World Picks: New problems arise in Picker's world of wonder
By TULSA WORLD PICKER
9/7/2006
Ten debacles:
10. New OU home uniforms
You can fail to cover running backs drifting out of the backfield.
You can run every time out of the "I" and throw every time out of the shotgun.
But this football program needs no cosmetic makeover.
9. Men's tennis
What's-his-name won again.
8. ESPN anchors
Nerds on parade.
7. Little League baseball on TV
Just what we need, brats acting out for attention.
6. Fantasy football
Go to Vegas and put down a bet like a man.
5. Golf equipment
What's that he's swinging at that golf ball, a ham hock?
4. Fishing tournaments on TV
Proof that a television camera could ruin just about anything.
Noise, greed -- perfect for a lazy afternoon at the lake.
3. A national ranking for high school football teams
Besides being a little seedy, it's impossible.
It's like
trying to rank Sunday school classes.
2. Euro-golfers
These guys leave their $10 million mansions in Florida and get in America's face at the Ryder Cup.
All they can do is Bubba Golf where you alternate shots, stuff you see at the municipal courses.
1. NBA
Oklahoma City lied. It said there was a big league sport in town.
There isn't.
A big league sport is the best of its type.
The NBA is a third-rate league off a bronze medal in the world games.
It's undisciplined street ball with a bunch of suckers paying top dollar for silly dunks.
Not even heaven's gift to basketball, Coach K of Duke, could coax these glory hogs into defending or passing.
Excuse-makers say the USA lost the game it invented because of different rules.
Yeah, the Golden Rule: other teams share.
The Picks
THURSDAY
Miami at the Steelers (-4): Solid teams playing without a key player can usually get by a week or two on guts.
Steelers by 3.
SATURDAY
Washington at OU (-17): The visitors are staggering proof of the cyclical nature of college football success; and how breaking NCAA rules can turn a winning cycle upside-down virtually overnight.
The penalties begin when an opposing coach tells a prized recruit: They probably won't be on probation all that long.
That's a nice opposing coach.
OU seems to be at its most defensive at a Stoops press conference.
Maybe if, on third and 9, 80,000 Sooner fans screamed in unison, SCREEN PASS, a linebacker and a defensive end might have a peek.
The strategy on certain OU pass plays seems to be: Quarterback Thompson tries to bean a star defender with a fast ball and knock him out of the contest.
OU by 21.
Tulsa at BYU (-6): Not on television -- what is this, Cuba?
It's a good thing TU's Bruce "The Referee Spotted The Ball A Half Inch Too Far Back" Howard is a top-flight announcer.
BYU appeared to be the better team versus Stoops Extra Strength.
The only flaw is no special runner.
The Cougars could be the best local K has faced as head coach.
TU's game plan simple to express: Play perfectly.
Hangover from Arizona game would help, but Mormons don't have hangovers, do they?
BYU by 13.
Oklahoma State (-14) at Arkansas State: Don't laugh too much, this foe could be the best team in Arkansas.
O-State caught a break when it was revealed fourth chump foe Houston has no defense.
Very impressed with Arkansas State tearing down posts inside an hour after defeating Army -- what's the student body, couple of hundred? Cowboy Mystery Tour continues.
OSU by 17.
Penn State at Notre Dame (-8): Have Notre Dame coach rated second best behind USC's.
Pappy Joe looking spry -- very little he hasn't seen on a football field.
Including wooden goal posts.
Notre Dame by 7.
Colorado State (-1) versus Colorado in Denver: National humiliation aside, still have to like new Buff coach's plan of spiritual bonding instead of bail-bonding.
Tiny number hints of trap.
State by 4.
Arizona at LSU (-14): Stoops Extra Strength in for it here.
LSU by 20.
Georgia (-2) at South Carolina: Old ball coach on his fifth visor already.
Home team by 3.
Ohio State at Texas (-2): Winner has boot up on national title game.
Sounds like we like Texas doesn't it.
Gun and dope charges against Longhorn starter isolated case?
Texas by 4.
Texas Tech (-7) at UTEP: Leach, the TCU coach, and Tulsa's K again sound like the nation's most likely for huge job jump.
Short number gives UTEP a chance.
Tech by 9.
Oregon (-4) at Fresno: Guess the future OU foe isn't such a world-beater after all -- favored by less than a touchdown.
Clash of uniform colors -- raspberry and slime green -- could be offensive.
Oregon by 1.
SUNDAY
Cincinnati at the Chiefs (-3): Must-play-defense game, if not must-win game, for Chiefs.
KC by 6.
Dallas at Jacksonville (-2 1/2): Vaguely recall hearing somebody say Parcells was an outstanding coach.
Dallas by 2.
Indianapolis (-3) at the Giants: Poutin' Manning versus his brother.
Forget the big one, Poutin' hasn't won the middle-sized one.
Indy by 2.
MONDAY
Vikings at the Redskins (-4): Monday night doubleheader.
Here's a good question: Why?
Perhaps because it will take these four teams two games to produce an average amount of decent plays.
Imagine a 100-yard dash between quarterbacks Brunell and Johnson.
Home team by 3.
Chargers (-3) at the Raiders: Old guys in the end zone looking like KISS is getting to be a sad sight.
Raiders by 1.
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