View Full Version : Punchlines
Oldnslo
9/24/2006, 09:07 PM
Yeah, we've all heard the jokes. Just skip all the build-up and get to the meat. Like this:
Why do you ask, Broken Rubber?
SelmaBamaFan
9/24/2006, 09:18 PM
I got him with the gas can though.
"Spit it out...it's a piece of ***!"
Frozen Sooner
9/24/2006, 09:41 PM
Because then they'd be BAGELS.
DrZaius
9/24/2006, 10:12 PM
So you must be the aristocrats
PrideTrombone
9/24/2006, 10:40 PM
Rectum?? Damn near killed 'em!
Viking Kitten
9/24/2006, 10:50 PM
So the bear wiped his *** with the rabbit.
Viking Kitten
9/24/2006, 10:56 PM
"There is no conclusive video evidence to change the ruling on the field."
proud gonzo
9/24/2006, 11:27 PM
...and they're startin' to HATCH!
dolemitesooner
9/24/2006, 11:28 PM
.....so crawl baby
SelmaBamaFan
9/24/2006, 11:45 PM
...get it, he was a HIPPY!
SteelPanz
9/24/2006, 11:48 PM
well, Viking wins this one. and this thread is good. i usually think the crap you all spew out on the board succs (that's a nostalgic word). but this is solid gold. Yellow, snakes don't have armpits!
yermom
9/24/2006, 11:50 PM
Chunks is my dog!
proud gonzo
9/24/2006, 11:54 PM
"Hith hith! If you thep on me I will bite you!"
OUAndy1807
9/25/2006, 12:37 AM
a stick.
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 12:40 AM
...with a great deal of spit and a whole lot of patience, the elephant deflowered the mosquito.
proud gonzo
9/25/2006, 12:41 AM
...and he goes, "ALRIGHT!"
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 12:44 AM
...and the guy says "Oh yeah? Well **** YOU clown!"
proud gonzo
9/25/2006, 12:45 AM
"Well it only came up to HERE on my duck."
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 12:48 AM
So the duck says "What the hell are you talking about? What do you think I'm going to use it for?"
GottaHavePride
9/25/2006, 12:50 AM
...do you think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?
GottaHavePride
9/25/2006, 12:51 AM
...but you **** ONE goat...
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 12:52 AM
"I bet those guys over there $50 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh the whole time."
silverwheels
9/25/2006, 01:09 AM
So he picks her up, walks to the edge of the water and throws her in. "Well, you're ****ed now!"
yermom
9/25/2006, 01:35 AM
no, i drive Rincoln
walkoffsooner
9/25/2006, 02:21 AM
where is my choclate chip cookie
SelmaBamaFan
9/25/2006, 02:25 AM
Orange you glad I didnt say banana?
SoonerAtKU
9/25/2006, 02:51 AM
So where's that ol' lady what needs her tooth pulled?
Jimminy Crimson
9/25/2006, 03:30 AM
...that's what she said! :cool:
StoopTroup
9/25/2006, 06:54 AM
...camel toe.
GottaHavePride
9/25/2006, 08:41 AM
wait, you mean it's NOT?
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 09:36 AM
and the frog says, "Brooklyn! There's hundreds of them!"
Viking Kitten
9/25/2006, 09:51 AM
"We're all going to Dallas! We're all going to Dallas!"
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 09:51 AM
"I've been putting my toe outside this circle for the last half-hour and you haven't done a thing about it!"
Viking Kitten
9/25/2006, 09:56 AM
Dammit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!
frankensooner
9/25/2006, 10:05 AM
Read the card! Read the card!
frankensooner
9/25/2006, 10:06 AM
No, but the guy before you was.
frankensooner
9/25/2006, 10:06 AM
Turn it upside down.
BigRedJed
9/25/2006, 10:31 AM
Oh, it wasn't hard... ...I just picked of the scabs and let the puss run.
That, my friends, is the punch line to the dirtiest, most awful joke you will ever hear. Ever. I have never had anyone top that one in a gross-out contest.
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 11:12 AM
Hell, if we find my car keys, we can DRIVE out!
CatHunter
9/25/2006, 12:44 PM
..With the grace of God and these two fingers I got em back in!
CatHunter
9/25/2006, 12:45 PM
..How many is a Brazilian again?
mdklatt
9/25/2006, 12:46 PM
That, my friends, is the punch line to the dirtiest, most awful joke you will ever hear. Ever. I have never had anyone top that one in a gross-out contest.
I know that joke. But what about: That's nothing--look at all this hot buttered corn we found!
homerSimpsonsBrain
9/25/2006, 01:09 PM
.... suffer bitch!!!
crawfish
9/25/2006, 01:15 PM
Oh, no, not ANOTHER breathalizer!
Jimminy Crimson
9/25/2006, 01:21 PM
...and then all the children died.
frankensooner
9/25/2006, 01:26 PM
Now thats a sticky situation.
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 02:26 PM
<spit> mutha ****er sure can drive <spit>
OUstud
9/25/2006, 03:08 PM
...no, but that's a PRETTY NICE SKI MASK!
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 03:13 PM
Thor? You're Thor?! I'm tho thor I can't even pith!
yermom
9/25/2006, 03:25 PM
you think i asked for a 12 inch pianist?
BlondeSoonerGirl
9/25/2006, 03:26 PM
'Admit it Frank - you don't come here for the hunting, do you?'
opksooner
9/25/2006, 03:36 PM
"You and your damn bran muffins! We could have been here 20 years ago!"
opksooner
9/25/2006, 03:45 PM
"Yeah, but first get that damn lion out of there!'
opksooner
9/25/2006, 03:46 PM
"Shut up, or I'll nail your other shoe down!"
opksooner
9/25/2006, 03:55 PM
הבנאדם מגיע אל המכשפה ומספר לה על בעייתו. היא מסתכלת ואומרת לו: "יש לי פתרו ...
:)
mdklatt
9/25/2006, 03:55 PM
Wanna go camping this weekend?
homerSimpsonsBrain
9/25/2006, 04:03 PM
Well missy, its just not your day, is it.
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:11 PM
tomato juice
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:11 PM
strawberry jam
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:12 PM
Oh, it wasn't hard... ...I just picked of the scabs and let the puss run.
That, my friends, is the punch line to the dirtiest, most awful joke you will ever hear. Ever. I have never had anyone top that one in a gross-out contest.
Hey mister, how far you expect to get on this scab?
Gives it a run for the money I think....
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:12 PM
Alright, who farted?
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:13 PM
Soup.
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:13 PM
cause they always leave a tip.
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:13 PM
they always throw in their hand.
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:13 PM
cause she was busy moaning with the other hand.
C&CDean
9/25/2006, 04:14 PM
iranian semen.
opksooner
9/25/2006, 04:16 PM
"Because they never let anyone finish a sentence."
opksooner
9/25/2006, 04:17 PM
"Because we've got one guy rowing and 10 guys hollering!"
opksooner
9/25/2006, 04:18 PM
"Marry her!"
yermom
9/25/2006, 04:23 PM
now teach it how to cook, and get the **** out
Oh, too bad. You're gonna HATE Thursdays!
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 08:46 PM
Now, where's that old lady with the sore tooth?
OCUDad
9/25/2006, 09:01 PM
Might as well -- the bus won't run.
Oldnslo
9/25/2006, 09:19 PM
Well, wash your hands, 'cause I want a cheese sandwich!
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 09:30 PM
Oh, it wasn't hard... ...I just picked of the scabs and let the puss run.
That, my friends, is the punch line to the dirtiest, most awful joke you will ever hear. Ever. I have never had anyone top that one in a gross-out contest.
Au contraire, mon frere.
...the doctor just visited and those weren't tomatos.
Frozen Sooner
9/25/2006, 09:32 PM
Ever tried to pry apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich?
You take a ham, throw it up there, and pull the bone out.
Runny nose.
Handoff at midfield.
Soup.
Russel.
Pete.
soonerthanu
9/25/2006, 10:29 PM
a pounding sensation in your arse
soonerthanu
9/25/2006, 10:30 PM
why the long face
hurricane'bone
9/25/2006, 10:33 PM
and then I told him she was DEAD!
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:35 AM
Well what do you know, a talking dog.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:40 AM
wedding cake.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:41 AM
You f'ers are all right.
...the fish was hit by a ferry boat.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:42 AM
Texas sucks and Kansas blows.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:43 AM
I-35
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 02:44 AM
I buck one, Tim buck two.
OKC Sooner
9/26/2006, 02:56 AM
...no, I never did find her head.
OKC Sooner
9/26/2006, 02:57 AM
I'd love to, hon, but to tell you the truth, I don't think my *** could take another biscuit right now.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 03:50 AM
And you say I didn't know Pancho Villa. I had dinner with him.
SelmaBamaFan
9/26/2006, 09:29 AM
CAUSE HE WAS STAPLED TO A CHICKEN!!!!!!
Oldnslo
9/26/2006, 09:48 AM
Paint. My. House.
Oldnslo
9/26/2006, 09:51 AM
a **** for a duck; a duck for a ****; and $22 for a ****ed up duck.
Howzit
9/26/2006, 09:52 AM
If the Foo ****s, wear it.
frankensooner
9/26/2006, 10:25 AM
Because he was a Gladiator.
homerSimpsonsBrain
9/26/2006, 10:47 AM
<buddy hacket voice> ahhhhhh, you can keep the duck</buddy hacket voice>
BeetDigger
9/26/2006, 11:23 AM
...no, but the guy before you was.
BeetDigger
9/26/2006, 11:25 AM
...those aren't buoys.
mdklatt
9/26/2006, 12:28 PM
Monday is your turn in the barrel.
mdklatt
9/26/2006, 12:29 PM
Your wife is pregnant, your daughter has the clap, your Volvo needs an oil change, and if you don't stop beating off like that your tennis elbow is never going to get better.
frankensooner
9/26/2006, 12:51 PM
...no, but the guy before you was.
Uh, see post #39. ;)
yermom
9/26/2006, 05:44 PM
he wiped.
By the way mister, that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari.
oilmud
9/26/2006, 06:13 PM
Shorty's Bar and Grill Chattaanooga, Tennesse
oilmud
9/26/2006, 06:14 PM
You gonna sit there or are ya gonna fish?
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 06:26 PM
You can bet your sweet a55 I don't want a gotdam cheeseburger.
Welcome To Jamaica, Have A Nice Day
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 06:39 PM
Because the man kept yelling "that's nacho cheese, that's nacho cheese" as I ran down the street.
william_brasky
9/26/2006, 06:56 PM
I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe.
Frozen Sooner
9/26/2006, 08:58 PM
Well, sure, but that's the SHERRIFF's girl.
frankensooner
9/27/2006, 09:50 AM
You have to keep the worms warm. (this is actually the punch line to a clean joke)
SoonerInHouston
9/27/2006, 12:45 PM
OK then, I'll keep an eye out for ya.
BigRedJed
9/27/2006, 12:51 PM
Well, I did it, but don't understand why you thought it would be so easy wiping with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel.
Howzit
9/27/2006, 12:56 PM
Know it? Hell, I WROTE it.
Oldnslo
9/27/2006, 02:42 PM
Because, today I would have been a free man!
opksooner
9/27/2006, 02:52 PM
".....and THAT'S for the horse you rode in on!"
opksooner
9/27/2006, 03:09 PM
"It doesn't make sense to cook for just two, ya know?"
Oldnslo
9/27/2006, 04:16 PM
'cause there's no WAY I'm putting my hand in there for a quarter!
opksooner
9/27/2006, 05:52 PM
"Can I read it? Hell, I know him!!!"
Jeopardude
9/27/2006, 06:39 PM
No, Crisco's shortening!
critical_phil
9/27/2006, 06:41 PM
Buckwheat: Ask Spanky how my dictate.
yermom
9/27/2006, 06:59 PM
The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."
Oldnslo
9/27/2006, 08:24 PM
YOU stir da spaghetti; I'm-a goin' upstairs!
Pricetag
9/27/2006, 09:28 PM
Coach Switzer teaches us not to pee on our hands.
That's not Bob Stoops' house--it's God's.
Oldnslo
9/27/2006, 10:22 PM
I couldn't stop. It was all one piece.
Wood I? Wood I?
Hairlip! Hairlip!
goodonya
9/28/2006, 09:52 AM
No Trigger, I said get the POSSE!!!
Because otherwise there'd be a bounty on 'em.
To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
Frozen Sooner
9/28/2006, 10:55 AM
"Ear stuck to ground"
Oldnslo
9/28/2006, 11:44 AM
Third, I don't want to **** with anyone who can eat that much ice cream.
frankensooner
9/28/2006, 01:23 PM
Okay, I went back through all 7 pages and it WASN'T posted! :D
Kermit's Finger.
yermom
9/28/2006, 01:42 PM
death by Unga Bunga
frankensooner
9/28/2006, 01:45 PM
a submarine.
Oldnslo
9/28/2006, 03:00 PM
How should I know she was dead; she NEVER moved during sex!
proud gonzo
9/28/2006, 04:02 PM
The alien looks at him, pokes him in the shoulder and says ''Meeeeeeep''
BigRedJed
9/28/2006, 04:19 PM
Bob!
proud gonzo
9/28/2006, 04:31 PM
Chunk!
dolemitesooner
9/28/2006, 04:33 PM
Cracker aZZ cRAcker!!!!!!!
C&CDean
9/28/2006, 04:35 PM
penney in the corner.
the garbage can is empty and the dog's pregnant.
so the kids would think they were eating at A&W.
ghoul aid.
sandy claws.
AC come, AC go.
a flying bandaid.
Viking Kitten
9/28/2006, 04:38 PM
Its a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan.
dolemitesooner
9/28/2006, 04:39 PM
TWO TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Oldnslo
9/28/2006, 04:41 PM
The Chinaman jumped out from behind the shed and said, "SUPPLIES"!
Oldnslo
9/28/2006, 04:44 PM
It looks like my sister-in-law, but she wasn't that tall.
Oldnslo
9/28/2006, 04:46 PM
...you want beef with broccoli?
proud gonzo
9/28/2006, 04:59 PM
"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
opksooner
9/28/2006, 06:02 PM
"Shut up! Just think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur!!"
Czar Soonerov
9/28/2006, 07:40 PM
BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!
opksooner
9/29/2006, 12:58 PM
".......so I took the $10,000 and bought chairs for the standing army."
SoonerBK
9/29/2006, 01:43 PM
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
BlondeSoonerGirl
9/29/2006, 01:44 PM
'You're the 5th guy today to try it...'
Viking Kitten
9/29/2006, 02:24 PM
[Looks around nervously].
opksooner
9/29/2006, 02:28 PM
B) "Prostitution: You got it -- you sell it-- and you still got it."
Oldnslo
10/3/2006, 10:43 AM
If the foo ****s, wear it.
yermom
11/16/2006, 06:51 PM
only a little at first
yermom
11/16/2006, 06:53 PM
people in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones
proud gonzo
11/16/2006, 06:54 PM
People in bamboo houses shouldn't throw pandas.
opksooner
11/16/2006, 07:14 PM
It livth..........it livth!!
yermom
11/16/2006, 07:17 PM
like a bulldog eating mayonnaise
leavingthezoo
11/16/2006, 07:20 PM
that's okay! i don't have a goat!
opksooner
11/16/2006, 07:21 PM
"Father......I'm telling everybody!!!!
yermom
2/10/2008, 05:35 AM
Because her father is Janet Reno.
sanantoniosooner
2/10/2008, 10:02 AM
I left my harp...at Sam Clam's disco.
OCUDad
2/10/2008, 10:25 AM
"No, I swear, it's ice cream"
OCUDad
2/10/2008, 10:26 AM
Bob.
Matt.
Russell.
Art.
OKC Sooner
2/10/2008, 12:27 PM
... and then the Chinaman jumps out and yells 'Supplies!!!"
Who's that guy with Eddie?
KC//CRIMSON
2/10/2008, 12:35 PM
and I'm going to call it the Aristocrats!
OCUDad
2/10/2008, 12:36 PM
"Sorry, I thought you said Protestant."
Oldnslo
2/11/2008, 12:18 PM
p!sscapailian?
Hot Rod
2/11/2008, 12:20 PM
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I
think I Gave him my airplane glue'
salth2o
2/11/2008, 12:24 PM
...because his pecker is on his face.
frankensooner
2/11/2008, 12:38 PM
shut up and eat your soup before it clots.
soonerinabilene
2/11/2008, 01:09 PM
I guess Ill just have a coke.
TMcGee86
2/11/2008, 02:12 PM
"It is! Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
TMcGee86
2/11/2008, 02:23 PM
"Alright! I'll do the damn dishes."
Oldnslo
2/11/2008, 03:21 PM
Dad said to do it. Or Mom or I will. Just tell him to take his elbow off the intercom button!
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