny thing is, after we broke up, I heard she ended up sleeping around with a couple guys.

[olevetonahill]

Well, thats what I thought. BUT, as always, I am wary of guys. I dont trust them when they say a lot of things BECAUSE of the fact that most guys are trying to get some from a girl. I know thats what most, if not all guys are after. I'm not stupid. well, not too stupid.

Its weird how fast he's become my best friend. He knows how I feel about everything concerning that certain topic, and he's still around. He either is alright with that or hes willing to wait it out.

Regardless, guys are tricky. Ive never had a guy talk to me about... the future. And when I say he talks about the future... he doesnt just talk about things he plans on doing, or things he wants to see happen... but he talks about helping me pay for certain things, etc. Kind of throws one off if you arent expecting that.
dont let him pay for a damn thing :eek: hold out till YOUR wedding night
nuff said :eek:

[Melo]

dont let him pay for a damn thing :eek: hold out till YOUR wedding night
nuff said :eek:

:eek:

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Not paying for anything....

Wow.

Ok, when I say certain things, I mean things that are material. Not.. anything else.

[olevetonahill]

I'm not. But dont MOST people meet the people the person they marry in college?

I'm not even talking about marriage. You brought that up. That aside... he IS older than me, so maybe that has something to do with it?
Ive known several happy couples that met in grade school never even kissed anyone else . then there's ole bastages like me :eek:

[olevetonahill]

I'm working on transfering out of this place. Its not so easy when you dont exactly have the money to go wherever you please. Trust me. If there was any way I didnt have to be here, I wouldnt be.

And yes, I am exaggerating things maybe a bit, but the fact of the matter is... it doesnt seem like there are a whole lot of girls my age who have some self respect.
YMSSRA

[olevetonahill]

:eek:

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Not paying for anything....

Wow.

Ok, when I say certain things, I mean things that are material. Not.. anything else.
I meant paying for your bills and stuff . not you :eek:
you pay your way he pays his . then the bastage cant try to pull the old ' you owe me ' crap. clear ?

[TUSooner]

Obviously he loves you for your delicate feminine ways.

Seriously, there's no telling. Some guys are the type to say anything if they think it'll get you to come across. Others are sincere. What matters most is how you feel about him. Your vow of chastity aside, slow him down if you think he's going too fast. Or let it just happen if you like him. By "it," I mean the relationship, not... you know... "it."

Sorry for being serious.

Listen to the old guy!
Not EVERY guy in the world thinks that f***ing is THE most important thing evar, although maybe 97.4 % of male SO posters do. :D

[12]

Sounds like he's trying for Article 20
;)

Quality post.

[royalfan5]

I'm not. But dont MOST people meet the people the person they marry in college?

I'm not even talking about marriage. You brought that up. That aside... he IS older than me, so maybe that has something to do with it?
Most people I know who met their spouse in college have pretty depressing lives right now. There are some exceptions like there are to every rule, but in general it ain't pretty.

[Howzit]

When he is gazing into your eyes lovingly, holding your hand, talking about the future, he's really thinking about Article 20.

[StoopTroup]

If your both Virgins...

Then what does any of this matter.

If he's willing to wait too...then he feels you are the girl of his dreams.

If he's been married a couple of times and been through rehab...

Well...I guess it could still workout...;)

[sooneron]

I think people that meet their spouses between the age of 18 and 22 are pretty much only in the southern parts of the US. I'm sure someone will come back at me with some statistic, but enjoy life as a young person.
Like Stoop Dawg said, get your life in order, then, think about getting hitched. People that get married in college generally have no clue as to what to expect after they graduate- COLLEGE IS NOT THE REAL WORLD.

I respect your decision to hold off giving up the v card (and I was truly a dog out there), though your reasons are somewhat suspect. I don't think that a girl entering an engagement or marriage with the experiece of being with two or three guys would ever be considered slutty. If she was, the guy has issues.

As far as the future plans stuff goes, I'm sure I was guilty of it from time to time with my first serious gf in college (had already done the deed tho), sometimes people get caught in a moment of getting carried away. It's not that I didn't mean it - the chick was a psycho, but making plans with someone that you like is natural, to an extent. If he were talking kids, that would be another thing.

[mdklatt]

I'm sure there are women out there who are very respectable. But when all I see are trashy girls who have no shame in asking guys 'Hey what are you doing? Want to f**k?' Well, excuse me for going to the extreme. That disgusts me. How can anyone be so casual about something like that? Those girls have no self respect, and I refuse to be like that.


There's a middle ground between being casual about sex and putting it on a pedestal (which often leads to hang-ups, IMO).

[yermom]

There's a middle ground between being casual about sex and putting it on a pedestal (which often leads to hang-ups, IMO).

you're putting the ***** on a pedestal...

[colleyvillesooner]

Most people I know who met their spouse in college have pretty depressing lives right now. There are some exceptions like there are to every rule, but in general it ain't pretty.

I know of a TON of people who married right out of college and were divorced in 2 years.

[leavingthezoo]

so what you guys are saying is "educatin' is bad for marraige"


:D

[yermom]

Most people I know who met their spouse in college have pretty depressing lives right now. There are some exceptions like there are to every rule, but in general it ain't pretty.

yeah, but i'm guessing they also live in Nebraska ;)

[StoopTroup]

Don't listen to them Melo...

Marriage is like Disneyland...only better. :D

[colleyvillesooner]

Don't listen to them Melo...

Marriage is like Disneyland...only with a lot less whores. :D

fixed

[mdklatt]

so what you guys are saying is "educatin' is bad for marraige"



Don't forget: Marriage before sex is wrong.

[sanantoniosooner]

Sex after marriage is rare. :D

:(

[1stTimeCaller]

Don't listen to them Melo...

Marriage is like Disneyland...only better. :D

Hell, did you read about the chicks at her college? That my friend is like Disneyland, only better!

[proud gonzo]

ok, two things in this thread bother me a little.

first of all, I think SToop DAwg made some good points, but I want to know why you said something about if you're under 25 don't even consider marriage--I mean, i get your point about divorce rates and that sort of thing, but I think you're making the same sort of generality that Melo is. I agree, the majority of people under 25 or so are too immature for marriage. I know probably 7 or 8 couples getting married soon and maybe only one of those couples seems like they ought to get married. But on the other hand my parents got married in their early twenties the day after their college graduation (i think) and they've been married for 30 years.


And as to Melo's sex hangup--i promise i don't mean any of this to be insulting. But it just doesn't make sense the way you talk about sex. I mean, you act like every person who has ever had sex before marriage (which is probably a majority of the world and almost definitely a majority on this board) is a skanky whore. And I agree that sleeping around and screwing indiscriminately is whorish. I know several people who fit that description rather well.
lemme find your quote

Always me. So I started questioning it, and I came to the conclusion that if I dont wait until marriage, then the relationship will have to be...quite... involved and serious. All of that aside, I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.
That seems to be a total contradiction to everything else you say. It sounds like you're just scared of a serious relationship. And in that context I understand why you think sex would be bad. If all you want in a relationship is something fun and not serious and you have problems with sex in that way, I get what you mean. But I don't know what exactly you meant by that part in bold up there, but that quote seems a little backwards or confused to me.

Anyway, I don't think anyone on here is saying you should go around having sex just for fun. Well, some of the horndogs are, but I think mostly we're arguing that it's okay to have sex before marriage when you're in a relationship--an actual committed relationship that is "involved and serious" like you say.

[Beef]

I wish I was more of a skanky whore these days.:O :(

[leavingthezoo]

I wish I was more of a skanky whore these days.:O :(

you'll always be a skanky whore to me. :D

[mdklatt]

But on the other hand my parents got married in their early twenties the day after their college graduation (i think) and they've been married for 30 years.

My parents have been married even longer, and they've been together since high school. But maybe they just got lucky. People in college by and large do not know what the hell they want yet. People can't even decide what to major in yet they know exactly what they want out of a spouse?

I know I just p***ed off everybody under 25, and every one of you are thinking to yourself "what's that crazy old fart know anway?" But guess what? Every younger person has said that about every older person since the dawn of time--even us crazy old farts. And then you become a "crazy old fart" and the light bulb goes off: "I cannot believe what a focktard I was when I was younger." There's a reason car insurance rates drop at 25, y'all.

[TexasLidig8r]

you're putting the ***** on a pedestal...

http://www.baronbob.com/40yearoldvirgindoll.jpg

Go with the flow and enjoy life.. be resolute in your OWN morality and beliefs, but have the courage to question others.. as well as yourself ... above all things, at all times, be true to yourself.

[Stoop Dawg]

I want to know why you said something about if you're under 25 don't even consider marriage--I mean, i get your point about divorce rates and that sort of thing, but I think you're making the same sort of generality that Melo is.

Age 25 is somewhat arbitrary. Not everyone is the same.


I agree, the majority of people under 25 or so are too immature for marriage.

Well, there you go.


But on the other hand my parents got married in their early twenties the day after their college graduation (i think) and they've been married for 30 years.

Exceptions to the rule are just that. Exceptions. To the rule. My parents were also married younger than 25.

Let me flip it on you. What compelling reason is there to hurry up and get married before you are 25?

[proud gonzo]

you said "If you are under age 25, enjoy the relationship but DO NOT even consider marriage." I don't mean that you should get married under 25, but I think it's silly to say you shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage with that person.

[Stoop Dawg]

you said "If you are under age 25, enjoy the relationship but DO NOT even consider marriage." I don't mean that you should get married under 25, but I think it's silly to say you shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage with that person.

Ah, gotcha. That's just me being a smart-*** to try to get my point across.

[KC//CRIMSON]

it seems that any girl that has had sex automatically gets labled a whore, slut, or a *** dumpster.


Never heard that one before.


I just thought I'd throw that out there.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I don't think it has anything to do with age. I don't think it has anything to do with reaching a certain milestone.

I think it has to do with reaching that point in your life when you figure out who you are and what it is you want from life. What it is you want and need from another person. What it is you can offer someone else. What it is that truly makes you happy. What it is you need to make you happy. And what it is you can give someone else to make them happy.

Sometimes this happens when you're young and sometimes people don't figure it out until later in life. That's why you get the disparity being discussed in this thread. Some 25 year olds are very mature and stable. Some are idots. Some 40 year olds are very mature and stable. And some are idots.

In order for a relationship to be strong and long-lasting it has to be based on something meaningful and real. Something that's very important to both people. Something they'd never compromise no matter what. And usually - USUALLY - people don't figure out what this is until they've lived a little while and gain some wisdom from life. Until they've gained enough wisdom to decide what does make it worthwhile and what they'd do to keep it that way.

But that's just what I think.

:mack:

[colleyvillesooner]

I don't think it has anything to do with age. I don't think it has anything to do with reaching a certain milestone.

I think it has to do with reaching that point in your life when you figure out who you are and what it is you want from life. What it is you want and need from another person. What it is you can offer someone else. What it is that truly makes you happy. What it is you need to make you happy. And what it is you can give someone else to make them happy.

Sometimes this happens when you're young and sometimes people don't figure it out until later in life. That's why you get the disparity being discussed in this thread. Some 25 year olds are very mature and stable. Some are idots. Some 40 year olds are very mature and stable. And some are idots.

In order for a relationship to be strong and long-lasting it has to be based on something meaningful and real. Something that's very important to both people. Something they'd never compromise no matter what. And usually - USUALLY - people don't figure out what this is until they've lived a little while and gain some wisdom from life. Until they've gained enough wisdom to decide what does make it worthwhile and what they'd do to keep it that way.

But that's just what I think.

:mack:

Yeah, but you're skanky...

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

A$$ dumpster?


Sounds...skany.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Yeah, but you're skanky...

Beano's gonna neg the ever-lovin crap out of you for that.

[colleyvillesooner]

Beano's gonna neg the ever-lovin crap out of you for that.

Why, is he skanky too?

Man, this thread is skanktatcular.

[yermom]

i thought it was baby batter

[mdklatt]

you said "If you are under age 25, enjoy the relationship but DO NOT even consider marriage." I don't mean that you should get married under 25, but I think it's silly to say you shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage with that person.

Absolutely. It's entirely possible to stumble across the person of your dreams when you're young; it happens all the time. The problem is that you may not know who the person of your dreams is yet, so don't rush into marriage.

[Howzit]

Some 40 year olds are very mature and stable. And some are idots.




:les: DON'T THINK I DON'T NOT KNOW WHO YOU COULD MAYBE BE TALKIN' ABOUT!!!

:mad:

[yermom]

she said 40, not 60

[mdklatt]

What compelling reason is there to hurry up and get married before you are 25?

A pretty big one for people who are saving themselves for marriage, which is why I think marriage before sex is a bad idea. It's too easy to confuse lust for love, especially when you're young.

[mdklatt]

A$$ dumpster?



That's not it....

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Oh.

And ewww....

[TexasLidig8r]

That's not it....

I'm glad you pointed that out so I didn't have to....


perv...



:D

[KC//CRIMSON]

That might be fun for a lot of girls, but I prefer to keep some self respect and not be labeled a whore. Kthanksbye.

I still dont want to be seen as that kind of girl, so going around and doing that thing for mere fun isnt going to be an option for me.


But when all I see are trashy girls who have no shame in asking guys 'Hey what are you doing? Want to f**k?' Well, excuse me for going to the extreme. That disgusts me. How can anyone be so casual about something like that? Those girls have no self respect, and I refuse to be like that.

it doesnt seem like there are a whole lot of girls my age who have some self respect.

but only because girls and trashiness are a huge pet peeve of mine. I shouldnt care about it all, but I do.

http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/6457/drphilen3.jpg

Listen to what you're saying?

It sounds like that somewhere along the line you got a really jacked up perception of relationships and sex. You really drive the "Fire and Brimstone" of seeing sex as a bad thing. Did your mother cheat on your father? Is uncle Larry a perv? Were you raised Omish?

It is possible to have a sexual relationship with someone who actually cares about you. And guess what? You don't have to be married or worry about being labeled, etc..... Happens every day. Good luck!:cool:

[crawfish]

Exceptions to the rule are just that. Exceptions. To the rule. My parents were also married younger than 25.

Let me flip it on you. What compelling reason is there to hurry up and get married before you are 25?

Married at 22, my wife was 20. We were in love and were sure we wanted to spend our life together. 17 years ago, one month from yesterday. Yes, we are very happy. I know a bunch of other people in the same position.

I'd imagine age - as long as it isn't pre-HS graduation - has very little to do with whether or not a marriage makes it. The older you are, the more set in one's ways one becomes and the more difficult it is to make the compromises that a solid marriage takes.

[hurricane'bone]

Never heard that one before.


I just thought I'd throw that out there.


I learned 26 different sayings like that in one night.

Thank you Hazing*.


*;)

[mdklatt]

perv...


Hey, I didn't make it up.


Although I do think it's funny.


*** dumpster

Heh.

[colleyvillesooner]

Beano's gonna neg the ever-lovin crap out of you for that.

You weren't kidding.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

You weren't kidding.

:D

[TopDawg]

In fact, you sound a LOT like how I talked when I was in HS/College. I probably wrote something like that in my unicorn diary at one point.

Nope, I checked. Nothing in there about that.

[TUSooner]

Unlike Beano, I did not swear off of anything (for long). But I finally figured out that getting drunk and stoned and having sex (not much, actually :rolleyes: ) in order to fit in and impress people and not seem like a self-righteous jerk was foolish. (Misery and fools love company.)
Although it certainly does not hold true in every case, most of the "good" people of my youth turned out to be well-adjusted and successfull adults by most measures. On the other hand, most of the so-called "fun" people have had lives of trouble, failed marriages, money problems, mental prolems and all that. Go figure - maybe Grandma was right!

As for marriage...

Beano?
:pop:

[colleyvillesooner]

Ah, man, Beans, that was some good stuff, and EXACTLY what she needed to hear. I'd think about putting it in a PEEM. Seriously. You laid it all out. I was kinda the same way, but figured it out halfway through college and still had some good times.

[Mjcpr]

Beans is such a tightass with his stories and life experience.

[colleyvillesooner]

I like the nickname Beans though.

[bri]

Just from my point of view, I sure as hell wouldn't say crap like that if I still wasn't sure whether I liked the girl enough to be with her long-term.

Of course, I usually don't even ask a chick out until I know her well enough to have figured that out.

And even THEN, it seems to take you for-f*ck-ever to pull the trigger. :D

[Penguin]

This message has been deleted by Beano's Fourth Chin (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/member.php?u=36432). Reason: changed my mind about sharing. Man, I always miss the good stuff.