Deep Thoughts? About Rhett!! By Jack Handy

[soonersam]

Does he have the ability to lead OU to Nation Championship? The national press is keying on his lack of ability and how that makes AD's job so much harder..... I think he's made some big throws and I love his passions. Great ability to scramble and by time.
But, will he be consistent throwing on 3rd downs? Jason White was a great 3rd down QB and a seemed to always make big throws when needed.

Is he ready? Or is he just getting bad press because of 8-4 season?

[Octavian]

It takes a big man to cry.

It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

-JH

[soonersam]

It takes a big man to cry.

It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

-JH

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

[Snrfn4ever08]

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
have ever considered becoming the next great philosopher?

[goingoneight]

why is abbreviation such a long word?

[SoonerJedi]

Alright, I know this is off color but what the hey ....

You can never truly go home again... especially if you lived in New Orleans.

[goingoneight]

or Iraq!!!

[OUstud]

Painted strips of coral, when attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

I believe that one was the only one quoted in a song.

[mikee likee]

May the Farce be with you.

[the_ouskull]

It makes me sad that about half of the respondants in this thread don't appear to know who Jack Handy is...

Having said that, I have my own: How come "phonetically" isn't pronounced the same way it's spelled?

the_ouskull

[Sooner_Bob]

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

[GoOwls]

If dogs ever take over the world, I hope they don't elect their leaders based on stature, because I bet there are some chihuahuas with some good ideas.

[CatfishSooner]

Ceasar Chavez was born in Yuma, Arizona...

[BermudaSooner]

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

[TheUnnamedSooner]

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

[TheUnnamedSooner]

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

[ZsoonersRule]

“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”

[ZsoonersRule]

“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”

[SoonerJedi]

It makes me sad that about half of the respondants in this thread don't appear to know who Jack Handy is...

Everyone knows who Jack Handy is ... You don't exactly have to be old to remember the Janck Handy "Deep Thoughts". I think they still do them on SNL once in a while. (Actually it's been a while since I watched SNL as it has gone down the toliet.)

[jackietreehorn]

Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.