Hilarious thread from aTiger fan living in Nebraska

[Blitzkrieg]

http://www.tigerboard.com/boards/missouri-tigers.php?message=3824520

Worth the long read.

[OUMonster]

LOL It's finally September.

[The Maestro]

WOW! I hope your doctor runs out of jelly...that was classic!

[OUDoc]

He's got a small point there. :D

[OUmillenium]

AWESOME!

Is it gameday yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

[BrockLanders]

awesome!!

[royalfan5]

That guy has a regular blog at ajthoughts.blogspot.com Other than the fact that he's a Zebrahead fan he's pretty funny. Somebody needs to point out the insanity of the rank and file Nebraska fan.

[colleyvillesooner]

Veritas is not gonna be happy.

[batonrougesooner]

I'm not sure I really got his point.

Is he for or against Nebraska?

[DarrellZero]

Started out funny, but went a little over the top toward the end, what with the "I hate you to the fabric of your very souls" stuff.

Keep the wit, lose the bile, and it's perfect.

[boomersooner82]

Keep the wit, lose the bile, and it's perfect.

Mmmm... Tigger bile

[stoopified]

ful lot like how Cowpuke fans rant on us.

[homerSimpsonsBrain]

my favorite line was ...


You can't even phantom how much I despise you


I cant decide if he was just being snarky or he thinks that's how "phantom" should be used.

[mikee likee]

Is it funny that the 2 assinine things their coach did was against OUr team?
Funny stuff.

[King Crimson]

Gerbils propaganda?

I read Tigerboard a couple times a week and especially during hoops season.....and they are never HAPPY over there unless they are unhappy.

it's just their thing.

[royalfan5]

Gerbils propaganda?

I read Tigerboard a couple times a week and especially during hoops season.....and they are never HAPPY over there unless they are unhappy.

it's just their thing.
Being a Mizzou fan must really suck because you never really good at any sport, but your never truly terrible enough to just revel in how bad you suck, like Baylor. To be a pertputual 5-7 to 7-5 team in football and 13-15 to not as good as Kansas in basketball, would just be brutal.

[SoonerProphet]

While the Gerbels esque line is indeed funny what the f*ck does this mean?

"You can't even phantom how much I despise you"

[Vaevictis]

"You can't even phantom how much I despise you"

I think he meant "fathom."

[Wishboned]

I think he meant "fathom."


Or it could mean that he doesn't have a ghost of an idea.

Sorry...best I could come up with.

[mizzOUstu702]

Being a Mizzou fan must really suck because you never really good at any sport, but your never truly terrible enough to just revel in how bad you suck

Darn Straight!

[Blitzkrieg]

MU will be potent on O this year. That one is an upset special for us.

[JohnnyMack]

While the Gerbels esque line is indeed funny what the f*ck does this mean?

"You can't even phantom how much I despise you"

Maybe :dolemite: is his proofreader?

[Landthief 1972]

I hate reading white text on a black background

[MiccoMacey]

one could write that for any programs fan's that had a lot of success, and then leveled out to mediocrity for a while. that's just the way it is, people like to live in the past. he's probably jealous because Mizzou won't ever become a program like OU or NU for that matter. this person needs help though, seriously. who spends their time writing a freakin' novel on hatred towards a team. some points were pretty funny, but they got out of line.

[sooner13f]

Hahahahaha...The Army sent me there for 18 months. I know just how this guy feels. I couldnt of said it better.

[sshusker]

Honestly guys, I lived in Nebraska half of my life and Oklahoma the other half. Husker fans and Sooner fans are pretty much alike. I personally don't think that is a bad thing.

[MiccoMacey]

one could write that for any programs fan's that had a lot of success, and then leveled out to mediocrity for a while. that's just the way it is, people like to live in the past. he's probably jealous because Mizzou won't ever become a program like OU or NU for that matter. this person needs help though, seriously. who spends their time writing a freakin' novel on hatred towards a team. some points were pretty funny, but they got out of line.

**DISCLAIMER** I did not write this - someone from my station did.

Funny guys. And by funny, I mean funny queer, not funny ha-ha.

[Flagstaffsooner]

I hate reading white text on a black backgroundMy vision had lines for ten minutes. I thought I had mini blinds on the window.

[olevetonahill]

**DISCLAIMER** I did not write this - someone from my station did.

Funny guys. And by funny, I mean funny queer, not funny ha-ha.
So your saying " its nice to know your password isnt safe " ? ;)

[Funky G]

Joe Goebels was Hitler's minister of propaganda. That blog is funny.

[King Crimson]

Goebbels.

but Gerbbils anti-Hamster propoganda was hate-speech and scapegoating, plain and simple.

[MiccoMacey]

So your saying " its nice to know your password isnt safe " ? ;)

At least they didn't write bad stuff about me. But yes, password will be changed.

[CatfishSooner]

that guy really hates 'em...he's good at it too

[The VIIIth]

Sorry man, I had to post the entire thing...:pop:

Dear Husker fan:

By now, you are out of your minds with anticipation and anxiety. No longer do you have to study game film from games last September. No longer do you have to turn to channel 7 to watch the 1978 Oklahoma game to get your jollies. Tomorrow is the real thing. No more speculation. No more anticipation. Just you...your faded, now almost pink "Back to Back 94-95" t-shirt....your team.... and your expectations.

Let's chat about those expectations for a moment.

Over the past 20 years, I've had an opportunity to live among you. I've gone to school with you. I've sat in PTA meetings with you. I've walked past you at Bakers as you grab another bottle of Ripple. I've sat next to you at a stop light...I've hung out with you at office parties. All of this experience with you has taught me several things. Not the least of which is the fact that there is ONE thing on earth that hurts you the most...not talking about your failures...not agreeing with you in regards to your future...but to fail to recognize your greatness.

You guys could be 3-7 and down to Baylor by 40 points, and it still wouldn't matter. As long as everybody who crosses your path recognizes you for being the former powerhouse you have built in your mind....all is good with you. You get more ****ed off about Sportscenter showing only 3 highlights of your game rather than 5, than you do actual losses. You spend more energy writing hate e-mails to a sportswriter who didn't vote you #1 in 1997 than you do realizing that the glory days are gone. You spend more time talking about your past than Buck O'Neil. Oh, but those days are gone...make no mistake.

Gone are the days where you won with class and dignity. Gone are the days where you actually set some sort of false standard of sportsmanship. Gone are the days where you sat back and patted other teams on the head, commenting on what great competitors they are as you ran up another touchdown and finished off a 55-7 win with some walk-on from Gothenburg. Gone are the days where your classy coach made minimal comments about doing the right thing. Gone are the days where the rest of country admired you for sticking to your principles...running and perfecting an offense that nobody else runs.

A guy who used to coach the Raiders is in charge of your program now...and you are too flippin stupid to see the difference. Perhaps it didn't hit you when he made a throat-slash gesture that would make a 13 year old roll his eyes. Perhaps it didn't hit you when that same guy called a storied program's fans "f*cking hillbillies'...when his own team mascot has an ear of corn in his pocket. Perhaps you don't notice it when yet another Husker player gets arrested for punching a fan or shoving a cheerleader? You don't notice it, because you don't know any f*cking better. The stench of your desperation, and it smells like the back corner of a Fudruckers bathroom at closing time.

And for the most part..you're ALL the f*cking same. You ALL rely on games played 10 years ago to finish arguments. You ALL get your info from Huskerpedia or BigHuskerFan.com or some other lame-***, Gerbels-esque bastion of Propaganda where everybody gets along, and you all argue about who would play Luke Skywalker in a Husker rendition of Star Wars. (And don't even e-mail me that it should be Zac Taylor you @#%$ freaks). You ALL expect the world to bend down and kiss your toes because YOU were lucky enough to live in a state that had a reasonably successful football team for a few decades. You can't imagine why you don't get more coverage nationally. You can't understand why you don't have a TV deal like Notre Dame's.

The great thing is....over the past five years or so...you have learned nothing. You still think of yourselves as some sort of power. You still think of yourselves as the greatest ambassadors in all of amateur sports. You still think of yourselves as something ANYBODY else even thinks about at all. If it weren't for a couple of titles in the 90's, you'd be Cal or Virginia. Hell, at this point, you're not too much better than San Jose State. So you beat a Colorado team that completely quit on a lame duck coach. Whoopee doo. So you beat a Michigan team that most Michigan fans would describe as the most gutless, punchless, most mediocre and underachieving Wolverine team in decades. Hell, by listening to you people talk, you would have thought you threw Vince Young aside, and jumped on that podium yourselves in the Rose Bowl last January. Have any of you realized you lost to Kansas and Missouri...two of the losingest programs in the big 12...by a combined 49 points? Not 10 years ago. Not 5 years ago. LESS THAN A YEAR AGO. Did you realize that Bill Callahan is 11-10 vs. D1 schools at Nebraska? Do you realize that you were ONE score up on MAINE last season with 8 minutes to go? Do you realize how BAD of a people person you have to be to get fired less than a year after making it to the Super Bowl? AND YOU EXPECT TO BEAT USC AND CONTEND FOR A NATIONAL TITLE?

Are you people out of your f*cking minds?

But facts are facts...you are hateable for so many other reasons, it's not even funny. You swing by my blog and think you get a little bit fired up? NOTHING on ANY LEVEL in one million lifetimes could match the white-hot raw hatred I have for your team. I f*cking hate everything about you. I hate everything about your teams. From the uniforms, to your ugly *** stadium, to your lame-*** multi-colored turf, to your ****ty play-by-play announcer, to your Super Bowl choking coach to your horrible fight song to your overrated Tunnel Walk you stole from the Chicago Bulls to your redneck mascot that sets all Nebraskan's back about 100 years in the eyes of America to the boringness of your helmets, to that annoying tradition of making up names for positions that don't exist, to your arrogant, punchless, myopic, hypocritical, annoying, exasperating, whiney, I-Know-More-Than-You-Cause-I'm-from-Nebraska fans.

If I could sit here for a thousand years and express how easy it is to hate you to the fabric of your very souls....I would. If I could go on TV and rant on and on about how annoying it is to hear about what Husker Wide Receiver has a hangnail this week....in March....I would. If I could write a letter to every college football fan who doesn't have the privilege to see your annoyances, your hideous nature and your hypocritical mannerisms up close....I would.

You can't even phantom how much I despise you. Imagine how ****ed off you get just reading ONE fan talking about how they don't respect your greatness...and multiply that by 2.1 million...and that's what you get inside my head. I couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried. I couldn't make you understand if I walked up to each and every one of your doors and showed you a 45 minute infomercial.

I hope each and every one of you get what's coming to you. I hope you suffer pain and despair this football season like nothing you have ever experienced before. I hope you realize...somewhere along the way...just how idiotic it is to talk about beating the Defending National Champs (on the road mind you) when you have NO defensive backs...NO running game...NO offensive line..and the 7th best quarterback in the Big 12. Maybe at some point you will think about that as Dewayne Jarrett is catching another touchdown..and the thought slips in your head..."Oh @#%$...that crazy blog guy might be right". And rest assured....every time you start to fail...every time your team starts to lose control....everytime your coach does something stupid...you're going to have me in the back of your mind.

And when that happens...my job is done.

I hope you all catch ghanarhea so painful it would cripple superman.
I hope your cat eats a can of chili and misses the litter box
I hope the milk in your cereal tomorrow morning is fuzzy and green.
I hope you get so desperate, you offer your head job to Houston Nutt. (Oh wait..scratch that)
I hope your doctor runs out of jelly at your next physical
I hope you lose every game by 900 points
I hope Bill Callahan is your coach this time next year

I hate you all and hope rot in hell for all of eternity

HH (HuskerH8ter)

[MiccoMacey]

JO

I'll sign off. :P

[Texas Golfer]

I get a funny feeling that this dude doesn't much care for NU.

I must admit that I was offended when Callahan called us "fu<king hillbillies". I prefer to be called Appalacian American.

[King Crimson]

to me, Callahan could have never called OU fans hillbillies, Delone not headbutt the Ruf-Nek, and never done the alleged throat slash.....and i'd still think the guy is a Grade AAA **********.

[goingoneight]

where exactly did he say the F'n Hillbillies. And did he say "F'n" or the actual word. I know the guy is a jerk-off, but I've only ever heard the rumors. Did he say it to the camera or something?

[LoyalFan]

my favorite line was ...


I cant decide if he was just being snarky or he thinks that's how "phantom" should be used.

And, he misspelled "Goebbels", but hey, what's one dead Nazi's name in an otherwise dead-on post?
Poor Mizzou. If all that wit could translate to on-the-field greatness, my late dad's beloved Alma Mater would do mo bettah on Saturdays.
RIP, Colonel Dad, Sir. Maybe someday the Tiggers will be a power.

Love,
Your Son

[stonecoldsoonerfan]

he had me at "hello"...

[stonecoldsoonerfan]

on an honest note, i'm pretty amazed how pi$$y bugeater fans are after they get their @$$3$ spanked a few times by everyone. they do seem to have changed from they way they used to be. jmo.

[sanantoniosooner]

It's easy to be the "classiest, most knowledgable" fans when you HAD 9 wins a season for over 30 years.

Almost middleaged fans that never knew less than 9 wins.