Spent Sunday Afternoon With An Alzheimer's Patient

[VeeJay]

We had my mother-in-law's birthday at our house Sunday. Her parents are in their late 70's, the mother is good, the father not doing so good.

I haven't seen them in a year, but have heard that "Ed" was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and was starting to forget things - simple things, like sitting at a table and getting frustrated because he didn't know how to oput butter on his biscuit, stuff like that.

So he comes over with his daughter and we're watching the Dolphins game on TV. He asked me about a half dozen times if the game was being played today. He asked me probably five times whose birthday it was (his daughter's). Some of my daughter's cousins from Miami were there, and he asked me countless times if the kids were somehow related. Asked me countless times if I was the grandpa for those kids. Asked me who my wife was. He didn't know me from Adam. Last time I saw him he knew me, asked me about my parents, my job, etc. In a year he's gotten a lot worse. He didn't know where he was, even though he's been to our house probably 15-20 times over the years. Probably 20 times he said he didn't remember the last time he was at our house, but he know he's been there before. In atuality, he didn't remember the last time he made that comment. :(

His health seems to be otherwise, fine. His family members (one of his sons came over also) sort of stayed away from him. I engaged him in conversation and answered all his questions. Maybe his family just needed a break, but each day is going to get a little more challenging. I was surprised they weren't paying a little more attention to him or talking to him more. Even though it's a pain in the a$$ to do so.

I've always liked the guy. He was a fighter pilot in Korea, and also had some neat tales about flying F-4's. But he didn't talk much about that stuff on Sunday.

[picasso]

yeah. when I get an instant replay question from an older person I just answer it again. it does no good to tell them they just said/asked that already. I'm sure it makes them feel bad.

[BoogercountySooner]

My 76 year old mother lives with my family and suffers from demensia. She forgets things easily I have to try to be very patient with her. She is in the hospital right now with pneumonia!:(

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Good show, VeeJay.

Like you said, this cat was runnin' and gunnin' the skies over Korea at one point in time. Hell of a resume, right there. And some folks don't get that. They get frustrated over time, downright angry, even with the constant barrage of questions, constant reminders, and the eventual point it draws to.

But you did the right thing, man. Ed has earned his. You'd think folks would be a lil' more appreciative and respectful.

[Howzit]

I know a guy whose dad is in the early stages of dimentia. Dad is moving to an assisted living place. He called son out (in Fla) to help get things in order. Dad apparently video taped everything (BDs, holidays, every days, you name it) from the time the technology was available and has rooms of old vhs tapes stacked up.

The conversation went something like this:

Dad: I need you to help me find something.

Son: Sure dad, anything.

Dad: Before your mom died (in her late 70's/early 80's) we made some tapes.

Son: Oooookay...

Dad: Sex tapes.

Son: Uhhhh...

Dad: I can't bare the thought of you sisters finding them when I die. I need you to find them and destroy them

Son: Dad, they'll probably never...

Dad: No. I can't leave unless I know they are destroyed.

Son: Ok, how may are there?

Dad: I don't remember.

So, son is watching rooms full of vhs tapes trying to find sex tapes of elderly mom and dad doing it.

[JohnnyMack]

This thread just got better.

[yermom]

as sad as that is, it's hilarious

[NormanPride]

This is why I appreciate every second I have left. And why my memories of my grandmother when she was still mostly there are some of my most precious.

Good show, VeeJay.

[Mjcpr]

My grandmother has Alzheimer's too and when she was still "functioning" she asked a lot of the same things and asked a lot of things over and over. It's frustrating but you have to make yourself not blame them. They're not doing it on purpose. It's sad. :(

[Howzit]

It is sad, and I don't mean to trivialize.

It's so hard on the whole family...

[Mjcpr]

It is sad, and I don't mean to trivialize.

It's so hard on the whole family...

Thanks, we heard you the first time.

[sooner n houston]

My dad is there now. Former WWII Vet, great depression survivor, major league basball player. Now he sometimes can't remember how to raise the lid on the toilet seat. Sometimes he comes back to the real world and is very sad, as he realizes his condition. Very sad and hard to deal with for us.

Note: if your parents are aged and not finanically well-off, have them transfer their house/property to you and/or other heirs. If they wind up needing long term nursing home care, after their funds are depleted, the govt will make you sell their house to pay for their care. If they are willing to transfer their assets to their heirs,and those people are trust worthy, have them do so. It they do it 5 years before they need long term care the govt will not sieze those assets. If under 5 years it is pro-rated based on the time of asset transfer. Just a word to the wise.

[crawfish]

Both my grandmas had alzheimer's. It was really tough on my parents before they were put in a home and my dad's mom lived with them - she'd wander off during the middle of the night, you had to watch her as closely as you watch a 3-year-old. It's also very tough to watch someone you love atrophy like that.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

I think that would be one of the toughest things to see regarding a parent (both the alzheimer's and the nasty tapes).

[Scott D]

hopefully these breakthroughs they keep talking about will actually be worthwhile breakthroughs.

[Preservation Parcels]

You have my respect, VeeJay, It is the most cruel disease.

Mom died after 20 years of Alzheimers at the age of 63. Her father died with it at 59 back when they still called it "hardening of the arteries."

My father took care of my mother for all of those 20 years. He dressed her warmly and ignored dirty looks from the church ladies if her clothes didn't match. He learned to cook and fed her healthy food while people who already knew how to cook told him he should do better or make things fancier. He took her to every doctor who gave them hope, false as it was. He put towels over the doorknobs so she wouldn't recognize them and wander outdoors, and he took her for walks when she needed fresh air. When she could no longer walk, he took her outside and stayed with her so she could hear the birds.

He took her to church because she loved the music, even though she fell asleep in the back pew during the sermons. He bathed her and cleaned her. He put away all the things she got out - repeatedly. He brought her to see her grandchildren because he liked seeing her happy. Sometimes, after he had answered the same questions over and over, he just went and stood behind the barn for a few minutes. Right up to the end, she lit up when he walked into the room...and so did he.

He didn't complain; he just loved her.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

You have my respect, VeeJay, It is the most cruel disease.

Mom died after 20 years of Alzheimers at the age of 63. Her father died with it at 59 back when they still called it "hardening of the arteries."

My father took care of my mother for all of those 20 years. He dressed her warmly and ignored dirty looks from the church ladies if her clothes didn't match. He learned to cook and fed her healthy food while people who already knew how to cook told him he should do better or make things fancier. He took her to every doctor who gave them hope, false as it was. He put towels over the doorknobs so she wouldn't recognize them and wander outdoors, and he took her for walks when she needed fresh air. When she could no longer walk, he took her outside and stayed with her so she could hear the birds.

He took her to church because she loved the music, even though she fell asleep in the back pew during the sermons. He bathed her and cleaned her. He put away all the things she got out - repeatedly. He brought her to see her grandchildren because he liked seeing her happy. Sometimes, after he had answered the same questions over and over, he just went and stood behind the barn for a few minutes. Right up to the end, she lit up when he walked into the room...and so did he.

He didn't complain; he just loved her.

And that's what matters...that's all that matters.

[Oldnslo]

I've been kind of avoiding this thread.

Dad has something called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. It's a relatively new diagnosis, but more and more people seem to be coming down with it. Essentially, little clumps of protein form in the brain, and where they clump up, they cause brain tissue to die. I think of it as the Swiss Cheese brain disease. The disease has all the earmarks of Parkinsons, so they treat it with Parkinsons medicines.

Funny thing, though. The medicines don't do much to halt the disease. Or even to slow it down.

Dad's decline is pretty noticable, at least to me. Just last weekend, my bro visited from Atlanta. He thanked me for making him come down. Dad's lost a few steps since Rick's last visit. And by "a few" I mean "a lot".

Remember Dudley Moore? Everyone always thought he was drunk? He wasn't drunk. He had PSP. Dad's kind of like that now. He's not drunk and he's certainly not stupid. He does have PSP, though and he knows he's dying from it. He's lost most of his fine motor skills. Walking isn't his strong suit, either. Despite his pride, he's taken to using a cane. Soon enough, it'll be a walker. My brother-in-law, the doctor, says that Dad will be in a wheelchair with a feeding tube before another year passes.

The most likely way for a PSP patient to die is by aspirating food into the lungs. I can see that. Dad has a horrid cough, but especially when he eats. It scares my son... and me, but for different reasons.

I've put together Dad's estate documents, but I hold no illusions. I suspect all of Dad's assets to go to some doctor, one way or another.

I make sure that I take off early on Fridays, now. Before I go to pick my kids up from school, I spend some time with Dad. It doesn't sound like much and maybe it isn't, but I know he appreciates it.

Anyway. That's what's going on.

[VeeJay]

Wow. This thread is turning into a tough one to keep reading.

Sorry, didn't mean it to be a downer for anyone.

My experience with Ed is that I've been a friend to him, and not his relative. I've just seen a major change in his mental faculties since I last saw him.

My grandmother had this horrible disease before she passed away in 1996. She was doing stuff like putting the rolla of toilet paper in the refrigerator. I spent Christmas the year before she passed away at my family's. She was sitting at the table, eating, and the food was just getting shoveled in and falling all over her. She'd forgotten how.

All I can offer is enjoy every day you can with them while they're still here with you because it will deteriorate with time.

Anyway, thoughts and best regards to anyone who may be experiencing this with a loved one...

[colleyvillesooner]

Had a grandfather pass last year after a battle with Alzheimer's. He was a Vet and an OU grad. It was sad t o see him go through that, and even worse to watch my mother deal with it. The thought of your parents not remembering who you are is something I can't imagine. He always loved to tell jokes, some of them dirty. With the Alzheimer's, he forgot when it was inappropriate to tell the dirty ones. Made for some interesting Thanksgivings. :eek:

He was a great man, and I'll never forget when I noticed the change in him. We took him for a drive in my dad's new car (he use to race cars) and as we pulled back into his assisted living facility, he said "Hey, I know someone that lives here. This place is nice." I laugh now at that story, but at the time it was tough to deal with.

[yermom]

my mom is going through something very similar with my grandfather...

the really sad thing is that before this last few years he was in much better physical condition than i am, he's right around 70

[Cam]

My wife's Grandmother has Alzheimer's. It ain't a pretty site watching somebody decline like that.

[olevetonahill]

i speked most who posted ;)
i had a smart *** comment earlier , but after i talked to my kids i might be a candidate :eek:

[usmc-sooner]

my Grandma had it, and it broke my heart. She always remembered my name and always asked me about my wife and my kid. It killed me that I couldn't make her funeral (due the time and where I was at, just couldn't happen) but the one thing that used to make me smile is she would always ask me, how things were in California. I called her a long time ago after boot camp in San Diego and told her I was in California.

[SoonerBorn68]

You have my respect, VeeJay, It is the most cruel disease.

Mom died after 20 years of Alzheimers at the age of 63. Her father died with it at 59 back when they still called it "hardening of the arteries."

I can relate. My grandfather was diagnosed in 1979 & finally passed in 1991. I watched my strong, proud "Pa" turn into a semi conscious vegetable. He went from being forgetful to not being able to walk, to not being able to speak, to not being able to eat. He spent his last 5 years in a nursing home trapped in his body. His mind wasn't alive. Toward the end he didn't even open his eyes.

I lived it with Grandma. I stayed with her for several years helping her take care of him. Grandma died a few years ago but there's a special place in heaven for her. She cared for him every day at home & went to the nursing home twice a day, every day when he went to nursing home.

[olevetonahill]

ok now i have a question ?
IVE TOLD MY KIDS THAT NO MATTER WHAT KEEP MY CARCASS ALIVE :eek:
sorry bout the caps ,
my reasoning is the va will keep me alive , i wont know a dam thing anyway .
the kids can keep drawing my check and pay me further outtta debt .
it will leave them with less debt to pay off for me . am i wrong ? :confused:

[BeetDigger]

My mom died a little over a year ago. She didn't die from alzheimers although she did have it. It is a very difficult disease. It is so tough to be patient with them when they ask and ask the same things. I am thankful that I got to her when she was still fairly decent so that I could get her estate in order. Had she waited another six months, she would not have been able to answer the questions.

Just be as patient as you can with them and remember what my grandma always told me "Be kind to old people, you might be one too someday."

[colleyvillesooner]

My mom died a little over a year ago. She didn't die from alzheimers although she did have it. It is a very difficult disease. It is so tough to be patient with them when they ask and ask the same things. I am thankful that I got to her when she was still fairly decent so that I could get her estate in order. Had she waited another six months, she would not have been able to answer the questions.

Just be as patient as you can with them and remember what my grandma always told me "Be kind to old people, you might be one too someday."

Words to live by.

[OCUDad]

If there's a positive sentiment to take from this thread, it's that we should remember folks with dementia as we knew them, not as they are. Be patient and don't allow their behavior to taint your memories.

As my mother was slipping into dementia (Pick's Disease, similar to Alzheimer's), we used to bring her to our house every so often to spend the night before her round of doctor's appointments the next day. I had a hard time being patient with her behavior, and it probably showed as annoyance. But one night, when I had to get out of bed at 3:00AM to change her bedding because she had wet the bed, she said to me "I guess we've traded places... I can remember when you were a baby and I had to change your sheets."

It was just about the last lucid thing she said before she passed away, and it was a shot to the heart. Never again did I begrudge a moment of time spent with Mom, no matter how difficult things got. And when she finally passed away 5 painful years later, I was left not only with memories of the wonderful woman she had been, but also without the guilt I would surely have felt if I had continued to be aggravated by her behavior.

Somewhere inside that shell is the person you knew and loved and respected. Remember them that way.

[olevetonahill]

all i can say is good on yall for having patience with us old ones

[BeetDigger]

all i can say is good on yall for having patience with us old ones


It was a painful experience getting her house cleaned up and then getting her to move to assisted living. I drank a lot. A LOT I tell you. Thank goodness mom had a lot of booze at her house and that she rarely drank so there was always plenty of it there.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

The Monday after my Dad died, there was a note on my door telling me the florist had left a plant at my neighbor's across the street.

I thanked my neighbor for holding the mums for me. I told him my Dad had passed. He then shared that his wife had died two months ago. He said she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1986. Everyday he went to the place she was staying and fed her, bathed her and talked to her even if she didn't know who he was.

As difficult as it was to see my Dad decline, I am grateful that he only lost a little bit of his mental faculties. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a loved one decline mentally.

[Mjcpr]

We go to Muskogee to visit my grandmother in the nursing home every week, with only the occasional exception. We went last Sat and brought flowers, a birthday balloon and some cupcakes because her birthday was Sun Oct 1st. It never really dawned on her that it was her birthday even with all of the things we brought.....then somebody, for the umpteenth time, asked about her birthday and she suddenly says 'October 1st is my birthday'. She can usually tell you her name and she would probably know her address but pretty much everything else she talks about, and she talks a lot, is absolute nonsense. It's not old stories, it's not anything.....just talking.

The difference between her and most Alzheimer's patients is the change was practically overnight with my grandmother. She had been losing her mental abilities but still functioned and lived alone. Then she broke her hip and she hasn't been anything close to the same person since that day and that's been over a year and a half ago. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. :(

[BoogercountySooner]

I love my Mommy and I always will!

[Scott D]

I think the worst story I heard regarding my grandmother was when she was hospitalized because she refused to eat (she did that a lot in her last 8-9 years), my aunt and father went to visit her. Upon arrival she asked who they were, because they looked familiar to her. They told her that they were her children, she admantly refused to believe that fact, insisting that she was 16 years old, not married, and certainly as a good Christian woman didn't have any children out of wedlock.

Before her funeral in 2003, the last time I had seen my grandmother was in 1993 before I moved to Oklahoma from NJ. It was difficult for me in the early 90s to see this woman who was such a strong and stern but loving personality turned into someone who was only partially 'at home'. I don't know if I could have dealt with the mental breakdowns that ended up leading to the physical breakdowns, instead, I prefer having that gap and remembering the woman she was before Alzheimers struck.

[VeeJay]

ScottD - I can relate to that with another example. My grandfather on my mom's side is 93; still alert (when he's not asleep), and just wants to stay active. Problem is, at his age, he gets something in his head and it won't go away until he's satisfied.

For instance, he started bugging my mom to call some man he worked with at the V.A. Hospital back in the 50's. The last known address he had for the guy was Houston, TX. Out of curiosity, they tracked the guy down from VA records and the old man died in 1978.

About six months ago, my grandfather called my mom and said that, two weeks prior, he'd gone to a hanging execution and it was the worst thing he'd ever seen. My mom said he described the struggle of the man to stay alive in horrible, gruesome, but lucid terms. He probably did see hangings around 1930-1935, and my mom believes he's reverting back to these memories.

It is very difficult to see my grandfather like this now - I don't think he has Alzheimer's so much as he just has dementia. The brain is working haphazardly, and creating all these scenarios with my grandfather. A few weeks ago, he called my mom and said that he and his nine brothers and sisters (six of them are dead) had to get together to split up their land holdings in South Mississippi. My mom called her aunt (one of his coherent sisters) and asked her about this. She said the land had been sold off around 1960.

I can't make myself go and see him - I know the end is near. I do not want to see him in the condition he's in. It will only give me the same lasting memories I have of my grandmother on my dad's side - the last time I saw her, it was horrible. I try not to remember her that way.

I don't know - I try to justify it by saying that his memory is pretty far gone, that he wouldn't know, or remember if I were there any way.

[olevetonahill]

I think the worst story I heard regarding my grandmother was when she was hospitalized because she refused to eat (she did that a lot in her last 8-9 years), my aunt and father went to visit her. Upon arrival she asked who they were, because they looked familiar to her. They told her that they were her children, she admantly refused to believe that fact, insisting that she was 16 years old, not married, and certainly as a good Christian woman didn't have any children out of wedlock.

Before her funeral in 2003, the last time I had seen my grandmother was in 1993 before I moved to Oklahoma from NJ. It was difficult for me in the early 90s to see this woman who was such a strong and stern but loving personality turned into someone who was only partially 'at home'. I don't know if I could have dealt with the mental breakdowns that ended up leading to the physical breakdowns, instead, I prefer having that gap and remembering the woman she was before Alzheimers struck.

im sorry that you missed the last 10 years of your granmas life :confused:

[olevetonahill]

ok now i have a question ?
IVE TOLD MY KIDS THAT NO MATTER WHAT KEEP MY CARCASS ALIVE :eek:
sorry bout the caps ,
my reasoning is the va will keep me alive , i wont know a dam thing anyway .
the kids can keep drawing my check and pay me further outtta debt .
it will leave them with less debt to pay off for me . am i wrong ? :confused:
so should i just have em let me die or hang on for the granbabies ? :confused:

[OCUDad]

so should i just have em let me die or hang on for the granbabies ? :confused:Depends on what you plan to do with the grandbabies. :eek:

[Norm In Norman]

Man, I shouldn't have read this right before bed. My Great Aunt (the closest thing I've ever had to a grandma) is 95 and she got put into a memory unit a few months ago because of her dementia. It sucks. I love how happy she gets though when she sees the boy. She can't remember his name most of the time and asks him every 2 minutes how old he is or what grade he is in, but she knows he's mine and that makes her happy. She's bad enough now that the boy (who is 6) recognizes there is something wrong. Last time we visited her it really upset him.

If anything, she is in one of the best places in OKC to be and it is on north May, which she has always considered home. It's clean, not overcrowded, and the people there actually care. It makes me feel a little better.

[olevetonahill]

Depends on what you plan to do with the grandbabies. :eek:
just try to leave em something paid for :eek:

[silverwheels]

You have my respect, VeeJay, It is the most cruel disease.

Mom died after 20 years of Alzheimers at the age of 63. Her father died with it at 59 back when they still called it "hardening of the arteries."

My father took care of my mother for all of those 20 years. He dressed her warmly and ignored dirty looks from the church ladies if her clothes didn't match. He learned to cook and fed her healthy food while people who already knew how to cook told him he should do better or make things fancier. He took her to every doctor who gave them hope, false as it was. He put towels over the doorknobs so she wouldn't recognize them and wander outdoors, and he took her for walks when she needed fresh air. When she could no longer walk, he took her outside and stayed with her so she could hear the birds.

He took her to church because she loved the music, even though she fell asleep in the back pew during the sermons. He bathed her and cleaned her. He put away all the things she got out - repeatedly. He brought her to see her grandchildren because he liked seeing her happy. Sometimes, after he had answered the same questions over and over, he just went and stood behind the barn for a few minutes. Right up to the end, she lit up when he walked into the room...and so did he.

He didn't complain; he just loved her.

Wow. I'm a very sensitive guy already, but man...that brought me to tears.

[Scott D]

im sorry that you missed the last 10 years of your granmas life :confused:

That's the rub I've pretty much dealt with vet. How much of a person is their physical being, and how much of a person is what's inside their head and their soul? If a majority of that is the latter part of that question, then I didn't miss out on anything, because my grandmother missed out on those years as well. Regardless, I'm willing to admit that a lot of it was because I was being selfish and telling myself that she was somehow waiting for me and my brother to visit her before she was going to take her final journey.

The irony of her passing, is that it was probably the one thing that brought my brother and our father back together to try and connect as people. So in the end, my grandmother got things the way she wanted them. :)

[Norm In Norman]

Man, I shouldn't have read this right before bed. My Great Aunt (the closest thing I've ever had to a grandma) is 95 and she got put into a memory unit a few months ago because of her dementia. It sucks. I love how happy she gets though when she sees the boy. She can't remember his name most of the time and asks him every 2 minutes how old he is or what grade he is in, but she knows he's mine and that makes her happy. She's bad enough now that the boy (who is 6) recognizes there is something wrong. Last time we visited her it really upset him.

If anything, she is in one of the best places in OKC to be and it is on north May, which she has always considered home. It's clean, not overcrowded, and the people there actually care. It makes me feel a little better.
****. My great aunt passed away this morning. A few weeks ago she had been moved from the nice place to another place because all she was doing was screaming all day. She had totally lost her mind. While she was at the new place (on lockdown) evidently she was put into a hospital or something. I don't know what happened, but she died. I'm waiting for my mom to get back from the beauty shop so I can drive over and tell her. I figure I should let her have a little bit of fun before she finds out. She's had a rough year.

I don't know how I feel. I'm actually a little happy that she isn't in a nursing home by herself screaming because she doesn't know what's going on. I can't imagine what was going on in her mind. And I feel a bit guilty for this.

Anyway, sorry for the downer but I figure I had to tell somebody.

[colleyvillesooner]

I had the same feeling when my grandfather passsed away last year. He was a long way gone. Part of me was relieved that he was no longer suffering, but I felt guilty for feeling OK about my Mom's dad dying.

In the end, he's in a better place now, with his mind as sharp as a tack. I'll tell him to welcome your Aunt. :)

[Rogue]

I hope this will be a comforting thought: dementia diseases are harder on the family than the patient. There are a few notable exceptions in the progressive diseases. Like the several losses of dignity that the patient is aware of, and the fear of a new and unfamiliar environment every day during some stages. From what I've seen though the family has a vicious roller-coaster of hoping for miracles, thinking that there is progress, and several let downs. The Alzheimer's Association has great support groups and references for anyone who is, or has a loved one suffering from, any disease with a component of dementia.

Olevet, I spekked you and mentioned this. If you are a 100% service connected vet (or meet a few other requirements) and entitled to long term care at VA expense your plan could work. It may not be as selfless as you think though. It can be pure hell for families sitting on what amounts to a "death vigil" while their loved on is on life support, ventilator care, et cetera. If you aren't entitled to long-term care at VA expense, your plan could backfire horribly and wipe out all of your assets when the VA inevitably discharges you to a private facility at your expense. I've seen it several times man. Ultimately it is your decision. I had a thread around here somewhere about the wisdom of putting your wishes, whatever they are, in writing in the form of advance directives. It makes it that much easier for anyone who has to make medical decisions for you if you can't.


Edit: here's the post about advance directives:
Right here, man. It's right here. (]http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79675&highlight=advance+directives)

[C&CDean]

****. My great aunt passed away this morning. A few weeks ago she had been moved from the nice place to another place because all she was doing was screaming all day. She had totally lost her mind. While she was at the new place (on lockdown) evidently she was put into a hospital or something. I don't know what happened, but she died. I'm waiting for my mom to get back from the beauty shop so I can drive over and tell her. I figure I should let her have a little bit of fun before she finds out. She's had a rough year.

I don't know how I feel. I'm actually a little happy that she isn't in a nursing home by herself screaming because she doesn't know what's going on. I can't imagine what was going on in her mind. And I feel a bit guilty for this.

Anyway, sorry for the downer but I figure I had to tell somebody.

No, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. It's a bitch.

My granny died after a very long nursing home/alzheimers decade, and I quit visiting her about 6 years before she passed. She didn't have a clue I was there, didn't even look at me or the kids, and just mumbled whatever word was the last word she heard. It'd be like "hi granny, how you doin'?" and she was "doin' doin' doin' doin' doin' doin'" until you said something else and she'd start saying that word over and over.

I just figured I wanted to remember her outside picking oranges and grapefruit and trimming her roses and playing with us kids - not cooped up with no teeth, wearing a diaper, and completely incoherent.

[jk the sooner fan]

sorry to hear of your loss Norm - its always tough...prayers for you and your family

[BigRedJed]

Sorry for your loss, Norm.

[OCUDad]

Condolences, Norm.

[Oldnslo]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Norm.

[Soonerus]

Deepest sympathies to you Norm, I am multiple times daily dealing with the same situation...the least prepared situation of my life....

[TUSooner]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Norm.
Same here, Norm.

The husband of a couple I know pretty well from the church we attended together for 20-some years was diagnosed with Alzheimers just a few years ago at age 56. (yes 56) It was sad of course, especially at the beginning when he knew what was happening. He's in a nursing home now, with the mental capcity of a 2-year-old. His wife says he's "comfortable." I suppose that's a blessing now. But his wife is a very intelligent, insightful, and outgoing person, and I can tell it's tough for her to know really what to do or how to feel.

[Preservation Parcels]

Norm,

I hope you remember the joy you and your son gave your great aunt. Dwell on the smiles and the laughter, and hold your good memories and your son extra close. Your family is in my prayers.

[OKC-SLC]

My best, Norm.

I hadn't noticed this thread the first time around; we've got a lot of really good people around here.

[12]

Take care, Scott. I think most of us in the same age group have been through similar situations, and none of it is easy.

We're all thinking of you and your family.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Sorry for your loss. It's been a craptastic several months.

[Norm In Norman]

Thanks guys. I'm pretty OK now. My mom took it surprisingly well. My grandmother died when my mom was about 12 and my great aunts took mom in, so they were like her moms. I'm just happy that she got what she wanted and I wish she hadn't had to linger for so long. I'm sure she is happier now. She'll be buried in Bessie with the rest of the family and it will be a nice service.

[LoyalFan]

This thread just got better.

But it's worthless without 45 second trailers.

LF

[Soonerus]

My sympathies, Norm....

[stoops the eternal pimp]

sorry about the loss Scott...

I was raised by my grandparents and lost my dad(grandpa) 2 weeks before my wedding from alz..the thing i remember most was the frustration he had as it set in. the miracle god gave us was the day before he died, he was normal for 24 hours. He remembered everything, and was as happy as I had ever seen him.

i think me and my wife are gonna do some type of a vow renewal type thing this year pretty much for the fact that i had very little enjoyment out of the wedding. i was very emotional through out the ceremony, just having an empty feeling that was hard to overcome.

what does saddens me still is how much my babies would have loved him and he would have loved them. for them to not ever know the man who saved my life is a regret i will always have

[Soonerus]

sorry about the loss Scott...

I was raised by my grandparents and lost my dad(grandpa) 2 weeks before my wedding from alz..the thing i remember most was the frustration he had as it set in. the miracle god gave us was the day before he died, he was normal for 24 hours. He remembered everything, and was as happy as I had ever seen him.

i think me and my wife are gonna do some type of a vow renewal type thing this year pretty much for the fact that i had very little enjoyment out of the wedding. i was very emotional through out the ceremony, just having an empty feeling that was hard to overcome.

what does saddens me still is how much my babies would have loved him and he would have loved them. for them to not ever know the man who saved my life is a regret i will always have

Very powerful story...

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

:(

[OUDoc]

I don't know how I feel. I'm actually a little happy that she isn't in a nursing home by herself screaming because she doesn't know what's going on. I can't imagine what was going on in her mind. And I feel a bit guilty for this.

Don't feel guilty. She's in a better place. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I wouldn't want to live a long time like that.

[crawfish]

My mom's mom lived so long with Alzheimer's that she'd totally degraded by the time she died. She could no longer walk; she could only move her head, right leg and left arm. She couldn't feed herself, couldn't talk. The look in her eyes was one of fright and confusion. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to go see her that last time before she died - completely broke my heart.

Sorry for your loss.

[sooner_born_1960]

My condolences, Norm.

[sooner n houston]

Just saw this one, well the new stuff, my condolences to all of you! May God bless.