When People Get In Their 90's

[VeeJay]

My grandfather on my mom's side will be 93 in July. My real grandmother died from leukemia complications before I turned two, so I have grown up knowing my "step grandmother."

So I got an e-mail from my mom today that said basically, my step grandmother, who's 85, was taken to the hospital last week with chest pains. It turns out her potassium levels were low, she has thyroid problems, and blood thinner was out of range. For the last few years, she has taken care of my grandfather while he has steadily gotten worse, mentally and physically. He still gets around with a walker.

While my mom was staying a couple of days with my grandfather, she got a clear picture of how he is and how he treats my grandmother. He's gotten to be just a mean old codjure, demanding that she take him out to these cheap all you can eat buffets every day, haul him around to church meetings and Civitan Club meetings - where he summarily falls asleep...stuff like that. When she says on occasion that she's not feeling well (again, she's 85 and still drives!), he starts threatening her, telling her he'll get on the phone and find someone who WILL take him these places.

At any rate, I've seen this often with people in that age range. They abuse the people who love them the most. It's not the way we want to remember them for sure.

[OCUDad]

Sounds like Grandpa is suffering from some form of senile dementia. At 93 he's earned it, I guess. It's tough to watch, and tougher to abide, especially when it presents as aggressive behavior. I lost my mother to a form of Alzheimer's (much earlier than 93), and it's still hard to remember her as the bright, active, sympathetic woman she used to be.

Are there volunteer organizations nearby who might drop in on Grandpa and Step-Grandma every now and then to help out? My sympathies to your Mom, who must find all this very difficult.

[VeeJay]

My wife went through it with her grandfather before he passed away a few years ago. Same thing, almost. The old guy just got meaner than a snake if he didn't get his way about everything.

Dementia is right. Recently, he was mad at everybody because he said he turned 100 and no one recognized his b'day. When they told him he was 92, he yelled and screamed, and it only made it worse. You can't argue with them either.

My mom and her step-sisters are all chipping in and trying to help - especially to keep them out of a nursing home.

My grandmother on my dad's side got really bad with Alzheimer's before she passed away about 10 years ago. I try not to remember her the way she was the last couple of years. My memories are of her making sure we all had enough to eat when we visited, making sure everybody had enough quilts and blankets, her gossiping with all the ladies who stopped by to visit, and her knitting afghans for everybody she knew. I still have two of them.

It will be the same with my grandfather. My memories will be of him coming to my baseball games, the summers I spent at his second house on a big lake, fishing, the wild Christmas parties we had with my cousins at his house, his giving me my first snort of Jack Daniels when I was 16, and the slide shows they'd always have after some big trip they'd take to places like Italy and Australia.

[BajaOklahoma]

My grandfather lost his first wife when my mother was one. He remarried a woman with two sons. She was not nice to my mother or her sisters - they all left home ASAP.
He was put in a home when he tried to push his wife off the balcony. Some say he was becoming senile, many of us think he was finally wising up.

[OCUDad]

What a tender story -- I think I'm going to cry. :(

[StoopTroup]

He was put in a home when he tried to push his wife off the balcony. Some say he was becoming senile, many of us think he was finally wising up.
Quite a tear jerker....lol.

Sounds like a good movie premise....come on Hollywood! :D

[Howzit]

My grandmother is 93 and behaves similarly sometimes, VeeJay. She can still be sweet at times, but can also be a major pain in the ***.

She lives in an assisted living place, and during one visit informed us she had been kicked out of her bridge group. I asked her why and she said "because I called my partner a son of a bitch."

[StoopTroup]

My Grandfather before he passed on would suddenly tell me "I never meant to hurt anyone".

I still wonder where those guns are buried. ;)

[olevetonahill]

As some one whos in between I can see where getting old is a burden on you youngsters. But give us a break Yall been a pain in our azz all your lives :D
I remember well the saying " I never grew up till Dad died "
Nut up Yall will be there soon .:eek:

[Okla-homey]

I just want to live long enough to be a pain in the tookus for my kid and to spoil my grandkids. Payback is a beyotch.;)

I'm really looking forward to dropping in at Christmastime and loudly stating "When are we gonna eat? I gotta take my back pill and I have to eat first" and stuff like that. Heck, she's an only child and will inherit everything, why shouldn't I make her pay for it some?:D

[olevetonahill]

I just want to live long enough to be a pain in the tookus for my kid and to spoil my grandkids. Payback is a beyotch.;)

I'm really looking forward to dropping in at Christmastime and loudly stating "When are we gonna eat? I gotta take my back pill and I have to eat first" and stuff like that. Heck, she's an only child and will inherit everything, why shouldn't I make her pay for it some?:D
What Im saying Homey :D :D :D :D :D :D

[BajaOklahoma]

Quite a tear jerker....lol.

Sounds like a good movie premise....come on Hollywood! :D


You have no idea. Her kids and grandkids all live in California. We call them the "California cousins" - and the tone of voice is not nice. We always manage to mention they aren't blood relations too.
Their lives would make a great soap opera, but no one would believe it could really happen to one family.

[olevetonahill]

You have no idea. Her kids and grandkids all live in California. We call them the "California cousins" - and the tone of voice is not nice. We always manage to mention they aren't blood relations too.
Their lives would make a great soap opera, but no one would believe it could really happen to one family.
Do they walk on 2 legs ? do they breathe?, do they talk ? Trust me Hon its happened in more Families than we can count
:eek:

[VeeJay]

My mom's relationship with my step grandmother has been strained at times, no doubt. She has to maneuver cautiously just to keep in touch with her father - as the step grandmother pretty much controls everything.

But, this latest episode has caused my mom to have a new perspective on just what the grandmother is going through with him on a daily basis.

Olevet - you're probably good through your 80's. ;)

[olevetonahill]

My mom's relationship with my step grandmother has been strained at times, no doubt. She has to maneuver cautiously just to keep in touch with her father - as the step grandmother pretty much controls everything.

But, this latest episode has caused my mom to have a new perspective on just what the grandmother is going through with him on a daily basis.

Olevet - you're probably good through your 80's. ;)
I hope I can cause em that much grief ! ;)
Im to wild to ever be house broke again , so the lil bastages will just have to put up with me ;) No stepnothins :cool:

[BajaOklahoma]

Besides, Vet is gonna be busy carrying all of my money around! ;)

[OCUDad]

Olevet - you're probably good through your 80's. ;)
Wait a second... I thought Olevet was in his 80s.

[VeeJay]

Well - he did say he's a "tweener."