How to off a yappy dog and not get caught

[BeetDigger]

Dear kind people of the SO,

Ok people (and no, I am not CVS' neighbor), my asshat neighbor has not one but two yappy dogs. Yap, yap, yap. These should be house dogs, but no, they leave them outside. Most of the time I cannot hear them from inside my house, however, once in a while, I can. Is there a way that they can, you know, like "go away" to a place where they no longer yap? And in a way that they don't suspect me.

These are the same people, mind you, that got tired of their hampster and just let him loose in the back yard (I kid you not). So me offing the dogs probably only saves them from some future "event" whereby they starve themselves to death. I'm thinking the pellet gun might work, but I need a way to get them to sit still. Last thing I want to do is wound one of them. It would be an instant giveaway. TIA.



PS - don't let Melo see this thread. It might put her over the top, what with the bird massacre of earlier today.

[Norm In Norman]

A. It's not your job to get rid of their dogs for them, but you could call the cops on them instead. My mom got a note once from a policeman left on her door while she was gone saying her dog was barking (which is weird since he rarely barks).

B. My neighbor has 2 Corgis and she leaves them outside all night to bark constantly. During the day they are inside, but at night they bark all night. it's drives me crazy.

[usmc-sooner]

open their gate at night and let them run free

[Scott D]

File a complaint with the homeowner association, and sign it 'Lady Asshat'

[Sooner24]

Or you could get Scott D to have his "Angry Kitty" take care of them. :D

[BeetDigger]

I should note that we are "friends" with these people. I mean, we have NOTHING in common with them other than being next door. I can't really say anything to them for fear of causing a "rift". And my wife, in spite of having absolutely no respect for the wife next door, is pretty friendly with her. I mean, shes the kind of woman who actually asks "I don't know why my kids don't do better in school. I mean, they don't read well at all." And yet, she has about five books for them to read and spent virtually no time with them reading to them growing up.

[Kimberlyz4OU]

Norm, are you my neighbor? I've got 2 Corgis!!

They wouldn't say a word/bark if it weren't for the yippy pomeranian next door though, it's not their fault :D

[slickdawg]

I should note that we are "friends" with these people. I mean, we have NOTHING in common with them other than being next door. I can't really say anything to them for fear of causing a "rift". And my wife, in spite of having absolutely no respect for the wife next door, is pretty friendly with her. I mean, shes the kind of woman who actually asks "I don't know why my kids don't do better in school. I mean, they don't read well at all." And yet, she has about five books for them to read and spent virtually no time with them reading to them growing up.


MOVE YER ****IN FENCE AZZHOLE!

Oh, wait, that's MY asshat neighbors.

[bigdsooner]

dont off em. wait til late at night, then take em for a ride far far away. you wont have a guilty conscience about them "going away", but...they will be gone. so its a win win for you. if they somehow come back, then kill em :) ;)

[stoops the eternal pimp]

antifreeze in a bowl.....sorry thats not nice at all

[Melo]

Poison some scraps of food. Throw it over fence. You're welcome.

[Rhino]

The dogs are being dogs. Call the police and file a complaint.

Anyone that poisons or kills dogs just because they're being a nuisance is a pansy and a pretty awful human being.

[Scott D]

Or you could get Scott D to have his "Angry Kitty" take care of them. :D

Angry Kitty needs absolute proof that the dogs are Whorns. :D

Seriously, you do have a Homeowners A5sholecolll.....er Association right Beet?

[TheHumanAlphabet]

Soak some meat in alum and throw it over the fence...

[proud gonzo]

go talk to the mother****ing owners instead of hurting their dumb dogs. it isn't their fault their owners are tards. :mad:

[proud gonzo]

oh, but on a happier note, there's a kenneth branagh movie called "How To Kill Your Neighbor's Dog." pretty funny.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

You could always wait til 3 in the morning when the dogs are barking.

Neighbor: hmpf. ..hello?
You: Did I wake you up? Good! Your damn dog's kept me up all nite!!!

[stoops the eternal pimp]

You could always wait til 3 in the morning when the dogs are barking.

Neighbor: hmpf. ..hello?
You: Did I wake you up? Good! Your damn dog's kept me up all nite!!!

ding ding ding!! we have a winner!

[Jimminy Crimson]

You could build a soundproof dome over your yard so you don't ever hear anything. :texan:

[MamaMia]

Some of you people are sick! You should be ashamed of yourselves for even kidding in such a way. Antifreeze in a bowl!!!!????

There is a kidding line you know! Good Lord. :rolleyes:

[Jimminy Crimson]

You could soak a dogbone in Dimetap.

Dogs will be too tired to bark. :D

[MamaMia]

dont off em. wait til late at night, then take em for a ride far far away. you wont have a guilty conscience about them "going away", but...they will be gone. so its a win win for you. if they somehow come back, then kill em :) ;)This post keeps haunting me. I'm going to have to take an ambien now.

[GottaHavePride]

You could build a soundproof dome over your yard so you don't ever hear anything. :texan:

It could be like a giant Cone of Silence!

http://www.oneeyedman.net/cone_of_silence.jpg

[Tailwind]

Just go talk to the sweet little doggies and remind them to use their "inside voices". :rolleyes:

[soonerhubs]

The dogs are being dogs. Call the police and file a complaint.

Anyone that poisons or kills dogs just because they're being a nuisance is a pansy and a pretty awful human being.
Rhino's right, the neighbors that are human are the stupid ones; not the dogs. Poison the neighbors. (Kidding) :D ;)

[BoogercountySooner]

What would make your neighbors angrier, asking them to shut their dogs up or them finding out you offed them, hauled them off etc.?

[OUinFLA]

without rereading this whole thread, has anyone suggested that you just go politely talk to your neighbors and suggest that their dogs are causing you lack of sleep. Could they consider keeping them inside at night, or invest in the anti-bark collars?
If no progressive discourse occurs, you might mention your reluctance to make a disturbing the peace complaint, but that your work(play, etc..) is suffering, and you feel compelled to resolve the issue even at the expense of their "friendly attitude" towards you.

[olevetonahill]

without rereading this whole thread, has anyone suggested that you just go politely talk to your neighbors and suggest that their dogs are causing you lack of sleep. Could they consider keeping them inside at night, or invest in the anti-bark collars?
If no progressive discourse occurs, you might mention your reluctance to make a disturbing the peace complaint, but that your work(play, etc..) is suffering, and you feel compelled to resolve the issue even at the expense of their "friendly attitude" towards you.

Now heres the winner, Great OUinFla
As for the anti freeze , that aint funny at all , Ive lost one dog to that and it isnt a nice way at all . as for hauling em off , Im sure Dean can attest that we who live in the country dont need any more dogs . 9 times outta 10 I have to end up shooting them and that makes me very :mad: . I would prefer shooting the bastages that dumped them

[Norm In Norman]

Norm, are you my neighbor? I've got 2 Corgis!!

They wouldn't say a word/bark if it weren't for the yippy pomeranian next door though, it's not their fault :D
I don't know of a pomeranian, but if you just moved in a couple of months ago you might be my neighbor!

[Norm In Norman]

I have obviously never talked to my new neighbors. I'm such an ***.

[Hamhock]

cinder block
burlap sack
river

[BeetDigger]

All great suggestions, thanks folks. However, in really considering this, I am not sure that I can kill the dogs, I do have a guilty conscience. As I stated about the neighbors, they are kind of close to us in terms of being "friends" so I feel that speaking to them is not going to work. They might get all uppitty. What usually works with them, and is closer to my way of handling things with them, is to say something like "boy, those dogs of yours sure yap a lot." That will generate some conversation in which I hope that they will become aware that their dogs are annoying.

I should note that the neighbors had puppies earlier this year and the two dogs are the mother and one of the female puppies. See, they went and got the male just so that they could have puppies. But they didn't work with the male a lot in terms of house breaking and manners and as he grew older (he is about 2 or 3). Well, it is driving them crazy with him crapping in the house. But instead of working to train him (as that involves, you know, WORK and EFFORT) they instead have gotten rid of him. They gave him to someone friend of theirs. I guess that I can hope that they get tired of these dogs and give them away.

And to think, I could have ended it all last summer when the dogs escaped under the fence and were running around the neighborhood. They are such stupid dogs they surely would have run in front of a car. But no, me being the good neighbor went out and called the dogs over, making sure to stop traffic so they didn't get run over (stupid mistake on my part) and delivered them to the neighbor. I think they put a brick under the fence to "fix" it. Perhaps that brick should disappear.

[Hamhock]

perhaps that brick should reappear inside a burlap sack?

[proud gonzo]

this thread brings up a good question--why are people so afraid to just talk to their neighbors? Is it really hard to make a polite complaint that people would rather kill a dog than deal with the real problem? This is exactly why shows like The King of Queens or According to Jim really **** me off. When it would be so much simpler to be honest, people will come up with stupid schemes or big complicated lies instead of just owning up to something or saying "hey, we have a problem".

[NormanPride]

this thread brings up a good question--why are people so afraid to just talk to their neighbors? Is it really hard to make a polite complaint that people would rather kill a dog than deal with the real problem? This is exactly why shows like The King of Queens or According to Jim really **** me off. When it would be so much simpler to be honest, people will come up with stupid schemes or big complicated lies instead of just owning up to something or saying "hey, we have a problem".

Talking to your neighbors causes you to go blind. I think hair grows on your palms as well. :(

[MamaMia]

All great suggestions, thanks folks. However, in really considering this, I am not sure that I can kill the dogs, I do have a guilty conscience.
I dont feel real comfy about the words "I'am not sure"


As I stated about the neighbors, they are kind of close to us in terms of being "friends" so I feel that speaking to them is not going to work. They might get all uppitty. What usually works with them, and is closer to my way of handling things with them, is to say something like "boy, those dogs of yours sure yap a lot." That will generate some conversation in which I hope that they will become aware that their dogs are annoying. If they really are your "friends", its a shame that you cant be honest without the game playing, but I do see your point in trying to be casual with this type of a leading statement. Maybe you should yawn real big when you say it? :D


I should note that the neighbors had puppies earlier this year and the two dogs are the mother and one of the female puppies. See, they went and got the male just so that they could have puppies. But they didn't work with the male a lot in terms of house breaking and manners and as he grew older (he is about 2 or 3). Well, it is driving them crazy with him crapping in the house. But instead of working to train him (as that involves, you know, WORK and EFFORT) they instead have gotten rid of him. oSu fans huh? ;)

[tbl]

Again, another thread proving the dominance of the cat as a household pet. I HATE dogs! Barking, yard pooping, stinky.... the cons FAR outweigh the pro (companionship).

I'd say just talk to them about it. If you're not actual "friends" with them, then what does it matter? If they're the kind of jerkheads that allow their dogs to keep the whole neighborhood up at night, then you need to confront them on it.

Also, try sleeping with a fan on (box or oscillating are the best). If you're one of those strange people that sleeps in stone silence, a fan will help tremendously to block out those random noises that keep you up.

[MamaMia]

Again, another thread proving the dominance of the cat as a household pet. I HATE dogs! Barking, yard pooping, stinky....

Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favourite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses

[BeetDigger]

I know these people. If I politely said to them "Your dogs annoy the hell out of me, can you keep them inside" or something really, really polite which says the same thing, I know that their reaction will be "I can't believe that you are so annoyed by such a stupid thing. Our dogs hardly bark. Its our yard and we're allowed to keep our dogs out there."

Plus, it might cause a rift. Personally, I wouldn't care. But my wife and the wife next door are reasonable friends. What I would call true neighbor friends.

I think that the problem is really me and getting annoyed by things that I should just let slide. Like the nighbors on the other side of us. They make TONS of money. Dude drives a $100K car. Yet they totally let their yard go. Oh, they get it mowed and such. But they never feed it, don't control the weeds in it and only weed their shrub beds once a year. I mean, it's kind of funny to see this yard that is perfectly edged, but that is a tainted green at best. But on the other hand, they have spent tons of money inside their house putting in new hardwood floors (the house is only five years old), painting (both the inside and the outside) and all kinds of other upgrades. And they are really nice people. I want to say to them "Buy some Scotts Turfbuilder plus II, PLEASE" but there again, I don't want to offend them. So, instead, I spray the weeds in their yard that are close to mine and pull the crab grass that is near my yard (since it will eventually grow into my yard).

Of course, who get the cut worms in their yard. ME. The fockers killed a bunch of grass before I killed em. Another month and it will be completely grown back, but that ****ed me off.

Oh, and I should note that the neighbors with the bad grass are black but the neighbors with the dogs are white. The white neighbors are very predjudiced against black people. Yet the black people are great people (just don't work in their yard) and are very educated. The white people are so-so and barely graduated from High School (I'm thinking GED for the wife).

[OUinFLA]

But they didn't work with the male a lot in terms of house breaking and manners and as he grew older (he is about 2 or 3). Well, it is driving them crazy with him crapping in the house. But instead of working to train him (as that involves, you know, WORK and EFFORT) they instead have gotten rid of him..

I think I can solve your problem in a humane sort of way...............

EXLAX

bite size chunks tossed over the fence.
just dont get the chocolate ones, it is harmful to dogs.
couple a day ought to do the trick
:D

[RUSH LIMBAUGH is my clone!]

Open the gate at night and let the dogs have some true freedom.

[1stTimeCaller]

DON'T BE A F'ING *****. If you're not man enough to talk to your neighbors about their dogs, well, I guess you should just whine about it here and learn to live with the dogs barking.

Talk to the neighbor before you call animal control or the cops, it's the neighborly thing to do.

Please don't do anything to the dogs, it's not their fault their owners are morons.

[Kimberlyz4OU]

Oh Norm........you're not an ***. I've been where I'm at for 12 years.

[Jimminy Crimson]

I'd say people complain about their neighbors on here about as much as people who freeload on SF.com complain about 'who didn't sign my spek'. ;)

[BeetDigger]

DON'T BE A F'ING *****. If you're not man enough to talk to your neighbors about their dogs, well, I guess you should just whine about it here and learn to live with the dogs barking.

Talk to the neighbor before you call animal control or the cops, it's the neighborly thing to do.

Please don't do anything to the dogs, it's not their fault their owners are morons.


Clearly, someone who has never had a neighbor before. The little **** across the street had his parents confronted constantly when he was shooting paintballs toward my house. Dad got tired of me coming over and discussing the situation with him. I hated those folks so I didn't mind talking to them. If my wife didn't want to be friends with them, I would say something to them. Next time the dogs are running free, I am closing the blinds and turning up the TV real loud so I don't hear the car slamming on their brakes as they run over the little yappers.

[Norm In Norman]

Oh Norm........you're not an ***. I've been where I'm at for 12 years.
Oh didnt' think you really lived there, i just figure I should probably try and meet my neighbors or something.

[NormanPride]

My freaking neighbor negged me yesterday. Oh, he didn't sign it, but I know it was him. He left the note "Video Games at 1:00AM is for losers", so I know perfectly well who it is. Punk. Maybe I should neg him back for littering his lawn with dead hookers.

[1stTimeCaller]

Clearly, someone who has never had a neighbor before. The little **** across the street had his parents confronted constantly when he was shooting paintballs toward my house. Dad got tired of me coming over and discussing the situation with him. I hated those folks so I didn't mind talking to them. If my wife didn't want to be friends with them, I would say something to them. Next time the dogs are running free, I am closing the blinds and turning up the TV real loud so I don't hear the car slamming on their brakes as they run over the little yappers.

I've lived in dorms, apartments, barracks, houses and now I live in a duplex. I'm always cool with my neighbors and have always gotten along with my neighbors. The neighbor that I have now in the duplex used to leave for the weekend and forget to turn his alarm off and I got tired of hearing it go off for 48 hours non-stop so when he got home I went over, had a beer with him and told him about the alarm. It hasn't happened again and we still drink beers together when we have time.

All you gotta do is be nice until they aren't nice and then you dump a month's worth of your dog's poop on their door step or throw beer bottles through their windows.

[Partial Qualifier]

this thread brings up a good question--why are people so afraid to just talk to their neighbors? Is it really hard to make a polite complaint that people would rather kill a dog than deal with the real problem? This is exactly why shows like The King of Queens or According to Jim really **** me off. When it would be so much simpler to be honest, people will come up with stupid schemes or big complicated lies instead of just owning up to something or saying "hey, we have a problem".

IMO, part of that fear is because you'd really like to assume people of adult age would already know there's a problem.. but since they let it happen anyway you'd have to assume you'd get flak/resistance/**** them off and ****ing off neighbors is generally not a good thing especially when that translates into the dreaded "well **** you, I'm gonna leave them outside 24/7 just to **** YOU off" reaction.

So I think that's where the struggle comes in.

[Salt City Sooner]

Two things:

1. Earplugs.

2.
"Also, try sleeping with a fan on (box or oscillating are the best)."
VERY good advice. I started sleeping by a fan back when I used to work nights & had to try to sleep across the street from a middle school during the day, & have been doing it ever since (15+ years).If you're anything like me, you'll be surprised how quickly you become dependent on that hummmmmm, & it blocks virtually everything short of a sonic boom out. Heck, I can't sleep w/o it now.

[OUinFLA]

a good hummmmmmm helps me sleep too.
:D

[Osce0la]

DON'T BE A F'ING *****. If you're not man enough to talk to your neighbors about their dogs, well, I guess you should just whine about it here and learn to live with the dogs barking.
Don't be a f'in p*ssy. If you're not man enough to just call the girl and tell her you want to get in her pants, well, I guess you should just whine about it here and learn to live with the fact that you'll never get laid again.

YWIA! :D

;)