Speaking of national anthems

[Okla-homey]

How could a people with this song as their national anthem be such a bunch of wussies?

English Translation

Verse I
Arise you children of the motherland,
The day of glory has arrived!
Against us tyranny
Has raised its bloodied banner, (1)
Do you hear, in the fields
The howling of these fearsome soldiers?
They are coming into your midst (2)
To slit the throats of your sons and consorts!

Chorus
To arms, citizens!
Form your battalions!
Let us march, let us march!
May impure blood
Soak our fields' furrows!

Verse II
What does this horde of slaves,
Traitors, and plotting kings want?
For whom these vile chains
These long-prepared irons?
Frenchmen, for us, ah! What outrage,
What fury it must arouse!
It is us they dare plan
To return to the old slavery!

Chorus

Verse III
What! These foreign cohorts!
They would make laws in our homes!
What! These mercenary phalanxes
Would cut down our proud warriors!
Good Lord! By chained hands
Our brow would yield under the yoke
The vile despots would become
The masters of our destiny!

Chorus

Verse IV
Tremble, tyrants and traitors
The shame of all good men,
Tremble! Your parricidal schemes
Will receive their just reward,
Against you we are all soldiers
If our young heroes fall,
The earth will bear new ones,
Ready to join the fight against you!

Chorus

Verse V
Frenchmen, as magnanimous warriors
Bear or hold back your blows!
Spare these sad victims
That they may regret taking up arms against us,
But not these bloody despots,
These accomplices of Bouillé,
All these tigers who mercilessly
Ripped out their mothers' breast!

Chorus

Verse VI
Sacred patriotic love
Lead [and] support our avenging arms
Liberty, cherished liberty,
Fight back with your defenders
Under our flags, let victory
Hurry to your manly tone
So that your enemies, in their last breath
See your triumph and our glory!

Chorus

Verse VII (Children's Verse)
We shall enter the career (3)
When our elders will no longer be there,
There we shall find their dust
And the mark of their virtues.
Much less jealous of surviving them
Than of sharing their coffins,
We shall have the sublime pride
Of avenging or following them!

Chorus

[OCUDad]

That was long ago, before they became wussies. As I recall, they helped us out a bit in our War of Independence. May have been their last gasp before discovering cheese, wine, and surrender.

[reevie]

Yeah, didn't they write this when they were chomping off heads?

[Okla-homey]

Yeah, didn't they write this when they were chomping off heads?

Yep, they were edgier then.

[proud gonzo]

hehehe--and our anthem is about a flag and stuff

[Beano's Fourth Chin]

hehehe--and our anthem is about a flag and stuff

I like the other verses better:

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

I think it would be awesome for whomever does the national anthem one time at a sporting event to just keep on going into verses 2 3 and 4. Just keep on going.

Heck, the hillbillies at the Fock would love it. Give them 3 more chances to bellow out "Sooners!" in a drunken stupor.

[PhilTLL]

Edit: double post, user is idiot

[PhilTLL]

That was long ago, before they became wussies. As I recall, they helped us out a bit in our War of Independence. May have been their last gasp before discovering cheese, wine, and surrender.

- Gallic Wars: France conquered by Julius Caesar (52 BC)
- Moorish Wars: (early 800s) Charlemagne tries to fight Spanish Moors, loses
- 100 Years War: (1330s-1450s) France beaten to brink by British, saved by schizophrenic girl who is then executed
- Italian Wars: (early 1500s) France starts wars, loses to Italy (twice) & Spain, gets angry, beats up Pope, loses to Italy again
- French Wars of Religion: (late 1500s) France fights self (Huguenots v. Catholics) and loses
- Thirty Years War: (1618-1648) Catholic France sides with Protestants and sneaks into actual position of power
- War of Devolution: (1668) French and Spanish royal in-squabbling explodes with a whimper, resulting in a draw
- Franco-Dutch War: (1672-1678) Boring naval draw
- War of the Grand Alliance: (1688-1697) France starts strong, ends with tie; "height of French power" (40 years)
- War of the Spanish Succession: (1701-1714) France forcibly divorced from Spain, pouts, is sent to room by English, Dutch, & HRE; Spain begins to turn second-rate
- Seven Years War/French & Indian Wars: (1756-1793) France fails invasion of Britain in Europe, loses Canada and Louisiana in North America
- American Revolution: France runs interference at sea so Americans can get on with independence, establishes future Phone-A-Friend
- French Revolution: (1790s) France fights self, wins, writes "La Marsellaise"
- Haitian Rebellion: France, still busy fighting self (1791), sends Polish to tame Caribbean island, loses by proxy
- Quasi-War: (1798-1801) 20 years after helping them against British, French fight Americans at sea, eventually quit
- Napoleonic Wars: (1803-1815) France burns brightly, briefly; namesake of "Napoleon complex" suffers Napoleon complex, condemned to Elba; French get Louisiana back and then sell it
- Barbary Wars: (early 1800s) French pay pirates to stop fighting, Americans defeat pirates to stop fighting
- French in Mexico: (1863-1865) Napoleon III takes hilarious chance during American Civil War, invades Mexico; cousin Maximillian is tossed out in 2 years
- Franco-Prussian War: (1871) France causes rest of Europe to shudder in disbelief at total Prussian butt-kicking; first sign of future united German power
- World War I: (1914) France struggles to bloody stalemate, broken by America
- World War II: (1939-1940) France puts up a valiant 6 week struggle, is overwhelmed
- French Indochina: (1950s) French lose control of tiny Asian region, establishing cesspool for future American difficulties
- Algerian Rebellion: (1961-62) French crush revolt, kill millions of Algerians, then withdraw
- NATO dispute: (1966) France pouts, withdraws troops from alliance, goes nuclear

(A somewhat more factual, but still entirely simplified, version of that list someone used as a google bomb a few years ago. Also still entirely unimpressive. Signed, history degree and loving it)

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

During the Blake era...you had to show up drunk to make it through the 20 too many men on the field penalties, the backward moving offense, and the Shankleford punts ;)

[proud gonzo]

I like the other verses better:


I think it would be awesome for whomever does the national anthem one time at a sporting event to just keep on going into verses 2 3 and 4. Just keep on going.

Heck, the hillbillies at the Fock would love it. Give them 3 more chances to bellow out "Sooners!" in a drunken stupor.
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yeah--the verse we actually use is my least favorite

[PrideTrombone]

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me:

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.