Odd, Uncomfortable Question

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Today is my mom's birthday so I went over there for a bit tonight. We were organizing old pictures and she came across the papers for my grandma's funeral 10 years ago. She then told me that she and my dad were going to the funeral home on Friday so they could make their arrangements, because "you never know when it's gonna happen."

While I appreciate this pre-planning, she also asked me if I had a problem with cremation so they will be able to talk about all their options with the funeral home guy. I told her I'd think about it because frankly I don't like the idea of any of it.

While I know it doesn't matter what happens to your body once you are dead, I'm not real excited about the body of one of my parents going through a big incinerator. Then again, being eaten by worms is a not so nice thought.

So what should I tell her? Has anyone else been faced with anything similar?

[Melo]

I read an essay awhile back about the embalming process.

It grossed me out enough to say that I definitely want cremation after I die.

[Scott D]

I'd help you H, except I told my wife I'd come back to haunt her if I wasn't cremated.

[IB4OU2]

I don't think it matters though I did tell my wife I wanted to be buried next to her and she wants to be buried next to me....neither one of us really want to be cremated....I hope we'll still be together somehere.

[Scott D]

yeah well I have some elaborate plan to be dumped in the patuxent river where it feeds into the atlantic ocean :)

[Vaevictis]

Cremation is cheaper. Be nice and be okay with it ;p

[OUinFLA]

cremation for me.
scatter me in Tampa Bay or the Fla Keys.

= fish food.

[olevetonahill]

You can still have a funeral with the ashes
Like Melo said the embalming thing is gross . Honor their wishes and let them decide what to do . Its hard to even think about losing your parents . I lost My Dad in 92 Mom in 01 . So know I feel for you

[Scott D]

at least fish are higher on the evolutionary chain than worms ;)

[IB4OU2]

cremation for me.
scatter me in Tampa Bay or the Fla Keys.

= fish food.

Ashes don't make a good Snook or Spanish Mackeral bait.:)

[olevetonahill]

cremation for me.
scatter me in Tampa Bay or the Fla Keys.

= fish food.
Like fish are gonna eat an Ash hole :rolleyes:

[OUinFLA]

heh

I shoulda kicked you out of the boat.

[Tailwind]

Not a happy thing to have to think about, but it's good that they are preparing for the eventuality. It's hard to lose a parent, but harder if you have to make all the decisions when it happens.

[olevetonahill]

But then you would have been stuck with that broad :eek:

[GottaHavePride]

The dad of one of my friends has said he wants to be stuffed full of explosives and blown up at his funeral, then everyone can have a bit to take home as a memento. He said his wife (at the time, divorced now) would get to keep his balls since she was already carrying them around in her purse anyway.

And I think I said somewhere else - I just can't see the point of making land unusable by sticking a metal coffin designed never to decay in there. Cremation is good, Viking funeral is better.

[mdklatt]

Cremation is the way to go.

[yermom]

Cremation is the way to go.

they at least wait until you die, right? :eek:

i want to go doing two chicks at the same time

[leavingthezoo]

i'm with the majority in that i prefer cremation, and i like the idea of letting my parents "go" in the way they would want.

on a personal note (though not my parents) i felt much more comfort and peace after spreading the ashes of someone i loved than i ever did after any "funeral in a box" where you see the shell of them with no life, all prettied up like that's sane. but that's just me.

there's not an easy answer.

[BajaOklahoma]

SBSB, they are giving you a wonderful gift by preparing ahead of time. When I was in school, a group of us did a research paper on the cost of funerals. When they are planned in advance there is a substantial cost saving - it eliminates the emotional/guilty purchases or upgrades that you wouldn't do if you had time to think about it.

They uesd to embalm before the cremation - a real money maker as who knew if it was really done. Check on that. One of my uncles had his ashes spread in the Pacific Ocean that was so much a part of his life. The other uncle chose to have his ashes buried in a small decorative box.

[Mrs. Norm]

You can still have a funeral with the ashes
Like Melo said the embalming thing is gross . Honor their wishes and let them decide what to do . Its hard to even think about losing your parents . I lost My Dad in 92 Mom in 01 . So know I feel for you

Norm's father was cremated after he passed. In order for the family to pay their respects, we had the urn buried in a graveyard. That was his dad's wish, so we carried it out. Believe me, H, when your parent(s) passes away, you do not want to think about details. It's a blessing to you that they are planning ahead and taking the hardship off of you.

[yermom]

yeah, i've been to way more funerals than i would have liked, and i'm glad i never had to plan any of them

[LoyalFan]

Then again, being eaten by worms is a not so nice thought.


Oh, it can't be THAT bad.
http://search.netscape.com/ns/boomframe.jsp?query=%22the+worms+crawl+in%22&page=1&offset=0&result_url=redir%3Fsrc%3Dwebsearch%26requestId%3D4 3102017e4aaeeae%26clickedItemRank%3D1%26userQuery% 3D%2522the%2Bworms%2Bcrawl%2Bin%2522%26clickedItem URN%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.goblinville.com%252Fp ages%252Fwritings%252Flyrics%252Fworms-crawl.htm%26invocationType%3D-%26fromPage%3DNSCPToolbarNS%26amp%3BampTest%3D1&remove_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.goblinville.com%2Fpage s%2Fwritings%2Flyrics%2Fworms-crawl.htm

Loyal"Digger"Fan

[SOONER44EVER]

I told my wife to run me through a chipper and feed me to my dogs. She'd save buying about 300 pounds of dog food.

[12]

When my mom died a few months ago, dad followed her wishes and had her cremated. My sisters were a little upset because they felt they needed the whole "closure" thing of seeing a dead body.

Being displayed in a box somewhere was the last thing she would have wanted.

Follow their wishes. Its a good thing. I imagine my sisters have adjusted by now.

[Scott D]

The dad of one of my friends has said he wants to be stuffed full of explosives and blown up at his funeral, then everyone can have a bit to take home as a memento. He said his wife (at the time, divorced now) would get to keep his balls since she was already carrying them around in her purse anyway.

And I think I said somewhere else - I just can't see the point of making land unusable by sticking a metal coffin designed never to decay in there. Cremation is good, Viking funeral is better.

heh don't forget good ole 'pagan' funeral pyres ;)

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

When my mom died a few months ago, dad followed her wishes and had her cremated. My sisters were a little upset because they felt they needed the whole "closure" thing of seeing a dead body.

Being displayed in a box somewhere was the last thing she would have wanted.

Follow their wishes. Its a good thing. I imagine my sisters have adjusted by now.Thanks for everyone's advice. The reasons 12 listed are I believe the reasons my mom is considering cremation. She doesn't like the idea of a bunch of people parading past her saying stupid stuff like "she looks so good for a dead woman."

It's not that she said "I want to be cremated, deal with it." Instead, she is making it my decision since my brother and I will be the ones dealing with it afterwards. Just makes me uncomfortable to think about what to do with my very much still alive parents after they are dead.

That being said, I am glad they are taking care of it now. The funeral home business is a racket.

[BajaOklahoma]

SBSB, when my grandfather died years ago, it was open casket. That is what the witchy second wife wanted and my grandfather didn't leave any instructions. He liked like a wax figure with a bad coloring job. It really didn't look like him.
Your mom is wonderful to let you chose - an attempt to help you while you are grieveing (in the future, of course). What a great mom.

[royalfan5]

If you do choose creamation, make sure you keep track of the ashes. When my uncle passed away 5 years ago in Ohio, my aunt decided to Fed Ex his ashes back to Nebraska for the funeral. Fed Ex misplaced him, and we had to do the funeral and military rites without him. He showed up a couple weeks later for us to bury him. I guess my point is don't trust Fed Ex with human remains.

[1stTimeCaller]

That's no fun SBSB. On the same note but slightly different, if they are paying for their funeral up front they need to make sure as best they can that the funeral home won't be sold to someone else after they prepay for their funerals. In OK, unless something has changed in the last 7 years, the new owners of the funeral home don't have honor the prepayment and you/someone could get stuck paying for the same funeral twice.

[12]

Or... open a seperate, interest-bearing account for those expenses. Make sure everyone who needs to know has access to it when the time comes.

[OUDoc]

My wife wants to be cremated, I don't. Something about cremation bothers me and I don't know why.
I understand how you feel about the dilemma. The best advice I can offer is that, when the time comes, you'll feel better knowing their wishes were carried out, whether you agree with them or not.

[Beef]

I'm assuming that if everything's done right, they won't find my body.

[PAW]

We've already taken care of our arrangements, as much as we can. My wife has a problem with cremation so if I go first it's embalming for me. If she goes first, she will receive a traditional burial, per her wishes, but I will be burned like the heathen gods of old. She knows this and so do the kids. It's a fact of life and needs to be dealt with by everyone.

Like Doc said, honor their wishes. At the same time, when taking care of your arrangements, remember that the ceremony is not for you. It's for those left behind and it sounds like mom understands this.

Oh, and we're going to be stacked so whoever goes first gets to be on the bottom. :)

[frankensooner]

Another reason for cremation is that I don't want that waxy makeup on me they smear all over the dead to make em look lifelike. I had a uncle and at some point the casket lid had been closed and reopened and there was a big old orangy make-up circle on the satin, it looked so crappy.

If you do want your remains to be buried, be sure to not get that rubber gasket they sell for the casket, the Funeral Directors tell you it keeps you airtight for all eternity, but in all truth, it turns the casket into a pressure cooker, and it adds a couple hundred to the cost.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Thanks for the advice. A funny burial story about a family member for levity. A few years ago, my uncle died while incarcerated in another state. Anyway, the prison took care of all the embalming and gave him a suit to wear for the burial before shipping him back to Oklahoma for the burial.

Well, my dad shows up at the funeral home and my elderly aunt is having a fit. She had wondered if he was wearing shoes and had the funeral home guy open it up to see. Sure enough, he was barefoot. My dad ended up taking a pair of old dress shoes up there. Never mind he wasn't gonna be walking anywhere.

[OUHOMER]

My step dad was cremated, he always said “cremate me and put me in a ****** and run me thru one more time”. I don’t think mom gave him his entire last wish. I don’t think? :eek:

He wanted to be spread around in a lot of different places. Mom put him into plastic baggies and gave him to all the family and friends to spread him out. I guess some folks freaked out about it and gave him back to me.. Hell it took me a couple years to get rid of him. :D

[12]

Sure enough, he was barefoot. My dad ended up taking a pair of old dress shoes up there. Never mind he wasn't gonna be walking anywhere.

I had to bring two new white dress shirts to my mother in-law before I gained her approval of the burial garb of my wife's dad. She said the sleeves would be too short.

I'm not positive, but I think a skilled undertaker with a pare of scissors usually handles the situation under such circumstances.

Anyway, this was in small town, Texas... the store I purchased the shirts from told me to bring them back if they didn't fit; knowing full well what was going to be wearing them.

Sure enough... a quick check of the other dress shirts on the shelf revealed a couple of them sporting a waxy "ring around the collar."

Eh, you gotta laugh at something like that. And maybe throw up a little in your mouth.

[mrssoonerhubler]

Today is my mom's birthday so I went over there for a bit tonight. We were organizing old pictures and she came across the papers for my grandma's funeral 10 years ago. She then told me that she and my dad were going to the funeral home on Friday so they could make their arrangements, because "you never know when it's gonna happen."

While I appreciate this pre-planning, she also asked me if I had a problem with cremation so they will be able to talk about all their options with the funeral home guy. I told her I'd think about it because frankly I don't like the idea of any of it.

While I know it doesn't matter what happens to your body once you are dead, I'm not real excited about the body of one of my parents going through a big incinerator. Then again, being eaten by worms is a not so nice thought.

so what should I tell her? Has anyone else been faced with anything similar?



My grandma who I was VERY close to decided when she died she would donate her body to the University of Utah. So for about a year they had her body there doing research and stuff. After that they cremated her and put her in a very nice Urn. We had the urn buried next to my grandpa at the cemetary. Its kind of kreepy to keep it on the mantle, although it was there for a few days. Honestly, It wasn't that hard emotionally. I would give it good consideration if she really wants to be cremated. All in All, wasn't that bad.

[12]

See, my dad did it the right way. Mom was cremated the day following her death. The following weekend, we all met in northwest Oklahoma for a service, and it was a done deal.

My wife's dad... well... his wish to be cremated was known, but his wife wanted the full funeral gig with a casket and everything. (luckily, we were able to talk her out of opening the damned thing) Anyway, he was toasted AFTER embalming and the Funeral Show™.

And now, almost 4 years later, we still get to "visit" him during our trips to grandma's.

The father in-law was an avid skiier. I keep threatening to steal his ashes and take him to the slopes. We're planning a trip early 2007... I'll bet we have a guest.

[12]

Oh, and Hubler's grandma did a great thing. She inadvertently saved one or many lives through her generosity as a teacher.

[BajaOklahoma]

My uncle never married, but lived with the same person for 25 years. He died a yaer after my dad, leaving my brother and me as the only members of that part of the family.
My uncle left everything to this person - house, insurance, business. Which is fine, we never counted on receiving anything. The other person planned the funeral, pulling out all of the stops. The limo usually reserved for family held this other person and people from work. No biggie, my brother and I had little kids and it was easier to take out cars (car seats).
After the funeral, the other person sent us a bill for the funeral AND the taxes on my uncle's estate. My brother had his attorney write a nice letter declining to pay.
We did not attend the funeral for the other person.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Ok, they had their meeting with the funeral home guy. I won't bore you with the details, except to say that this is the casket my mom chose for herself:
http://media.oudaily.com/vimages/shared/vnews/stories/s-434f2a222197a-73-1.jpg
Yep. When she dies she'll be Sooner Dead.

[mdklatt]

Yep. When she dies she'll be Sooner Dead.

Is it okay to laugh at this? :O

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Is it okay to laugh at this? :OYes, I think it's hilarious. She said she was half kidding when she asked the guy if they made them.

[OUDoc]

My uncle never married, but lived with the same person for 25 years. He died a yaer after my dad, leaving my brother and me as the only members of that part of the family.
My uncle left everything to this person - house, insurance, business. Which is fine, we never counted on receiving anything. The other person planned the funeral, pulling out all of the stops. The limo usually reserved for family held this other person and people from work. No biggie, my brother and I had little kids and it was easier to take out cars (car seats).
After the funeral, the other person sent us a bill for the funeral AND the taxes on my uncle's estate. My brother had his attorney write a nice letter declining to pay.
We did not attend the funeral for the other person.
wow.

[Chuck Bao]

My dad passed away last month and his casket lid had an insert with deer.

We buried him in a new pair of overalls and a blue cotton shirt with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

I didn’t make those decisions, but they were pretty much perfect and what he would have wanted. Open casket isn’t easy.

I have to say that his passing was totally unexpected. He left us while I was flying back to Thailand and I can only say how thankful I was to spend the last two weeks with him before he went.

So it’s not pleasant to think about, but it’s still better to plan ahead.

For me, I want to be cremated in Thailand. There is no reason to ship my dead sorry *** back to the US. Besides, the paper flowers, fireworks and candy throwing seem like a better way to deal with it. I’d like to hire some dancing girls too.

I’d like to have my ashes spread out on my family’s farm. Would anyone think it’s weird to have some ashes sprinkled underneath a newly-planted pecan tree

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

As far as the open casket goes, she has already told me if it is open for anyone other than family she is coming back to haunt me for the rest of my life.

[Taxman71]

I already had a plan, but someone stole it:

http://img161.imageshack.us/img161/6263/steeler003xy8.jpg

http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/481/steeler008om7.jpg

[Pricetag]

Are any of you folks who have problems with cremation organ donors? I was just curious--is it the integrity of the entire body that you're concerned about, or is it just the idea of being burned up that turns you off?

My family doesn't do funerals. Bodies are cremated, and we have a party in rememberance.

This is going to be a problem in the future for my wife and I, because her folks believe in the whole funeral and burial thing. I just don't get it. Why spend all that money in an attempt to preserve an empty husk and give your relatives a place to feel compelled to go to and be sad in the future?

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

When I die I want to be cremated, put in a Mason jar and buried in Dean's backyard.

Not really.

But I don't want that whole sada$$ funeral thing. I know everyone says that but I want everyone that gave a crap about me to have a get-together and remember all the good things. Don't sit around looking at my dead body all crying and being sad. I can't think of anything more morbid. No, I don't consider it a show of respect nor do I need that kind of thing.

Take a few minutes to remember how damned funny I was and then just move on with your lives until you die and everyone can do the same for you.

[Mjcpr]

Take a few minutes to remember how damned funny I was and then just move on with your lives until you die and everyone can do the same for you.

Could you point out a couple of posts so we know when that was?

TIA

[royalfan5]

I'd like to be encased in carbonite just before my death.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Could you point out a couple of posts so we know when that was?

TIA

I'll let you know when it happens.

:O






And also...suck it, Pat.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Oooh - there's one!

[mdklatt]

Could you point out a couple of posts so we know when that was?

TIA

She's talking about the yearbook picture.

[Mjcpr]

I've got it bookmarked.

[OUDoc]

Don't sit around looking at my dead body all crying and being sad. I can't think of anything more morbid.
Maybe if you were topless, we'd be less sad.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

'...Please attend a memorial service for BSG. It will be an open-casket event with free beer and a nekkid corpse....'

Now THAT'S morbid...:D

[mdklatt]

Maybe if you were topless, we'd be less sad.

Would the embalming fluid make them feel like fake ones?

[OUDoc]

Would the embalming fluid make them feel like fake ones?
Good question. Guess we'll find out someday. :D

[LilSooner]

I totally can't believe that I just saw this thread, but Mom said that I have one of two choices. She can be cremated or stuffed. She preferrs to be stuffed, because then she can be useful. She want's me to put her out in the garden so she can be a scarecrow, or be used inside the house for a hat rack or beer holder.


One of my VP's is an aggie (the texas kind) and she is a big time donor to the football program she's going to be cremated and then have her ashes scattered across the field, that way she can watch aggie football from heaven.


Sounds like a pretty darn good plan to me.

[mdklatt]

One of my VP's is an aggie (the texas kind) and she is a big time donor to the football program she's going to be cremated and then have her ashes scattered across the field, that way she can watch aggie football from heaven.


1) Can't you watch aggie football from heaven no matter where you're buried/scattered? :confused:

2) If she's worried about it, she should be buried on Dead Lassie Row so she can always see the scoreboard. :D

[Vaevictis]

Maybe if you were topless, we'd be less sad.

Ew.

(go look up "munging" on urban dictionary. Have fun!)

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

When I die I want to be cremated, put in a Mason jar and buried in Dean's backyard.

Not really.

But I don't want that whole sada$$ funeral thing. I know everyone says that but I want everyone that gave a crap about me to have a get-together and remember all the good things. Don't sit around looking at my dead body all crying and being sad. I can't think of anything more morbid. No, I don't consider it a show of respect nor do I need that kind of thing.

Take a few minutes to remember how damned funny I was and then just move on with your lives until you die and everyone can do the same for you.I agree about the whole sad funeral. My mom and I talked about this at length last night and I told her there was no way in hell I would let people parade past her while Taps played in the background and I wouldn't want that for me either. I'd rather people get together for a big party and tell stories about me--a celebration of my life. I don't want people to be sad. I also don't want an altar call where they say "if you want to see SBSB again, you better get saved."

[IB4OU2]

I agree about the whole sad funeral. My mom and I talked about this at length last night and I told her there was no way in hell I would let people parade past her while Taps played in the background and I wouldn't want that for me either. I'd rather people get together for a big party and tell stories about me--a celebration of my life. I don't want people to be sad. I also don't want an altar call where they say "if you want to see SBSB again, you better get saved."

Is there a mark down on tiny caskets? ;)

Love you H.
:eek:

[olevetonahill]

I'm planning ahead . I'm building My own casket , gonna insulate it , have it filled with ice 2 kegs and as many cases as it will hold . Then Y'all can toss my carcass to the coyotes ;)

[Tailwind]

I'm planning ahead too....gonna get me a big ol ziplock bag.

[TopDaugIn2000]

my grandparents on my dad's side had requested to be cremated. when Papa Jack died last summer, my dad went ahead and had the body embalmed, a casket and everything at the funeral (mostly so our family in Utah could make it to see him 'one last time') and then had him cremated later. When Grandma went 2 months later, we just did a memorial service and used some of her paintings, her old dancing shoes, etc to remember her by. She had been in the nursing home with alzheimers for a few years, and we all knew she would NOT want someone to remember her like she was in the end. In her day, she was a very glamorous woman.

now on my mom's side, they are very traditional. They made ALL the arrangements about 15 years ago. Funeral, plot, headstone, everything. It's creapy and not something we want to think about, but that's the way they want it, so I'm fine with that too.

personally, I want my organs donated and then be cremated. no need for me to keep taking up space and hopefully I can save some lives in the process.

[SelmaBamaFan]

They uesd to embalm before the cremation - a real money maker as who knew if it was really done. Check on that. One of my uncles had his ashes spread in the Pacific Ocean that was so much a part of his life. The other uncle chose to have his ashes buried in a small decorative box.



I dont know if its a state law here in Alabama, or a national thing; but if it takes over 24 hours to get the deceased to the crematory they must be embalmed.


Also, you technically can have a regular service without the cost of embalming... as long as the service is within 24 hours of the T.O.D.


Cremation is by far the cheaper, and easier route. However be sure to ask questions that you might not think of... such as will the deceased be cremated in a casket or something else? I've seen some funeral homes try to get away with cremating people in $2,000 caskets.


Just be careful when dealing with funeral homes. They have tricky ways of getting that extra buck out of you. I used to work part time at a funeral home and full time at a cemetery, so if any of you have questions feel free.

[BajaOklahoma]

When my stepfather died, we spoke at the service and talked about his wierd/frustrating/endearing habits.
That man spent so much time getting his food just so on his plate, that the rest of had time to finish eating.
He loved bargains and would drive 30 minutes to save a dollar. Of course, this was before gas was quite so high.
We laughed at the stories until we cried.
Bill loved the Far Side desk calendars, so we bought them for ourselves for several years.

When Lil Baja was four, we had three family members die within months of each other. She told us she was tired of the "tent things." It will always make us laugh.