Dean's Confessional

[JohnnyMack]

I'm starting this thread as a way to confess to the unmanly things we all do from time to time and as a way for our fearless caveman to lead us back down the path of testosterone.

I figure we can offer up our transgression and then have :dean: tell us what our pennance should be for getting out of line.

Here goes:

I've been watching "Project Runway" on Bravo and I am ashamed.

May :dean: have mercy on my soul.

[C&CDean]

My son, you have sinned. For pennance, you can say 3 Hail Deans, 2 Our Deans, and castrate yourself with a plastic spork.












or you can just pee into the flap of your shorts at a tailgate.......

[TexasLidig8r]

I got nuthin. :cool:

[crawfish]

I got nuthin between my legs. :cool:

No surprise there. :texan:

[jeremy885]

Before the OU game started on TBS, I watched "You got Mail" and enjoyed it.

May :dean: have mercy on my soul.

[C&CDean]

Before the OU game started on TBS, I watched "You got Mail" and enjoyed it.

May :dean: have mercy on my soul.

At first I thought you said you watched Mail Call - to which I was going to say "you are a righteous brother." Then, I saw what you actually typed and now I say "homosexuality is a sin. Repent. Now."

[RiddlerOK]

I got nuthin. :cool:

Lid, most people will fudge "just a little" during their visit with the man.

Just sayin'

[BoogercountySooner]

Forgive me Dean for I have sinned. I actually was admiring your smoove legs and well pedicured Toes. For some reason I was envious!:D

[TexasLidig8r]

Lid, most people will fudge "just a little" during their visit with the man.

Just sayin'

All right..all right.. all right... I confess..

I DO like the occasional manicure.

I DO have many Root and Yankee candles throughout my house.

I DO wear bow ties.

I DO have high thread count sheets.

I DO watch chick flicks with my 13 year old daughter.

I HAVE gone lingerie shopping with various women.

Is there any hope?

[Frozen Sooner]

Anything I do is by definition manly.

[NormanPride]

All right..all right.. all right... I confess..

I DO like the occasional manicure.

I DO have many Root and Yankee candles throughout my house.

I DO wear bow ties.

I DO have high thread count sheets.

I DO watch chick flicks with my 13 year old daughter.

I HAVE gone lingerie shopping with various women.

Is there any hope?

Have you chugged a beer in the last 24 hours? Have you watched pr0n in the last 12? Eaten a burger today? WITHOUT NAPKINS? This is urgent!

[jk the sooner fan]

or you can just pee into the flap of your shorts at a tailgate.......

ha, jk3 used the 5th wheel and said "you have to be an acrobat to use that thing"

:D

[TUSooner]

Bless me Dean...

I got a pedicure - and I really LIKED having a nice-looking lady rub my feet.

I hope my punishment will be mitigated by the fact that, for lunch, I ate some real spicy boudin from out in the country.

[C&CDean]

All right..all right.. all right... I confess..

I DO like the occasional manicure.

I DO have many Root and Yankee candles throughout my house.

I DO wear bow ties.

I DO have high thread count sheets.

I DO watch chick flicks with my 13 year old daughter.

I HAVE gone lingerie shopping with various women.

Is there any hope?

Nay. No hope for you. You have made Satan very happy.

[C&CDean]

I went into a girlie store at the Sooner Mall. Bought some foofoo body creme...I love the Japanese cherry blossom flavor.

Dude, you ain't supposed to eat it.

[OU4LIFE]

Dude, you ain't supposed to eat it.

that's not what she said. :texan:

[olevetonahill]

I have a dog that was dumped on me and Ive been feeding it :eek:

[mdklatt]

I like Pink Lady apples. :O

[C&CDean]

I have a dog that was dumped on me and Ive been feeding it :eek:

If a dog dumped on me, it'd be deader'n hell.

[C&CDean]

I like Pink Lady apples. :O

go on.......

[olevetonahill]

LMFAO
still trying to find it a home tho I have came close to making it "deader than hell "
Shes a friendly mutt looks like some kinda stock dog
If some one wants her Ill pay 1/2 to getting her spayed and vaccinated

[IB4OU2]

Sometimes I shoot a 20 gauge........:O

[BoogercountySooner]

Sometimes I shoot a 20 gauge........:O

Comes with age big brother!:D

[C&CDean]

Sometimes I shoot a 20 gauge........:O

Well that's not such a sin.........as long as you're showing your 6-year old son or your wife how to hunt with it.

[mdklatt]

go on.......


http://www.hormel.com/kitchen/images/refimages/seasonedinsight/fruit_veggies/apples/apple_pinklady.jpg

[C&CDean]

http://www.hormel.com/kitchen/images/refimages/seasonedinsight/fruit_veggies/apples/apple_pinklady.jpg

Oh. You really did mean the fruit. Your pennance: You must now boink Lid. Thrice. It'll be OK though, cause he'll have really nice nails, will smell good, will be wearing lacy panties, watching Pretty Woman, and probably will get off on a little auto-erotic asphyxiation when you tug on his bowtie.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I just subscribed to this thread.

[pb4ou]

Around 3 AM, I ate the last of the sausage I BBQ'ed last night. And I'd do again, if I had the chance.

[mdklatt]

Oh. You really did mean the fruit.

Well, duh. The other thing doesn't require a confession. :texan:

[C&CDean]

Around 3 AM, I ate the last of the sausage I BBQ'ed last night. And I'd do again, if I had the chance.

Righteous.

[Rogue]

I dig the foaming hand soap "cotton blossom" that my wife gets from a froo froo place in the mall. Can I just get absolution?

[BoogercountySooner]

My wife and I share deodorant sometimes!

[C&CDean]

My wife and I share deodorant sometimes!

Is it Old Spice or She Ban? This is very important.

[BoogercountySooner]

Unscented roll-on!

[BoogercountySooner]

I cried watching the movie Notebook!

[C&CDean]

Does IB4OU know he has a homosexualhunter for a brother? Break the news easy on him.

[IB4OU2]

Does IB4OU know he has a homosexualhunter for a brother? Break the news easy on him.

Yep, he had a hard time keeping his pants on running back interceptions for touchdowns too......we should of known then. :(

[BoogercountySooner]

Does IB4OU know he has a homosexualhunter for a brother? Break the news easy on him.

We don't have a season for Homosexuals over here Dean. You'll be safe if you come to visit!:D

[BoogercountySooner]

I cried watching Notebook cause James Garner a great Oklahoman died in that movie! Come on Dean we know you teared up to.

[sooneron]

I welled up a tad bit at the end of In Her Shoes the other day.

[SicEmBaylor]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.

We don't need to wait for Dean on this one..

EEEWWW!!! :mack:

[yermom]

i also prefer the frozen margarita :O

[jeremy885]

I cry after sex.


I'd cry after having sex with you too.

;)

[jk the sooner fan]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.

i think worse than any of that is the fact you had your life planned out at the age of 8.......we're going to rename you Alex P. Keaton

;)

[dolemitesooner]

I like to eat crackers
...with cheese

[jeremy885]

I welled up a tad bit at the end of In Her Shoes the other day.

The only "chick flick" I cried a little to was the English Patient. The scene right at the end of the movie where the Hungarian guy is carrying the woman's body out of the desert cave.

In my defense, the background music was pretty moving and I would say tipped me over the edge.

[jk the sooner fan]

ok , here's mine

i cried at the end of Forrest Gump

thats all you're getting out of me

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

ok , here's mine

i cried at the end of Forrest Gump

thats all you're getting out of me

If it was the part where he was standing at her grave saying 'you'd be so proud of him Jenny', then you're excused.

Because that was really sad and anyone with a beating heart should have at least teared-up a little bit.

And if it makes you boys feel any better I cry like a little b1tch when they carry Rudy off the field.

And I hate Notre Dame.

[yermom]

damn that little hobbit

[jk the sooner fan]

If it was the part where he was standing at her grave saying 'you'd be so proud of him Jenny', then you're excused.

Because that was really sad and anyone with a beating heart should have at least teared-up a little bit.



so many people dont get that its really a love story

and now i have two confessions..... ;)

[OCUDad]

Every now and then, when Mrs. Dad leaves her copy of "People" magazine lying around, I sneak a peek and read a little of it. Do I lose my Man Card for this?

[Ike]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.


hopeless....


even a lifetime full of pennances won't make up for this...

[hurricane'bone]

I'd go gay for Sean Connery.

[Ike]

Forgive me :dean:, for I have sinned...

On road trips, I often have to stop every 3 or 4 hours to take a whizz. more often if I'm drinking beer.

I'll drop some cash on my critters if need be.

I once singgerd at a joke on "Will and Grace"

May :dean: have mercy on my soul



Dominick go frisk em.

[olevetonahill]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.
You just need to move to San Francisco

[jeremy885]

I'll drop some cash on my critters if need be.




Nothing wrong with that. Hell, my dog gets better health check ups then I do.

[olevetonahill]

Nothing wrong with that. Hell, my dog gets better health check ups then I do.
Trudat
The Bird and knothead get better care than most folks kids around here .
Even that dumped shemale dog !
Any one want her ?

[Viking Kitten]

Dang. You bitches have some serious estrogen goin' on.

[AlbqSooner]

Look - I spilled my guts in the "Most Embarrasing Moment" thread - you ain't gettin nuthin outta me on this one.

[KC//CRIMSON]

All right..all right.. all right... I confess..

I DO like the occasional manicure.

I DO have many Root and Yankee candles throughout my house.

I DO wear bow ties.

I DO have high thread count sheets.

I DO watch chick flicks with my 13 year old daughter.

I HAVE gone lingerie shopping with various women.

Is there any hope?

Does that closet you live in lock from the inside?

[Sooner24]

This should be a tv show on A&E right after "Dog the Bounty Hunter".

[C&CDean]

Y'all know what? I go out to the local gin mill for a drink and supper. When I left, it was pretty much OK. I come back, and we've got nancy boys fessin' up about their homosexual tendencies, more estrogen than a box full of menstruating hookers, and all kinds of other things that make my ernie go inverted.

Collectively, you must all say an Ave' Deaneria, and cross yourselves at the crotch 3 times. Then, and only then will you have access to the kingdom.

[Viking Kitten]

I'm afraid their periods are gonna get all synched up. We best be steering clear of the SO that week, I'll tell you what.

[C&CDean]

I'm afraid their periods are gonna get all synched up. We best be steering clear of the SO that week, I'll tell you what.

No ****. Homey is on vacation that week. SF.com be damned.

[Scott D]

I bitchslapped some muh****ahs for talkin **** to me, and I felt guilty because I didn't give them black eyes.

[C&CDean]

I bitchslapped some muh****ahs for talkin **** to me, and I felt guilty because I didn't give them black eyes.

Dude, white boys will never have black eyes. No matter how hard you slap their asses.

Don't be pulling the race card here......

[Scott D]

oh ok....shiners then ;)

[C&CDean]

oh ok....shiners then ;)

Shiners. That'll work. Big ol' shiners that have to have big ol' hunks of raw liver slapped up on them to ease the swellin'.

And Ike is a racist. He said he "s******ed" at a joke on Will and Grace.

[BoogercountySooner]

I sat down once to pee!

[C&CDean]

You people are gonna make me have to take a shower tonight before bedding down.

[BoogercountySooner]

You people are gonna make me have to take a shower tonight before bedding down.

You'll go blind!!

[Scott D]

Shiners. That'll work. Big ol' shiners that have to have big ol' hunks of raw liver slapped up on them to ease the swellin'.

And Ike is a racist. He said he "s******ed" at a joke on Will and Grace.

alright, I feel guilty because I didn't give them shiners. And I can't go whup Ike's arse....it'd be a bad example for the spud to see his old man get his arse kicked ;)

[C&CDean]

Dude, all you gotta do is swim across Lake Michigan to whup his ***. Wait, my bad, you brothers don't do the swimmin' thing........OK, drive around the lake and kick his ***......

[Scott D]

Dude, all you gotta do is swim across Lake Michigan to whup his ***. Wait, my bad, you brothers don't do the swimmin' thing........OK, drive around the lake and kick his ***......

we swim, just not in cold *** polluted water ;)

[mdklatt]

I cry after sex.

After the beer googles wear off? Excuse me...after the Zima goggles wear off?

[BoogercountySooner]

Dude, all you gotta do is swim across Lake Michigan to whup his ***. Wait, my bad, you brothers don't do the swimmin' thing........OK, drive around the lake and kick his ***......


http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/5849/thatsracistdk6.gif

[Sooner24]

I think my wife saw this thread on the Lifetime channel.

[SicEmBaylor]

After the beer googles wear off? Excuse me...after the Zima goggles wear off?

No, after hers wore off. That kind of reaction can really bruise a man's ego.

[olevetonahill]

No, after hers wore off. That kind of reaction can really bruise a man's ego.
you cried because HER zima goggles wore off ?:confused:
Dude (or maybe in this case) dudette you are beyound redemption :twinkies:
I would say turn in your Man card but I think you have never had one :twinkies:
So as I said, Move to frisco and be sure and wear a flower in your hair ! :eek:

[Scott D]

No, after hers wore off. That kind of reaction can really bruise a man's ego.

good lord, you have a way of making fictional characters like Carlton and Steve Urkel look like studs. I fear there is no hope for you boy.

[frankensooner]

Forgive me :dean: for I have sinned.

Sometimes I mix my whiskey with water. Not the good stuff though. Am I a flamer?

Thanks in advance :dean: I'll take this one off the air.

[BoogercountySooner]

Forgive me :dean: for I have sinned.

Sometimes I mix my whiskey with water. Not the good stuff though. Am I a flamer?

Thanks in advance :dean: I'll take this one off the air.

http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/images/smilies/animated/jaw.gif http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/images/smilies/animated/jaw.gif http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/images/smilies/animated/jaw.gif I can't believe you would do that!

[TexasLidig8r]

I drink Zima.
I know nothing of mechanics or automobiles other than they require gas.
If I sweat even a LITTLE bit; I have to take a shower.
I hate hunting.
I hate the outdoors.
If an article of clothing gets even the smallest of stain then I refuse to wear it in public.
I drinks my margaritas frozen instead of on the rocks.
I cry after sex.

Niles? Is that you?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v625/Feenia/white.jpg

[JohnnyMack]

Niles? Is that you?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v625/Feenia/white.jpg

I own two seasons of Frasier on DVD.

:O

[Scott D]

I own two seasons of Frasier on DVD.

:O

Frasier is quality television....not like the swill you are forced to watch today.

[BigRedJed]

I'm not afraid to admit it: I LIKE the Pet Shop Boys.

I cried every time I've had to put a pet to sleep.

And, I ride a scooter.

[JohnnyMack]

I just found myself enjoying Justin Timberlake's new song while I was driving to lunch.

[homerSimpsonsBrain]

...That kind of reaction can really bruise a man's ego.

But SicEm, what about your ego?? :D

[TexasLidig8r]

I own two seasons of Frasier on DVD.

:O

JMack.. if your political leanings were a bit different.. you'd simply be a younger... Lid.

:D :D :D

[BigRedJed]

You forgot sexual orientation. His sexual orientation would have to be different.

[OCUDad]

Niles? Is that you? SicEm, when even Lid questions your manhood, you are so far gone not even :dean:can save you. Best to just cash 'em in and have that operation now. :D

[1stTimeCaller]

Dean, the first turkey I killed was a hen, flying away from me. It was in the Spring. I walked up on her and she flew. I didn't know she was:
a) there until she flew and
b) a hen until I had already shot her.

What should I do? FYI, I was in the 7th grade when this happened.

[achiro]

Every now and then, when Mrs. Dad leaves her copy of "People" magazine lying around, I sneak a peek and read a little of it. Do I lose my Man Card for this?
Not if you are looking for cleavage, leg, and "oops" pics.

[IB4OU2]

Dean, the first turkey I killed was a hen, flying away from me. It was in the Spring. I walked up on her and she flew. I didn't know she was:
a) there until she flew and
b) a hen until I had already shot her.

What should I do? FYI, I was in the 7th grade when this happened.

Post reported to the OWD.........;)

hopefully you didn't waste the meat.

Believe it or not there are bearded hens......I shot one along time ago that had about a 7 inch beard. Wierd huh?

[1stTimeCaller]

Post reported to the OWD.........;)

hopefully you didn't waste the meat.

Believe it or not there are bearded hens......I shot one along time ago that had about a 7 inch beard. Wierd huh?

she ate just fine. :D I've heard about bearded hens but have never seen one. Clams on the other hand...

[BoogercountySooner]

Dean, the first turkey I killed was a hen, flying away from me. It was in the Spring. I walked up on her and she flew. I didn't know she was:
a) there until she flew and
b) a hen until I had already shot her.

What should I do? FYI, I was in the 7th grade when this happened.


So you were between the ages of 15 and 18?:D

[C&CDean]

I shall make a movie. I'll shall call it "The Passion of the Dean."

In it, I shall kill every single one of you bawling, hen killin', vespa ridin', 20-gauge shootin', People readin', Frasier lovin', Justin Timberlake fantasizin' nancy boys. Slowly and cruelly, ala Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

And for Sic em' and Lid, well let's just say y'all ain't even worth killin'. Perhaps I'll put you two on a deserted island together. We'll film a reality documentary. We'll call it "Survivor, Analingus Island."

[olevetonahill]

I shall make a movie. I'll shall call it "The Passion of the Dean."

In it, I shall kill every single one of you bawling, hen killin', vespa ridin', 20-gauge shootin', People readin', Frasier lovin', Justin Timberlake fantasizin' nancy boys. Slowly and cruelly, ala Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

And for Sic em' and Lid, well let's just say y'all ain't even worth killin'. Perhaps I'll put you two on a deserted island together. We'll film a reality documentary. We'll call it "Survivor, Analingus Island."
That got me so fired up Im gonna go shoot that damn dog

[BoogercountySooner]

Thank you Dean Moses!:D

[OCUDad]

If it weren't a sin, I'd make me a graven image of :dean: right NOW.

[BudSooner]

Gawd this is the funniest thread ever.

I cried when a quart of Wild Turkey got knocked off the table and shattered. that's all I got.

[SicEmBaylor]

Gawd this is the funniest thread ever.

I cried when a quart of Wild Turkey got knocked off the table and shattered. that's all I got.

I only almost cried over liquor once. My ex girlfriend came down for the weekend from OK to visit me in Waco, and she absolutely forbid me from drinking (alcoholic father) and as far as she knew I didn't. She comes down, and I have a brand new bottle of Grey Goose in my cabinet which she makes me open and poor down the drain with her watching.

It was definitely a sacrafice, but a sacrafice I was richly rewarded for.:texan:

[Mongo]

I only almost cried over liquor once. My ex girlfriend came down for the weekend from OK to visit me in Waco, and she absolutely forbid me from drinking (alcoholic father) and as far as she knew I didn't. She comes down, and I have a brand new bottle of Grey Goose in my cabinet which she makes me open and poor down the drain with her watching.

It was definitely a sacrafice, but a sacrafice I was richly rewarded for.:texan:


I had the same thing happen to me, except it was a state trooper. And he didnt give me the happy ending.

[JohnnyMack]

I mowed the yard last night. Edged it up real nice. Looks sharp.

That has to be pennance for the whole Justin Timberlake thing.

[C&CDean]

I mowed the yard last night. Edged it up real nice. Looks sharp.

That has to be pennance for the whole Justin Timberlake thing.

Nay my son. If it'd have been my yard, perhaps.








wtf is Justin Timberlake anyhow?

[JohnnyMack]

Nay my son. If it'd have been my yard, perhaps.








wtf is Justin Timberlake anyhow?

He's bringing sexy back.

[Beef]

He's bringing sexy back.
I already took care of that.

[C&CDean]

He's bringing sexy back.

Do you see that river in front of you? That would be the River Styx.

[BigRedJed]

I shall make a movie. I'll shall call it "The Passion of the Dean."

In it, I shall kill every single one of you... ...vespa ridin'...
Take your best shot, Pilgrim...

http://www.scooteringusa.com/johnwaynevespa.jpg

[JohnnyMack]

Do you see that river in front of you? That would be the River Styx.

I have a kayak and am ready to go!

[GDC]

I had a momentary lapse of reason and suggested N:texan:T may not be appropriate for a while because the season is underway, and October is almost here. Please forgive me.

[C&CDean]

I have a kayak and am ready to go!

Uh, kayaks are highly flammable.....

[C&CDean]

Take your best shot, Pilgrim...

http://www.scooteringusa.com/johnwaynevespa.jpg

The Duke is dead and will not help you. Repent, heathen. Ditch the POS scooter. Picturing you riding around OKC with your little helmet pushed way back up on your fivehead, BBQ sauce on your chin, waving at everybody ala Eddie Izzard going "Ciao" hurts your Dean's heart.

[C&CDean]

I had a momentary lapse of reason and suggested N:texan:T may not be appropriate for a while because the season is underway, and October is almost here. Please forgive me.

Mortal sin. Hellfire and brimstone for you.

[TexasLidig8r]

Mortal sin. Hellfire and brimstone for you.

There's a condo right down HellFire Street that is available. Has a great view of Brimstone Lake. My condo is three doors down. :D

[BigRedJed]

The Duke is dead and will not help you. Repent, heathen. Ditch the POS scooter. Picturing you riding around OKC with your little helmet pushed way back up on your fivehead, BBQ sauce on your chin, waving at everybody ala Eddie Izzard going "Ciao" hurts your Dean's heart.
The Duke might be dead, as might other manly Vespa enthusiasts such as Marlon Brando, Gary Cooper (http://vespa-club-des-savoie.chez-alice.fr/affiches/calend/1996_12GaryCooper.jpg), Dean Martin and Anthony Quinn, but Robert DeNiro, Paul Newman and James Gandolfini are all alive, they all ride Vespas, and they all have my back.

But thanks for caring! :D

[BigRedJed]

This is the post where Dean says "touche," or, more likely, some non-French words that means the same thing.

[JohnnyMack]

If Tony Soprano says Vespas are OK, I gotta say they're OK.

I gotta wonder who I'd take in a cage match between :dean: and Tony.

[GDC]

If Tony Soprano says Vespas are OK, I gotta say they're OK.

I gotta wonder who I'd take in a cage match between :dean: and Tony.

Throw in Mike Ditka and Chuck Norris too.

[Mjcpr]

This is the post where Dean says "touche," or, more likely, some non-French words that means the same thing.

It's gonna be '******' and it doesn't mean the same thing.

:D

[BigRedJed]

See, my Vespa confession was actually a TRICK confession. Vespa riders are often mistaken for something less than manly by the ignorant masses, because they aren't outwardly attempting to compensate for inadequacies. We're confident enough in our manhood to allow ourselves to be seen riding cute, tiny little motorcycle-like machines.

All except for members of the Sqream Scooter Club, who really ARE gay.

[BigRedJed]

I don't really have any excuse for liking the Pet Shop Boys, though.

[Scott D]

I don't really have any excuse for liking the Pet Shop Boys, though.

you don't need an excuse for liking the Pet Shop Boys...unless you like them.....that way. ;)

[Scott D]

I shall make a movie. I'll shall call it "The Passion of the Dean."

In it, I shall kill every single one of you bawling, hen killin', vespa ridin', 20-gauge shootin', People readin', Frasier lovin', Justin Timberlake fantasizin' nancy boys. Slowly and cruelly, ala Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

And for Sic em' and Lid, well let's just say y'all ain't even worth killin'. Perhaps I'll put you two on a deserted island together. We'll film a reality documentary. We'll call it "Survivor, Analingus Island."

you ain't killin me muh****ah'.

[silverwheels]

This thread rules almost as much as Scott's avatar.

[C&CDean]

So, lets see now. Jed mentions a bunch of dead actors, and a couple live actors who just haven't come outta the closet yet as vethpa loverths. Four words my man. Homosexuality. Is. A. Sin.

Besides, those POS are major death machines. So tiny and cute nobody sees them, then so underpowered you can't get outta Jerk's way when he's haulin' *** through town in his 80K pound 18-wheeler.

For your pennance, you must by your Dean a new Indian Spirit. Black, with silver flames. For this, I bless you.

[C&CDean]

you ain't killin me muh****ah'.

Slowly. Painfully. Surely. Do not raise the ire of the Dean.

[BeetDigger]

Where is Dean's confessional? I saw a picture of him wearing flip-flops. In public. Sheesh. Might as well hand him a Zima and one of Lid's Yankee Candles. :D

[C&CDean]

Where is Dean's confessional? I saw a picture of him wearing flip-flops. In public. Sheesh. Might as well hand him a Zima and one of Lid's Yankee Candles. :D

Your Dean can wear anything he damn well pleases. And if he ever chose to wash down his whiskey shots with a Zima, then by Dean he'll do it. And it'd create yet another new bar fad. Shots of Tullamore Dew with a Zima chaser while sniffing a yankee candle (seriously, wtf is a yankee candle?). We'll call it the Deaninator.

[JohnnyMack]

:dean: is one of the old ones. Much like the Balrog. Fear him.

<:dean: is heading off to look up "Balrog" right now>

[1stTimeCaller]

Dear Dean, sometimes when I'm sitting here at work thinking about smashing Other Guy to the ground and crushing his throat with my Justin's while I stare into his eyes as they become lifeless I get an erection. Is that wrong?

[C&CDean]

Dear Dean, sometimes when I'm sitting here at work thinking about smashing Other Guy to the ground and crushing his throat with my Justin's while I stare into his eyes as they become lifeless I get an erection. Is that wrong?

Well, not if "other guy" is rogcoley.

[SicEmBaylor]

I'm going to one day repent by spending a month at Dean's place as a ranch hand. It would be high comedy. The only thing is...I have delicate hands and do hate doing anything that may bring a callous. ;)

[IB4OU2]

I'm going to one day repent by spending a month at Dean's place as a ranch hand. It would be high comedy. The only thing is...I have delicate hands and do hate doing anything that may bring a callous. ;)

Mrs. Dean may need some help in the ranch house, of course you may get dishwater hands....;)

[whatsername]

Where is Dean's confessional? I saw a picture of him wearing flip-flops. In public. Sheesh. Might as well hand him a Zima and one of Lid's Yankee Candles. :D

That question was on my fingertips, but I wasn't gonna ask it. ;)

Besides, I wasn't sure if girls were allowed in here.

[BoogercountySooner]

Where is Dean's confessional? I saw a picture of him wearing flip-flops. In public. Sheesh. Might as well hand him a Zima and one of Lid's Yankee Candles. :D


Don't forget the shaved Legs and shaved head!:D

[BigRedJed]

...For your pennance, you must by your Dean a new Indian Spirit. Black, with silver flames. For this, I bless you.
http://www.indianmotorcycle.com/images/spiritRoadmasterMain.jpg

Man, that's a great bike... ...for someone who's compensating for a small pee pee!




Great. Now I'm going to Hell for sure. And not just any hell, either. DEAN Hell. With a flip-flop in my ***.

[C&CDean]

You're gonna burn, burn, burn, burn.....FIRE!

[StoopTroup]

I once got free tickets to a Stevie Nicks Concert.

Joe Walsh was the opening act.

I took this really hawt girl with me and stayed to see Nicks after Joe left the stage.

I swear I only stayed because this gal really wanted to see her.

[olevetonahill]

Forgive me Dean for I have send . I didnt kill that dog
I took it to the stock yards Hoping it will find a home :O

[GDC]

I once got free tickets to a Stevie Nicks Concert.

Joe Walsh was the opening act.

I took this really hawt girl with me and stayed to see Nicks after Joe left the stage.

I swear I only stayed because this gal really wanted to see her.

Tulsa, mid-80's? Stevie was so messed up she fell off the stage?

[Rogue]

I like bubble-baths.
Always have.

[royalfan5]

I like bubble-baths.
Always have.
Me too:O

[Frozen Sooner]

I like bubble-baths.
Always have.

Is this "sitting in the tub while farting" bubble bath? Because if that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

[Jerk]

Okay, here's mine:

The other day, when I put my hands inside the deer to pull the guts out, I started gagging and almost vomitted.

[yermom]

i watched Brokeback Mountain last night...

[Rogue]

Okay, here's mine:

The other day, when I put my hands inside the deer to pull the guts out, I started gagging and almost vomitted.

Dad nicked the guts when we were cleaning the elk in October. I gagged and dry-wretched quite a bit. But I was so excited about gettin' my first elk that I didn't care!

[Jerk]

I got one more...

..and I can't believe I'm admitting it...

I kind of felt sorry for that doe after I blew her away. I even fessed up to my dad...he was like "WTF son? They're over-populated!" Oh well.

Coyote hunting is another thing...cuz the damned things look like my Brodee.

The only time I don't feel bad is when we set-up at the pond for turtle-plinking. Damnit that is fun. If you shoot just below a turtle with a .308, it will flip him out of the water. AR-15's with scopes are the most fun, though. If you hit em just right, the water will be a reddish colour when it blows up. There is nothing more fun to do with a rifle than to shoot turtles out of a pond all day long.

[picasso]

I grew a Don Johnson beard last week and trimmed the growth betwixt my eyebrows.

oh and Bri and I had a conversation during the oSu game about what a good looking man Paul Thompson is.

[OU4LIFE]

i watched Brokeback Mountain last night...

I don't see this so much as a confession as mush as I see it as you flaunting your homosexuality.

[OU4LIFE]

NTTAWWT

[frankensooner]

I drove the family down to Chickasha last night and looked at the purty lights. Is that unmanly?

[picasso]

i lived Brokeback Mountain last night...

:eek:

[hurricane'bone]

I'm contemplating gettin a frohawk.

[william_brasky]

There is nothing more fun to do with a rifle than to shoot turtles out of a pond all day long.

Amen Brother!

[IB4OU2]

Okay, here's mine:

The other day, when I put my hands inside the deer to pull the guts out, I started gagging and almost vomitted.

come on Jerk......nut up...

I did that to two deer on opening morning.......then loaded (by myself I might add) both deer on my 4 wheeler and drove them back to camp and hung them on the meatpole.....:D

[Jerk]

come on Jerk......nut up...

I did that to two deer on opening morning.......then loaded (by myself I might add) both deer on my 4 wheeler and drove them back to camp and hung them on the meatpole.....:D

It wouldn't have been that bad but I cut just a little too deep around the belly area if ya know what I mean.

It was the smell that got me.

[yermom]

mmm... feces

[achiro]

mmm... feces
feces never smelled as bad as the stomach contents spilling out ito the open carcass of a dead deer. You'd think it would be the same thing...it's not.:(

[Frozen Sooner]

You think a deer is bad? Try nicking the intestine or stomach of a bear sometime.

[IB4OU2]

Iv'e not nicked the stomach or the intestine while field dressing a deer in several years......I'm like a surgeon of sorts.....amateurs. ;) :D

try one of these-

http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/links/link.jsp;jsessionid=U5OFITW00CQQWCWQNWQSCOYK0BW0EI WE?id=0006369&type=pod&rid=0180101070502&cmCat=perf&cm_ven=performics&cm_cat=yahoo_nonbrand&cm_pla=camp_knivestools&cm_ite=wyoming%20knife&OVMTC=standard&OVKEY=wyoming%20knife&OVRAW=Wyoming%20Knife&_requestid=92908

[C&CDean]

Judas H. Priest puking over a gut pile. WTF is wrong with you people?

1. If you're a skilled hunter, you do not gut shoot OR "nick" the guts while field dressing.

2. If you're hunting with a rook, and he does gut shoot or "nick" the guts while field dressing, you make him/her stick their face down in there and do the dirty work. And it's nothing to retch over. Stinky? Yes. Puke city? No.

3. My wife told me Brokeback was on HBO. I said "nuh uh." She said "is so." I said "cancel that ****ing HBO today." Then, I'm at the hotel, and I flip over to HBO, right dead in the middle of a scene with these two dudes sucking each other's tongues clean down to their adams apples. I retched. Puke city. How in the name of Liberace can two dudes kiss each other on the mouth? I'm sorry people, but that **** is wrong. I still have liver bile backing up whenever I think of some dude's hairy chin and chapped lips coming near mine. If you kiss other dudes on the face, then do all the other nasty **** too, you're ****ed up. Sorry, but it is ****ed all the hell up. That **** disturbed me. I mean there's people out there who actually do that ****.

3. Bubble baths? If you are taking with a personage of the opposite sex and there's lots and lots of bobbing for apples and such going on then it's righteous. If you're sitting in a bubble bath by yourself you probably kiss hairy men on the mouth.

[olevetonahill]

Cant add a thing to Deans post except a Big AMEN

[picasso]

Cant add a thing to Deans post except gimme a big ole kiss you bald sexy guy!


:eek:

[Jerk]

heheheheeheheheheheheheh

bwahahahahahashaahhaha!

[olevetonahill]

:eek:
:D

[achiro]

Forgive me Dean for I have sinned:
I gut shot the buck I killed Sunday evening. It was the longest shot I've ever taken at a deer at around 250 yards, I couldn't get him to stop walking and the wind was blowing 30 mph. I was sitting in the open though with nothing to brace against because I was walking when I saw him. He was a nice 10 point though. What do I do to be forgiven?

[Rogue]

Achiro: Asked and answered. See #2 above.
2. If you're hunting with a rook, and he does gut shoot or "nick" the guts while field dressing, you make him/her stick their face down in there and do the dirty work. And it's nothing to retch over.

[C&CDean]

Forgive me Dean for I have sinned:
I gut shot the buck I killed Sunday evening. It was the longest shot I've ever taken at a deer at around 250 yards, I couldn't get him to stop walking and the wind was blowing 30 mph. I was sitting in the open though with nothing to brace against because I was walking when I saw him. He was a nice 10 point though. What do I do to be forgiven?

My chiropractic friend, a word of advice.

I quit taking 250 yard shots at deer a long time ago. Yes, I could hit them. Yes, with my 7mm mag, I could probably dot their eye, and de-colonize them simultaneously, but dammit man, how many 10-pointers does a man need?

In all seriousness, I simply do not take shots any more that are over maybe 120 yards, and only if Bambi is offering me a perfect broadside. I just do not need to kill a deer unless it's a perfect situation.

So, be proud of your 250 yard shot - a feat most mere mortals could only dream of. However, temper it with the knowledge that you know you can do it - you just don't need to any more. Then, grasshoppah, you will be ready.

[BeetDigger]

My chiropractic friend, a word of advice.

I quit taking 250 yard shots at deer a long time ago. Yes, I could hit them. Yes, with my 7mm mag, I could probably dot their eye, and de-colonize them simultaneously, but dammit man, how many 10-pointers does a man need?

In all seriousness, I simply do not take shots any more that are over maybe 120 yards, and only if Bambi is offering me a perfect broadside. I just do not need to kill a deer unless it's a perfect situation.

So, be proud of your 250 yard shot - a feat most mere mortals could only dream of. However, temper it with the knowledge that you know you can do it - you just don't need to any more. Then, grasshoppah, you will be ready.

And with that, I will leave you as I get ready for some man-love with Olevet.



:D

[Frozen Sooner]

I can't hit a deer at 250.

It's OK, big guy. Neither can most of us.

[C&CDean]

It's OK, big guy. Neither can most of us.

Obviously, you've never seen me shoot. I have many credible witnesses to my prowess as a marksman. However, I simply choose not to show off on live animals. 3 shots inside a dime at 100 yards? All day baby. I've even had people accuse me of completely missing paper when there's only one hole after 3 shots. If you look closely, the hole is slightly large than .30 caliber. That's cause 3 of them passed through the same hole.

And it ain't bragging if you can do it.

[Frozen Sooner]

Heh. Knew that'd get your plums twisty.

You work for the Postal Service. Of course you can shoot.

[jk the sooner fan]

if you need help zeroing your M1, LAS can help......

[C&CDean]

Heh. Knew that'd get your plums twisty.

You work for the Postal Service. Of course you can shoot.

****in. A. I teach marksmanship.

[C&CDean]

if you need help zeroing your M1, LAS can help......

Dude, my claims are at 100 yards. Not 1,000 meters with iron sights, a stiff wind, and WWII ball ammo.

[JohnnyMack]

****in. A. I teach crazy.

Mmm hmm.

I know that be true.

[C&CDean]

Mmm hmm.

I know that be true.

Speak caucasian please.

[JohnnyMack]

When I was in B-More earlier this month, I almost strangled one of your "associates". Her name was "Aquinetta". No. I'm not making that up. She made a tree sloth look like Carl Lewis.

[C&CDean]

**** up a rope honky. You ain't never been in "B-more." I'm here right this second, and I don't see your narrow *** anywhere. Just like I didn't last time, or the time before that either when you were supposed to buy me dinner.

And don't be dissin' my girl Aquinetta.

[Jerk]

Okay, I have another....

I watch All My Children with my wife.

To make up for it, I'm usually cleaning the AR-15 or the FN-FAL at the same time.

But back to the subject - this has changed the way I think of bewbs. It used to be "more is better." Now it's "If they're shaped right and can fill a wine glass, then that's okay too."

[soonerboomer93]

When I'm home for Christmas, I have plans to go shoe shopping

[SoonerStormchaser]

Is watching Desperate Housewives with the future Mrs. SoonerStromchaser count?

[JohnnyMack]

**** up a rope honky. You ain't never been in "B-more." I'm here right this second, and I don't see your narrow *** anywhere. Just like I didn't last time, or the time before that either when you were supposed to buy me dinner.

And don't be dissin' my girl Aquinetta.

Your cracker *** wasn't there when I got therr. I was kickin' it at the Marriott Waterfront with all them bishops that was in town.

[C&CDean]

Is watching Desperate Housewives with the future Mrs. SoonerStromchaser count?

Even knowing what Desperate Housewives is qualifies.

[PAW]

I cry after sex.

Butt secks can be painful. :eek:

[SicEmBaylor]

Heh, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. :D

[olevetonahill]

I dropped my bear at 225 yds shooting cross canyon a little down hill ,
had a 7 mm ruger m77 , great rifle . Havnt hunted since , but I do like to shoot
I qualified on the Dan Coimbs course with a 490 . 500 was perfect .
like Dean said you figure out where the bullet went . the course instructors knew , but couldnt count it .
No brag just fact

[IB4OU2]

I shoot a Thompson Center Encore 30/06 and you only get 1 shot with this gun so at any yardage you have to make it count. I bought the new gun barrell for the Encore last year and I've shot 3 deer using 3 shells at yardages from over 90 to less than 40 and at this rate I'll run out of my box of Hornaday ammo in about 7 years. :D

and I do religiously site in every year.

[JohnnyMack]

I used force lightning to kill a bear once. Seriously. I did.

[JohnnyMack]

It was cold this morning. Damn cold. Snow flurries, wind and whatnot. Anyways as I'm driving to work and punching aimlessly through radio presets I paused for a good 15 seconds when I heard "Kokomo" on the radio. I did some nice visual imagery and imagined myself somewhere warmer than this craphole I'm in.

I'm sorry.

[Beef]

I used under eye moisturizer this morning.

Can I repent without truly being sorry?

[C&CDean]

It was cold this morning. Damn cold. Snow flurries, wind and whatnot. Anyways as I'm driving to work and punching aimlessly through radio presets I paused for a good 15 seconds when I heard "Kokomo" on the radio. I did some nice visual imagery and imagined myself somewhere warmer than this craphole I'm in.

I'm sorry.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you...

The Beach Boys are not on the certified homo list, therefore you shant be punished for this minor transgression. This time.

[C&CDean]

I used under eye moisturizer this morning.

Can I repent without truly being sorry?

Under eye moisturizer? May as well rub jizz all over your face. Certified homo activity. Write "I will not rub jizz under my eyes" 100 times.

[jk the sooner fan]

do you want him to use his eyeliner?

[JohnnyMack]

Under eye moisturizer? May as well rub jizz all over your face. Certified homo activity.

Well he was tryin' to make himself look pretty so he could do some jizz face rubbin' tonight on Valentine's Day.

[Beef]

do you want him to use his eyeliner?
You have your Dallas accountants confused.

[jk the sooner fan]

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you...

The Beach Boys are not on the certified homo list, therefore you shant be punished for this minor transgression. This time.

i think the beach boys got enough P during their day to keep them off any certified homo list

[47straight]

Me and the woman are not going anywhere tonight in part because I've got a city league basketball game. Can I get a ruling?

Oh yeah, I didn't buy her anything yet either.

[C&CDean]

Me and the woman are not going anywhere tonight in part because I've got a city league basketball game. Can I get a ruling?

Oh yeah, I didn't buy her anything yet either.

You said "yet." It's OK to take the woman out to lunch or dinner. Buy her a flower or something too. If you got a game then just tell her you'll take her out this weekend when it's not so crowded. Just make sure you don't go out to some haute cuisine place.

[JohnnyMack]

Michael Buble. Kinda catchy. OK to listen to?

[yermom]

http://www.anvari.org/db/fun/Cute_Kids/Kaeru_San.jpg

[JohnnyMack]

This is your fault hippie. You're the one who sent me to pandora in the first place.

[Jimminy Crimson]

Michael Buble. Kinda catchy. OK to listen to?

:dean: Only if you use said 'music' in a successful attempt to make romance explosion on the sto-match of your chosen lady friend... /:dean:

[XingTheRubicon]

Sic'em
I cry after sex.




So does Mike Tyson, except he's crying due to pepper spray.

[JohnnyMack]

I'm spinnin' some Harry Connick, Jr. now.

[Fugue]

I read the shampoo bottle i was using and it stated that it was designed to be "smooth and intense for women of color". :O

[frankensooner]

I trim my Red Headed Stranger .

[IB4OU2]

I put makeup on my tain't scar.

[SoonerStormchaser]

I married an older woman!

[SicEmBaylor]

I married an old woman!
Fixed for accuracy and more specificity.

[C&CDean]

I read the shampoo bottle i was using and it stated that it was designed to be "smooth and intense for women of color". :O

Shampoo? Smooth and intense for women of color? Not gay, but the only useful purpose for that **** is to load a gob into your slimy little paw and take care of bidness.

[C&CDean]

I trim my Red Headed Stranger .

If you trim more than 1/2 inch, there ain't gonna be nothin' left. Leave it alone.

[C&CDean]

I put makeup on my tain't scar.
Gay. Real men are proud of their busted taint.

[C&CDean]

I married an older woman!
BFD. I've boned a hundred of them and they're way overrated.

[C&CDean]

Fixed for accuracy and more specificity.
STFU virg. You'd crawl a hundred miles on your bare knees across broken glass and thumbtacks merely to get a closeup scent of a woman. Old, young, dead, dismembered, wouldn't even matter.

[william_brasky]

STFU virg. You'd crawl a hundred miles on your bare knees across broken glass and thumbtacks merely to get a closeup scent of a woman. Old, young, dead, dismembered, wouldn't even matter.

that reminds of me of a joke I just read somewhere.

Three bums are talking one evening, when the first says, “You should have been with me last night. I was behind the new Burger King, looked in the dumpster and found a half-eaten Whopper and half a Sprite. I had myself a feast!”

The second one says, “You should have been with me last night. I was behind the liquor store, and found a case of broken whiskey bottles in the Dumpster. I got a good drink!”

The third one says, “You should have been with me last night. I was walking down the railroad tracks, ran into a woman, went off into the woods and had sex for hours!”

Excitedly, the first one asks, “So, did you get any head?”

The third one says, “Nah, never could find her head.”

[CatfishSooner]

I liked the movie "mean girls" when I watched it...

[Osce0la]

I liked the movie "mean girls" when I watched it...
Well, that was back when Lohan was actually hawt...

[C&CDean]

I liked the movie "mean girls" when I watched it...
Well before I condemn, I've got to consider that you had a very abnormal upbringing...

[frankensooner]

Well before I condemn, I've got to consider that you had a very abnormal upbringing...
Heh, toofer! ;)

[olevetonahill]

Well before I condemn, I've got to consider that you had a very abnormal upbringing...
I aint sayin **** ,:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[tommieharris91]

My best friend is a chick. Is it ok that I wanna bang her because she's hawt, and is it also ok that I use her to get other chicks at bars?