Create your own conspiracy theory

[HskrGrl]

I posted this on the fark board, but it may be better suited for this board. :D

http://www.cjnetworks.com/~cubsfan/conspiracy.html

Here's mine...

What They Don't Want You to Know

In order to understand the stealing of KFC's secret formula you need to realize that everything is controlled by a International Association For People Who Are In Associations made up of Midgets Who Can Dunk with help from Bald Fat Motocycle Riders of America.

The conspiracy first started when the Bitch stole the little boy's fish in a small little lake. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including London Bridge falling down.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by the way they pick their nose and wipe their finger off under their chairs.

They want to bringing a knife to a gunfight with the Statue of Liberty and imprison resisters in Austin, TX using Unicycles.

In order to prepare for this, we all must stop drop and roll. Since the media is controlled by Ted Kennedy we should get our information from American Conservative Union.

[Viking Kitten]

What They Don't Want You to Know

In order to understand Low-carb diets, you need to realize that everything is controlled by NAMBLA made up of Jews for Jesus with help from some Mongolian cluster ****.
The conspiracy first started during the day leisure suits were officially declared "over," in Bobby and Whitney's crib. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including the Big Bang.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by knuckle popping.

They want to ritually spork MADD and imprison resisters in Branson using golfcarts.

In order to prepare for this, we all must donkey punch. Since the media is controlled by gay dudes in gorilla suits we should get our information from Donald Trump.

[LoyalFan]

All of the foregoing is true. However, the root of the conspiracy lies deep in a small adult toy 'n video shop in a Central Texas college town. There, a group (a cabal, if you will,) meets on a weekly basis to grovel before a life-size statue of some female drum-major-like figure (or her body double), and use their fingers to get the last of the Clearasil(TM) outta the jar.
This seems innocuous enough until, after careful observation, one realizes that none of these peeps are going there for titillation. Instead, they are planning a trip to Branson under the leadership of a youthful messianic figure said to have his headquarters in a dingy dorm room in Waco.
Resplendent in his Green and Gold robes, their spiritual leader leads them in reciting the secret oath; "I WILL get my money back and Melo's gonna be sorry!"
The rest is too frightening to relate.

LF
Soothsayer

[Okla-homey]

What They Don't Want You to Know

In order to understand gas prices you need to realize that everything is controlled by the Future Farmers of America made up of Lithuanian-Americans with help from texans.

The conspiracy first started during battle of Chickamauga in Toledo Ohio. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including the Oklahoma Land Run of 1889.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by nail-biting.

They want to destroy the PTL Club and imprison resisters in El Paso TX using busses.

In order to prepare for this, we all must quit caring. Since the media is controlled by Move On.org we should get our information from Jerry Falwell.