Czar Soonerov
9/26/2006, 11:59 AM
http://cgi.ebay.com/BAG-O-SPINACH-Might-be-tainted-might-not_W0QQitemZ170030799432QQihZ007QQcategoryZ1469QQ rdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
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BAG O' SPINACH - Might be tainted, might not
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Comes with Certificate of Authenticity
Not tested for E.coli - not even sure this brand has been recalled - not to be used for illegal purposes.... Last week, my wife asked me to pick up a bag of spinach for a recipe she was serving to company. Dutifully, I bought that and a bunch of other things at our local Wal-Mart. The next day we heard about the Spinach Scare of 'Aught 6.' I looked at our bag o' spinach and saw it was bagged in Salinas,CA and was within the dates mentioned on the news. So, out I went to get some fresh spinach. That's when I discovered - no spinach anywhere, none fresh, none bagged. I went to four stores with no luck. That's when it dawned on me that we may have something of value here. I could envision years from now on a 22nd century show of "Antiques Roadshow, this bag o' spinach being appraised as priceless. After all, I'll bet everyone threw out their spinach, tainted or not. Well the Spinach Police didn't get this one and I'm making it available to anyone who shares my foresight. Buy it now and have it freeze dried for the future. You could even put it on the cryo-shelf with Walt and Ted. When they're thawed out, you could welcome them back with some fine and delicious cream of spinach soup fom the Great Spinach Scare of Aught 6. Mmmm! I feel toasty all over.
This is the real deal. If you put this package up to your nose, you can detect a faint scent of manure. What's more authentic than that?
Please notice. This is potentially tainted spinach.....not taint spinach.
There is another nefarious use for this potentially tainted and lethal bag of unhealthy greens....but, we would never suggest its use. In my fantasy world, there are a lot of people out there that I would like to see wolfing down this spinach salad! Not these people specifically, but people LIKE these people...Not the actual person, so as you read each one, remember to mentally say 'Like' in front of their names.....
People I'd Like to Have My Special Spinach Salad
The Geico Gecko (Even though you are like a brother to me.)
That guy who drives a piece of construction equipment on a one-lane road at minus 2 mph.
Al Franken
Colin Montgomerie (you blown-up, pompous ***!)
Martha Stewart
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (If he can smell the devil's sulphur at the UN speaker's dais, he needs to exorcize himself with this spinach)
Football coach who sucker-punched that 12 year old. (Boooo)
Paris Hilton
Simon
Deli Department at Wal-Mart (Can you go any slower?)
Yanni
Guy on Actor's Studio
Tom Cruise
Cook at Lenny's who, I think, spit in my corned beef, not that nice waitress at Lenny's who always brings me an extra shot of rum with my Freedom Toast!
Orenthal James Simpson
Saddam Hussein when he breaks his next hunger strike.
Rush Limbaugh
CEO of any Oil Company (package says serves three, so pick your favorites)
Rachel Ray
Nagging Wife/A**hole Husband
Bubba the Love Sponge
Howie Mandel
The Biggest Loser (They're eating a lot of greens anyway)
Star Jones
Seventy Virgins(If we can knock them off with the spinach, maybe the suicide bombers will stop blowing up innocents and go back to whacking off.)
Howard Stern
Winner of "Dancing with the Stars"
and
*
*
*
*
*
That toady Paul Shaffer
Now this stuff probably isn't tainted and I would never think of doing anything like that, but
I invite you to send me YOUR fantasy list of "People you'd like to have a toxic salad." I will publish (the publishable ones) here on this listing. Send me your list via 'Ask Seller a Question'
Here's what the winning bidder gets:
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138128&img=7311bagged_spinach_.jpg http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138129&img=9978bagged_spinach_.jpg http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138127&img=bagged_spinach_.jpg
One authenticated 9 oz. bag of spinach packaged in Salinas, CA and purchased during critical recall period. (Note the Sell By date)
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138130&img=2227bagged_spinach_.jpg
Certificate of Authenticity (aka Wal-Mart receipt) showing proof of purchase was during that ikky period.
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138132&img=Snookie_001.jpg
Autographed picture of 'Snookie Oso Small'
We just thought of another great use for this 'probably-not-tainted-but-who-could-take-the-chance' bag of spinach. If you don't want to save it as an investment, or sicken your friends, you could use it as a toxic Whoopie Cushion!
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138131&img=whoopi_004.jpg
Single Use Only
This bag o' spinach may very well be the last one on the planet so bid high and bid often. Hurry. It is wilting as we speak. Overnight Shipping is provided. We guarantee the item has been refrigerated since bringing it home from Wal-Mart except for taking it out for these dumb pictures.
All proceeds from this auction will be used for the preservation of Snookie's lifestyle. She would like to thank you, we would like to thank you and Aunt Turtle wants to thank you, too!
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138133&img=Gladiola.JPG
Spinach is sold "as is." We do not guarantee it is toxic. We don't guarantee it has been recalled, in fact, this brand has NOT been recalled. And we CERTAINLY don't guarantee its freshness. Winning bidder agrees to hold seller harmless if some harm comes to someone because you served this spinach when you know you shouldn't have. Bag will be shipped overnight packaged in frozen peas. The peas don't come with the auction so we'd appreciate having them back.
Check out my other items (http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZscottsdalegiftsQQhtZ-1)! Check out what's being said about this auction on MSNBC
MSNBC - Peculiar Postings - Thread 93802 (http://boards.msn.com/MSNBCboards/thread.aspx?ThreadID=93802)
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00448
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Included in shipping and handling costSeller's payment instructions
We are happy to accept PayPal for all transactions. We accept cash, if you want to pick it up (no shipping fees, of course). Also, money orders and certified checks are welcome. First borns will not be accepted, but if you want to trade your Travel Trailer for this bag o' spinach, please send an email. We'll consider it. No Returns Accepted. Thanks for bidding!
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BAG O' SPINACH - Might be tainted, might not
http://i6.ebayimg.com/06/i/08/61/dd/13_1.JPG
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Comes with Certificate of Authenticity
Not tested for E.coli - not even sure this brand has been recalled - not to be used for illegal purposes.... Last week, my wife asked me to pick up a bag of spinach for a recipe she was serving to company. Dutifully, I bought that and a bunch of other things at our local Wal-Mart. The next day we heard about the Spinach Scare of 'Aught 6.' I looked at our bag o' spinach and saw it was bagged in Salinas,CA and was within the dates mentioned on the news. So, out I went to get some fresh spinach. That's when I discovered - no spinach anywhere, none fresh, none bagged. I went to four stores with no luck. That's when it dawned on me that we may have something of value here. I could envision years from now on a 22nd century show of "Antiques Roadshow, this bag o' spinach being appraised as priceless. After all, I'll bet everyone threw out their spinach, tainted or not. Well the Spinach Police didn't get this one and I'm making it available to anyone who shares my foresight. Buy it now and have it freeze dried for the future. You could even put it on the cryo-shelf with Walt and Ted. When they're thawed out, you could welcome them back with some fine and delicious cream of spinach soup fom the Great Spinach Scare of Aught 6. Mmmm! I feel toasty all over.
This is the real deal. If you put this package up to your nose, you can detect a faint scent of manure. What's more authentic than that?
Please notice. This is potentially tainted spinach.....not taint spinach.
There is another nefarious use for this potentially tainted and lethal bag of unhealthy greens....but, we would never suggest its use. In my fantasy world, there are a lot of people out there that I would like to see wolfing down this spinach salad! Not these people specifically, but people LIKE these people...Not the actual person, so as you read each one, remember to mentally say 'Like' in front of their names.....
People I'd Like to Have My Special Spinach Salad
The Geico Gecko (Even though you are like a brother to me.)
That guy who drives a piece of construction equipment on a one-lane road at minus 2 mph.
Al Franken
Colin Montgomerie (you blown-up, pompous ***!)
Martha Stewart
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (If he can smell the devil's sulphur at the UN speaker's dais, he needs to exorcize himself with this spinach)
Football coach who sucker-punched that 12 year old. (Boooo)
Paris Hilton
Simon
Deli Department at Wal-Mart (Can you go any slower?)
Yanni
Guy on Actor's Studio
Tom Cruise
Cook at Lenny's who, I think, spit in my corned beef, not that nice waitress at Lenny's who always brings me an extra shot of rum with my Freedom Toast!
Orenthal James Simpson
Saddam Hussein when he breaks his next hunger strike.
Rush Limbaugh
CEO of any Oil Company (package says serves three, so pick your favorites)
Rachel Ray
Nagging Wife/A**hole Husband
Bubba the Love Sponge
Howie Mandel
The Biggest Loser (They're eating a lot of greens anyway)
Star Jones
Seventy Virgins(If we can knock them off with the spinach, maybe the suicide bombers will stop blowing up innocents and go back to whacking off.)
Howard Stern
Winner of "Dancing with the Stars"
and
*
*
*
*
*
That toady Paul Shaffer
Now this stuff probably isn't tainted and I would never think of doing anything like that, but
I invite you to send me YOUR fantasy list of "People you'd like to have a toxic salad." I will publish (the publishable ones) here on this listing. Send me your list via 'Ask Seller a Question'
Here's what the winning bidder gets:
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138128&img=7311bagged_spinach_.jpg http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138129&img=9978bagged_spinach_.jpg http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138127&img=bagged_spinach_.jpg
One authenticated 9 oz. bag of spinach packaged in Salinas, CA and purchased during critical recall period. (Note the Sell By date)
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138130&img=2227bagged_spinach_.jpg
Certificate of Authenticity (aka Wal-Mart receipt) showing proof of purchase was during that ikky period.
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138132&img=Snookie_001.jpg
Autographed picture of 'Snookie Oso Small'
We just thought of another great use for this 'probably-not-tainted-but-who-could-take-the-chance' bag of spinach. If you don't want to save it as an investment, or sicken your friends, you could use it as a toxic Whoopie Cushion!
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138131&img=whoopi_004.jpg
Single Use Only
This bag o' spinach may very well be the last one on the planet so bid high and bid often. Hurry. It is wilting as we speak. Overnight Shipping is provided. We guarantee the item has been refrigerated since bringing it home from Wal-Mart except for taking it out for these dumb pictures.
All proceeds from this auction will be used for the preservation of Snookie's lifestyle. She would like to thank you, we would like to thank you and Aunt Turtle wants to thank you, too!
http://www.directimagehost.com/is.php?i=138133&img=Gladiola.JPG
Spinach is sold "as is." We do not guarantee it is toxic. We don't guarantee it has been recalled, in fact, this brand has NOT been recalled. And we CERTAINLY don't guarantee its freshness. Winning bidder agrees to hold seller harmless if some harm comes to someone because you served this spinach when you know you shouldn't have. Bag will be shipped overnight packaged in frozen peas. The peas don't come with the auction so we'd appreciate having them back.
Check out my other items (http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZscottsdalegiftsQQhtZ-1)! Check out what's being said about this auction on MSNBC
MSNBC - Peculiar Postings - Thread 93802 (http://boards.msn.com/MSNBCboards/thread.aspx?ThreadID=93802)
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00448
The power of protection from AOL and eBay. Learn more (http://pages.ebay.com/securitycenter/eBay-AOL/index.html)
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Included in shipping and handling costSeller's payment instructions
We are happy to accept PayPal for all transactions. We accept cash, if you want to pick it up (no shipping fees, of course). Also, money orders and certified checks are welcome. First borns will not be accepted, but if you want to trade your Travel Trailer for this bag o' spinach, please send an email. We'll consider it. No Returns Accepted. Thanks for bidding!
http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/s.gifhttp://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/s.gifPayment methods acceptedhttp://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/s.gifhttp://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/s.gifhttp://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/icon/iconPreference_16x16.gif This seller, scottsdalegifts, prefers PayPal.
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